It's been a while

And as fabulous as a life I live, nothing much has changed. I still spend too much money and I am sexually deprived. No news.

I'm preparing for my weekend adventure with all 11 of us heading to the big city. I'm stoked.

My mom continues to give me shit about my moral values and my priorities. Again, not much has changed.

Isaiah won All state in his Creative Learning Competition. He took home a huge trophy and a $50 savings bond...what can I say, he's a Warner :) Well, part anyway.

My workout this morning was intense. I did a full body conditioning, spent 2 hours. I have to prepare for the weekend you know...and being on my sabbatical made my ass gain weight. My real goal is to get back to running. SLOWLY I will. I can't wait to hit the pavement again...Except not by a freaking car, this time!!!

I got phone calls to make and then I have to get to my morning meeting.

Lots of love :)

Miss Thang

So, you missed me?

I love the feeling of accomplishment. I've missed out on a lot of work during my 3 month sabbatical. It feels good, although I miss my little Reece a lot. I know he's doing well without me too.

Last night, Becca and I went Christmas shopping and I still have a ton of more gifts to buy for my too damn big family. Most of my aunts and uncles are getting Gift cards to restaurants or stores. I know it's not much thought put into it, but I think they're all boring by not knowing what they want for Christmas. Whereas the kids, they know what they want. Just ask Isaiah, He made copies of his letter to Santa and everytime someone asks what he wants he breaks his list out. He even left one on my fridge. He's too cute. Chandler & Isaiah are easy to buy for. Mathew, he's not so easy...his first birthday is on Saturday. I have no idea what to get him for his birthday :( He's only a year old...sheesh, me and my damn kid issues!

As for me, I have put together many lists, but have lost them all! I do like the new U2 Special Edition Ipod--it's haute. I love me some U2 too :)

T Man wants to see Les Mis this weekend. I don't think I can work it into my schedule. I have a lot going on this weekend. I'll have to make up for it.

Eric and I haven't been talking much at all. He's put a big wall between us. I'm not going to lose sleep over it though. Perhaps it's because he's sick and just doesn't want to discuss matters, which I understand too. I just wish I had some insight on whats going on. He's not giving me much these days. After the fight about THE CALL, I don't know if we can fix anything. I just know that if we spent some QT together, it will all work itself out, however he's in Chicago and I'm in VA. This is my reality.

I could write a book today, but I got tons going on here.

later :)

~ I don't feel well.
~ i Should have turned my cell phone off during the meeting.
~ I should have worn the Therma Care heat patch for my freakin knee because it's hurting like crazy. It's even stiff.
~ I keep seeing that stupid woman who was in my dream last night. She was stalking me and being really weird. How Blake-like. She freaked me out.
~ I should have slept better.
~ I shouldn't be nice to people who aren't nice to me even though I try hard to make them feel better.
~ I shouldn't allow petty things to bother me.

Back to work.

Back to Reality

My Monday started off well. I worked out until my knee killed me and then I went into the office and got some things squared away. Of course everyone was asking how my Maternity Leave went!! I roll my eyes of course and laugh it off, but gosh I miss Reece. His little smile is priceless. I didn't miss him this much last week, what gives?

Someone raided all the tampons from my desk and I have to go for a tampon run before Aunt Flow arrives. I'm guessing she'll be here by 8:00 p.m. That explains my serious horniness.

You guys remember Scott Schroder? The guy I was crushing on right after Broke-Ass, well turns out he 'is missing me' via text and last night he phoned to say that he really made a big mistake and hopes he could make it up to me. First off he knew about Eric, months ago. And I wanted him, back in the day because he kept my mind off of Michael. Not an easy task, he failed miserably. I didn't know what to say, so basically I avoided what he was saying by talkinb about myself profusely, big shocker.

And there's nothing better than a good looking guy, Charles, he asked me to dinner tonight in Manasses. I told him I'd have to get back with him on that. I don't know if it would be just a casual dinner together or if it would entail getting wasted and having sloppy sex! I'm going to bet on A :) He's cute. For sure. I still don't understand where guys always think that I should know that they're freaking Millionaires, I don't know where that stems from. I'm not a damn gold digger.

Actually yes I am, I have to make money so I have to finish up a proposal for Patricia Dune. Now back to work I go, mio!

O Yessssssssssssssssssssssssss

Sometimes a girl just has to get laid. After masturbating like a mad woman I was up to 7x's today. Healthy what?!

No real highlights. It was basically an uneventful weekend. Low key, just the way I like it.

Bed time now.

Feel better my V-Man

An Email from Michael L.

I spent my black friday shopping with some friends for a total of 15 hours or more. I just checked my email and saw this from Mike. No, not Brokeass or Married Mike, but my good friend Mike who is too cute and clever!! I've forwarded the email to everyone, but here it is again! (I fixed the spelling errors)

I never seen you looking as lovely as you did tonight, I've never seen you shine so bright. I never seen so many men ask for your number and looking for a little commission, give em half a chance, I've never seen that red Pea Coat your wearing or the highlights in your hair that catch your eyes, I have been blind. Lady in Red is shopping with me, hand in hand, theres too many people here, just me and you. It's where I want to be. I hardly know this beauty by my side, I'll never forget the way you look tonight at the sight of a sale. I've never seen you looking as gorgeous as you did tonight. You were amazing. I've never seen so many people that want to be there by your side and hold your bags as you turn in front of the mirror and strut those thighs away, you took my breath away, I've never felt a feeling of complete and utter love. Lady in Red is shopping with me, bags in hand.Theres too many people here, just me and Mya, It's where I want to be. I hardly know this beauty by my side, I'll never forget the way she looked tonight.

I found it to be cute :) Too bad we ditched the guys to go to other malls lastnight. I felt bad for a sec, then I got past it ;)

We spent most of the day at Tyson's Galleria I & II, then on to Fair Oaks. We didn't have anymore room in my trunk for all of our bags. Thank God for Discover's Cash back incentive!!!

I spent too much money, money that I didn't have, dammit!!! But as I always say I'm powerless against the allure of anything little, lacy and strappy!!! It's an addiction.

One of my many. I think I'm becoming obsessed with sex. I feel like I need it all the time. I think about it every minute and counting down! Not that I'm worried. I'm happy with my healthy libido. Now, time to get fucked :)

Actually, I'm going to spend the Saturday with my Mom and Becca & Haven. We're going shopping and then tonight is Isaiah's birthday party at the Cave. Isaiah and his friends are at that geeky, 8 year old stage where they want to explore and pretend they're scientists--Nerds. Then they're going to this specially made garden maze for the second grade nerds. According to Becca this is what Isaiah wanted. Suuuuuuure. Nerds!

So this Versace clad, pink ice bling bling sportin chic has to go change my pink Marc Jacobs bag to my new lil Fendi clutch. Yuuuuummmmy.

Miss me, folks.

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

I have so much to be thankful for. I won't get into it here because I'm pushed for time. I just felt I should give my little fan club an update on whats going on here.

Lastnight after leaving the gallery, I spoke to Eric via phone and we discussed things and it's pretty clear that it's over. He has said a lot of hurtful things lately, but I just let them roll off my back but the more I think about it, the more it angers me. When did I start caring about what people thought of me? I guess when someone you care about hurts your feelings, it bothers you. And Amaya's Law # 2 states that at anytime if someone tries to hurt your feelings purposely, just for the sake of hurting you, he's history. So after shedding some tears I came inside and Michael was on my home phone....

Michael & Jason were coming over to eat the famous Pumpkin Cookies in which everyone loves!!! They raided my fridge too! We all made peanut butter balls, talked shit about people and I of course kept answering Michael's phone when this chick Lyndsey kept calling his cell. I told her that Mike was at my house tonight and he's all mine and he's got his hands full right now so he couldn't come to the phone....TALK ABOUT PYSCHO!!! Little did she know the entire time we were peeing on ourselves at her neurotic behaviour. Micheal took the phone and told her it was over and she should have gotten the hint 2 weeks ago.

So Michael is such a sweetheart, he painted my toes and rubbed my feet. He wanted my toes Red because he is obsessed with red toenails--go figure. We all talked until 2 ish, and I finally said goodnight to call Kenny back. I'm not sure what time they actually left. Tonight after I get home from my grandma's, Michael is coming by and we're hanging out. What is with me & Michael's?! Tommorrow we're taking on black Friday too. Can't wait.

Have a good Thanksgiving people and I'll talk to you soon :)

Tiff--instead of just reading my journal, make one!!! Love ya, chica!!!

Lazy Sunday Afternoons

...Yeah, not so much. For the first time in forever I had a great day. My day started off with a great night of sleep where I didn't wake up at all, not even to T's call, (sorry T-man) I woke up @ 8:30 and saw the shine coming thru my bedroom. It's been so long since I acknowledged the sun!!! I took a long hot shower, did my hair and make-up and decided that I'd wear the first outfit that I put on :) That doesn't happen much!

I took my time getting dressed and I even thought I was running behind at times after curling my hair, but somehow time stood still for me this morning. I called my daddy and he was surprised that I was already dressed and ready. Again, this is rare so I understood the shock factor.

I met my family at church and I actually talked to my girl Tara who is doing fabulous :) Sonya and Shane are packing this week and are moving into their new home. We're having a going to have a Fashionista party as soon as she's settled. We're talking Make-up, handbags, jewelrey, etc :) All of our guilty pleasures into a huge slumber party will make us all happy women! And I got soooooo many compliments on my side ponytail--everyone loved. I do know how to make a statement if I do say so myself :) It had been too long since I actually got to do my hair.

