Pre-NYE

I cried all day...all-day... on Friday. Ah, cathartic. Then I went to see the" Persuit of Happyness". I recommened it. (Popcorn was dee-lish.) Then I hit the workout, and fell asleep. I awoke to a 3 am phone call. The T Man was home from a date and it's crazy...he knows when I'm not well. He hears it in my voice. He's dating and having fun with all of his girls and is truly a good listener and always offers good advice. I <3 T. Thanks for the chat.

Today I'm going shopping, again and then dinner with the entire family in DC. Should be awesome. I cleaned my house from top to bottom and my car. I'm a freak!

Sunday night, preparty @ my house and then downtown. Call me for more info! Bring on the Pomegranite Martini's! Yum Yum!

.....And A Merry Christmas it was!

I finally finished my shopping and was able to be with my family in Mclean & Middleburg. It was a lot of fun. I realized that I need to visit more, it's been too long. My mother returns back to work in January and I couldn't be more elated!!! I've put together a list of things that I got for Christmas...if I'm forgetting something...forgive me!


A handmade Jewelry Box
THE Chloe Bag
Nordstrom Gift Cards
Elton John Candles in Fireside
Memoirs of a Geisha DVD
Burberry Toggle Coat
Jeans and sweaters I'll never wear
Red Lobster (my fave)
Coach sunglasses
Estee Lauder Makeup
Tiffany's from Dad
"He's Just Not That Into You" from Becca
Sephora Gift Card
Clinque Happy
Via Repubblica Distressed Leather Bag
US weekly Subscription
And of course the $100 savings bond from Grandma & Grandpa


Any suggestions for New Year's Eve? I'm thinking a party@ my Casa!

And the award goes to...

Jennifer Lopez for best dressed celebrity of 2006 according to Glamour magazine. She is lovely. I, myself, prefer the always stylish, always beautiful Jennifer Anistan. She's a classic. But congrats to Jen Lopez, I ja`dore her!

My friends have arrived! Gigi & Erica are in from California. Deanna is in from VaBeach, Amber also made it as well. I have only talked to these chics...I've come down with a cold and Gigi is super sensitive to germs now, we're not hanging out until thursday night. We're doing cocktails and dinner, then battle of the bands, and then perhaps afterhours at my house. We're having a sleepover and the girls have decided that they want to join my family & I on our annual weekend in NYC to shop! We're sooooo excited. I can't wait for the beautiful windows of Saks, Macy's, Bergdorf's & Bloomingdales!

My brother's fiancee, prematurely gave birth to beautiful babies on Black Friday. She was out shopping and with all the stress of everyone, she went into labor. Had twin girls two hours later. Ava & Abi's lungs were not fully developed when they were born so they are still in ICU until they're healthy enough to come home...we're looking at mid January. They're tiny little blondes with blue eyes....Adorable. Auntie Maya is proud ;)

I've been so busy lately...I found a house and I've fallen in love. I'm nearly 85% sure I'm going to invest. It's so nice! I love it. I'll keep you posted. Besides trying to find ways to spend money, I've decided I'm not working anymore this year! I worked very hard last year and throughout this year. I even worked when I wasn't even supposed to. So, I'm taking some me time.

It's also that time of year again...we have to start adopting our families for Christmas. Last year 90% of all of my friends went out and bought gifts for a family or some kids who won't otherwise have a Christmas. This has been one of my family's many traditions started by my very sweet and very benevolant grandparents. My grandma finds a family through the Salvation Army or Social Services, pays their heating/rent for the month of December, buys them all presents and buys food for the family to have on Christmas and throughout the holidays. Typically she loves getting to know her family and has them over for Christmas at her house and cooks for them. I don't go to that extent. In the years of doing this I have found that the people are sometimes embarrassed and prefer to remain anononymous. So don't feel as if you must invite these strangers over to your house. My grandmother has never met a stranger, so this isn't "odd" for her. I want to encourage all of my friends to join in. Most of us do well and have a nice income. Some of us aren't so lucky. Can you imagine what it would be like to wake up on Christmas morning and not have presents to open? Lets try to eliminate that from happening to anyone! If you have questions I can help you. Just ask. So start adopting, stat!!!

Merry Christmas!

Recap

After a session with my doctor I had an epiphany. Not sure if the results are good or bad...not sure if I'm doing the right thing. It doesn't feel right. I forgot to ask when it was supposed to feel okay. Note to self, ask when it's going to feel better.

Rebecca & I decorated my house throughout. Candles everywhere, lights everywhere...bring on the holidays! My Charlie Brown Christmas tree is adoreable! Isaiah and Chandler have made a handful of the ornaments. Kennedy, Emma & Leanne are going to contribute this year as well.

I spent Saturday shopping. "The Audacity of Hope" by Obama is absolutely fabulous! He's a man of faith. He gives us hope in an otherwise hopeless world. Love it, love it, love it! Needless to say a lot of people on my Christmas list are going to be getting this fabulous read.

Today was a normal tuesday at the crackhead's house. At times I feel sorry for her because she's either "blowing" her money away or sending it up in "smoke." Yes, the lush partied hard this weekend and was really upset @ Becca because she'd rather spend time with her own kids as opposed to being a crackwhore. Call her crazy!

I also did my charity for the week. Together, Becca & I went to the grocery store and bought a family everything they would need for dinner on Thanksgiving, the turkey, oysters, all the trimmings and a bottle of wine. It felt good to be able to give back to someone who wouldn't be able to have dinner otherwise.

I'm helping my mom with Thanksgiving. It's going to be at my house...I can't wait actually...fun times. I invited some friends over because it's just the two of them, my mother makes enough food for an army and we would love the company of our neighbors. And for your dining pleasure...

THE MENU:

For Starters Pumpkintinis
Eggplant dip with toasts
Plate of Fine Cheeses

Main Course

Parmesan Toasts swimming in French Onion Soup
Cranberry Herb Dressing
Virginia Baked Ham slathered in Homemade Chutney
Perfect Sage-Roast Turkey
Grandma's Corn Pudding (with ALL the ingredients)
Brussels Sprouts a la Chandler
Smashed Potatoes with Gravy
"If you insist" Sweet Potatoes with Apples
Popovers..........yes, popovers!

Desserts

Pumpkin Mousse Tart with Vanilla Armagnac Ice Cream on the side
Deep Dish Apple Pie with CCR Coffee

And I can't wait. I'll only gain 10 lbs per serving, but whatev.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Amaya

My fine is $685

What's your fine?

Smoked pot -- $10
Did acid -- $5
Ever had sex at church -- $25
Woke up in the morning and did not know the person who was next to you -- $40
Had sex with someone on the net -- $25
Had sex for money -- $100
Ever had sex with a Puerto Rican -- $20
Vandalized something -- $20
Had sex on your parents' bed -- $10
Beat up someone -- $20
Been jumped -- $10
Crossed dressed -- $10
Given money to stripper -- $25
Been in love with a stripper -- $20
Kissed some one who's name you didn't know -- $10
Hit on some one of the same sex while at work -- $15
Ever drive drunk -- $20
Ever got drunk at work, or went to work while still drunk -- $50
Used toys while having sex -- $30
Got drunk, passed and don't remember the night before -- $20
Went skinny dipping -- $5
Had sex in a pool -- $20
Kissed someone of the same sex -- $10
Had sex with someone of the same sex -- $20
Cheated on your significant other -- $10
Masturbated -- $10
Cheated on your significant other with their relative or close friend -- $20
Done oral -- $5
Got oral -- $5
Done / got oral in a car while it was moving -- $25
Stole something -- $10
Had sex with someone in jail -- $25
Made a nasty home video -- $15
Had a threesome -- $50
Had sex in the wild -- $20
Been in the same room while someone was having sex -- $25
Stole something worth over a hundred dollars -- $20
Had sex with someone 10 years older -- $20
Had sex with someone under 21 and you are over 27 -- $25
Been in love with two people or more at the same time -- $50
Said you love someone but didn't mean it -- $25
Went streaking -- $5
Went streaking in broad daylight -- $15
Been arrested -- $5
Spent time in jail -- $15
Peed in the pool -- $5
Played spin the bottle -- $5
Done something you regret -- $20
Had sex with your best friend -- $20
Had sex with someone you work with at work -- $25
Had anal sex -- $80
Lied to your mate -- $5
Lied to your mate about the sex being good -- $25

Total: $685 and who ever said I was cheap?
Tally it up and Title it "MY FINE IS $$

The Election is over...

And I campaigned hard this year. I easily convinced two republicans to vote democratically this election. I think it was the platinum hair that sold 'em :) As the senatorial election has not been called yet, I'm going to take the liberty and I think it's fair to say that Jim Webb is our new jounior senator, much to many of my family members dismay!

