It's Saturday and I feel so shitty. This is probably the first Saturday in forever that I haven't been shopping. I'm misty eyed and jaded.
I spoke to Eric yesterday and the more I think about him the more I lose interest. I keep hearing him tell me how his opinion of me has changed....(PUKE! ) My thoughts are If you don't like it, forget it! He doesn't like me anyway. I think he's just interested in sex. He has potential to be awesome. He's super funny, handsome, but soooo tense at times. Everytime I say something sarcastically, I have to tell him--JOKE or he takes me seriously. I guess thats going to go far.
Today I'm starting induction. I'm going to stay under 20 carbs for the next two weeks. I've been eating poorly the last few days. Not anymore. Zippy carbs for Maya :) Sugar what?
I'm listening to Ave Maria and I think I'm going to just cry myself a river. Time to change it up a notch... lets see...Now, it's Sade's By Your Side--I think of Kat telling me lastnight that she had been with her husband throughout the entire stay in the hospital...and she wouldn't have it any other way. She loved every minute she got to spend with him. "When you're cold, I'll be there to hold you tight to me". Gosh, I'm weak, dammit!
I need to stop feeling so sad. Death is depressing and I feel like its all around me. There is normally 3 in a row....I'm wondering who the hell is next???? "The Wages of Sin is Death" Kat's father, My uncle, has Cancer as well and isn't expected to survive much longer either...My heart goes out to her. But she's keeping the faith. One of my favorite quotes "God only gives me as much as I can handle, I just wish he didn't trust me so much" I'm sure that's what Kat's feeling this a.m.
I can't dwell on this. I have to think of something more positive. I think I'm going to go run and just release some tention. And after that I think I'm going to go shopping. That always feels good.
So...
Amaya complains a lot. Mostly about petty shit too. MEN > LOVE LOST> DAY TO DAY LIFE....whatever it is....I complain a hell of lot! I rarely am grateful for much anymore. I think that all started when M decided to walk out of my life. I've never been bitter. I am now as a result. I've got to get over this hump, til then I'm phucked.
I live a good life. I do as I please. I work hard, I travel often, date casually, fuck seriously, and complain often....K. I made myself laugh. Seriously, God has been good to me. I beat AML, I have a great family who loves me, supports me 100% who will do anything for me. These people are my everything. And I concentrate so much on random guys when in reality only 2 have been good enough to be apart of my family...Everyone knows that's Adam & Aaron.
Adam--24, All American Boy who served in the Navy, Loves his family as much as I do, he's so passionate about me. I'm convinced that no guy will ever love me as much as he does or did. He loves me, flaws & all.
Saturday, July 31, 2004
Updating...
Today has been a real challenge for me. I woke up to the news that My cousin's husband had died almost immeadiately after I was there at the hospital lastnight. I knew he wouldn't live much longer, but he was taken too damn quick. He's out of his misery now. He's no longer suffering. He was such a nice man. Always smiling, always friendly. I wasn't that close to him, but it hurts to see my family hurting. I'm extremely sensitive. I cry at the drop of a hat.
It's still so freaking hard to believe. He was so young. Mom always says that God takes his angels first....
Becca, Missy, Eric, Emma & I went to dinner tonight and totally pigged out. tons of dessert, pastas, wines, and a lot of Calamari later we ran into another cousin, Allen, who was in town because of the death in our family...we all just vented to each other and hugged and it felt so good to express all of these feelings that I'm having...the shock, the sadness, the pain..He left to go visit my cousin, the 30 year old, who is now a freaking widow....Then I asked for our check and our server says that we have none! Shocked of course, we asked what she meant, so she said that Allen paid for everyone's dinner at our table! K...So nice of him, however, we had a really exspensive dinner. It was probably nearly somewhere around $200, including gratuity. So that made me smile. It was such a surprise and a totally sweet gesture. It made my evening better.
On a much better note, I got a call from Adam today...He has a bar now, is doing well. Talking to him though, it makes me miss him--for real. We probably won't be talking again for a while, but we'll see.