The assembly was very nice. The message was on Thanksgiving and of course I was pondering all the things that I'm thankful for and I've compiled a list:

1) My Salvation--if I didn't have my convictions, my faith, and redeeming love I'd really be in trouble. I know in the end, everything will be okay. This is all just a test of my faith.
2) My family--My backbone. I consider my Mommy my best friend. Her strength and wisdom leave me in awe. If you know me at all, you know I'm a daddy's girl. Always will be. He's the one that makes everything okay, all the tiime. He's very strict and very loving at the same time. My sisters are my best friends too. Everyone knows how much I adore my brother(s) too. I cry everyday for my Brent, but he's with Roderick and they're all fine. Ian is my boy and he's always been very protective over my sisters & I. I love my Isaiah, Channy, & Matty. Love them boys to death!!!
3) My Health--I've endured a lot. I suffered from AML for a while which is probably the hardest battle I've ever fought, not to mention the scariest. I've had a lot of minor accidents, but today I'm fine. I'll get better.
4) Civilization--We live in a great country. It's slipping though. Morals what?!
5) Democracy--Freedoms. Speech. Religion. It means I get to share my thoughts on religion with anyone without being stoned like Steven!!!
6) My possessions--I complain a lot about not having the cutest LV bag, the newest Manolo Blahnik's or the latest Pink Marc Jacobs cashmere poncho that costs upwards of $5 g's! But I've been blessed. My friends go nuts in my closet. I get bored at times but I know that my cute burberry belt is haute couture :) I have a beautiful new home, a geeky lil car and a nice landboat.

I could go on forever, so I won't.

After the assembly I went shopping. I bought 3 yankee candles. Christmas Cookie--Yum :) I bought wrapping paper, sooooooo cute. I bought Kennedy and Emma some clothes all part of their Christmas gifts. Then I met my fam for Mexican which was too damn good. All those damn carbs, I couldn't resist the grease!!!

I parted ways with my family and went back to my house to find my grandpa there! He's getting worse :( He asked me if I'd talk to My lately. That broke my heart. We sat on the couch and watched Shrek 2. We both enjoyed it. It's been so long since I wrapped up in a blanket on my big sofa with my grandpa laughing with me watching a movie, I loved every second of it. We both fell asleep and I woke up to my girl Beckie Martin calling to hang out tonight. So I got dressed and my grandfather wanted to know whose Sheep I killed!!! He didn't like my freakin ugg's!!! He even said "Ugg is right"!! The man is hilarious.

Went to Beckie's house and she painted her casa which I loved, very nice. We talked, had a tea and then her daughter Erin wanted to do my hair, so she did and even gave me this lace headband that matched well with my attire which consisted of my Chloe jeans, a cream sweater with a cowl neckline, my Sheepskin coat with my uggs so it worked out well. The girls are becoming fashionistas much to Beckie's dispair. I'm even taking them Thrift store shopping tommorrow for some vintage stuff. We're on a mission to find Erin a Pashima to match her dress for her recital. She's playing a Back piece on Piano. These girls are so talented.

I came home, did laundry and now I'm sipping on a glass a wine. It relaxes me. Tommorrow, I'm sleeping in, NO MORE RENEE'S. I've gotta get my life back. I miss them both though. Dammit.

I've been trying to stay busy so I don't dwell on anything regaurding Eric. I cry everytime I think about it. It will all get better soon. I have faith.

So much for Chicago.

Now I have to get to bed, it's after midnight.

UGH,

I'm so freaking pissed right now. The people that I've basically put my life on hold for, for the past couple of months has talked down to me, horribly. I've done everything for these people for months now. I even get up in the middle of the night with her son so she can sleep. I wash his clothes, I clean her house, I do everything and then they attack me because I HOLD THE BABY TOO MUCH, AND I'M WEAK? BECAUSE I DON"T EAT HERE AT HER HOUSE, EVER!!! Forgive me for not likeing West Indie cuisine.

I'm done with all of this. This has all been stress for me. And I'm young, single but I live the life of a married mother of 2 (Renee & Reece) I'm done. NO more. Tommorrow is it.

I was up all night with Reece last night. He kept waking up and wanting to play @ 3 am! I wasn't having any of it. I had to sang to him in my groggy, I'm too tired for this voice!!! He seemed to enjoy. I'm good for something, dammit.

Eric, I read your emails. I'm still to frustrated to even comment on the situation. You lied, thats the bottomline. Why you did it is beyond me. Just because you were discussing restarants?! Again, I'm not stupid.

Nothing else to report.

Pyscho ex girlfriend of some random is IM'ing me. I'm going to fuck with her, just because I can :)

Another One

Eric and I had yet another fight. Seems to be about the same thing.........HIM

~9:30 ish I call Eric's office and he doesn't answer--I knew he has a huge presentation today and was working hard or so I thought, No answer at the office.

~ I call his cell. He immeadiately hung up on me!!! Just like Friday night at his party. WHAT THE FUCK?!

~ I call his cell back. This time he answers it, so he has balls. Before I can say anything he asks me to hang on for just a sec....I do. He's trying to hard to cover up the phone--it's very loud and I try to figure out what he's doing then I hear him talk. K....

~ I asked who he was talking to, he was very hesitant and even tried to change the subject--Wrong! So I ask him 3 timxes before he says, Kellie!

~ I started asking questions...as I should because my feelings were hurt--he declined my call to talk to Kellie whom he sees every freaking day? Then he hangs up on me, yet again? And when I start to ask questions he attempts to blame everything on me.

~ And he lied. He said he was away from his desk when I first called. Bullshit, bitch.

How am I supposed to act? This was just wrong. He then started bringing up other issues the whole "why don't you call when you say you will" shit.

I had an extremely tense, long, day and I had other things to do. I came home and crashed on my bed fully clothed and tried to call him except I wasn't important as Kellie. Who he spends a tremendous amount of time with. RED FLAG. I'm not stupid.

I was actually preparing to go back to Chicago but whats the use? I don't trust him. At all. Bottomline is he's just like all the other guys. They're shady.

In other news, Daddy went to the hospital in the middle of the night again. I haven't heard anything from Mom yet...hopefully everything is okay.

I'm sick and tired of bullshit. Seriously. I'm going on vacation soon. A long one.

Weekend Recap

This is the first time I've had an oppourtunity to update my journal in a while. I'm going out of town soon so I'm preparing for that.

Weekend Highlights--Dinner with 12-15 friends, we had a wonderful time. Cafe Milano is awesome. Eric and I had a huge fight. We talked things over a bit more on Sunday, they're getting better. Sunday night my friends and I just hung out and shot the breeze, nothing great. Overall fun weekend.


T--We have to talk soon :) We need a Maya & T talk, stat!

Since getting home around 12 ish, I'm super tired. I should know better than to stay out all night. I'm not 16 anymore.

I will be extremely busy the next couple of days but I will be checking my email periodically so all members of the Amaya Fan Club, feel free to email me @ either hotmail account.

Oh and I went to church yesterday :) Was a nice service too.


Later Masturbators!

The weather outside today is miserable. It's raining and it's cold out. No walk for Reece & I today :(

We were in his bedroom reading and I put on the Luther V CD and the little man came alive! He loves it. He keeps looking at pictures of himself iwth his father. It breaks my heart, I don't like for him to look. Speaking of weird, he laughs in his sleep, constantly! It's so crazy. Mom says that he's dreaming of angels :) That puts a smile on my face for sure!!!

I've cried a lot this morning mostly because it's weird that he's gone and he's never coming back.

Update

I've been spending tons of time with Renee & Reece lately. She needs all the help she can get right now.

I've noticed that I'm very picky about little things. I can't stand it when someone leaves dishes in the sink or 'science experiments' in glasses and refuses to wash them. I can't tolerate messy people at all.

So what drives you nuts?

I'm sitting here and I could go on forever, but just to name a few things:-People who drink out of the carton (i hate it, like if someone asks for a bite of my food, you can have the whole thing!)

-People who pull out infront of me when they see i am coming at a high rate of speed and just to go 35 miles per hour and i gotta break fast just to keep from ramming them. (mm ramming!)

-Hypocrits, i had a discussion on this today with a friend, looks down on others for doing wrong, but when they admit a wrong doing they have to bring the bible into it to try and justify their wrong doings.

-People who nit pick and bash others for no reason

-People who are indecisive. I hate when someone can't make up their mind "shall I wear the green scarf with the pink polka dots or the purple scarf with the strips"

-People who don't follow directions. Just let me drive, dammit!

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I'm making plans to get to Chi town soon. I am going to swing by the Gallery and pick up some work after my dr's appt. I think it's going to be a good day. T is in Hawaii on bidness! I'm thuper jealous. Eric and I have been distant. I don't think he likes the fact that I spend an enormous amount of time with Renee & Reece. I'm going to work on that!

Reece is awake...gotta go :)

Update

I've been spending tons of time with Renee & Reece lately. She needs all the help she can get right now.

I've noticed that I'm very picky about little things. I can't stand it when someone leaves dishes in the sink or 'science experiments' in glasses and refuses to wash them. I can't tolerate messy people at all.

So what drives you nuts?

I'm sitting here and I could go on forever, but just to name a few things:-People who drink out of the carton (i hate it, like if someone asks for a bite of my food, you can have the whole thing!)

