Knowing Myself and Knowing I'm not Like Meg Ryan

It's taken me 32 years to fully accept this but I’m finally there. I never wanted to be current Meg Ryan (I like the size of my lips just fine), I always had hopes of being Meg Ryan of yesterday. You know, “When Harry Met Sally” Meg Ryan or even better “When You’ve Got Mail” Meg Ryan. When people see her in those movies they throw around words like ‘adorable’ and ‘endearing’ and who doesn’t want to be that? Plus she was the poster girl for how quirky could be sexy. And when you are 5″4 clumsy and don’t own red lipstick? You embrace quirky like a warm blanket on a cold night.

The thing is, Meg Ryan (or more accurately her character- yes, I do blur the lines between fantasy and reality on a regular basis. Perhaps this is why Ryan Reynolds isn’t returning my calls?), differ in one important area. Okay, if you count the ability to wake up with great hair, we differ in TWO areas. I will never be a girl who cuddles while sleeping.

See, if you watch any Meg movie (or any movie geared towards those possessing ovaries) you will notice that the classic “couple sleep” pose is man on his back, woman splaying herself all over him, cuddled up like a koala bear clinging to a tree branch. And she’s always fast asleep, her face nuzzled in the perfectly groomed chest hair of a man who manages to pull off the trifecta of being sexy, funny and able to say exactly the right thing before the two hour movie is up.

I can’t do that. I need my space.

It’s not that I’m anti- cuddling, I enjoy a cuddle as much as the next girl- but when it comes to sleep? I need some room. And not “you move one inch over but let’s still hold hands when we sleep” space. I need “stay on your side” sort of space. Legs can tangle, arms can drift- and I actually like the idea of them being close enough that I can feel the warmth of their body near mine but a whole body smashed up against mine while I’m working on getting some REM cycles? No thanks. There are roughly 901 things a couple can do in bed (thanks Cosmo for setting unrealistic expectations for all future bed partners) but sleeping is one that I have to do alone.

I’ve been thinking about this lately and when it comes to actual dating- I’m the same way. I sleep how I love. I’m all for couple time but I’ve never understood the couples who have to do everything together. I cringe knowing that this cliche is going to leave my brain but I need space. I need time away, time alone. Maybe this is just growing out of a particular phase or maybe it’s just growing up- realizing independence isn’t a dirty word. But I need a world where I can sleep without being crushed by the weight of you. I’m a small person after all.

I wish just one time Meg Ryan would have told a man she needed some sleeping room. That there’s a fine line between basking in the heat radiating off the one person you adore and feeling the crushing weight of their body while attempting to get sleep after practicing some moves learned in the last issue of Cosmo. I wish Meg would have said she could do a million things with the man she loved but sleep was something she needed to do alone. I wish she would have one time told a man that telling him to shove over to his side didn’t mean she loved him less- it meant she loved him enough to show him this side of her. I wish she would have said that it’s important to spend time a part- even in bed, because in the morning when you reach across the tangled galaxy of blankets and pillows and find someone on the other side reaching back for you, well that’s the best feeling in the world.

I Can Relate

She Asked Me A 30 Something Single Girl For Advice!

You know, I get it. Me giving marriage advice is like, Lindsay Lohan giving tips on sobriety. Or Kanye West give lessons on modesty. Or Jenna Jameson talking about the virtues of virginity.

I think I just compared myself to a porn star.

Let’s just move along.

As many of you know, the always lovely Laura is getting married. What you may not know is that she’s been my secret idol since she she met Chelsea Clinton and I may or may not have volunteered my life (more than once) to getting her into public office (Laura, not Chelsea). She’s the kind of girl I’m insanely jealous of- she’s funny and thoughtful and honest. She goes to see Billy Joel in concert and she fully understands any of my tweets and Plus? She watches "NCIS" and knows how damn hot Gibbs is.

So when I was asked if I wanted to participate in a shower of course I said yes. I decided that although I may not be married, I know plenty of very lovely people who are and decided to ask them to open their knowledge basket and share what they thought made marriages last. Here are some of my favorite (direct quotes) from people I know (and people I wish I did) giving marriage advice.

1. “Always be the first person to say sorry. Not only will you look like the bigger person, but it’s great to bring up the next time you fight. It’s automatic leverage!” (I think this person was kidding).



2. “Keep the fights clean and the sex dirty”- Kevin Bacon


3. “Make it easy for him to remember why he married you” uncle John (which? Was sort of a rip-off of another piece of advice he once gave me)

4. “Have sex in your friends bathroom”- Jada Pinkett Smith (okay, she said it differently, but I like my version better).

5. "Be kind.”

I am so, so happy for Miss Laura and can’t wait to hear all about her married life. I wish her nothing but the very best and plenty of #4. Congratulations on getting married lovely!

And I'm going to enjoy this beautiful wedding!