While I respect the office of the presidency, I don't respect the commander in chief so much. We don't disagree on every issue, just most! But basically his economics suck, his psuedo-education reform "No Child Left Behind" sucks just as much. Everyone knows that education is near and dear to my heart, to get a student to pass a standards of learning test is easy to do. I feel there needs to be stiffer tests and guidelines in order to graduate highschool. The Iraq war is probably the number one reason most people voted along the democratic party lines this year. In my humble opinion, the course needs a change!

And to all of my lesbian and gay friends, marriage is still going to be between a man and a woman. Color me conservative! I'm going back to the bible on this one...I feel as most people do, our purpose in life is to procreate. Two women and two men 'married' can not serve our purpose.

In predicting the future,I can see Clinton/Obama on the ballot in 2008, No?


:::::IN OTHER NEWS:::::

1. School continues to kick my ass.
2. I'm preparing for Christmas, I've decided that I want a Charlie Brown Christmas tree
3. Isaiah is still an honor student, as is Chandler!
4. Kennedy still loves my moochies, Emma does too!
5. I love him. Does he know it?
6. I'm going to help out my friend Amber with her dance team
7. Faith, Trish, Lisa, Kellie, Michelle, we're all planning a girls slutty night out.
8. Shelley is still a drunk slut. But not the kind my girls and I are.
9. I haven't slept well for days now.
10.I'm seriously considering buying stock in Tampax after this week with aunt flow!
11.I love Victoria's Secret. Even when your bloated you still feel sexy with your budda belly in their lingerie!
12.Daddy told me that he's always going to call me his baby--No surprise. I'm always going to call him Daddy :)

I hate generalizing...

...But for the third time today a man has felt comfortable enough to "adjust" infront of me. It makes me really uneasy and I just don't understand how they can see this as appropiate social behavior. If i ruled the world this would be punishable by stoning! It's just NOT right! I have never seen women rubbing their nipples or scratching their pootie. I feel this should be touched upon in the senatorial debates, I'd like to know where each candidate stands on the issue. I mean women just DON'T do it...you don't see women outlining the cups of their bras with their fingers if they are seeping out, I mean the thought of it is crazy not just because it's pornstar but because it's inappropriate... why do certain men have the bravado to just play around with their member in full-fledged public knowing the affect it has on others???

Just to recap...I lost my cell, I got it back. It felt like an eternity. I'm still trying to remember what we did before cell phones. I realized why my cell was away how much of my life that phone holds. WOW!!! Calendar dates, phone numbers, etc

This was {verbebatum} the phone call I recieved at 5 am on Saturday morning
Ring, Ring, Ring
ME: "T, I'm asleep."
Lady on phone: "Amaya, your number was the first found in this guy's phone. I wanted to call you to tell you that he's enroute to the hospital. We don't know his name. He's passed out drunk, shallow breathing, bleeding from the mouth, just thought you should know."
ME: OHMYGOD! "It's T's phone. Is he okay?" {Stupid question}
LADY OF THE NIGHT: "Don't know. Just wanted you to know."
ME: "His family lives in Northern California, I'm in VA. Is there a number for Mom or Dad in there?"
LADY ON THE PHONE: "We'll check. Goodnight"
ME: "Keep me posted."
END OF CALL

After about two lifetimes I finally got T. He's fine. The bitch was lying supposedly, he was just drunk. So isn't that just about the worst prank you could ever play on anyone? EVER??? Sadistic.

Although I gave away too much of my peanut M&M's, Halloween was fun. No haunted cornfields or houses this year, like the rest of the year was low key. I used to live on the edge...I don't know where I went to...

What are some of your favorite drunken memories??? If we've had some together send them to me and I'll post them here on my blog....unedited :) ::::PROMISE::::

The weather is great, I'm horny...I'm going to go masturbate and then shower. Then go for a walk with Kennedy in God's Country!!! Yep...life is good :)

OHHH didja hear that Bob Barker is hanging up the mic? He's retiring. So sad. I used to watch that show religiously. I'll miss him. I'm wondering...over the years how many of those hot bitches has he banged? I'm sure a lot. Theres nothing better than a showcase showdown ;)

Quotes of the Week

Me: "Kennedy, I love your moochie!"
Kennedy: "You can't love my moochie while I paint!"

Two year old Kennedy letting me know how it is while she's helping me paint. Too cute.

T: "Would you marry him if he proposes?"
Me: "Uhmmmm"
T: "Yes, You would! You would do it just for the pagentry of it!"
Me: "T! Okay. Yes!"

Conversation with T while trying to pretend no one else heard it!

T: "I'm going to invite Crystal to Costa Rica with me"
Me: "We'll go with you."
T: "I don't think she'll go."
Me:"We'll go with you!!!"
T: "Well you have to bring Miss B Haven with you, I'm not going to be a third wheel, I need someone to sleep with."

Me inviting myself to join T on his sexcapade.

Marisa: "I hate my school pictures. My lame school makes us buy them before we can preview them."
Me: "I'm sure they're not that bad."
Marisa: "No! They're horrible. They made me tilt my head to look at the light and asked me to smile. I can't smile like that...I looked like a dog with my tilted head!!!"
Me: Laughing hysterically: "I'm sorry, thats too funny."

Marisa explaining to me why her school pictures suck.

Me: "My thighs hurt"
Becca: "What were you doing?"
Me: "NOTHING! Just Painting"
Becca: "Only you could hurt your thigh muscles while painting with a two year old...so much for asking you to work out with me."

Me on how a woman's work is never done!

Michelle: "I got offered cocaine this weekend."
Me: "Oh no!" Michelle you didn't do it!"
Michelle: "No. I did decline, but went home thinking that what little moral authority I have left is being compromised by vanity. They must think I look like a junkie."
Me: "HAHAHAHAAHAHA" White trash!

Michelle on her uneventful weekend

Golfer: "You're so pleasant and sweet"
Me: "do what i can to be the best at what I do"
Golfer: "To be so young looking you're not snobby.
Me: "It's just fine wine."
Golfer: "I'd like to taste that fine wine."
Me: "This is where I turn into that snob!"

A golfer trying to hit on me.

My grandmother: "Aww, doll baby, how I've missed you"
Me: "I've missed you too."
Grandma: "Are you eating?"
Me: "No, I've gone on a hunger strike until you come back"
Grandma: "Nooo. I know better than that by the way you're filling out your jeans!"
Me: "Could you have waited until the dr's left the room?"
Grandma: "They can see too, honey."

Me and how much I really missed grandma!!!

FYI

I've decided that my blog needs a makeover, stat!!!

I'm trying to come up with layouts that I like...so far, nothing! School has sucked the creative juices out of me.

Any suggestions? Anything you would like to see in my blog?

I need ideas.

Changes coming soon!

I am delicious!

So I've been told ;) Actually I just gave my hair a drink of Coconut Milk and Orchids, bathed my body in Pumpkin and drenched my skin in Pecan pie. I am quite scrumptious right now. I just got out of my hour long bath, poured a glass of Barboursville Merlot white lounging in my pale PINK V's Secret jammies and a black cami. It's been a while since I've been this relaxed. I've accomplished quite a bit today. Painted, redecorated my TV/Living Room. Made a healthy dinner of chicken in garlic and some herbs from my mother and the produce market I went to on Saturday. I managed to pay bills, return phone calls and watch a bit of tv. Monday's I'm generally at school, today I didn't make it!!!

Tonight there was some snow showers. Autumn is upon us. I tend to sleep later and go to bed earlier now...the time change next week will benefit my lazy ass enough to get up and go to school, the school that is costing my ass so much I need a second job! Sheesh.

Dad is doing well. We're all doing well. I'm going to be an aunt in February...my brother is having twins :) I'm naming them too, Cohen and Caroline. Yes...I like those too!

After my cousin's very cold wedding in the woods, my girl Amber from high school and I caught up with each other and now she wants a coffee date. I'm happy to report that she has aged well. Unlike most of my class.


T is in limbo now thinking and deciding on what to do with his life. He's leaning towards school. I'm trying to encourage him as well. He's almost over whatsherface. This is good for him. He needs to move on.

Speaking of moving on, today is two years since Rod's death. I miss him. I miss my lil Reece Cup and believe it or not, I miss Renee. I hope that one day she can let go of all the anger and 'forgive' me. Lisa told me that Renee did infact call her a few weeks ago and everyone is doing fantastic. I sure hope so. I can still see Rod dance with my lil man and I would just stand at the doorway and watch them bond as a father and son should. He loved Luther Vandross' "Dance with my father" and thats the only song they danced to. Weird, perhaps but tonight I can't stop listening to it. Man....this is still hard. Two years have passed but you never forget. Today has taken me back to that awful windy but warm saturday morning. I remember that long week. I remember the calls, the flowers that were tossed because Renee didn't want them. I remember the smell of the food. I remember the day I went to say goodbye. My entire family was with me. He moved them too. Everyone who knew him, loved him. I was no exception. I've never been able to watch the Kid Rock/Lawrence Fishburn movie since our last time!!! But I always listen to our cd. RIP.