-People who pull out infront of me when they see i am coming at a high rate of speed and just to go 35 miles per hour and i gotta break fast just to keep from ramming them. (mm ramming!)

-Hypocrits, i had a discussion on this today with a friend, looks down on others for doing wrong, but when they admit a wrong doing they have to bring the bible into it to try and justify their wrong doings.

-People who nit pick and bash others for no reason

-People who are indecisive. I hate when someone can't make up their mind "shall I wear the green scarf with the pink polka dots or the purple scarf with the strips"

-People who don't follow directions. Just let me drive, dammit!

------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm making plans to get to Chi town soon. I am going to swing by the Gallery and pick up some work after my dr's appt. I think it's going to be a good day. T is in Hawaii on bidness! I'm thuper jealous. Eric and I have been distant. I don't think he likes the fact that I spend an enormous amount of time with Renee & Reece. I'm going to work on that!

Reece is awake...gotta go :)

Every Bad Ending...Part II

I have to admit, yesterday could have been one of the coolest days of the year! Our day was very fullfilled. We started out a diner and everyone got there their grub on, nobody was really happy with the food. Whats new?! Then everyone wanted to see The Cave. We drove around the resort first and took pictures because the weather was so damn nice. The NYers couldn't believe that deer are common here! At the end of our little drive around Rob, after seeing so many said he finally understood why they allowed hunting!

Then we actually went into the cave and our guide was dressed in Halloween attire and we couldn't understand much of what he was saying, but nevertheless we had an awesome time! Until Eric, Missy's man--he came up behind me and scared me and I screamed sooooooooooo loud in the middle of the tour guide talking about Pluto's ghost (all bullshit btw) I almost had a coronary! I smacked Eric soooooo hard in the arm that he promised he wouldn't do it again thru his hysteria. Some elderly indian slut gave me a mean look and told me to shhh! And of course I did my whole "Do you even know who I am, bitch" under my breath of course ;) Everyone knows I talk a mean game & thats it! Of course nobody could get over the fact that all of the guides & little teenage cashiers knew our names--they thought it was crazy until we showed them a family portrait in my grandfather's old office. Renee hadn't told them everything, just that I had connections. They were very impressed to say the least!!!

After that, we went to the pumpkin patch and got pumpkins which was fun :) We then went back to Renee's and we all said our "We'll see you soons" and I of course shed many tears for Kurt, because he's now my buddie for life. Then Cindy & J.R. took showers and we ate coconut bread and talked for hours with her entire family from the west indies--Trinidad. And of course, to me their like my second family.

On Friday night after everyone returned from the services and everyone gathered at Renee's house to spend the night--I still don't know how they did that, her house is small!!! I walked my sister Haven outside to say Goodbye to Kurt whom she grew to love as well, everyone was wondering if I was leaving and I told them not yet... As soon as I walked outside with Haven my friend Kellie pulls up and then Renee's Aunt Shirley and uncle Shirley, Aunt Charlene, Cindy & J.R. and I all hugged and kissed for about 10 mins! Again--my second family. Then Kurt & Renee returned from their walk and we stole Kurt away from Renee for a few mins and Haven & Kellie were having a moment with Kurt's cologne and I couldn't smell it, and so he jerked my head and pushed it into his chest--nice chest, but I told him I only smelled B.O.--only kidding, the cologne was great, joygasm's for sure!!! So he took us inside and we sniffed his cologne and he put some on me--I'm the only one not married here so it would be okay if I went home smelling like a man :) After we came out of the bedroom everyone was gathered and they asked if I would sit in the middle of the floor, not knowing what to expect, I sat indian style on the floor--which killed my kneee and all billion people, who were even outside on the deck drinking Lager's came in--the neighbors could have been inside too, there was just too many faces!! Then out comes Kurt with Reece and he gives me my baby. Uncle Louie from the Island breaks out a guitar and everyone is crying and Renee is laughing hysterically at me because I'm still wondering what the hell is going on. Let's just say my family is different--So Uncle Louie started playing one of my all time favorite songs by Bob Dylan & Van Morrison--"Crazy Love" and I just sat there and cried while everyone else watched me and everyone sang along--it was too much! "I can hear her heartbeat from a thousand miles and the heavens open everytime she smiles. Yet when I come to her thats where I belong, I run into her like a river's song. She give me love, love, love, love, crazy love. A fine sense of humor when I'm feeling low down yet when I come to her when the sun goes down, she takes away my trouble and takes away my grief, takes away my heartache in the night like a thief, she gives me love, love, love, crazy love. I need her in the daytime and I need her in the night and I want to throw my arms around her and kiss and hug her tight, and when I return from so far away she gives me some sweet loving to brighten up my day--yeah it makes me righteous and it makes me bold, it makes me melt down into my soul--she gives me love, love, crazy love, she gives me love, love, love crazy love!" Imagine Bob Marley singing it though--I was bawling. It moved me that much. I couldn't stand it. I was drowning Reece in tears. Renee knew it was my favorite song and she thought it was so funny until the end when they presented me with a wonderful gift that I'm almost embarrassed to mention because of how exspensive it is. The entire room was in tears with me! It took my breath away. I had never seen so many people wanting to be there by my side, complete & utter love. These people are too good to me. They're awesome to put it lightly. Again, their my second family.

I almost forgot to mention Adam stopping in. It went over well. I was shocked and I almost forgot about it. He was polite and he held Reece. Reece wasn't feeling him though. What else is new?!

Last night, we took Cindy & JR to a haunted house and we had too much fun. We gathered some of our friends, Mike, Jason, Mark, Stacy, Ian, court, Trish, Jacki, and Kayla and everyone of my male friends were going nuts for Cindy. She's my girl so I can't let them try to mac on her. She is beautiful! My heart was pounding so bad and I was freaking out during it, almost panicking--Mike had to pick me up over his shoulders and run out of there with me, freakin knee injury. He said that he saw me frightened and he had to just pick me up!!!

The entire evening was great--right now I have to go pick up Chan & Isaiah--More to come!!

Every Bad Ending...

Brings a new begining. Losing Roderick has been difficult for everyone who knew such a special man, but I've gained so much from this sad loss. I've met some incrediable people that I now call friends!

Kurt, whose Renee's older brother, 33, from NYC, Attorney & classic movie buff. Such a great man. He had me cracking up all the time during this terrible nightmare. Kurt and I bonded this week and let me know how much he appreciated everything that I've done for Reece & Renee. We've spent a great amount of time together and he's easily one of the nicest guys that I've ever met too! Can't wait until I can see him again :) DECEMBER 11th! American Dolls Rule!!!!

Bill is Kurt's friend from NYC too. Bill is this 20 something guy with great hair who enjoys kareoke and told me he could listen to me talk all day!!! He said that he's never heard such a sweet accent before?!!! ME??????? Who knew! Bill is a sweetheart and we plan on tearing up NYC too :)

Next we have Rob. Rob is different! Rob is quiet, sarcastic, & hilarious :) When we all met for breakfast this am, Rob was sporting a lovely tuxedo teeshirt that was supposed to black, but with all of the lint, it had lost all of it's glory. Rob had a killer smile though. I thoroughly enjoyed his sense of humor simply because I related. I was feeling everything he was saying and he and & meshed well.

Then we have Heather. She seems polite. From the 30 second conversation that we had, I believe she had an Aussie accent...I couldn't tell though because she didn't converse much. She seemed sweet when we were saying our goodbyes though. I detested her grandmother attire. When she got stuck in the mud yesterday while wearing heels, she acted as if she was having a seizure!!! I had to walk around the house to avoid everyone seeing me laughing hysterically at her. I'm sure she's sweet.

Shawna--she's Kurt's woman. She is cute. She's attractive, smart and even a good dresser. We spoke occasionally. She complimented me too much to actually like her. Everyone knows I can't stand people who kiss my ass. And cute girls should never try to mack with my Reece!!! On a serious note, Shawna was great.

Cindy!!! She's my girl. We bonded. We hit it off instantaneously!!! She & I cried when we parted ways, she is now my girl. We share a common interest in the finer things, nice restaraunts, designers and a good stylist. Cindy is 20 and we are going to be spending a lot of time together I believe! We have the same taste in foods as well. Ian, Becca & I took her along with her brother, J.R. to lunch and we ordered the same thing--a peanut butter frapp with whip topping. Loved it! So yummy. Then we started completing each other's sentences--"All up in my kool-aid & don't even know the flavor" Cindy is from Brooklyn and is on her way to being a teacher :) You all know I'm loving that fact :)

J.R.--Where do I begin with this little guy. He's 12! He's so cute :) He was such a gentleman that I wanted to take him home with me tonight. So, everyone is aware of how I've been really hard on myself this week from my weight fluctuating, this little man told me that I was 'hot' and that any guy should give thanks for knowing me :) How can you not love that? JR is my usher! He's a scorpio & his birthday is November 12th--PLEASE DONT LET ME FORGET IT!!! He wants Prada shoes :) We'll see. He was one of the sweetest guys I've ever met. I adore him. We're all going to hang out when we get to NYC in December!!! I can't wait.

So this is just a little bit about the new people in my life--I have too many!!!

Right now, I'm tired so I will finish this post tommorrow a.m.

Goodnight all.

Amaya

I Say My Goodbye Today

Today is thursday, I've been awake all morning. I can't sleep, whats new?!

