As the World Turns

Man, has it ever been a long time since I've done this. I think I forgot how. I guess I just wanted to leave my mark for the month of April.

Lately, I've been kind of stepping away from the online social scene -- even the ones that involve "real" friends like Facebook. I've become quite disconnected with this side of life. I guess it seems that for me, as my 3D life becomes more full, this one becomes somewhat deflated. Connections that were so close have all but faded. This entire world seems like a dream.

I'm becoming more settled in some aspects of my life, but more disheveled in other areas. Or maybe not more disheveled ... maybe it feels that way because it's more of a focus. Who knows how the mind works.

 I'm doing much better than I was! Sometimes I feel like just as I am making headway with my thoughts and my feelings and with the whole nature of how the Universe works, I come across land mines.

I'm walking along my jolly way and then, BOOM, something explodes in my face (like my car)  just waiting for my reaction. It's almost like it's a test ... this girl says she's changing her thought patterns, eh?  Well, let's find out for ourselves.

I'm human. In that moment, I see disaster. I don't see a way out. I see me 1 year  ago when I could barely breathe.

But then I just take that deep breath. And I close my eyes. And I remember that I fashion my life -- not outside circumstances.

I decide how my life will be and what I will focus on. It's a powerful thing when you realize that with just a little brain work, you can let the things that used to paralyze you for days completely roll off your shoulder with nothing more than a hint of residue.

It's the weekend of my 34th birthday. I'm astonished at how much I've evolved!  I'm happy with who I've become! 34 can only get better. 

I have 39 days until the end of the school year and yes, I'm happy! My agenda is filled with summer travel plans. 

I will write more often here as I've always found peace here.  Happy April!

You missed me

You know when you're in a relationship that just isn't working for whatever reason, but because you're in the thick of it you can't see clearly enough to get why or get out?

That's what blogging became for me - it's not you, it's me. No, really - for whatever reason writing became more of a daily chore. More about reader numbers and meeting some invisible, entirely self-imposed expectations than losing myself in the writing and in the companionship, the original reasons I got into this here interwebs deal. Silly, isn't it? I don't know how I got there, but . . .

It has also grown, um, weird putting my personal life on the internet, particularly with more real-life friends - hi, real-life friends! - (yes, I have a few) (pinky swear) - reading here, a sort of one-sided TMI experiment that made for some awkward conversations.

I've hit this blogging speed bump before, and this too shall pass. I'll find a new path, a different way to enjoy writing. I do miss the writing, the picture taking, and - most importantly - you all.

Until then, however, backing away seems like the right answer, and I'm really enjoying the time it has freed up for me to re-focus on the little big things: my students!