Enough said. I won't be mentioning his name anymore and their won't be anymore reference to that womanizing pig. I can't believe he's meeting up with GIRLS while here. Am I stupid? Not a phone call from him yet. A text message that says that he didn't get my message until late lastnight. He was busy. GOOD ONE. FUCKER. No matter where he is, who he's with, he's always too busy for me. I'm so done. PUKE!
Friday, January 28, 2005
Dear God
Please tell me why I even bother. Please give me the strength to realize that this guy truly is a freaking jerk! Please help me stay away from him. I don't need him in my life so please help me to stop trying to contact him!!! Please. I was once this girl with pride that would never call a guy. Where the hell is she??? He makes me weak, but you can make me strong and I'm putting all of this in YOUR hands.
Amaya
So Eric is in town with his boys and I've tried contacting him now not once, twice, four, but 6 or more times! He doesn't answer his phone and he doesn't call me back. I got the hint but everytime I think about it, it pisses me off. I want to just go to his hotel room and slap his face. FUCK. Does he know who the fuck I am? And why I bother, I don't know. I think I need a wake up call. He's not accpeting my calls nor is he responding to text messages. Am I really this desperate? For God's sake, he fucked me over. Why am I stressing and why am I begging for an invite from him to just hang out and say hi? I'm making myself upset by trying too hard. I know that he's a jerk and God forbid I should ever talk to him again. I'm going back to the hospital. Perhaps I'll make myself available tonight. NO. FUCK NO I WON"T. This guy has been a complete waste of my time and look at me, I don't think i've batted my eyelashes this much in forever!!!!! Stress! I'm giving up on men. Back to see my brother.
Amaya
So Eric is in town with his boys and I've tried contacting him now not once, twice, four, but 6 or more times! He doesn't answer his phone and he doesn't call me back. I got the hint but everytime I think about it, it pisses me off. I want to just go to his hotel room and slap his face. FUCK. Does he know who the fuck I am? And why I bother, I don't know. I think I need a wake up call. He's not accpeting my calls nor is he responding to text messages. Am I really this desperate? For God's sake, he fucked me over. Why am I stressing and why am I begging for an invite from him to just hang out and say hi? I'm making myself upset by trying too hard. I know that he's a jerk and God forbid I should ever talk to him again. I'm going back to the hospital. Perhaps I'll make myself available tonight. NO. FUCK NO I WON"T. This guy has been a complete waste of my time and look at me, I don't think i've batted my eyelashes this much in forever!!!!! Stress! I'm giving up on men. Back to see my brother.
Thursday, January 27, 2005
::**MEN**:: is there anything else?
Eric and I have been done for nearly two weeks now. Being the too kind person that I am, I contacted him via email and phone to see if he basically needed any help getting around in unfamiliar territory. Afterall he's bringing all of his boys now and yes, we know the woman loving man is bringing girls too! I swallowed my pride and called him. What the fuck is wrong with me. I've left two messages. I must be crazy. Or just a glutton for punishment. I guess it's time I just move on. With that said...
I do have more important things to vent about...starting with my brother. He went to physical therapy on Tuesday and they sent him to get a sonagram right away because of a swollen, red, warm to the touch knot on his knee. They confirmed what his therapist feared, he had a blood clot! He was admitted and by Wednesday evening the clot had moved from his knee to his thigh and this morning it was still in his abdomen which is DANGEROUS. Dr's are worried. He's on blood thinners and he can't even move. He can't shower, my mother has to give him a sponge bath and he can't get angry or excited at anything. He's in good spirits and says that everything is fine....And IT BETTER BE! This morning my dad went into surgery. My brother isn't aware though because it could make him upset....Worried even. So I have to go and stay with my brother while Mom and Becca and Haven and Jordan all rotate hospitals. This is too much shit to deal with. I think I'm taking the next shuttle to the nearest planet!!!
I've decided that it's time for a change. I'm never happy in one setting for long anyway. I'm thinking of purchasing a new house in the Great Falls area of NOVA. I'm looking at a 4 bedroom, 4 bathroom on a golf course. It's absolutely breathtaking. I've been thinking about chopping off the hair again...what do you think? Just shoulder length. Nothing TOO drastic. It would be a great length by the time summer gets here and it's time for a change. You'd think I was running for an office. I'll quit.
So Eric and the boys are in town tonight. Should be fun for them. In my email I told him some places he should go. Hopefully he'll trust me. I wouldn't lead astray.
Married Mike keeps calling my cell. He's must sense that I'm fucking vulrenable as all hell. He knows me too well. He's always had a sick six sense when it came to me. He always knew. I think it's about time I change my phone numbers. I have to sever ties and if I cut out communication it would be a good start!!!
Look at me. This entire post has been about the men! Most have betrayed me. I guess I'll just continue loving my brothers and my father. I know they'll never hurt me, only protect me.
