My Daddy

I couldn't sleep last night at all. I was hysterical all night. I stay up to watch daddy sleep. I check his pulse around the clock. I'm scared to death of the unknown. He's deteriorated so much within the last few months. He is weaker, yet He's so strong.

I keep trying to prepare myself mentally and I can't even imagine one day without his smile, his wink that he's been giving me since I was a little girl. I remember at the dinner table as a child asking him why he always winks at me, he said because he loves me! Til this day it's the only thing that makes me feel better when he's not feeling well. I can't imagine a day, week, month, anything without him here. I've always been a daddy's girl. I always will be.

I remember for my 10th birthday he asked me what I would want for my birthday. I told him that I wanted a barbie. He said no, that I had enough barbies. I was devastated because the newest Barbie was now a Bride!!! That evening he came home with the prettiest, brightest blue bike I had ever laid my eyes on. It was affixed with a white basket on the front with streamers on the handlebars and the coolest banana seat ever!!! I was the envy of the neighborhood. Everyone wanted to ride my bike. I treated it as if it were gold. I parked my bike inside my house everynight because I wanted nobody to ride it and I wanted to keep my eye on it at all times! It was probably the bestest birthday ever for me. I don't remember him being sick at all. We were all happy.

It may seem weird, but thinking back when it was any of my brothers or sisters birthdays my mother was always in charge of the cake, the party, etc. It's so odd because for my birthdays I only remember daddy bringing home the birthday cake for me and putting together my parties. I remember my 11th birthday cake was white with red roses on it. It was a round chocolate cake. My mother never put together any of my birthday parties, only daddy. And now, I wouldn't have had it any other way. He knew how to throw a party. He also gives the best gifts. The coolest Cabbage Patch Kids dolls were his specialty. We were obsessed with the Garbage Patch Kids trading cards. They were utterly disgusting. They were downright gross! Mom never wanted us to have them....daddy would sneak them to us!!! He would always let us have a sip of beer when he was drinking. He is the coolest!

I just pray for more time with him. I'm needy and greedy that way. I love him so much. I have put my life on hold for him. He's irreplaceable.

Signed,

Daddy's Little Girl

Update

Daddy was sent home on Monday and is doing well thus far. Its been scary and uncertain. Please keep him in your prayers.

Tonight my neighbor came running to my door. When I opened it he asked me to help his wife. My brother, Becca, Mom and I ran over to the house to find Kathy lying cold and dead on her sofa in her house while watching American Idol. My brother helped put her on the floor to try and recessitate her. It was unsuccessful. The mother was hysterical. Her husband was hysterical too. He asked to speak to her before they took her. She was purple. She was cold. Kathy died. Unbelievable. My heart is just broken. I wasn't really close to her, but we always spoke, we always helped each other out. Her father died last year and I of course helped her then. Her mother, her husband are left. She was the only licensed driver. She was young. Lisa came in and tried to help her too. It was unsuccessful.

Kris won American Idol. Kathy and her mother came home early to watch it. I hope she voted for Kris. I think she would be proud.

My relationship with God has been growing a lot closer lately. I've been a stranger in his house but I'm getting better.

A lil bit of Perfection

· The perfect outfit: Jeans, adorable shirt and flip flops

· The perfect meal: Man I love food questions. Seriously. I read the first part of this question and then spent the next 10 minutes in a food daydream reminiscing over all the meals I’ve ever had and almost orgasmed thinking about a pasta dinner @ Coco Pazzo in Chi town. I do love a lot of different foods but today my perfect meal would be a beer, a hot dog with the works, and a funnel cake.

· The perfect hangover cure: Greasy breakfast food, Advil and the warm embrace of my bed.

· The perfect road trip: The one I took a few years ago with my girlfriends. We ended up in the middle of nowhere. I think it was Falling Waters WV!

· The perfect facial feature: I’m throwing out the cliche and going with a smile.

· The perfect drink: Depends on my mood. But my top 3? 1) Crystal Light Peach Tea 2) Bacardi and Coke 3) H20

· The perfect song: Sexy Back by JT, Irreplaceable by Beyonce, or These Are The Days by Van Morrison

· The perfect sign of affection: Reminding me that The Apprentice is on. Seriously. A dude capable of remembering when a show is on that he hates but reminds me of it because he knows I like it? That’s good stuff.

· The perfect afternoon: Patio with friends, slurping slushy drinks and talking about nothing that matters.

· The perfect vacation: So, Cal when I was 23, Falling asleep on the beach being cuddled by a charming Cali boy. WHATS NOT TO LOVE?

· The perfect invention: Superglue OR my hair straightener

· The perfect type of wedding: One that takes place somewhere other than here! Surfside at sunset at my parents house in Corolla

· The perfect album: The HITS by Aerosmith. Trust ME!

· The perfect accent: When it comes to loving accents- I’m an equal opportunity girl. I love them all.

· The perfect date: Bowling. It’s a perfect opportunity to drink beer and test out the trash talking. Plus you get a legitimate reason to stare at your dates ass. Yes, I’ve given this a lot of thought.

· The perfect weather: 70’s, clear skies. Bring on the tan!

· The perfect party: Anything with good friends, a theme, a keg and men who think I’m adorable.

· The perfect sport: Baseball

· The perfect thing to say: “I adore the way you: ____________ ” (insert anything that you never previously realized you did or ever thought was adorable. Examples: scrunching your nose while reading the paper, snoring, and/or clap your hands when you get excited).

· The perfect day of the week: Thursday. It has the excitement of a Friday but with better television programming.

I'm starting to feel more like myself again. I've been spending a great deal of time with Lisa. Lisa is fun and crazy. Not to be confused with Kennedy's mother, Lisa. This Lisa is trouble! Haha!

Nothing new to report. All is well!