Renee asked if I wanted to stay with Reece on Friday, I said sure so I'm going to and today I get to go pay my respects. I can't believe this shit. I can't believ I have to say bye to Roderick.

I'm so sad. He was so full of life. On Monday he told me that when Reece starts walking he's going to have him in some Martial Arts classes, he wanted so much for little Reece. They had so many hopes and dreams together. They were so in love. So much. As Renee said many times 'it was love at first sight' :)

He spoiled Renee so much. Only because he loved her.

I've decided to put together some pictures of Rod, Renee & Reece simply because so many of you have asked for pictures.

Reece is holding up well. He's a bit cranky. He knows something is wrong. Baby's are smart like that. Especially my baby.

I have prayed for strength and courage to help me stay strong throughout this entire horrifying nightmare. I won't stop praying. Life is going to get worse.

Pray for Renee. Lena. Reece. They bury their husband, son, & father tommorrow.

http://www.dailyprogress.com/servlet/Satellite?pagename=CDP%2FMGArticle%2FCDP_BasicArticle&c=MGArticle&cid=1031778742485&path=!obits!

Day 3

Yesterday was the hardest for Renee & Mrs. Banks. It's so unfortunate at 28, Renee has to bury her husband. He has a lot of damage to his left side, a lot of damage on his face so the funereal won't take place until Friday @ 11:00. His father gave us the jacket he was wearing. It was full of blood....

But I still can not believe it. I think that if I seen it, I would believe it. I still can't believe any of it. ANY OF IT. I just see all of these people crying and holding each other and I'm just waiting for him to walk thru the door and say "BAD JOKE". I'm just hoping for a miracle and a sign and a reason why all of this happened. I need answers.

My grandmother gave me a lecture yesterday on how i'm never to question the Lord's work. I asked her why would God let this young guy, 27 years old who still has a newborn son, why would he let this happen....She said "Amaya, God could have intervined if he wanted to, but this is his will. He said "Well done, Rod. You've loved your family thru and thru and you've been a good man to the rest of the world and I need you here now." Grandma went on to say that it was us who are selfish for wanting him here for a little while longer, it us who want him to walk thru that door. And if Roderick could talk to us now he would say, "I am at peace, there is no sorrow in heaven, I love my friends & family but I am happier here. I will offer you wisdom and strength and I'll live on forever in your heart with fond memories." ---Somehow all of that finally allowed me to sigh.

So Kurt & I went to Walmart--you know, where they sell walls...right...anyway we went to the photo lab and scanned & printed pictures for the funereal guy and for a minute we had the chance to get fresh air and we actually laughed and no matter how good it felt to get out of that house it still hit me like a ton of bricks going back to Renee's house that this is true, this is our reality. Roderick is dead. I cried. I just cried. I've cried so many tears. But I felt better because I CRIED. Even though I didn't know Kurt...or I don't know him that well, It was okay and the way he just allowed me to do my thing in private with him was so nice. I came home almost immeadiately afterward and took a shower, ordered beers and pizza and chilled with Ian, Court, Becca, Lisa, & Kennedy. It felt so good to be 'ok' for a minute. Eric & I talked briefly lastnight, but I fell asleep. My body needs sleep.

it's 7 am. We're going to look at the site this morning and I'm going to take pictures. I NEED THIS. Perhaps then it will start to set in that it's true. Renee wants me there with her today.

How & why

I can't sleep. I'm so numb right now. Roderick is dead. How does any of this shit make sense? He was on his way home from working a 16 hour shift, driving 2 hours home to be with his baby & Renee. He hit a small tree. His dad said the tree was small. He was only 15 miles from home. The EMT's got his heart beat back once. Oh dear God. He shouldn't have died. This never should have happened. We just hung out on Monday and again on Tuesday for a while. We had such a good conversation. He's so smart.

This is so crazy. I don't know what to do with myself. I need answers because this really shouldn't have happened. We all needed him for a while longer. There was no warning. Nothing.

Renee said on her desk, friday, she has a picture of Rod & Reece together and she just kept touching Rod's face and she said she's never done anything like that. Life is so weird. Reece senses something is wrong because he wouldn't sleep yesterday. Not even for me. This child loved his daddy so much. Reece giggled outloud with Roderick. The baby would smile for hours with his daddy. Roderick will never get to see his child again.

Such a freaking tragedy. I'm so angry.

He didn'y make it

Waiting is the Worst

I was startled at the sound of my cell phone going off this a.m @ 5. It said 'Rod' and it took me a minute to figure out who 'Rod' was. Then my home phone rang it was Renee screaming and crying and initially I thought it was something with Reece. In her I just smoked an entire pack of cigarettes voice, she said "Maya, Roderick has been in an accident and I don't know where Fairfax Inova Trauma is" I assured her that I would be there in 10 mins. I had to wake Becca up because I couldn't drive--(painkillers and cherry bombs make for an interesting night) So I got to Renee's house and she was a whack job. She was there all alone crying. My heart just went out to her.

Normally Rod gets home on Friday's @ 11-12. Reece woke Renee up @ 4:30 because he was hungry. She realized Roderick hadn't came home yet and tried calling his cell phone, she says she left 3 voice messages and after the last message the phone rang thinking it was Roderick calling her back, it was Fairfax Inova--Your Husband has been in an accident.

Please Pray for everybody ehre...we're going nuts...

Tis to the freaking weekend

I'm about to have me some fun! What song is that from?

Today is my official last day with Reece. I have to get back to work. I've had a good month off and I need to get back in the swing of things. I actually miss it. Can you believe that?!

My family is supposed to go shopping this weekend. I'm not going. I'm still not physically capable of a shopping day :( I do need some new jeans. I'd have to travel to get my Chloe jeans though. Hrmm, perhaps I should reconsider!

So since I'm diabetic it's taking longer for everything to heal. And I can't stand it Do I bitch a lot?

So I was watching GMA this morning (I'm always up early enough) and in Wisconsin two Amish brothers Ely and Robert Bryler raped their own sister, Mary for years. She broke out of the Amish world and went to the police with the story. Her parents knew that her brothers were raping her and her father even said that since she allowed it to happen so often she probably asked for it!! Her parents were charged with 'knowing' about what was going on. What struck me as wrong was the fact that Ely got 8 years in prison and Robert got probation and has to go to jail everynight for 6 months. Yes, you read that correctly--Only at night because he has a family and has to milk the cows! Can you believe that crap?

I want to see Wimbledon. Perhaps I'll find time for that this weekend.

T--were you on a date lastnight?

My Eric

Baby, I love you. You are my life. My happiest moments won't be complete if you're not by my side. You're my relation and connection to the sun. With you next to me there's no darkness I can't overcome! You and God, whose my sunlight are blooming so beautifully.

Baby, I'm so proud, proud to be your girl. You make the confusion go away from this cold and empty world. I am in love with you and you've set me free. I can't do this thing called life without you here with me. I'm so in love with you and I'll never leave. Just keep loving me the way I love you loving me.

And I know you love me. You love me for who I am. No, it's not easy loving me, but I appreciate the love and dedication that you give so unselfishly. I see my whole future in your eyes. And the thought of all my love for you almost makes me want to cry. I realize all of my blessings and I'm grateful to have you by my side. Everytime I see your face Eric, my heart smiles. And again, I'll never leave just keep loving me the way I love you loving me!!!

Tired.

I went to bed Super early lastnight. I was soooooooooooo exhausted after therapy. Yuck. I'm not going back!!! I'm in soooooooooo much pain. Back to the drugs.

T--I tried calling you back at 8 to no avail. Text message me.

Issaac--You're nuts.


Eric--I missed you lastnight. I was soooooooooooo tired.

I need to get laid. I'm bitchy, I'm pmsing and I'm horny. This isn't news.

More to come....

update

Eric is sick :( No work for him :(

2 am phone call from Issac--"Issac it's 2 am, I'm sleeping! I can't talk" "I don't want to talk, what are you wearing?" WHAT?!!! Click.

More later

Sheesh

I couldn't help myself from reading Eric's emails that he sent me before I edited my journal. I am so sad right now.

In other news, I went to Church and Bible Study yesterday. I feel so much better when I go. I actually missed it.

I have to get to physical therapy...hopefully I won't miss this appointment.

I just got off the phone with Renee and she asked if I could come by tonight @ 11:00 and watch Reece for about an hour!!! On a friday night?! Nevermind that it's Friday night and my friends and I are getting a Limo and going out==All of which she knew! Of course I said yes, because of Reece. So on my way out I have to go over there and hang out at her house while he's asleep and she's at work doing a fire drill! NO SPIT UP ON THE ARMANI, REECE!!!

************************************** EDIT**************************************

Today, I'm going over to Reece's for a while. Brandi and I are going to go shopping. We've decided that will make us feel tons better. Trish, Megan, Lisa, Brandi, Michelle, Michael, Rick, Danny, Courtney and whoever else are going out. I'm a little hesitant about going out--knee. Oh well.

More later

T is in Cabo!!! I'm so jealous.

Christopher Reeves..

It's not that often that I am saddened by the loss of someone I never knew...but Christopher Reeves is the exception. He was such a strong man. He was such a strong, owerful activist for Stem cell research while stuck in a chair, I remember interns/staffers talking about when Christopher Reeves came to Cap Hill that they didn't believe he would accomplish anything, but he left such an impresion on everybody there that he left them all in silence. And somehow, I believe that Superman has the kyrptonite to do that....