Soo yeah.

Dad's surgery went well. He's getting stronger. When he was released we went to a nice steak dinner. I ate half my body weight in steak and it was good but dayum too filling!!!

I'm coming down with cold. I don't feel too well. It's raining a lot here. Golf has been canceled for 3 days and my job done for the season. I'm so excited. I can concentrate on school now. Life is good.

I'm in love. It's good to be this way. He makes me moist. A lot. Too much info?! He's a good man.

I'll write more later. I'm too busy for this shtuff!!!

Look for a new makeover for my blog in the coming weeks.

Miss me guys!

Headlines are for Newspapers

Okay...

A lot has been going on...too much to write about even. I rarely have the time for my blog anymore. Somethings gotta give :)

Dad is preparing for surgery on friday, grandpa is doing better, school is kicking my ass but overall I'm in a good place right now.

Kennedy makes me smile and her moochies are some of the best :)

My heart is in a good place right now...and I haven't been able to say this in a while, but I'm actually happy!

I'm going to go and make the best of this day by spending some money :)

More blogtime, later.

Oh--Who should Meredith choose? McDreamy or Finn??? I want to know what you think! And why don't I get to read your blog????

A

Domestic me.

Is anyone else obsessed with the cooking network???

I can't get enough...

I'm going to try Emril's Mexican Lasanga...I'll keep you posted.

Fried Tortilla's
Spicy Chicken
Peppers, Mushrooms, Onions
Cheesy hollandaise sauce
monterey jack cheese
diced tomatoes

Baked for 45 minutes

(I'm sure I'm missing a step or ingrediant somewhere in there!!!)

Oh

And did I mention that he makes me smile like no other?

He does.

He's irreplaceable.

And the O's are uhmazing!


Finally, someone to take me dancing on friday and Church on Sunday :)

::News::

Dad has been in out of the hospital all week and is due for surgery on Friday. I'm sure he'll be just fine. Still, any surgery is scary. The dr's are telling me that he's going to be fine.

I've been meaning to return phone calls but I haven't had the time nor have I had the oppourtunity. I'm sure you all understand.

Fall is here and I'm looking forward to the change in seasons. With Autumn comes great fashion. Although I like the BOHO look, I hate the homeless bag lady look, ala Mary Kate Olsen. I think that look is hidieous. I mean, we used to make fun of kids in school who dressed like Sienna Miller and Mary Kate Olsen in elementary school...what went wrong?

Oh, and I can never see myself wearing leggings...Yuck. And the skinny jean, shoot me now.

Love

Amaya

"I'm a winter flower underground always thirsty for summer rain and just like the change in season's, I know you'll be back again. Underneath the ink of my tattoo I've tried to hide my scars from you. We only spun our web to catch ourselves and though this journey's over I'd go back if you'd ask me to."

All is well. Or will be. Thank God!

T--Call me, I miss you.
Kenny-I have a lot going on, we'll talk soon. Thanks for the gift.

School is kicking my ass hardcore. I don't like that. School was never hard from me. A lot has changed. I guess I'm not as brilliant as I think!!! Who am I kidding, of course I am!!!

I'm hungry. Dad, Lisa, Kennedy & I are meeting for lunch...miss me bitches?


A

The Girl in the Mirror

"If I get what I want in my struggle for self, And my life is just great for today;I go to my mirror and look straight in my eyes, And see what that girl has to say."

I'm not fool enough to deny the fact that I've gotten everything I wanted. Retribution, absolution, confirmation, closure. I'm not fool enough to deny the fact that it all came at a very dear price. I'm not fool enough to mark myself clean, whole, fixed, important. I'm not fool enough to claim that I am faultless, superior, or even very kind. But when I look in the mirror, at least I know that I was honest...with myself, with them, with my emotions and my actions.

"For it isn't my lover, or children, or friends Whose approval I have to win;The person whose opinion I have to obtain, Is the girl staring back from within."

I am vulnerable and open. I lack confidence. My emotions gush out of me like blood from a severed limb, my actions are rash and uncalculated. I am fierce like a threatened animal, selfish like a teenager. I sleep when I can't face the music, I get lost in my vivid dreams. I write the things I cannot say, and say the things I cannot write. I drink myself silly and play make believe inside the body of my fearless, free, and angry evil twin. She has no self-control. I am not strong enough to argue with her.

"Those people may think I'm a pillar of strength,And imagine me lovely and wise,But the girl in the mirror says I'm useless and lost,If I can't look her straight in the eyes."

My greatest realizations, however, come from the mouths of others, people who see in me that which I cannot see, the good, the ugly, the downright wretched. Things within me which have been suppressed to the point of eternal denial, the ticking time bomb that is my troubled mind, the laughs that drown out my true voice, the half-truths that spill from my mouth like guilty confessions. Things within me that are both beautiful and terrible, cruel and kind, intimate and material. Things that when brought to my attention sting like razorburn with their honesty...words like shallow surface wounds, painful, tangible, but hardly worth a bandage.

"She is the one to please, nevermind the rest,For I'll be with her up 'till the end;And I've passed the most difficult, dangerous test,If the girl in the mirror is my friend."

I look at myself and see the fading rays of summer, the challenges I've faced, the price that I've paid in the name of love. I see Mike's defeated dark eyes, crystal clear and childlike in their unspoken apologies, and I see my own blue eyes glaring back with a deep, seething hurt disguised as a wall of boiling anger. I see Adam's liquid brown eyes heavy with regret for all of the things he can never give me, and my own eyes burning with tears as I understand for the first time the motive behind his desperate acts. I see Eric's placid green eyes pleading with me to take responsibility for the offenses I've committed, towards him and others who love me. I see my own eyes, blue pools of poetry, silently forgiving me for being unable to forgive myself.

"I might fool all the people I meet in my life;And never allow them to see my fear;But all I'll receive is more sorrow and strife,If I lie to the girl in the mirror."

And so the fairy tale is over, if it was ever a fairy tale to begin with. The willful princess wanders, stumbling drunk, dreamlike, and careless, through dance halls, and city parks, crowded bars and empty hallways looking for answers. She unites with her vagabond lover as their eyes lock across a crowded field, and her heart sinks with the realization that he didn't leave because he didn't love her, he left because their roles in life were just too different. She falls victim to a powerful man who uses his strength to snap her wilfullness and steal her dignity. As she stumbles to pick of the pieces, she realizes that the prince she thought she had found was merely a handsome placebo used to cure symptoms that were never there. She ultimately realizes that there is truth in everyone, in everything, in herself. She just had to open her eyes wide enough to see it. As she closes the door on all of this, on Mike, on Eric, on the men in her life who have loved her, used her, abused her, and taught her, she finally sees herself.
"So I go to my mirror every morning and night,I look in her eyes and feel whole. And she tells me the path I've chosen is right; For her eyes are the mirror of my soul."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I don't usually buy into that inspirational, "girlfriend, you are beeeeeautiful!" bullcrap, but I used the poem "The Girl in the Mirror" to lead me. What I painted is somewhat dark, and too honest. Perhaps I'll delete it tommorrow, but tonight it feels good. So with that said... for those of us who are never satisfied, how much is it going to take until we can accept our limitations, take responsibility for our mistakes, and live with the lives we've made?

The Lazy Days of Summer

The pampered ladies & I spent the entire day together yesterday. We had a sleep over and we painted each others fingernails, practiced our beauty pageants, and as always I had to break out my model on the runway strut which they always love and giggle as I suck in my face to make myself look malnourished! We also pretended as if we were ducks and we swam all night. We topped the night off with pizza and apple juice. Shelley and her husband came over for a drink. I left my cell phone charger at her house so we drove over to her house and hung out there until the girls crashed. And then finally at 10 p.m. I drove Kennedy home and promised to do it again in a few days. Thats after I heal from over exhaustion!!! They were a lot of work and a lot of fun at the same time.




Did you notice Em's smile in the picture with wild Shelley? Thats her Miss Congeniality 2000 watt smile that wins her the title as "Best Smile"!!!

I broke my toe! My pinky toe :( Fun shtuff...no really...The percoset can be a lot of fun :)

My T Baby has a lot of drama on the West Coast and I need to save this guy. I almost lost him to Ellen....That was close! In all seriousness, he's in a bit of a mess so we all should send T lots of positive energy and prayers. I'm sure my boy will come through with flying colors. He always does :)

And...On to my Latin Lover

I'm Smitten. Truly smitten. He's 35, handsome, successful, keeps me laughing all the time. We can make fun of ourselves and he's a real man :) I can't get enough of him! He's a keeper. We have sooo much in common that it's crazy. I find myself just smiling when I think about him. He's the reason for my permasmile! He has a beautiful daughter too and she is his everything. Everyone knows that I love a man who loves his kid. Thats enough for now :) He reads this!

