The End.

Within the past week or so I've had several people mention closure to me.

The relationship has ended and they want, need, are desperately seeking, closure.

K.

Here's what I think about closure. It's a myth. You can try to seek out the closure with the other person, you can try to have the relationship ending conversation, you can try to not hurt the other person's feelings by having whatever imaginary conversation in your head only to try and have it replayed in an actual conversation with the person, but let's face it, that conversation from head to mouth never takes place.

I need closure.

I think if I just talked to him then I will get the closure I need and be able to move on.

"Bullshit". Never gonna happen. Any 'closure' you may have already reached in your time apart is going to be sprung wide open and you will have to start all over again because you keep talking to each other. You keep picking at the wound. Let the wound heal. Stop talking for a few months, then talk to each other. Move on from each other and then see where you both are after that.

Closure is a myth.

Time.

Time is what is needed for two people to move on.

I had a friend who was talking about the need for closure and I was telling her everything she didn't want to hear, but it was the truth not some garbage she was hoping to have reinforced by someone older.

She asked me, "Well, how did you move on? You seem like the most independent person I know and like you don't need anyone. How do you do it."(Internally rolling my eyes)

"Well, I just don't talk about it. And time. I've remained friends with all of my ex's, but not right off the bat. We didn't talk, we moved onto other relationships and then we became friends.

The "closure" happened months, years later and not because of anything that was said, it was time."

Here's another thought. I don't talk about my ex's. I'm sure some people might think I never date or have sex, because believe it or not unless you are a close friend, I see no need to blab about it to everyone I encounter. (Obviously, the blog is my outlet.)People who seek closure are perhaps the one who have done something wrong in the relationship. Maybe the people who seek closure are the ones who have the need to make-up, heal because of something they did wrong.

In all of my major relationships I was cheated on. I had no need for closure. I just needed to heal. The men, within a few months, all called me up and left some sort of message on my machine when they knew I wouldn't be home apologizing and wanting to talk to me. Within a day or two I would call. They needed closure, they were sorry.

K.

I've moved on. You messed up. You had a good thing and YOU messed up. YOU cheated on ME.If you need to talk, then talk, but I'm not going to forgive you if that's what you're looking for. Deal with it. The "closure" you're seeking from me? It ain't gonna happen.

Maybe the ones who seek the myth called closure are really the ones who messed up in some way in the relationship.I've never messed up, (seriously, cheating was the breaking factor in all of the realtionships. Dating, that's another story, but relationships I had no need for closure. No messing up on my part and all of the men will back me up on this. I'm a damn good girlfriend. I just choose badly. Anyway.)

Closure is a myth. Time is the reality that pain takes time to heal.

Boo hooo

I'm coming down with another f'ing cold. Sore throat came on last night. Ughhhhhhhhhhh. This is only the second cold I've had in all of 2010. I blame lack of sleep, 20 sick kids that sneeze on ya, not pretty.

Winter Blues

I’m sad.

The beauty behind this, is that I knew it was coming. I could feel it- the same way you feel autumn on a really hot August day. A breeze wanders through your hair and you smell fall, you smell change. And you promise yourself that you are going to capture every last ray of summer because you know colder weather is coming and you want to put it off for as long as possible. You attempt to hold onto something that you can’t keep. Yes, it’s exactly like that.

When I say I’m sad, I don’t mean I feel like crying. Crying implies effort, and that is something I can’t afford to waste on tears. And there’s no reason. Or there’s too many- the post holiday slump leaves me feeling nostalgic for days I won’t see again for a long time, the sun is hardly out, I miss people I don’t see, I’ve got 5 hours of sleep in the last two days, I am about to mark an anniversary no one should ever mark. And of course, there’s the knowledge that such sweeping feelings of melancholy run in my family. For some reason, knowing that it runs in my family makes me feel like I have a free pass to a club no one wants to join.

Today everything seems like too much effort. Showering, dressing, brushing my hair. I want to lay down in blankets and nap. I don’t want to answer the phone, the door or an email. I want to sleep until I feel better, until I feel different- but if I’m not awake- how will I know anything has changed?

I know this will pass. I will go out into the grey afternoon and blaze a trail running through the woods until I reach the lake until I’m out of breath. I will do this because I know that exercise will make me feel better. I will come inside and make plans with friends who know how to make me laugh and when to let me cry. I will call them because I know that talking to others will make me feel better. I will return home, have a hot shower and lay freshly scrubbed in dryer-warmed pajamas. I will make this effort because I know it will make me feel better. I will close my eyes and search for sleep. Pray for sleep. Because I know sleep will make me feel better.

And I will wake up tommorrow and hope that I will feel better.

The good news

I've lost 3 lbs. so far this year. It's hard to work out when you feel like crap.

MIA

It's been a while :) I've been under the weather with a cold and strep. Not pretty. I'm taking care of myself and will be back in full affect in a few days. I think.

Love,
A