I am very familiar with the ranch where he actually had his accident, it's in Culpeper and His Neurosurgeon, Dr. Jane was the same guy who saved Chandler's life. In his office is a picture of Dr. Jane, Superman & Oprah.

Thinking back on the past week, month even, I've been upset with having to wear a stupid brace, bandages and feeling very sorry for myself...And then I realized after hearing that Christopher had died how well I really do have it. It could always be worse than this and I'm sure anyone thats stuck in a chair would love to have just a torn ACL. So with that said, I am going to start thinking like that...It could always be worse!


Superman


I'm more than a bird¡­I'm more than a plane
More than some pretty face beside a train
It's not easy to be me


It may sound absurd¡­but don't be nieve
Even Heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed¡­but won't you conceed
Even Heroes have the right to dream
It's not easy to be me


I can't stand to fly
I'm not that nieve
Men weren't meant to ride
With clouds between their knees

I'm only a man in a silly red sheet
Digging for kryptonite on this one way street
Only a man in a funny red sheet
Looking for special things inside of me

It's not easy to be me.

This has to be the prettiest sunrise I've seen in a while. It's a orange/red color sun rising over the mountains and the trees are starting to turn gold. There is a chill in the air too. Autumn is here.

Didn't do anything much at all. Had dinner with my aunt Carmen, helped Isaiah with homework, went to sleep. Pretty unevenful. Shocking? Nope.

Has anyone heard how David Shenk is? I haven't heard anything yet. No news is good news.

My parents are taking Isaiah & Chandler to the pumpkin patch this weekend to get their pumpkins. They're excited. Chandler is going to be Flash Gordon from the 70's! Isaiah isn't sure what he wants to be. Emma is going to be a fairy, Matty is The Hulk, Reece is not sure yet, Kennedy is going to be Raggedy Ann.

I gotta catch up on a ton of paper work....

This has to be the prettiest sunrise I've seen in a while. It's a orange/red color sun rising over the mountains and the trees are starting to turn gold. There is a chill in the air too. Autumn is here.

Didn't do anything much at all. Had dinner with my aunt Carmen, helped Isaiah with homework, went to sleep. Pretty unevenful. Shocking? Nope.

Has anyone heard how David Shenk is? I haven't heard anything yet. No news is good news.

My parents are taking Isaiah & Chandler to the pumpkin patch this weekend to get their pumpkins. They're excited. Chandler is going to be Flash Gordon from the 70's! Isaiah isn't sure what he wants to be. Emma is going to be a fairy, Matty is The Hulk, Reece is not sure yet, Kennedy is going to be Raggedy Ann.

I gotta catch up on a ton of paper work....

Halloween

What should I be for Halloween?

My brother suggested Paris Hilton....I could borrow Courtney's Chiuhuaha...I could be a bimbo for one night....except I have to incorporate my brace into the outfit...a torn up Paris????

Suggestions, please!

I had a wonderful night of sleep! I got 6 hours of it! I don't sleep much--ever so this is exciting for me.

Andy, who is the son of my Mom's friend, William, who I saw briefly on Saturday called me and told me he got the number from my Mom asked me if I wanted to come over and watch DVD's with him. THATS A BIG NO! First off, he's the biggest dork ever who had a chance to go to Brown but passed it up for William & Mary, He married Melissa Gray==DOUBLE EWWW! They divorced and their offspring, which I rarely say anything bad about, is uhm....to put it mildly she's ugly. Andy has blond hair with blue eyes and everyone knows I don't do blondes!!! Besides, I liked him when I was 14 (what was I thinking) he should have offered then!!! So, I told him I'm just so busy these days and then he asked how busy can you possibly be with 1 leg!!! MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Funny story: Isaiah was doing his homework and he asked me how do you spell 'nothing', and 'something' it took me a second to figure out what he was asking, I told him N O T H I N G & S O M E T H I N G, I was too wrapped up in the news to pay any attention to him...So as we were going over his Math sheet, which he excels in, it was flawless and then I came across a sheet a paper that had "WHAT DOES COLUMBUS DAY MEAN TO YOU" on the top, Isaiah had written NOTHING! I thought this was funny, but I explained to him that writing nothing was about him being lazy and it was unacceptable. He then said Mrs. WHATSHERFACE said that he had to write something, but something was too long so he wrote nothing!!! I had a moment...the kid is hilarious. Eventually he managed to spit up a paragraph.

Bye

My day

Highlights:

I'm a diabetic = Slower healing process
Becky & I are getting together every Sunday night for coffees and conversation.
Jamie & his team won the game, yet again
Cavs are 6th in the nation


I just got out of the shower, hair is still wet but I'm super tired so I'm going to bed. Scott is on IM and I think he wants me. Too bad.

As for my friend David Shenk, he's in UVA and isn't doing well, thats all I know, not sure exactly what is wrong, but I don't want to call the hospital and speak to anyone--yet. Michelle & I were really good friends....David is such a sweetheart...he has a lil girl, Sarah with Amy....still shocking.

On to bed.

Gnight!

I can't function...

I can't sleep. I forgot to eat yesterday and I have this overwhelming feeling of guilt and almost shame. I don't really know what to say...I think I got so wrapped up in my pain and this feeling of not being able to be myself and do normal things that I didn't notice what it was doing to everyone around me. Or not even around me, more importantly.

I don't know if any of this can be fixed at this point.

I called Nadia because she's probably the wisest lady that I know and we talked about everything from HIM to ME to a nice getaway to the Greenbriar on Sunday. She says that she's worried about me because I'm under so much pressure and most of it's the shit I do to myself. I explained to her that I was fine but I don't know if I could forgive myself if I allowed HIM to just walk away. HER WORDS "If he did this to you, you wouldn't even remember his name" and how true that is....

There's no fixing this. I've really fucked this one.

Oh & T thanx for the pep talk yesterday--I really needed it. You're probably the only person who understands everything and sees things from my perspective, Thank you.

I'm feeling misty eyed and my flame is slowly fading...

When will this all be over? I keep praying, but it's as if this 'feeling' isn't leaving me.

I don't reconize myself. i try to sourround myself with good things but as soon as I part ways I go home and it starts all over again.

It gets worse at night.

I didn't sleep lastnight. Probably because I sleep all day.

I know that since I know that there is a problem then I'm okay.

I'm withdrawing from people. I don't even want to be around my family....Becca is the only rational one.

This entire accident has fucked me up soo much. To look at myself I get upset, this isn't me. I'm supposed to lie around all day? I've always been active, I've always been independent. I can't take many more days like this. My life was turned upside down in a fucking second.

Weird.

I absolutely detest people who don't communicate!!!

A lot has happend and I'm fucked. So is Brandi. Details later.

A case of the Mondays

It's not even noon as of yet and I feel I've accomplished a lot this morning. Considering I slept in until 8 a.m, cleaned & organized my desk, did my monthly budget and wrote the checks to pay the bills, did laundry, and vaccumed. I didn't hear my dad knock and lets just say he couldn't believe his eyes when he seen me vaccuming...which I think I do the domestic stuff a lot. But it was a shock for him!

So I have an $877.00 phone bill! I'm thinking there is an error. There's no way thats possible. We'll see.

So I bought Eric & I some cheesy shirts to sport!
I bought for myself a tank that says "Blondie" --I'm called that often, so it's fitting
A teeshirt that says "I left my heart in Chi town --Eric is from Chicago :)
Another tee that says "Exspensive, but Oh so worth it--Total Cheese

For Eric, He got a black tee with white lettering that says "Maya's Ride"--WE BOTH LIKE!!!

I have cheerleading again tonight, until 8:00 and we're stepping up the intensity a notch...And I'm demanding new uniforms--CUZ THEY SUCK!!!

Brandi & Davy have 2 extra tickets to the Redskins/Cowboys game tonight and she asked if I could go...I told her I'd let her know.

My lil man Jamie has a game tonight as well....His last year of little league football and everyone knows he's the star MVP :) He carries the team. He's awesome, I'm not bragging or embellishing either....he hussles hard to take care of his lil team--he's becoming a man!!!

I'm going to the bank, then grocery shopping, then on to hang out with Reece for a few.

Later people!

A case of the Mondays

It's not even noon as of yet and I feel I've accomplished a lot this morning. Considering I slept in until 8 a.m, cleaned & organized my desk, did my monthly budget and wrote the checks to pay the bills, did laundry, and vaccumed. I didn't hear my dad knock and lets just say he couldn't believe his eyes when he seen me vaccuming...which I think I do the domestic stuff a lot. But it was a shock for him!

So I have an $877.00 phone bill! I'm thinking there is an error. There's no way thats possible. We'll see.

So I bought Eric & I some cheesy shirts to sport!
I bought for myself a tank that says "Blondie" --I'm called that often, so it's fitting
A teeshirt that says "I left my heart in Chi town --Eric is from Chicago :)
Another tee that says "Exspensive, but Oh so worth it--Total Cheese

For Eric, He got a black tee with white lettering that says "Maya's Ride"--WE BOTH LIKE!!!

I have cheerleading again tonight, until 8:00 and we're stepping up the intensity a notch...And I'm demanding new uniforms--CUZ THEY SUCK!!!

Brandi & Davy have 2 extra tickets to the Redskins/Cowboys game tonight and she asked if I could go...I told her I'd let her know.

My lil man Jamie has a game tonight as well....His last year of little league football and everyone knows he's the star MVP :) He carries the team. He's awesome, I'm not bragging or embellishing either....he hussles hard to take care of his lil team--he's becoming a man!!!