I have to get dressed for the doctor just so he can take my clothes off and feel me up :) Wish me luck.

T--You sexist pig! Teasing baby....I expect to know more in the coming days! Call me if you need me. And I can't let you get married...We made a deal that if I'm not married by 30 you were going to marry me...sooooooooo if the Spanish fly doesn't work out....I'm all yours! You know I'm a sucker for Tiffany's already!!! Talk to you soon.

A

I want to Congratulate...

....Myself in keeping up with this lovely blog for nearly two years! It's as if time never passes but yet the days fly by. I've enjoyed my time here and intend on staying for a while :) I hope you have enjoyed reading it as much as I've enjoyed writing it!


Happy Anniversary to Me!

Kenny

Dear Kenny:

No matter what the situation, I'll never leave you in times of trouble, we never could have came this far. I took the good times, I'll take the bad and I'll take you just the way you are. I need to know that you'll always be the same old someone that I knew....Im always here for you NO MATTER WHAT! I can't not like you.


Love,


Maya

Top Ten

Ten things men shouldn't say out loud in Victoria's Secret...

10. Does this come in children's sizes?

9. No thanks... just sniffing.

8. I'll be in the dressing room going blind.

7. Mom will love this.

6. Oh, the size won't matter. She's inflatable.

5. No need to wrap it up. I'll eat it here.

4. Will you model this for me?

3. The miracle what? This is better than world peace!

2. 75 bucks? You're just gonna end up naked anyway.

1. Oh honey, you'll never squeeze your ass into that.

I thought you would like to know....

I survived the beauty pageant. I thought it was a lot of fun. All jokes aside, there isn't that many cute kids out there. And most of these tiny little things looked as if they were Jonbenet Ramsey. One kid was even going for the Tammy Faye Baker 1983 look. The dresses were over the top. It was hard, but I did well overall.

A lot of people came by today....we ate Shrimp and Teriyaki chicken on the grill and after soaking up a lot of sun, I'm extremely exhausted.

This week is looking great. I have lots to do.

Actually it's that time of year again to plan my daddy's big birthday party!!!

Counting down to my 10 year!!! I have the dress already--It's haute Couture :) Yay!!!

Sugar on my tongue!

Give me, give me, give me some right there on my tongue!!!

A day in the life of Me..............

* Judging a beauty pageant @ 1
* Pool party/BBQ @ 4
* Practicing my dive



Uneventful weekend...

Nothing much compares to swimming in your own pool under the big summer night sky.

Theres just something alluring about the glisten of sweat between your tits while the hot sun beats down on you too during the hot summer days too!



"It must be the assssssss thats got me like...DAYUM!" "Is that your girlfriend? I got my boyfriend, maybe we can be friends"


"Where did you go? I miss you sooooo. Please come back home!"

"Everyones knows I'm in over my head, 8 seconds left in overtime...whats on your mind? Whats on your mind?
"Rearrange...I wish you were a stranger so that I can disengage"

"And i feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud And I know that you'll use them, however you want to"

New Housekeeper Wanted

*Must be able to arrive on time without the 7-11 cups in hand or that you leave around
*Must be able to put away laundry(see picture)

*Must be able to determine which clothes to wash and which to send to the Korean Kleaners

*Must be able to put pool towels by the pool and bathroom towels in the bathroom, (see picture)
*Must be able to put trash basket on floor, not tub
*Must be able to match bed linens perfectly even if it is just a guest room, see photo

*Must be able to speak 7 languages
*Must be able to cook for me and all 3 of my friends
*Must be able to leave your husband at home
*Must be able to water flowers, not the sidewalk
*Must be courteous to my pool guy
*Must clean my kitchen.

*Must not be lesbian
*Must be able to hang bikini's in laundry room, not on towel rack
*Must not be a cock block
*Must be able to do fifth grade math, because I can't!
*Must be able and willing to participate in water gun fights
*Must not have a problem with being thrown in the pool by my crazy friends
*Must not be a Spy!
*Must not mind me sending you for batteries everyother day!
Pay based on experience!

Life in Mayberry

* Dad is doing better, he's home from the hospital
* Summer has been too much fun
* T's heart is broken and NO--I didn't break it!
* I'm preparing for my High School reunion--fun shtuff for sure
* There is too many late nights by the pool
* My future is looking brighter
* I'm finding that I like athletic men
* My volleyball team is the best
* I work too much
* Sex is great, when you're having it
* I'll probably be in Cali soon
* Everyone is fantastic


Nothing new going on...

Happy 4th!

This could easily be one of my favorite holidays! I've had a great couple of days with my friends and my family. I even hurt myself playing Volleyball. My team consisted of Trevor, Michelle, Scott, Bobby & Chandler. I was captain of our team and I decided on the name of the Glam Squad. The boys were drunk so they agreed with the name. Becca's team consisted of Haven, Kellie, Cameron, Anthony, and Isaiah. They were team Top Gun. Needless to say, Team Glam Squad won the many matches :) I've been having soooooooo many BBQ's, Pool parties, and late night drunk fests. I feel as if I'm at Uva again!!! A couple of my friends are in town. Old and new and I'm preparing to embark on a fantastic vacation. Honestly, I can't wait to get away. I have a horrible fear of flying these days, but I'm sure it's nothing that some valium and the red carpet club can't fix! My plan is to get wasted before boarding. I have to get a hold of this fear though. My doctor said that the more I fly, the easier it will become. St. Thomas here we come!!!
I've learned that a lot of my friends are unhappy with me. I decided to forget all the drama and live my life. I'm far from perfect. I aim to please everyone, but at times I fail miserably. My 10 year High School reunion is coming up soon. I'm training for the Olympics :) I've narrowed my dates down to three possibilities. I can't wait to see who I end up going with. All three guys have expressed interest :) We shall see :) In other news, Dad has been doing well. Dr Drew is now settled in Houston and we're still really good friends. Sooooooo this past week has been fantastic. I can not wait until I'm soaking up the sun and working on my tan and getting wasted on the beach :) HAPPY 4TH of JULY !!!!

I guess I should start packing!

American Cities That Best Fit You::

65% New York City

65% San Francisco

60% Boston

60% Washington, DC

55% Chicago

Which American Cities Best Fit You?

Rainy Night in VA

"It was a rainy night when he came into sight. Standing by the door with no umbrella, no coat. I offered him a towel. He accepted with a smile. So we talked for a while. I didn't ask him his name".

The man that I'm talking about is Jesse. He's an Engineer. He's shy and sexy as all hell. I came home from starbucks lastnight and he was standing by the living room door. His clothes were drenched from the down pour. He and my brother were outside catching bikini tops and towels that were blowing in the wind and his clothes were soaked. There was a power outtages everywhere. I gave him a towel to dry off with and convinced him to stay for a while. We talked over coffee all night. He's traveled everywhere. Loves his job. He's a mama's boy. Very smart. He left me wanting more. And everyone knows that Amaya gets what she wants :) We made out like seventh graders. His hair turned me on so much. He's hot. Tonight it's dinner and drinks. Moving pretty fast? Who gives a shit?! He's incrediably sexy. Mmmmmmmmmm.

Update

My daddy always comes through on his promises! Just as a good father would :) We discussed it and a pool would be of great value to me and my family. It's been a long road, but my pool is nearly 95% complete. The concrete passed it's inspection, the diving board will be added tommorrow and the new deck/fence contractors have started working. The deck was ruined in my neighbors fire if you recall. My fence will be completed by Sunday. Here are just a few pictures Dad snapped today. Can you tell that I'm elated?! I had second thoughts about not getting my Kidney shaped pool, but what am I thinking? This is awesome!!!

The first steps....


Near completion...


My Grecian T!

F U

* For the record I will NOT be sensoring myself on here for fear of hurting people's feelings. My advice to you if you don't like it, stop reading it.

* I will not sugar coat anything on MY blog. It is what it is.

* Please don't call my cell in an alleged drunken stupor to try and discuss my blog! And don't try to fix things by blaming it on the booze!

* Only I have the right to be catty & petty!

Everyday

....Is father's day around here!

I had a lot of fun with dad. He's the best! I never take for granted any time with my father. Today was just extra special. My entire family was here and we had a wonderful meal with cosmopolitan sorbet!!! All thanks to Mom :)

Daddy, you're the best! I love you :)


Love,

One of your three favorite daughters,

Amaya

I'm not ready to make nice

I had a wonderful time at the beach. Although someone had an IV of stoli & cran and vodka until the early morning hours. I had a wonderful time, Becca had a nice birthday but overall the scene is ghetto. The scene is 18 year old girls with black girl Syndrome! I don't have an ass. I didn't fit in. The dresscode was "Sleaze". The guys are early 20's navy boys who try to 'spoil you with the riches'. Their $1000 a month paycheck is like ten thousand to them. Again, these guys have never had real jobs at their young age so a grand is a lot to them.