Scott is doing well. Eric is good too. Issaac is fantastic....
I've had lots of random conversations with "T", he's doing well. He wants Nicole back. He truly loves this woman. I think he's scared to let go of his pride and just tell her that he wants her and she wants him too, dammit!!! He emailed me an article about relationships and such, I can't bring myself to read it. He knows I can relate because of all the drama with M.M. He got wasted lastnight...I'm sure he's hungover now...sick too perhaps. He's so adoreable sometimes.....
It's nearly 2 am. I'm going to go to bed....
update more, later!
*~A~*
It's still so freaking hard to believe. He was so young. Mom always says that God takes his angels first....
Becca, Missy, Eric, Emma & I went to dinner tonight and totally pigged out. tons of dessert, pastas, wines, and a lot of Calamari later we ran into another cousin, Allen, who was in town because of the death in our family...we all just vented to each other and hugged and it felt so good to express all of these feelings that I'm having...the shock, the sadness, the pain..He left to go visit my cousin, the 30 year old, who is now a freaking widow....Then I asked for our check and our server says that we have none! Shocked of course, we asked what she meant, so she said that Allen paid for everyone's dinner at our table! K...So nice of him, however, we had a really exspensive dinner. It was probably nearly somewhere around $200, including gratuity. So that made me smile. It was such a surprise and a totally sweet gesture. It made my evening better.
On a much better note, I got a call from Adam today...He has a bar now, is doing well. Talking to him though, it makes me miss him--for real. We probably won't be talking again for a while, but we'll see.
Scott is doing well. Eric is good too. Issaac is fantastic....
I've had lots of random conversations with "T", he's doing well. He wants Nicole back. He truly loves this woman. I think he's scared to let go of his pride and just tell her that he wants her and she wants him too, dammit!!! He emailed me an article about relationships and such, I can't bring myself to read it. He knows I can relate because of all the drama with M.M. He got wasted lastnight...I'm sure he's hungover now...sick too perhaps. He's so adoreable sometimes.....
It's nearly 2 am. I'm going to go to bed....
update more, later!
*~A~*
Updating...
Today has been a real challenge for me. I woke up to the news that My cousin's husband had died almost immeadiately after I was there at the hospital lastnight. I knew he wouldn't live much longer, but he was taken too damn quick. He's out of his misery now. He's no longer suffering. He was such a nice man. Always smiling, always friendly. I wasn't that close to him, but it hurts to see my family hurting. I'm extremely sensitive. I cry at the drop of a hat.
It's still so freaking hard to believe. He was so young. Mckground pic-->
Name: Soo Ling
Age: 18 (legal age liao!!)
DOB: 08 June 1986
School: Temasek Polytechnic
Course: Business IT
Nickname: rabbit
It's still so freaking hard to believe. He was so young. Mckground pic-->
Name: Soo Ling
Age: 18 (legal age liao!!)
DOB: 08 June 1986
School: Temasek Polytechnic
Course: Business IT
Nickname: rabbit
About Me
- Tickled Pink
- 29 year old blonde from Mclean. I love writing. My creativity is my driving force, I lust for inspiration. I see beauty in simplicity and am fascinated by the world in which I live. I'm a bleeding heart, I'm hopeless. Relentless. Curious. I write as often as I'm able to, I love to record my experiences. I'm only going to have one life. I want to remember the tiny, beautiful, sad, and seemingly insignificant moments that are special only to me. Writing is at the heart of who I am; it is what defines me, drives me, compells me. Our memories are our snapshots, our dialogues are the words on our pages. We are epic stories, engaging characters, unique experiences. We are life. I am fortunate enough to have the most amazing, understanding, intriguing, and supportive group of close friends and family. I can't stomach ignorance, or intolerance. I am well educated, well-spoken, and well-read. I value intelligence, creativity, and open-mindedness in others. I'm not proud of every decision I've made, but I believe that that comes with the territory. I love to talk, and I love it even more when I have an intelligent partner for conversation.