I'm going to the bank, then grocery shopping, then on to hang out with Reece for a few.

Later people!

so fun

Today has been long and intense. Cheerleading is kicking my ass. I'm slowly realizing that I'm not 16 anymore :(

Work and cheerleading tommorrow :) Yay! Fun times :)

My Dream...

Before I forget...I had a dream about Broke Ass and his lush!

I was at this car dealership with the 'Diaper Posse' and broke ass was my salesman and he wanted to know where I had moved to and I told him I couldn't tell him because I didn't like him anymore!!!! His lush was there too but I can't remember what she was saying and then he told me not to worry about her, because they broke up!!! And she just stood there.

Thats it. Very stupid. But Eric and I were making fun of them lastnight!!!!

ME LUFF ERIC :)

We're All Happier Now

As if I expected anything less, but Eric and I came to an agreement and we mutually decided that it was best that I went to Reece's Christening. I am so glad that I did, but I have to let everyone know how increadibly sweet and unselfish this man is. He melts me. Sometimes when we talk I have to close my eyes and make sure I'm not dreaming because this man is so giving and understanding, I just welcome this change so much, with open arms!

Reece's Baptism was so perfect. He was asleep for the entire Christening and then when the Priest poured the water over his head he woke up and let out this little wimper that melted me! God knows that I love this child so much and even when he cries, I melt. He's so awesome. So sweet. His grandmother and I clicked instantly and we're definetly going to be having a dinner party in the near future :) We all stayed around after the seafood dinner and drank tons of bubbly and when I got home at 9:30, Brandi phoned and everyone was out and going clubbing. As tired, exhausted as I was I decided to change my clothes and to go out and be social, everyone was drinking except me...

So after about 2 hours of convos I went home and fell asleep. Eric called and woke me up @ 1:30 a.m. we talked about everything from kids, to parents to life in Chicago to Life in VA....and his High School Reunion thats coming up ;) HE ASKED ME TO GO WITH HIM!

Then @ 5 a.m my friend Issaac who recently returned home from Iraq in August phoned me upset and distraught, he said that it hit him that he was home from Iraq and he just lost all control of his emotions and even contemplated suicide. Okay Issaac is a very upstanding guy and for this to happen is just not him and I had to talk him until he felt better....Just pray for him guys....He is distraught. I told him that we could hang out soon...and I intend to.

Mom, Dad, Becca, Isaiah & Chandler and I are going siteseeing in the City today. We all love DC. I just wish my Eric could be here....

More Later

What a headache.

As soon as I thought my drama was over, I went and did it again.

Yesterday Renee & I had a talk and she understood. She said that she didn't want to force me to do anything and she understood my insecurities and she was fine with that. We left on a happy note.

This morning, Renee asked if I was still coming to the Baptism! See, I told her that it had nothing to do with going to Chicago and seeing Eric...which my decision to not be his godmother didn't have anything to do with the trip...And now...she is testing me I believe. So, I feel as if I am back to square one. Is there an answer to this problem?

This is what a few of you suggested...

"Tell her the ticket is nonrefundable and go to Chicago, don't ruin everyone's plans" a la Kristi

"Do what feels best!" --who else but Brandi

"Go to the Baptism and then go to Eric's party in Chicago, You'll figure out how much he likes you and you see if he is dating any other girls and if he likes you he'll understand" --T Man

"Chics before Dicks"--Trish

"Baptism, then Chicago later"--Megan

"I would go to the Baptism just to be there for Reece"--Rebecca

"I don't like this new way of meeting people"---Daddio


90% of you believe that I should go to the Baptism. Even after I we have a room overlooking the Lake!!! SHEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSH



OH & Happy Birthday Ian Bradley :) Muah!

Survey Says...

1) Starting time: 7:15 2) Full Name: Amaya Georgia3) Nicknames: Mini, My4) School: University of Virginia class of 20005) Email: @hotmail.com 6) Eyes: Brown naturally, Blue & Green Contacts7) Hair: Platinum8) Height: 5'5"9) Siblings? Becca, Ian Bradley, Brent, & Haven10) Ever been cheated on: I wrote the book! Yes, 2x's 11) Ever missed school because it was raining: Yeah, rain tends to make me sleep.13) Kept a secret from everyone: Sure.14) Had an imaginary friend: Negative!15) Wanted to hook up with a friend? I'm going to go with Yes for $200, Alex16) Cried during a Flick: Yup!17) Had a crush on a teacher: Yes. God forgive me, but he was the biggest dorkiest thing ever.18) Ever thought of animated characters as hot? Tigger's tail kinda turns me on...but NO!19) Ever at anytime owned a Guitar album: Yeah.... uh no!20) Ever prank called someone: Yes, & Often21) Been on stage: Si.*Longest Relationship: 2 years. Jeremy*Car you drive: Malibu Maxx daily, Yukon XL occasionally*Parents name(s): Amanda & George *Birthday: April 15th 1979, Tax Day*Favorite thing to do: Shop. *Pet Peeve at the moment: Planning incorrectly/not planning accordingly.~FAVORITES~22) Shampoo: Aguage *My own question: Heels or flip flops? ....I would go with flip flops, *hides* Even though heels look much hotter :P23) Color: Pink of course, then black. 24) Summer/Winter: Summer, due to tanning <325) Online: ? say what? 26) Lace, silk or satin? Silk? ....27) Like Anyone? Understatement, I actually adore him. 28) Who have you known the longest of your friends: Brandi29) Who's the loudest friend you have: Trish!30) Who's the shyest friend you have: Andrea31) Who do you go to for advice: Mom or Dad, I know they love me and they won't lead me astray, they know my best interests. 32) Who do you get along with: WHO? Lets just say I'm super nice, polite & cordial to everyone. ~IN THE LAST 2 WEEKS HAVE YOU~33) Cried: Yeah. Unfortunately.34) Been mean: I broke Renee's heart...36) Been sarcastic: Me? Neva ;)37) Met someone new: *raises an eyebrow* --I did I did :)38) Watched a movie: Office Space, HILARIOUS :) A fave for sure. And I did get the memo.39) The last movie in the theatre I saw? Shrek 241) Fought with your parent(s): Actually, not this week:) 42) Wished upon a star: Nope43) Laughed until you've cried: YES! Eric has been killing me with the stupid shit. 44) Played Truth or Dare: No. See Birthday.45) Watched a sunrise/sunset: It's been longer than 2 weeks.46) Went to the beach at night: Afraid not.47) Read a book for fun: Bergdorff Blondes49) Are you lonely: Only at night when I have to fall asleep alone. 50) Are you happy: I can't complain. Mom always says that it could always be worse, no matter what the situation. true story.51) Are you talking to someone online: Scott disappeared.~DO YOU BELIEVE IN~52) God/Devil: Of course. Ever tried taking a breath without him?53) Love: Of course. I experience it everyday. The love for my family, my friends, my salvation.
54) The Closet Monster: Yeah, boogeyman,55) The Big Bang Theory: Naw.56) Heaven/hell: Yes. 57) Superstitions: I knock on wood, and I XXX a black cat if it crosses in front of me. 59) Who named you: My parents60) Backstreet Boys or N Sync: Awe man. New Kids on the Block fo sho61) When was the last time you showered: 5:15 a.m 62) What was the last thing that you said when you were online? Right...uhm...?65) What was the last thing that you did yesterday: Masturbated. 67) Where would you want to go on your honeymoon: Greek Islands.68) Who do you want to spend the rest of your life with: *raises an eyebrow* ....My husband.69) How's the weather: Nippy.70) What did you do yesterday: Office, Reece's, Work, Cooked, Showered, Phoned Eric, Bed71) Thing(s) that you find attractive of the opposite sex: Smile, then intelligence, ass, eyes, cheekbones72) How do YOU eat an Oreo: I don't remember...Dunkin' it in milk and eating it entirely.73) All time favorite TV shows: FRIENDS :( ...SEX AND THE CITY :( ...74) Dream car? Hrrm...I don't know. Not really a car person.75) What do you want to be when you grow up: Grow up? Be a Toys R Us kid, teach, be a mother.78) Numbers: 3,7,15,22,34,4578) Favorite food: Sheesh! Macoroni & Cheese, Grandma style, baked of course.80) Favorite day of the week: I like everyday. I do get a case of the Mondays sometimes...83) If you could change your name, what would it be? Grace Kelly! Stupid answer for a stupid question.84) Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? No. Gross.85)The most stupid thing u ever done: I've done way too many stupid things in my lifetime.86) First Son's name: I have always liked the name Michael, however they scarred me...Dillion?87) Wife/husband: What? Husband?88) First daughter's name: Sofia Angelica
89) Favorite drinks: H20 & Cosmos & Mai Tai's.90) You like scary or funny movies better?: Sick freakin question...FUNNY! 91) On the phone or in person: AOL? In person.93) If you could change something about yourself what would it be: My weight fluctuating so much, and I would get amazing skin.94) Do you consider cheerleading a sport: Yes, of course.95) Do you have pets: Did.96) Who sent this survey to you: I stole it from Jules.97) What do you think of this person: She dresses last season and doesn't know what Couture is...LAME!98) What are a few of your favorite songs: I am in love with far too many...but My Place by Ashanti. 99) what are some of your inside jokes: Um, you wouldn't get any of them if I told you, hence "inside" ...100) Do you want your friends to do this survey: They won't...they're lazy.101) time finished: 11:46 pm :) ....WHEW! That was a while, but I got interruped by Lucille Weber who was selling Electrolux...stupid cunt.