Victor said something to me yesterday...And I've been thinking about it ever since. Does money really matter? I always say it does not. I guess I'm fooling myself. I'm 27 now. I haven't dated a broke bitch in over 3 years. I wouldn't want a guy now that couldn't pay his own bills, I wouldn't want a guy that couldn't afford dinner and drinks and a nice vacation. So would I want to date a poor boy, the answer is negative, ghostrider!

Steve for instance is a well known NOVA millionaire. He's an Enterpernuaer. He's made a lot of money all on his own. He's even been bankrupt. Grant comes from NOVA where his father made lots of money and Grant is following in his footsteps. As for me, I'm independantly wealthy. JUST KIDDING. My mom says I come from 'OLD money'.

The bottomline is this...I don't care how you get your money, if you're taking me out, enjoying my company you best be able to afford me.

In other news...Blake from Chicago, (yes, PYSCHO BLAKE) and I have been talking quite a bit lately. He's coming down for 4th of July. I'm having a weeklong party at my house and then we're heading to St. Martin. He called me out of nowhere on Sunday am while I was at the beach and we've been talking nonstop. We haven't talked about the past because it's all said and done and it can't be changed. I'm a very forgiving person. My doctor wants me to be careful. We're just going to hang out. Nothing else. The sex was great. When I think about it, my toes curl instantly!!!

Do I feel bad about Grant? I do. He and I never really took off. Grant is the kind of guy who is so passionately sweet when he's with you. When he's not, he's not trustworthy. I'm not the only person that thinks like this. It has been brought to my attention by several others. . He still has contact with his ex from Bangladesh. Summer is here and I can't keep putting off having a good time for the sake of Grant's feelings. He doesn't take me into account when he's getting blow jobs from random hoochies in Atlantic city. Perhaps you're thinking I'm petty when actually it's just time for me to move on!!!

Adil and I are having lunch today. I miss him. Can't wait to see him!

All is fair in love & war.

Summer is here!

It's been nearly 100 degrees all week and I love it!!! My pool is near completion. It should be ready by June 7th. The steps are in and I'm having water put in it to stabilize the walls of the pool. I can't wait!!!

Everyone knows by now about the fire at my neighbor's house that caught my deck on fire and did a lot of smoke damage to my house on sunday. The dreaded Insurance company is coming again on Friday to discuss options...Funstuff.

I've decided that I'm going on vacation once a month...even if its just a weekend getaway. My summer will lots of fun ;)

More later.

Well behaved women rarely make history!

Yesterday was a good sign of what my summer is going to look like. Trish, Becca, Haven, Faith, Kellie, Brandi, Shelli & I went to the golf course and played a round. We got drunk off of nasty Rolling Rock beer and White Zinfandel. Shelli puked on the 14th! The sun and the beer do not mix!!! Haven was so wasted she crashed her cart into Faith's, leaving Faith with whiplash!!! Shelli is a wild child. She has to take AA classes so being the good friends that we all are we went with her to her meeting while we were all wasted. It was too much fun. One lady showed up without shoes on!!! I swear it was the craziest place I've been to. The lady without shoes works as a cashier in a Liquor Store, but no worries--she's been sober since Saturday!!! One lady mid 70's was there. She said that she has had many addictions from booze to drugs to sex. Well now she is addicted to the internet! She said that her family has to come over to her house to get her out of the house to pay the bills. She said that she spends as much time on there as possible. She said that she just can not wait to get home and get into a chat room!!! We all basically pissed our pants. We couldn't believe it. She was my grandmothers age. She was nuts. There was a hot attorney there though. He was there because he has had 3 dui's. They asked Shelli to introduce herself but she didn't want to. They asked us why were all there. We told the leader we were there for support!!! Rick called while we were in the meeting, but he didn't notice a thing. We went back to the course and went swimming but the water was too cold. We swam in our panties and bras. Trish & Faith were in true form; They chose to swim in the nude. After all of that we all crashed at my house and watched American Idol. It was a bit blah for my taste. Taylor should win--everyone knows I'm a fan, Although he should have picked better songs. Katharine never impresses me. She's an okay singer but a poor entertainer.

Tonight we're all heading over to Faith's to watch the Finale of American Idol and get drunk off of cheap wine!!!

My Pool

The pool is coming along rather quickly. The lead guy that is building it is so hot! I wish mom took a picture of him. I love it when he takes his shirt off...mmmmmm he has the most amazing stomach....tan skin, seablue eyes and hot bod!

Little Miss Kennedy & Little Miss Emily

A few days ago I took Kennedy to my Grandmother's and she found my old swing that we have always had in our old Oak tree and Kennedy fell in love :)




Then I took Em to get a manicure while I got a pedi. She then insisted that she needed a hair cut. She was exhausted after a day of shopping and pampering!




This was sent to me by Lisa. Kennedy was recently in the hospital because she was sick and just like all best friends, Emily was by Kennedy's side! It's not the most flattering picture of Kennedy's daddy's big arm or Kennedy as a sick little girl. The love that these to girls have for each other is unique and genuine.

Dear Me

I never thought I'd miss you - big frizzy hair, acne, bangs that were big and curled. You were awkward, your nose too small, your ears too big for your head. Your only friends were other cheerleaders, your clothes were always the best of the best. You were happy go lucky. You read. You ate nachos. You played Nintendo. You lived day by day on the inevitability that someday you'd be loved. You longed for love in a way that you can only long for something you've never experienced -- breathlessly, idealistically, hopefully. The image in the mirror never reflected how you felt. You knew you were beautiful, you just didn't know how to be.

I never thought I'd miss you, first mentor. "I love reading what you write," said Mrs. Johnson, my sixth grade English teacher. "You and Matt should discuss your writings, you're both quite talented." I remember leering at the chubby dark-haired boy who was always in my way at the lockers. We were her pets until we graduated to the seventh grade. Matt and I did however, discuss our writings. "Are you and Matt married yet?" she asked me when she saw me at a restaurant last summer. "No," I giggled. "No, we are not."

I never thought I'd miss you, first love, crash and burn. Fourteen, heart racing, I thought I might hit you that day in the computer lab. Were there tears in your eyes? I don't remember. First kiss, not what I expected. No fireworks, no bells...being with me changed you...after I'd changed to be with you. Goodbye frizzy hair, chubby legs. Flatirons, sparkling peach flavored water, fat-free butter substitute and apricots, there was nothing I wouldn't do for you. Brown eyes, you burned me. I'd never met anyone like you. I still haven't.

I never thought I'd miss you, first job, in the beautiful Shenandoah National Park while spending the summers with my grandparents. The hot guests from as far away as the Netherlands made me realize I was a woman. On slow days, my friends would visit, we'd hang out in the lobby and eat at the restaurant and flirt with the bartenders.. When a boy made me cry, Wes and Chris who were the chefs, sat with me all day as we plotted revenge between fruit salads and cheeseburgers.

I never thought I'd miss you, first boyfriend, big arms blue eyes, love for me pouring out of you like raindrops. Your smell, like home, curled up next to you, we watched "Clueless." I ran my hand, heavy beneath the weight of your class ring, down your stomach, over the t-shirt with the WWF logo that I thought was silly. "I'm a redneck," you said. Chimichangas at TGIFridays, that was my favorite place to go. Your hand up my skirt during a Natalie Portman movie, sliding down my dress after my induction into the National Honor Society, On my sixteenth birthday, you covered me with chocolate syrup.

I never thought I'd miss you, best friend, you were my girl. You were fragile and beautiful. You slept with a teddy bear beneath bed, you were afraid of what your father would do. You had to meet with social workers at school. You spent night upon night at my house, getting ready for dances, borrowing clothes, listening to music, talking until dawn. I'd never had a real girlfriend. I took you everywhere I went. You looked up to me. But you probably never knew that I needed you just as much. When you left, I hated you. You're still a sore spot.

I never thought I'd miss you, first temptation, your bleach blond hair blowing in the breeze as we held hands at Kings Dominion. I wore a light cotton shirt, white and blue with an open back. You slid your hand up the back and walked with me like I was yours. I thought it might be nice. "Oh my God. It's like a boner," I said. "So that would make the ride...a giant handjob?" We were exhilerated by the ride that shot you up into the air against a giant pole at a ridiculous speed, and sent you immediately crashing down, making your stomach flip. That night we watched fireworks from the Eiffel tower.. You kissed me. I liked you.