Eric, if you read this....I have tried calling you 4 times now, even leaving messages and emails. I guess you're too busy!!! Ha ha. Point taken. So I'm writing you off right now. I don't want anymore emails about how much you love me and we could make things work....I've tried too many times. Best of luck.
Amaya
I do have more important things to vent about...starting with my brother. He went to physical therapy on Tuesday and they sent him to get a sonagram right away because of a swollen, red, warm to the touch knot on his knee. They confirmed what his therapist feared, he had a blood clot! He was admitted and by Wednesday evening the clot had moved from his knee to his thigh and this morning it was still in his abdomen which is DANGEROUS. Dr's are worried. He's on blood thinners and he can't even move. He can't shower, my mother has to give him a sponge bath and he can't get angry or excited at anything. He's in good spirits and says that everything is fine....And IT BETTER BE! This morning my dad went into surgery. My brother isn't aware though because it could make him upset....Worried even. So I have to go and stay with my brother while Mom and Becca and Haven and Jordan all rotate hospitals. This is too much shit to deal with. I think I'm taking the next shuttle to the nearest planet!!!
I've decided that it's time for a change. I'm never happy in one setting for long anyway. I'm thinking of purchasing a new house in the Great Falls area of NOVA. I'm looking at a 4 bedroom, 4 bathroom on a golf course. It's absolutely breathtaking. I've been thinking about chopping off the hair again...what do you think? Just shoulder length. Nothing TOO drastic. It would be a great length by the time summer gets here and it's time for a change. You'd think I was running for an office. I'll quit.
So Eric and the boys are in town tonight. Should be fun for them. In my email I told him some places he should go. Hopefully he'll trust me. I wouldn't lead astray.
Married Mike keeps calling my cell. He's must sense that I'm fucking vulrenable as all hell. He knows me too well. He's always had a sick six sense when it came to me. He always knew. I think it's about time I change my phone numbers. I have to sever ties and if I cut out communication it would be a good start!!!
Look at me. This entire post has been about the men! Most have betrayed me. I guess I'll just continue loving my brothers and my father. I know they'll never hurt me, only protect me.
Eric, if you read this....I have tried calling you 4 times now, even leaving messages and emails. I guess you're too busy!!! Ha ha. Point taken. So I'm writing you off right now. I don't want anymore emails about how much you love me and we could make things work....I've tried too many times. Best of luck.
Amaya
Wednesday, January 12, 2005
La La
Has anyone heard Ciara & Missy's '1,2 step'? I'm predicting that it's going to be all over the club scene. It's hot. "Goodies" was hot too. Ciara has staying power.
Songs I'm loving at the moment:
1.True by Ryan Cabera--Reminds me of SOMEONE SPECIAL :)
2.Only U by Ashanti
3.Soldier by Destiny's CHild--Issaac of course
4.My Perogative by Britney--My friends tell me it's my song after our road trip! Funny!
5.Fuck It (I don't want you back) by Eamon--Reminds me of a certain loser
6.Let Me Love You by Mario--T loves it too!
Of course Madonna is my muse, inspiration and my favorite chic of all time. In high school I was running for Vice President of my junior class and my cheerleading squad performed with me and we did a skit with 'Vogue' and re wrote the song and changed it to 'Vote! I'm going to find the lyrics that we used. Needless to say I won :) During week long try-outs and camps @ UVA during our last audition in order and it was down to cutting time, I chose to do Madonna's version of 'American Pie' at that time the movie American Pie was popular and so was Madonna's song and I thought that I symbolized American Pie!!! And yet again, I made the cut! So Madonna has always been good to me! Love her. Not to mention that American Pie is the only song I know all the lyrics to!
In other news, I didn't go into work today, however I do have a lunch meeting at noon that I will be going to, {COUGH BIG CLIENT COUGH!} All is well, Daddy should be coming home today. I spoke to him this morning and he's tired and wants to get out!! I want him home STAT!!!
I'm in the mood to paint so I'm doing some art work for Reece :)
Later :)
P.S. You should all go and listen to my music suggestions--they're awesome!!!
Songs I'm loving at the moment:
1.True by Ryan Cabera--Reminds me of SOMEONE SPECIAL :)
2.Only U by Ashanti
3.Soldier by Destiny's CHild--Issaac of course
4.My Perogative by Britney--My friends tell me it's my song after our road trip! Funny!
5.Fuck It (I don't want you back) by Eamon--Reminds me of a certain loser
6.Let Me Love You by Mario--T loves it too!
Of course Madonna is my muse, inspiration and my favorite chic of all time. In high school I was running for Vice President of my junior class and my cheerleading squad performed with me and we did a skit with 'Vogue' and re wrote the song and changed it to 'Vote! I'm going to find the lyrics that we used. Needless to say I won :) During week long try-outs and camps @ UVA during our last audition in order and it was down to cutting time, I chose to do Madonna's version of 'American Pie' at that time the movie American Pie was popular and so was Madonna's song and I thought that I symbolized American Pie!!! And yet again, I made the cut! So Madonna has always been good to me! Love her. Not to mention that American Pie is the only song I know all the lyrics to!