1 Major Dilemma

Reece's Christening vs. Spending time with my baby


If I don't do both, I won't forgive myself! Solutions and thoughts I need, stat!

I'm leaning toward Chicago.

This where I get to be bad Maya: FUCK FUCK FUCK!

And basically this is all my own fault for not planning well. When Eric and Nick got in 'trouble' I wanted so desperately to be with Eric that I just shot for any date. I knew that I wouldn't be going to Reece's Baptism and I had planned on telling Renee & Rod the day before I left. Friday Renee calls me at the office and wanted to know if I would be Reece's Godmother!?! I was baffled and then I realized I was second fiddle, seems to be an issue with me, but Michelle, the first choice was just diagnosed with Lupus. I don't know what this is but it's supposedly life threatning. When Renee and I talked yesterday I told that I'm not sure if my ticket was refundable...(white lie) and bringing her to tears because she has family flying in from Gernada, Aruba, Brooklyn, Trinidad and from Bum fuck and she couldn't postpone it. Then discussing it with my Mommy and my Daddy we all agreed that I am not in the most stable environment for any child. My dad even brought up the point that I can't even adopt a child from an agency because of my age and I'm unmarried. And this morning after talking to Renee about this she really had me crying this time. Her exact words were "If something were to happen to Rod & I, I want my child to be surrounded by love. I want him to know how to love unconditionally and I want him to be the best man all the time, I want him to be polite and I want him to give" she went on to say that "I am the perfect person" She stares in awe when we go out and I'm always talking to everyone, always polite, and always loving everyone unconditionally and she see's where I give so much of myself to everyone, all the time. I was floored at this and I told her I'd have to discuss it with Eric. She even said that I was her first choice because of my endless amounts of love and patience for children and she knows that I'm a good person,whom they trust, but she & Rodderick wanted someone married, someone older so they went with Michelle. With the diagnosis Michelle's health is probably not that good. She explained to me that Kurt, Renee's brother would be directed in their will that he recieves Reece and that I would get him if Kurt was dead...

So I'm torn. What do I do? What do I say? My brothers and sisters want me to just do it and get over it as they said this will never be able to happen again whereas Eric will always be in Chicago.

I want to spend time with Eric, he's still healing. I also would never be able to face Renee and Rod if I said no....

The bottomline is....It's about Religion!!! YOU STUPID CATHOLICS!!

thoughts to my email right away, club!

Treat me like a fool

Treat me mean and cruel, but love me!

Lastnight was a blah night for me. I wasn't feeling it at all. We had dinner and I swear I had the best ever Sweet & Sour chicken! It had orange peel and pineapple in the sauce and it was delicious! Sammy was our waiter who happens to be Brandi's brother-in-law and to put it mildly, he's a short, horny lil bastard!!! He was hitting on Becca nonstop! Even asking her to pick up the dollar he dropped on the floor just to see her bend over and being the naive drunk girls that we can sometimes portray, she did and we didn't even get it until he gave her a '10'!!! It was all in the name of fun, so no worries.

Four Mai Tai's later I was starting to get dizzy and just felt out of whack. I didn't realize how much sugar is actually in the drinks along with all the carbs that was in the sweet & sour chicken until I felt my self starting to tremble because my insulin levels were thru the roof! When I went to the restroom to test in privacy, it was a whopping 560! It hasn't been that high in years!!! Normal is 70 and this morning after drinking (2) two 34.oz's of h20 already it's down to 280. I guess this means I'm back doing induction for 14 more days! Heaven forbid I should gain a pound. I've come to realize that I'm starting to become obsessed with dieting. Not that it's an issue it's just that I always have to plan out and think and worry about what I eat. I've been this way for a few years now and I think I should chill out a bit with that, but still maintain my weight. I just have to relax--your body needs fat to function! Ewww, fat is such a gross word!

Anyway, after everyone was starting to get shit faced, I was clearly the sober one and boy does that suck. Especially when you have 8 horny -ass women on your hands. We met some guys from UNC who came to see the UVA/UNC game. They were extremely attractive and I even landed a business card, but what the hell am I going to do with it??! I'm all about some Eric right now :) Todd won't be getting a call from me anytime soon. And besides there's only so many times you can hear how 'sweet your neck looks', before it's a turn off! No game, but cute. We went to the Clarendon Ballroom and thats when I was ready to end it, but nobody would leave. I had to stay there for too long afterwards while feeling like shit. I couldn't tell Becca about my glucose level being as high as they were because then I would have ruined everyone's night and we were all out to have a good time. As long as everyone else did, I'm happy. Finally I drove home to call my man who was sleeping :) He's so sweet.

So I didn't go to church this A.M. because I felt like I'd been rode hard and put away wet! Haha, not really...but I do feel like trash with my raccoon eyes! I know God forgives me. NO MORE MISSING CHURCH!

In other news, I've decided that I'm going to open my own little Boutique :) I will sell the hautest shoes, hautest handbags, hautest totes, hautest accessories and eventually the hautest Couture :) My friend Missy is a tee shirt whore and does some really phunkee shtuff to your basic tee making it haute and fashionable and I intend to sell some of her line as well. I'll have to post pictures of some of her work, she's a geniuous for sure. And the name of my Boutique will be " O, Yes"! Simply because everyone wants an "O, Yes". Like during an orgasm you want an 'O, Yes' and when you're shopping for shoes and you need a 7.5 and when you ask the associate for a 7.5, you want to hear an 'O, Yes'! So O' Yes will be the name and I'm satisfied with this. My dad finally knows and is totally supportive of me. While my Mom has no idea yet :) WISH ME LUCK! Everyone knows how bossy Mom tends to be. My dad is going to work on the lighting of the place asap and the wall decor is still undecided but it's a little early for that. I'm imagining a late October, early November opening :) I'm stoked for sure!!!

And My old High School coach Bobbi Hilliard and Brandi Strickler called me and asked if I could join them in helping them Coach my old Alma Mater's cheerleading squad and of course I accepted :) It's a long of time involved but I want to do it and I'm excited. It's every evening from 5:00 til 8:30 and I would have to sit in on some games occasionally. Which is all fine so I'm in :) She asked if I could just take a drug test!!! I remember the days when I used to fear this so much,but how times have changed :)

Becca wants to go get the boys some clothes for fall. She's afraid they'll get cold at school. Nevermind it's just September and it's still very warm weather here. Thats a Momma for ya, I guess.

"I guess one of my friends will have to get stabbed to get in your journal anymore" k, that was low! So this update is for my boy, T! Sexy T at that! Hopefully this makes you smile and hopefully you got laid lastnight. And you shouldn't lay around the casa completely naked when you have company over!!! George could get excited ;)

I'm listening to Sade's By Your Side and it's so sweet....reminds me of someone :)

Oh and have any of you seen the GUess Ad with Paris Hilton? She's a bimbo for sure, but she's so haute in them. She almost looks a bit classy. No kidding.

later.

September 11th

"This is a day when all Americans from all walks of life unite in our resolve for justice & peace, America has took down enemies before and we will do so this time, none of us will ever forget this day, yet we move forward to defend freedom and all that is good and just in our world" G.W. Bush

I can still remember exactly what I was doing, where I was and I still remember how scared I was. I was in class and it had just started. Some students were still getting their supplies out of their cubbies when Dr. Phenix came on the intercom and asked that every member of the staff please turn on their television sets with caution and he would be making announcements as to what to do momentarily. When I tuned in I saw the second plane smash into the 2nd tower. Nobody knew at that point what was going on. With the first plane going into the tower everyone thought it may have been an accident, but with the second one everyone knew we were under attack!

Moments later there was an announcement that told everyone to gather your students, all of their records and meet in the gymnasium. I did just that but then as I was calling my dad frantically I didn't get an answer and I was able to talk to mom at the bank where she informed me that we are indeed under attack and that the Pentagon was just hit and my father who still had clearances there was going to be there! I took my class to the gymnasium and I took off! As I was heading to McLean traffic was horrible and my cell phone no longer worked. I had no idea where any of my family was, I didn't know what to do at all. So when I got to my Mom's Becca was there and Ian pulled in right away with Haven and the boys. Haven didn't know that Dad was at a meeting at the Pentagon, when we told her she lost all control. As anyone would on such a fucked up day. Finally Mom & Dad pulled into the driveway and My dad & Ian talked alone and we didn't get to hear anything at all. We were all crying hysterically and when My brother saluted my father I knew something was wrong. He tried comforting us and telling us that it was a terrorist attack and it's under control but then the first tower was in shambles. And yet everything was going to be okay. My grandparents were going crazy as they were scared and were fearing the worst as we all were. Hearing the sirens blast thru the air, seeing all the traffic heading out of Washington --total pandomoniam. Seeing the images on tv where people were jumping to their deaths in tower 2, seeing people running in the streets and paper everywhere. No control at all. Nobody knew anything and our Commander in Chief was in Florida.

So we decided we were getting out of the target area and we went to my grandparents house in Luray and spent the next couple of days there. Adam, whom I was dating at that time met me at my grandparents house. He knew how scared I was and even with a broken arm he drove the 2.5 hours to be with me. My Mom & Adam bonded. We all actually talked about what we thought was happening and who we thought did it. I remember Isaiah & Chandler never had a care in the world and being the kids that they are they had no idea what was going on, Thank God! We spent the night in front of the tv, hoping and praying.

