Give Me a Kleenex, I'll Wipe Your Nose Too.

It’s impossible to immerse yourself in a new job, to live it, breathe it, and not find yourself changed by it.

The proof of this change came last week over dinner with friends….

While sitting with friends (some old, some new), the cute guy two seats down from me put down his napkin and said that he couldn’t eat another bite of his sandwich because he was full.

I promptly replied “See if you can eat two more bites. Then you can be done.”

It wasn’t until I looked up from my meal and heard everyone laughing did I remember that I wasn’t eating my meal with picky 8 year olds who hate eating their lunch.

But for the record, the guy DID eat two more bites. And then we shared a dessert.

Something an 8 year old would never do.

My Uncomfortable Zone.

Like Pavlov’s dogs, I’m learning that certain triggers will send me into an unplanned response. More specifically, certain phrases will send me into a blood curdling, hair tingling, cold and uncomfortable sweat that will prompt me to lie in the fetal position under my bed and drink whiskey until I think I AM Johnny Cash.

Okay, I exaggerate, but here are some phrases that make me prone to fits of extreme rage, or you know, just uncomfortable or unhappy…

- “I signed us up for karokee, stop drinking so fast, let’s do this song sober!”

- “Hi there, this is the Internal Revenue Service. Can we please speak to Amaya?”

- “You’re late” (I hate,hate, HATE being late)

- “It’s time for a pap smear!”

- ” I think you are silly/cute/a joke”.

- “It broke” (And to quote Louis Armstrong, ‘if you have to ask, you’ll never know’)

- “Now, I know we said we weren’t going to cut a lot of hair off this time, but I thought these Heidi Klume bangs would really suit you. Hey, why are you crying?”

- “Nope, we don’t have you booked on this airplane, sorry! Now can you step aside for the next person in line?”

- “You're car is totalled."

- “I don’t want to date you anymore, but happy birthday.”

- “Ma’am, I need to see your license and registration”

- "I have been going to dinner and movies with a gal pal."

- “You’re a democrat? Wow, I would have totally pegged you as a Republican.” (this one was more funny, but I was shocked nonetheless)

- “I don’t watch The Office. Wait, why are you looking at me like that? What’s wrong?”

And of course, the ever popular, never appreciated

- “I have some bad news”

Instant Gratification in an Instant World.

We live in an instant world. Instant coffee, instant messaging, instant car starters. We wait for nothing. We can fast forward our commercials, email our letters and drive-thru for our meals.
Everything happens so quick that when I actually am forced to wait for something; eggs to cook, Saturdays paper, a doctor to see me, life suddenly seems to move very slow. Too slow. Unbearably slow.

While toe-tapping and watch checking this morning waiting for an airline flight confirmation, I got to thinking about what is WORTH waiting for. What would I never want to be found quicker, what I wouldn’t want to experience sooner, what I would hate for technology to ’speed up’. My list of what’s worth waiting for includes…

- homemade pie crust. Actually, any food that’s homemade. Instant potatoes scare me more than Tara Reid.

- babies.

- the third date kiss. Not the “it’s the third date so we should kiss”, but the “I’m so excited about you, I need to kiss you” kind.

- a proper goodbye.

- handwritten letters in the mail that confirm I’m not the only one who misspells “foreign”.

- my birthday.

- someone who loves you even on the days (most especially on the days) you don’t love yourself.

- garden peas.

- the shoes you adore (but cost more than your grandmother's car) to come on sale.

- a glued macaroni picture addressed to you in crayon.

- an “I love you” to be said sober, fully clothed and vertical.

- movie sequels with an actual plot.

- waiting in line to meet Cinderella.

- an explanation for a broken heart, missed lunch appointment or $489 vehicle repair bill.

- seeing your favorite piece of artwork so close up your eyes can trace the paint strokes and find the pieces of hair stuck in the paint.

- the perfect dress.

Suddenly waiting doesn’t seem so bad.

Happy Birthday Dr. Suess

I’m sitting here in my classroom- one that was so ugly when I first met it, I almost cried. It was a thousand shades of beige with ripped construction paper and borders that didn’t quite meet around bulletin boards. It had dirty walls, smeared windows and it smelled like my grandmother’s basement. It had torn posters haphazardly dangling from the last cold remnants of sticky tack, a small collection of tattered books housed in a dirty plastic bin and 10 lonely desks stood in the center of the room.

I look around now. I have brightly colored material stretched over each bulletin board, cheerful border lining each one. I have a dazzling collection of books- on Robin Hood and magic and planets and a boy named Fudge filling a wooden bookcase and labeled bins and sorted in magazine holders. I have 19 desks filled with pencils and crayola markers and papers lined with thoughts of people young enough to still be brave enough to write down their wildest ideas. I have an orchid blooming at a reading table, the Mona Lisa hangs from the wall looking down and I have three dozen gorgeously fat tulips blooming on my desk. It is a room that vibrates with potential and possibility and excitement when you enter. It is absolutely everything I ever wanted my classroom to be.

The funny thing is, I’ve been missing it. September curb stomped me, wore me down until I was nothing but a shell that rose each morning at 5:20 am and came home each evening at 4:30 pm. I’ve been crabby and tired and when I looked around my room instead of seeing the colors and flowers and solved math problems of my genius class stapled to the bulletin board, I saw unfinished marking, the need for more books, a to-do list that multiplied every second I took my eyes away. I saw everything it wasn’t instead of what it was.

I have a poster hanging in my room. It’s a Dr. Seuss quote- one of my favorites, it says

"You have brains in your head

and shoes on your feet.

You can steer yourself

in any direction you choose."

I’m so quick to tell me students they can do anything, be anyone, accomplish anything- that I’ve been forgetting that I can do the same too. I can steer myself any direction I choose- even steer myself away from a career responsible, (but soul depleting) schedule that leaves me aching for more and settling for less. And sometimes accomplishing less- spending less time at the school, quitting before the sun has left the sky, refusing to battle the photocopier one more time, is doing more. Sometimes crossing off fewer things on your to-do list (or just chucking the to-do list altogether) provides a kind of sanity you can’t find anywhere else.

Happy Birthday Dr. Seuss.