I never thought I'd miss you, CHOICES, working as a Shelter Advisor at the home for abused women and children so I could buy Silver and Tommy Hilfiger jeans, changed me without my knowing it. Every woman has a story. When Tonya killed herself on my watch I went crazy too. When we found her body I was hysterical. "I'll take care of things. Take all the time you need." Robin said. I never went back.

I never thought I'd miss you, innocence, first time, carefully planned. "Let's try a practice one, first," I said. We'd been dating for nine months. When we were ready, banana flavored condom, 10 minutes of mild discomfort. "That wasn't such a big deal!" I said, relieved. We shared a frozen pizza. That night, Jeremy cried while he thought I was sleeping. "What's wrong?" "I took your childhood," he said.

I never thought I'd miss you, highschool graduation, I was sad. We all cried. I wrote each girl in my class a nice note, even though I didn't particularly like everyone. But I was nice that way. Brandy read her speech.I watched the slideshow. When Matt's picture flashed across the screen, I hid my eyes beneath my sunglasses to conceal my weakness, he'd left for the airforce 5 months earlier and my heart was all but broken. When I got home, I had to face my family and everyone was there. Even Michael who I broke up with because he had cancer and I was shallow.

I never thought I'd miss you, first revelation. He was never an old friend, but it always felt like he was. Visiting me in my dorm my freshman year at UVa, the sunlight poured in through the tall window as we sat talking on my floor. That day, he cried about everything he'd never been able to say. I held him for an hour without muttering a word. It felt nice to be somebody's rock for once. I wiped a tear from his cheek and knew we'd always be together.

I never thought I'd miss you, first roommate, smoking marlboro menthol lights on the stoop of our first apartment. You were wilder than me, and convinced me to donn a white t-shirt and dance braless in the rain. On Mondays, we'd start drinking as soon as classes were over. Perched on our stoop with bottles of Miller Light, people would walk by and ask us, "Why Monday?" We'd answer, "We like to start the week off right." You liked to have loud sex. It always pissed me off when I wasn't getting any.

I never thought I'd miss you, first heartbreak, world crashing down. You betrayed me. Hurt me. How can I still bear to look at you? I developed my serious drug habit because of you. Crying alone on the balcony of the apartment I shared with Erin, Lisa and Adam, I would chug Tequila and contemplate jumping. My friend Brandi put her arms around me and told me it was fine, I was strong. I'd get by. Time passed and I amazed myself with my own healing power. She was right. I picked myself up. I survived.

I never thought I'd miss you, Brent, my brother who was killed. You left so quickly. You didn't suffer. You protected me from boys. You allowed me to ride to school with you and your friends. You loved football, Better than Ezra and pretty girls. It pissed me off that you were taken. I'm still pissed. I wonder what you'd be doing today? Would you have became the military man just like dad? Would you have the house and the picket fence?

I never thought I'd miss you, high hopes, smart girl, quirky girl, nice girl. Where are you? Are you still me? Are these memories mine? Straight hair, clear skin, bright teeth, curves?. Who are you? You buy your clothes at Gap sometimes, you're normal. You work out daily. You only read your celeberity rags. You eat salads. You play with fate. You live day to day on the inevitability that you'll probably never be loved. You long for love in the way that you can only long for something you've experienced the bitter consequences of -- carefully, cautiously, fearfully. The image in the mirror doesn't reflect how you feel. You know you're beautiful. You just don't remember how to be you.

Yeah Yeah

~My workout this morning was great! I did 120 minutes of cardio and strength training and it was intense. I loved it. My trainer is fabulous. I love the feeling of accomplishment.
~Dad is doing well. Dr's report says that all is well.
~Acura TL in Black is sweet :) Except Nick from Nova has the same damn car.
~Kennedy's 2nd birthday is coming up!
~Emma and I got mani's and pedi's. Emma decided she wanted a haircut needless to say she gets what she wants.
~Dr. Drew thinks that I'm spoiling Emma! You only live once!
~ Taylor Hicks will be the next American Idol.
~I'm horny. I can't help myself I stay this way. I need to get laid asap. Anita Lei is my new name.
~Dinner tonight will be nice :)

Another great weekend

I'm back home after a fun weekend away. It was so nice to feel the sand between my toes and water at my feet. We had a great time and I'll be back soon.

Saturday evening Rebecca and I got drunk and had too much fun with this chic from Mobile Alabama. It went down! She was a lot of fun. She was an alcoholic in denial!!! We winked at old men and flirted with the married ones. 'Cameron' a young lad from Greensboro wanted to buy me a drink but I basically told him I was'nt there for his entertainment and to keep his drink just give me the money. It was going to be just him and his hand for the night! Note to guys: STOP spilling your drinks on us! Keep your hands off. And don't bet your boys that five bucks, you'll need it for the trick you'll end up with at the end of the night. You know who you are. High fiving talking shit but you're going home alone arent ya?!

Zack was different. Zack was the lead singer in his band. I've always had a weakness for a boy with beer and a guitar in his band! He was great. He was hot. He is someone else's man and I told him that wasn't the man that I want. He loved the honesty. He said he'd look for me firet in his next life!!!


I can't wait to revisit. It will be fantastic. It will be soon.

Carolina

It took forever to get here! I thought I-95 would never end!!! It's a lovely day. We're having so much fun. My only problem is that we do not have enough time here. There is sooo much to do. Becca and I went running on the Beach and what a work-out that was--talk about rude awakening!!!!

I did'nt remember just how beautiful this house is until I revisited. It's so Victorian and with the wrap around porch and the swing, I feel right at home. The house needs a name. Any suggestions???

While out shopping Eric from Chi town called, it was brief and pleasant for once :)

We're all having a great time and I don't want to leave! It's getting hotter here so I'm going to go take a swim and be one with nature!!!

Is Kobe Gay?

Recap

I've always had a weakness for smart boys, but Brennon has always been extraordinary. Tall, athletic, handsome and intelligent and not much has changed since high school. I saw him this weekend and his smile makes me melt. He hugged me so tight and I loved it. I loved his cologne. I loved his hair, I loved his clothes, fuck-- I even loved the Downy in Lavendar and Vanilla!!! We were always friends. Seeing him made me feel like I was that 16year old naive, complicated little girl again. We're doing dinner tommorrow. The fact that he's an FBI agent turns me on too!!! In reality, I know that we're ONLY friends, but I haven't been held down and fucked really hard in a long damn time and Brennon you're ripe for the fucking!!! Just kidding :)

Isaiah is raising money for Slugfest 2006 again. He's doing really well. He's raised $180 on his own entirely. My friends have pitched in and have also helped. Brandy--$25, Kenny--$50, Grant --$50, Dr Drew-- $100 and Steve is going to contribute as well. This teaches Isaiah how to work hard and accomplish his goal. He's doing fantastic in baseball as is Chandler.

Dad is doing well. He's fabulous. I love spending time with my parents. They're tons of fun.
Mom told me tonight that she wants to go to Chicago. Weird, eh? Out of the blue she said that she wants to go to Chicago sometime this spring and take in the city. How awesome is that?! That means that Dad will most likely go too and I would be able to have a fantastic time there while not worrying about my dad because he'd be with us!!! Sometimes, God is weird.

Becca's birthday is in June and I'm planning a big damn party. Everything is going to be in the color pink--different shades but all PINK....From the table linens to the Cosmo's the theme and invitations are all pink. I'm excited because pink is our favorite color :) Any ideas? Suggestions? All are welcome.

---> I am not alone <-----

"...He makes my world stop."

Oh. My. God. She said it. Wow. Everytime I watch Grey's Anatomy, I get a warm, fuzzy feeling that lasts me at least a couple of hours. I'm such a junkie that I ritualistically prepare for the viewing by settling in with a pint of Haagan Daaz Dulce de leche ice cream (comfort food), a Diet Coke (pointless) and 3 Tylenol P.M.(to shove my insomniac ass into beautiful, empty sleep). Then I dial up Dr Drew, if I can't be with him in person and together we analyze, appreciate, and 'awww' whilst becoming enraptured by the feats and foibles of spunky young Dr. Meredith Grey. Tonight, however, Andrew is AWOL once again and the melodrama unfolding before me is only adding to my feelings of mid-twenties angst and overall disdain for humankind. Life is pointless. All it is is hurt and eventual death, intermittenly paused and shaken up by those few, select people who can stop your world. My angst stems from the fact that my world has indeed been stopped, and I can't seem to kick the motherfucker back into rotation. And he who hath stopped it, wow. What a joke.