The next day Adam & I decided we needed to get away for a while and we drove into this quaint little town and on the Sign at the Bank it said "GOD BLESS AMERICA" and it dawned on me that it was never there before and finally we're all uniting together! And it didn't stop with a sign, there were Vets atop this bridge waving a big American Flag and everyone honking their horns and saluting these men.

And months later my Dad & I were at this gas station getting fuel and there were these Chinese tourist in front of the Pentagon all smiling and having their picture taken in front of the rubble when my Dad decided to chase them off! It was the funniest thing ever, but it pissed my father off that these people were laughing and smiling!!!

So my first visit to Battery Park was unforgettable. Even a year later there was still a huge memorial. There was still people on their knees crying, there was still memories and souls lost in this big hole. None of it still did not make any sense.

Three (3) years later it still doesn't, but time has a way of helping us heal and deal with our pain. There were so many lives lost. So many innocent lives lost because some fucked up man thought he was going to Heaven with 70 virgins! And each time I walk into Grand Central Station I think about how many people road the trains every day and how many road them that day to get to heaven.

I'm not going to be doing anything extravagant today. I'm going to say prayers through-out the day for everyone!

God is a loving God and he's a just God. God Bless!

Petty girls

and good drinx make for a good night. Spending 5 hours with my girls is sometimes too much. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!!

Tommorrow: Spend time with my girls!!!

Long Time No Update

It turns out that my fan club has been missing me! Not as much as I've missed them though! You guys have been great, even offering comfort to me and allowing me to drown in my sorrows and peeing on everyone's parade. This is what friends do though, right?

Thanx for all the prayers and thoughts for Eric & Nick. Nick is doing suprisingly well and Eric is still dealing with the trauma. I had previously told everyone Nick was stabbed 7 times when in fact, it was 9! What a man, right?! So Hector Ortiz is going to be formally charged with Attempted Murder. Thank God! Who does this shit? And who thinks they can fuck with my man?!!! Seriously though...they're very lucky boys.

The entire incident was broadcasted across NBC, CBS and local channels in Chicago because apparently this is considered odd behavior in the Gold Coast. The Sun-Times and the Tribune both reported on the incident for days, but was reported incorrectly several times., blaming it on road rage! Finally the Mooney's got it right!

After the accident I had an epiphany...I realized how special this man is to me. And the shit he put me thru wasn't easy to handle, but because I have some of the greatest friends in the world I made it thru! I don't think I can handle another though. So he's going to become tame again :)

As you're all well aware, I was going thru a crazy funk, but slowly I'm making a comeback--Lookout!

So today I ate poorly. I ate french fries :( Shame on me, but damn they were good and so satisfying. It's been a while since I actually had them, I missed them, tons even!

Tommorrow is going to be a busy day for sure. No playtime with Reece or Kennedy or Emma. All work. No play. But after 5:00 I'm getting so wasted! Dinner party with the girls on Saturday then it's on to shake my ass. Sunday I'm actually going to go to church and be the good girl everyone knows I am :)

The 17th I'm back to Chicago. Can't wait!

So...I need to get my roots bleached out. I just have to find the time to do it. I'm even contemplating on cutting some inches off. Who knows...I never follow thru with anything.

Anyone going to the Nascar Race on Saturday? I haven't decided yet...email me, tell me whats up.

I just smelled my shampoo and I'm having a moment. Yummy!

Embarrassing moment of the day: I was on my way home from work and beside me at a traffic light is a truck full of Jorge's, Mario's, Hector's staring and even smiling...then it dawned on me, they were watching me manhandle my tits! I admit that I'm a nerd. And so? I'm horny :) Nothing new though.

Goodnight all :)

Muah!

Pray Pray Pray

Just got a call from my Aunt Faith in Maryland, it seems as if my cousin's 8 month old daughter, Summer whom I was just with on Sunday at her older sister, Autumn's birthday party, fell out of her high chair and on to the kitchen floor. Summer's pupils aren't responding and she's going in and out of conciousness...She left in an ambulance as a priority 3, which isn't good.

So, pray for lil Summer...and hope for the best.

Sept 1st

Today is already September 1st. I can't believe it. June, July & August are easily my favorite months out of the year, probably because there is so much more to do.

Tonight is Sushi and Saki with Drew, I'm looking forwarded to that.

I have to make arrangements for Courtney's Bachlorette party. We're going to NYC, but I just have to set the date and stick to it. God knows I have problems with that.

Friday I'm going shopping, I think. I need to go shopping.

I had a indepth comversation with Married Mike yesterday. He says that he loves me and would do anything for me. Unfortunately, It's a little late for that. He's still seperated from his wife but the damage is done :( Do you guys remember how much I loved this man? It's crazy what a heartache will do for ya :)

Serendipity 3, YUMMY!

Lethargic

I'm so tired...

SLEEP DEPRIVATION SUCKS!!!

Nightmares suck.

Especially after you were awoken by a storm at 1:30 a.m only to find yourself too scared to go back to sleep, finally at 3:00 you realize you must or you'll feel like crap all day and when you do you have a big stupid nightmare that leaves you in tears because it's too real!

I've brushed my teeth twice already because I can't focus on anything other than the nightmare!

WORK

Happy Birthday

To Brandi :)

~ I have a meeting today with Linda Thornburgh and then I'm going to the office to work on some proposals. I need to catch up on work. I've been avoiding it. I think I'm just bitter that I'm not to get to teach this year :(

~ I did laundry and even folded clothes.

~ I ate Caramel Apple pie with French Vanilla icecream lastnight and I'm feeling like a cow.

~ I am going to start back on induction today. No more carb loading for me.

~ Next week I'm working out twice a day. I need to get better at working out.

~ Jennifer Keyser is in town with her partner, or wife! She went and tied the knot! Such an embarrassement to her brother Trey.

~ Isaiah returns to school on Monday. A big 2nd grader. I can't believe he's growing up. It's crazy.

~ Going out with the girls tonight. I think I'm going to stay sober. Or just drink enough Michelob Ultra's (2 carbs each) to get drunk.

~ Chad wants to go out on Saturday...I may take him up on his offer. He's tons of fun :)


Have a good day everyone :)

The Ghetto Fabulous

So they skip out on work to go shopping at this new mall. Miss B Haven called me at the crack of ass to see what I had planned for the day. After hearing about all the fun Mom, Becca, Jamie, Isaiah & Chan had while shopping, we decided that we needed to shop too. We went to this new mall, Colonial Mall. And the name says it all. Everything sucked. The stores were so 1999. Very plain, very boring stuff at boring retail prices. They did have a Neimans that looked as if everything was 2 seasons ago. I wasn't impressed much. All the other stores were off brand crap. Haven did manage to get a cute top for a steal at $2.49 on Clearance! After an overall disappointing day we decided that we were hungry. The day wouldn't be completely ghetto if we didn't eat from the Ghetto. So we decided that Taco Bell would be fitting. The Chicken Chalupa I had was filled with the right amount of grease and carbs that I love. Uh huh. Even the pimple faced taco bell cashier was rude to us. I think she overheard me telling Haven that she looked like a Before picture in a magazine for Clearsil. I'm harsh. She was rude and even overcharged me. I didn't complain though. She looked like she was doing community service anyway. Poor thang. After eating all of the unhealthy food we decided that it was time to go home. Everyone knows that my driving is poor and thats where I'll leave off at. It was :) No accidents but poor.

So it turns out that Eric read my journal yesterday and it has upset him. I have never hid anything from him and I have no reason to. After discussing everything, he was fine. I don't like the fact that he was upset though!

Haven asked me to babysit tonight, I agreed to. He's still asleep at 10 pm. He has this new skill of hitting me everytime I politely ask for a kiss. I don't get it!

I'm bored. I organized my desk, balanced my checkbook, took Matty on a Stroll along the parkway and even fed the ducks. Now, I'm here and I'm bored. No entertainment at all going on.

Goodnight

A

He's on the brain...

...Even at 5:30 A.M. I remembered him saying that he saw a car like mine and he thought of me. I remembered him saying "give me a call back sometime next week." I remember him telling me how everything is good with him. I know this isn't right, so I wish God would just let me forget about him. He's a great guy, wonderful even. I just don't want to spend so much time just thinking of him and wishing and wondering. This isn't fair to me, nor is it fair for anyone else (Eric, Scott) So...I just want to let go already.

I saw my new favorite commercial again with the Malibu car. This wasn't a car like mine, but the little girl is super cute. She's outside trying to perform magic by saying "Ta Da" and making the car start....after 2 failed attempts her daddy comes outside and shows her how to do it, think genie style, and while she does it he remotely starts it, keylessly and she's totally fascinated by that and they're all happy and they get in the car and drive off :) Super Cute. This Malibu isn't like mine. My car is more of a 'geeky' car. I'll take some pictures and post a link for now...I luv my car. Most of all, a lot of people aren't driving them around here yet. I'm a trendsetter I tell ya!!!

http://www.chevrolet.com/malibu/gallery.jsp


Yesterday on Oprah, did anyone catch it? TOTALLY FREAKING NUTS!!! Kids are wanting sex changes and hoping that they're boobs and penis' will fall off! HOLY HELL! And the crazy part is that their parents are 'supportive'. It's so crazy to think that there are people out there that are cool with the whole gender bending thing....I'd be spanking some ass for sure.

Have a good one :)


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