In other news, I didn't go into work today, however I do have a lunch meeting at noon that I will be going to, {COUGH BIG CLIENT COUGH!} All is well, Daddy should be coming home today. I spoke to him this morning and he's tired and wants to get out!! I want him home STAT!!!
I'm in the mood to paint so I'm doing some art work for Reece :)
Later :)
P.S. You should all go and listen to my music suggestions--they're awesome!!!
Monday, January 10, 2005
A Big Wake UP
My plans for the weekend which included a ski trip with my parents to celebrate Chan's 5th Birthday was turned upside down on Friday night when my father had yet another heart attack!
After spending 3 nights in the hospital so far he will likely be able to come home on Tuesday if all goes well. He has to prepare for yet another surgery. I feel so bad for the guy. It's so scary, the thought of losing my daddy. Wow. Just wow. On a brighter note, he is improving. I don't understand why this keeps happening because he's fit, he eats healthy and he's young. Too young for any of this crap.
Today, I'm going to do some work here for a while and then I'm going to the hospital to see him.
Adam broke up with Heather. And says that she's a dirty whore. He also said that no matter who he dates theres always me who he can't forget. He told me that he is still in love with me. I just told him I think he's lonely at the moment and in a few weeks he'll meet someone else who he'll fall in love with. He offered to come be with me when I called him out of desperation on Saturday night. I was so furious with Eric who had plans and couldn't comfort me after everything I was going through. I guess I just expect too much from people. If you know me at all you know I'm the person who drops everything, including their own job to help and comfort someone. Obviously, not everyone is like me. I don't know what to think. He really disappointed me. I realize that he had plans, but I needed to talk to somebody after spending the entire night and day at the hospital, but I wasn't entertaining enough with all of my tears. So I called Adam who talked to me until I fell asleep.
It will get better, I'm sure.
After spending 3 nights in the hospital so far he will likely be able to come home on Tuesday if all goes well. He has to prepare for yet another surgery. I feel so bad for the guy. It's so scary, the thought of losing my daddy. Wow. Just wow. On a brighter note, he is improving. I don't understand why this keeps happening because he's fit, he eats healthy and he's young. Too young for any of this crap.
Today, I'm going to do some work here for a while and then I'm going to the hospital to see him.
Adam broke up with Heather. And says that she's a dirty whore. He also said that no matter who he dates theres always me who he can't forget. He told me that he is still in love with me. I just told him I think he's lonely at the moment and in a few weeks he'll meet someone else who he'll fall in love with. He offered to come be with me when I called him out of desperation on Saturday night. I was so furious with Eric who had plans and couldn't comfort me after everything I was going through. I guess I just expect too much from people. If you know me at all you know I'm the person who drops everything, including their own job to help and comfort someone. Obviously, not everyone is like me. I don't know what to think. He really disappointed me. I realize that he had plans, but I needed to talk to somebody after spending the entire night and day at the hospital, but I wasn't entertaining enough with all of my tears. So I called Adam who talked to me until I fell asleep.
It will get better, I'm sure.
Monday, January 03, 2005
Another Year Over
...And a new one's has begun on a great note at that! I've made some serious new year resolutions that I've kept graciously thus far. Considering that today is only day three! I'll let you know how it goes.
A Sneak Peek:
-Excercising 5-6 times per week
-No fast food/take out atleast during the month of January
-No alcohol until my birthday
-I intend on reading atleast 1 book every 6 weeks
-Travel more--Chicago a lot ;)
I woke up @ 5 a.m. this morning and went to the gym and was that place busy. It'll settle down in another 2 weeks after everyone starts to lose their motivation. Today is Daniel's funereal. I'll be there.
My accounting class is from 5:30 until 9:00 so I'll be nice and tired tonight! I'll get plenty of sleep. Yay!
I have tons of folders on my desk, I'm assuming thats a sign for my happy butt to get to work...sooooooooooo happy to be back!
Happy New Year!
Amaya
A Sneak Peek:
-Excercising 5-6 times per week
-No fast food/take out atleast during the month of January
-No alcohol until my birthday
-I intend on reading atleast 1 book every 6 weeks
-Travel more--Chicago a lot ;)
I woke up @ 5 a.m. this morning and went to the gym and was that place busy. It'll settle down in another 2 weeks after everyone starts to lose their motivation. Today is Daniel's funereal. I'll be there.
My accounting class is from 5:30 until 9:00 so I'll be nice and tired tonight! I'll get plenty of sleep. Yay!
I have tons of folders on my desk, I'm assuming thats a sign for my happy butt to get to work...sooooooooooo happy to be back!
Happy New Year!
Amaya
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