"I don't want you," is a phrase that ranks right up there with "I don't love you." "Start planning the end." "I'm having an affair." "I'm pregnant, but you're not the father." and "Sorry, but the tumor is inoperable." It literally floors you, stops your heart. Stops your world. This is the opposite of falling in love, slow dancing with someone who makes your heart race, murmurring "I want you," on the brink of climax... feelings like that put your head in the clouds...but "I don't want you," well... we've all been there. I won't elaborate. I'm no stranger to rejection, no stranger to hurtful words and angsty arguments, but somehow this is different. Somehow, this from him hurts more.

"We're out of oranges, try these tasty nectarines."
"I don't want nectarines. I want oranges."
"I'm sorry ma'am, but all we have here are nectarines."

Yet more proof that life is predictable only in its unpredictability, that nothing is concrete, nothing is constant except for God in the stormy sky and His sad sense of humor. "Thanks a lot," I say when I pray. "Thanks a lot, you crazy man"! You sure pulled a fast one on me!" God laughs as the thunder crashes and He explains that if He'd have meant me for light living, He wouldn't have made me so sturdy. "Yeah and on that note, thanks for snail-like metabolism after turning 27, too!"

"I'm sorry, but we don't seem to have this dress in pink. Perhaps you should try the white"
"I don't want the white. I want this dress in pink."
"I'm sorry, ma'am, but it's really the only other option."

I think of things that might make me feel better, like smoking 8,000 cigarettes or going on an unhealthy diet, or an exspensive shopping spree or impaling myself on a piece of cutlery or something, just a little something dangerous to spice it up, a little something to make me feel. Because truth is, I've been living my life by means of avoidance lately -- shutting off my phone, neglecting emails, sleeping for 14 hours a day instead of talking to friends, not working, because let's face it kids. Does anyone really want to dial up a friend only to have the following conversation take place?

"Hey! How are you?"
"Shitty."
"Oh... really? That bad, huh?"
"Yeah, that bad. Want me to lie?"
"No... but....I mean, what's going on?"
"Well, I hate life. I'm out of my routine. I've gained ten pounds. I'm on the verge of going nuts, I have friends that are ho's, My dad is not well and I yearn for adult conversations. I'm just overall kind of lonely and desolate and hopeless."
"That's too bad...."
"Yeah, and to top it all off, HE DOESN'T WANT ME."
"Oh Jesus. Well, you don't really want him, do you?"
"Ugh. I wish. I wish that was the case, but no. I do. And he's the only one. You know, he makes my world stop, and all of that. Ugh. Does anyone have a light? So uh... hey, yeah, how have you been?"

I don't want my friends to see me like this. I'm the spunk! I'm the comic relief! I'm wild and wacky! A downtrodden, life-beaten, victim-stancing, woman-scorned Amaya just doesn't pack the same punch. So rather than smile on, and lie, or mope and cry and usurp pity, I disappear, hoping desperately that I'll find some way to fix me in the interim.

Sometimes I think it's God's cruel trick to make the most blessed people in life the most helpless and emotionally fragile. Lookie here, I got this great, two-parent nuclear family, good teeth, great hair, skin that tans without burning. I've also got brains and money, and that being said, I'm about as self-reliant as one of Paris Hilton's chihuahua babies. It's time to grow up, but no one ever said it would be so hard. People have been cleaning up my messes and neutralizing my mistakes for so long... so long, my good fortune has to have ended sometime. And so it is, I've exhausted my resources and it's just me and the Big Man Upstairs. We haven't been close for some time, I'm a stranger in His House, but we still talk occasionally, like two people who've seen an amazingly close friendship melt away into awkward acquaintanceship. Yet, there are times when I'm so scared, so lonely, so devoid of hope that I can't resist looking him up.

Sacreligious, maybe. But I like to think that God is whatever you want Him to be, whatever you need Him to be, just so long as you actually need Him. And there's no way I'm going to trust my fragile heart to yet another pale-eyed white male who wants to play the martyr and pass judgment and smite me and all of that. Because at the end of the day, what I really want, what I really need is someone to say "Hey, there's a reason for all of this. Hey, I haven't given up on you yet. Hey, I've got a plan with YOUR name on it!"

So you can be assured, quelled, pacified.... so you can muster up the strength to go on... so when you're still up at 3 am, drinking a glass of wine on the balcony, you know you're not alone. Not even when your fat jeans don't fit, not when you're miserable and friendless and ready to drive your car into passing traffic. Not even when you're out of Percoset and crazy.

Not even when he doesn't want you.

I am not alone.

:::Spring makes me smile:::

So I decided that I want my own personal in-ground swimming pool for this summer, instead of going to Grandmothers. There's too many people that are always working around her house and you just don't get privacy when you just want to swim with your summer fling/flavor of the month. My parents agreed that it would be nice so it's going to happen! We have to get building permits and junk first then it's on! So Shelley, you may be building a new house but I'll be able to fit your whole house in my swimming pool ;)

I spent my Saturday afternoon with Isaiah. We went shopping. He wanted new clothes and some cologne. He wanted Polo Black, which I love, but I told him it was a bit much for Third grade so he reluctantly went for the Clinique Happy for Men. Clinque Happy is a staple for me. It's delicious. Citrusy, Hawaaian flowers, it's great. Then we went on to Victoria's Secret where I bought some cute panties and bra's in spring pastel colors. I made the mistake of asking Isaiah did he think my light baby blue panties that tie together on the hip were cute! He said "I don't know, I'm a man." Of course I started laughing and he said "QUIT! I am the only man in here besides that other guy please don't embarass me!" I found it funny that he now calls himself a man at Nine years old. We went to Bebe and bought the cutest summer dress in Yellow!!!

We're going down to the house in Pine Island-Corolla NC for the entire Mother's Day weekend so I thought the Bebe dress would be cute with some Espredille's. I can not wait to frolick on the beach and sleep someplace unfamiliar. The question is whose going with me? Dr. Drew? He is moving to Phoenix in June and it could possibly be our last oppourtunity to see each other. Grant? He is a mothers boy, not sure if he'd leave her for a holiday. Kenny--TOTAL Mama's boy but would do anything I said. His new mission in life is to peel off my panties!!! Charles--He practically lives there already, flexible, handsome and fun. T--He's in LA, not likely to happen although it would be the best of fun! T & I agreed that if we lived together we'd have the best ever living situation--Sex whenever we wanted while we dated others, working out together, teaching each other new things like tantric sex!!! T & I agreed that we'll marry each other when I'm 30 and nobody else wants me!!!

Anyone like the '06 Acura TL? Dad says I should get one. Daddy knows best. I can't afford my 'Cedes anymore. I've never been in love with that car. He's likely to be history by the end of the week. He's like a bad boyfriend. Goodlooking exterior with a great reputation but too exspensive and on the inside isn't as great as everyone thinks. It's hard to part ways because everyone else likes him, but this is whats best for me. We're breaking up!

I have a date tonight with <3>

Poor little rich girl

On my way to Shelly's house...Shelly is the crazy chick who seriously tried ($425,000 attempt) to buy off a judge after getting her second DUI. The money didn't do shit for her. Her father owns a multimillion dollar company and tried pleading her case to a judge who didn't sympathize with her drunk ass and even said "I don't care if you're George Bush's daughter, you come in my court drinking and driving you're going to jail!" She went for 15 days :( So now she has a coke habit. She doesn't know that I know...she's always scared to tell me things because she's afraid that I'll think she's a crack head!!! She went on a $5,000 binge 2 weeks ago....she doesn't know I know though. She's so immature...she has tons of money in several different accounts that she asked me to buy her a 10 key adding machine and come balance her checkbooks!!!! So I'm going there now....then on to Isaiah's game where he will win again :)

Am I the only person that likes French Bread Pizza?

Holy Crap

Mother fucker. At $3.00 per Gallon my local gas station better have a hot gas attendant providing complimentary orgasms!

This is rediculous! I'm seriously considering selling my car and getting a bike. Fuck that shit.......for what i'm paying for gas I could get a Rickshaw and buy a mid-sized Asian family to drag me around.

Venting

Is it just me......or are there others of you out there who find Teri Hatcher's doughy-eyed life ruining character "Susan Mayers" Nails-on-the-chalkboard intolerable? Everytime this bitch gets screen time a little part of me dies.

Reasons Why I HATE Susan Mayers

-She burned down Edie Britt's house

-She had her daughter (a minor) break into her neighbor's house (a crime) to retrieve evidence that proved she burned down Edie Britt's house.

-She turns her back on Zack Young(only son of her dead friend Mary-Alice), and sends him into a further psychotic tail-spin by preventing him from seeing her daughter Julie, his one anchor to sanity.

-She asks Edie Britt's permission to go out with one of the contractors she's seeing (because Edie had been seeing him first) and when Edie appreciates her checking first and asks her to please not go out with him, she goes out with him ANYWAY. YOU STUPID BITCH OMG I HATE YOU SO MUCH!

-She sleeps with her ex-husband Carl (Who has been seeing Edie for several months) while he and Edie are on a break.

-She's a proven HORRIBLE parent and should be sterilized.

-She CONSTANTLY meddles, be it when she finds out that Gabby is having an affair with her gardener (WHAT BUSINESS IS IT OF YOURS BITCH), when she stumbles upon a gun and money in mike's house (STOP SNOOPING YOU HEINEOUS BITCH), when she breaks into Paul Young's house for god knows what (WHEN WILL YOU LEARN)

I just abhore her. I know she's a fictional anorexic character but I think If I saw the waifish Teri Hatcher on the street I'd have to hit her for bringing such an annoying, reprehensible, irreversibly EVIL character to life with such ease. And besides she's dating Ryan Seacrest!

Where is your blog??

EVERYONE NEEDS A DAMN BLOG!

CREATE. WRITE. SEND ME THE LINK.

STAT!



Amaya

I'm not dead, just floating!

I had great weekend aside from the Strep. Emma's birthday party was Sunday and everyone had a great time. I even wanted the Pink Barbie Jeep that she got. The pink laptop wasn't bad either! Dad is doing well!

We went to Isaiah's game tonight. His team won Nine to Seven. Becca is a typical mother, getting angry, tense and taking his games way too seriously. He is getting better and better with every game. He was named SPORTSMAN of the YEAR last year. It was decided by his TBall league. His coach, last year, even said that Isaiah took criticism like a pro, followed directions, never complained and played smart with his heart in every game. I don't see this year being any different. My dad is so proud of him. My dad loves baseball. He doesn't like missing Isaiah's game. Chandler is doing fantastic too. He doesn't like the fact that girls are on his team. Tonight he even told me that his team sucks, but he likes to play because he's the best!

A few of my new favorite things:
*Bare Bronze Eye Palette from Victoria's Secret
*Nars blush in Orgasm
*Pink's latest CD--Cant stop listening to ALL of it, "I'm Not Dead"
*Long Bermuda shorts
*My 'LongChamp' bag that Mom's friend bought me back from Paris
*Taylor Hicks
*My Mont Blanc ink pen from Kenny
*All of my birthday cards and gifts from friends and family

Goodnight!

My fix

It's like you're a drug. It's like you're a demon I can't face down. It's like I'm stuck. It's like I'm running from you all the time. And I know I let you have all the power. It's like the only company I seek is misery all around. It's like you're a leech sucking the life from me. It's like I can't breath without you inside of me. And I know I let you have all the power, and I realize I'm never going to quit you over time. I can't see anything. Nothing but you. I'm addicted to you. It's like I can't think without you're interupting me, in my thoughts, my dreams you've taken over me. It's like I'm not me...It's like I'm lost, it's like I'm giving up slowly, it's like a ghost thats haunting me, leave me alone. And I know these voices in my head are mine alone. I know I'll never change my ways if I don't give you up now. I'm hooked on you,the fix I can't take it, Just one more hit....

Happy Birthday to Me!!!

Yesterday was my 27th birthday, I celebrated it by having dinner with my family and drinks with my friends afterwards. It was a pleasant evening until I realized I'm the only girl in my small circle of friends that doesn't just sleep with men for the sake of getting laid. You all know that I'm not that predictable. Some hot 28 year old Greek guy named Will who can't make a cosmo to save his ass is not someone I'm going to give my second virginity too!!! His beautiful chessnut eyes nor his chiseled jawbones were not enough to make me say 'Mmm'.

Easter was great! Emma, Kennedy, Elijah were in their Sunday best hunting for Easter eggs today. They were soooooooo cute. We all had a great time. The weather was fantastic!

Next Sunday is Emma's 3rd birthday. She's having an afternoon Tea Party with all of her friends and even a few from daycare over to her house. The damsels are to bring their favorite doll or stuffed animal along with them. It's going to be so much fun! It's basically another excuse for me to go shopping this week.

Dad has been feeling well. I keep praying. I want to keep him forever. He's my dad.
He has another doctors appt Thursday.

It was a beautiful weekend. I had a wonderful birthday. Grant, Steve, Kenny, Andrew, Ryan, Michael, T, Kellie, Julia, Brandi--Thank you all for the calls--You all made my day :)

Just An Update

* Dad is home
* Dad is doing well

Thanks to everyone for the prayers, well wishes and positive energy you all sent our way!!! Keep 'em coming!!!

---A

Blah Blah Blah

It's raining a lot.
I miss work.
Dad is not well.
Chandler is not a baseball man.
I've been shopping for a cute handbag and I can't find anything.
I need a vacation, stat.
Vegas it is.
Steve called, he's happy.
E has formed a habit.
I've been ignoring a lot of people.
Reece is living in PA now with Renee's family.
Gigi completed her last treatment.
My doctor says I'm bitter.

Sooo

Dad has not been well. Today after being home from the hospital he said he felt better. And I feel better when I'm around him.

I'm exhausted. My body is weak and I'm mentally drained.

Thank God for good doctors, comfortable beds, hot tea and pajamas. It's past my bedtime and I need sleep

Oh and I love Daylight Saving Time!!! That means summer is right around the corner.

Countdown until Birthday #27--Vegas or LA or South Beach...the jury is still out. What would YOU do?

Dear Daddy

Dad,

Spending time with you this week has been awesome. I love you!!!




Amaya

It's Thursday Already!!!

Isaiah has a game tonight :) He's back to playing baseball! I'm so excited. Chandler is playing this year too!!! I never would have imagined that I'd say CHANDLER IS PLAYING T BALL TONIGHT. He sure fooled his doctors.

I have dance class and then I'm going to Isaiah's game. Anthony and Kellie were coming over for dinner, it's his birthday but I had to reschedule because the boys are playing ball tonight! So Sunday night it's dinner @ Amaya's.

I'm in a great mood...I think it's because the sun is shining and it feels a lot like spring :) I love days like this.

Talked to dad earlier, he's feeling great. So everyone that is praying, don't stop!!!

My Kenny

Happy Birthday!!!

I can't believe you're metamorphasizing into the strong man that I've come to love! And here you are turning 24!

We met while you and were in DC right out of school. I remember the Britney concert and how much you loved, fantasized about her. I remember how you hooked up with another chic that night. Remember how I pretended to not be jealous?! I told you that your girlfriend had a fat face so we nicknamed her 'fat face' and the name stuck! She went off to help Kerry lose the presidency and gained tons of weight and got a horrible hair cut when she came back and from there she was not cool to us!!! Ahhh....we're bad!

Remember the nights of pampering? I needed a getaway you sent Isaiah and I out of town and we got whatever we wanted and put it on your tab!! $10 bottled water and exspensive desserts!

I remember the NOBODYS PERFECT book that you gave me by the girls from The Batchelor that I was obsessed with at the time. I still have every handwritten letter from you along with every gift you've ever given me.

Remember how you helped me in May? Remember how my heart just jaded and my world crashed? But you were there and you lifted my pain. Whenever I cried, you cried. You would tell me "You got to stop crying, you're breaking my heart" I'll never forget how awesome you were then and are now.

Remember the time I told your mother that you and I were engaged? Remember how she almost had a coronary?!

Remember the time Lisa saved your life?! You thought you were dying but she convinced you otherwise!!!

I remember all the times that you were there for me when dad was sick or something traumatic went down.

Do you know how much Isaiah Chandler Emma Kennedy and I love you???

Remember that time you asked "How do I impress you Amaya" and I said "You don't"...I lied!!!

I hope you have the best birthday ever. I want you to know that I am so proud of you. I'm so happy that you're going to be a millionaire by the time you're 30!!! I love you Kenny. Know that.

Happy Birthday :)

P.S. I love your baby face!!!

Everchanging Uncertainties

Basically my life has been turned upside down. Haven & Mom were told to start planning my dad's funerel. His doctors do not expect him to live much longer. We were given that news on Friday. As you can imagine we're all really shocked and distraught. At 58 he also has early signs of Alzheimers Disease. Probable cause is his medicines. I've been crying everyday since then and I've made a couple of life altering decisions already...such as moving back home to Mclean. And leaving my position. Everyone knows just how much I love my job...but you also know that I'm a daddy's girl and he's my everything. I can't even imagine my life without my dad. How could I ever imagine life without his wink and his hugs and his nightly phone calls. I refuse to deal with this bullshit right now. So we're all planning our vacation!

Summer is coming early for us this year :) I can't wait. I can't wait to spend time with dad...I can't wait to be on the tennis court with him again. He's amazing. He's great. He's my rock. And he's my glue.

I haven't had time for much lately. I'm always tired and always moody. I've only found one fix and it has kept me from crying for 2 entire hours and it really did calm me. Just like before. As always. Some things never change. Did I really expect anything less though. "IT" always was soothing, comforting and there. The best I ever had. Or never had...