Went out with Trish, Michael, Faith & Becca lastnight. The dj sucked. The music was hip hop and the urban scene was in the house!!! Wiggles got down. And for some unknown reason I'm a sparkly wiggle magnet. We weren't feeling it so we came back to my place for afterhours and had drinks by the pool. I myself was having mostly coke with a little rum. I can't drink anymore...Michelle even showed up. After a lousy fight with her we've decided to put it behind us and move on. I can't hold a grudge, dammit!
Tonight is the night! Tomorrow I leave on a early morning plane for destinations out of dickwater to Puerto Vallarta Mexico. Color me glowing with anticipation.
One round-trip ticket from Dickwater, to Denver Co, to Mexico, then California, back to dickwater with layovers that are 5 hours long =$327.00
A steal of a deal for week at a resort for 7 nights (parents timeshare) = $180.00
Looking forward to taking a two-week break from life and forgetting about everything priceless.
My life has been hectic, chaotic, emotional, and stressful. I suffered through a nasty winter with depression, heartache and pain, and I managed to do really well while working on my Masters degree.
This is my reward to myself.
Sometimes you just have to say, what the hell, and go for it.
Plus, I'm really tired of putting my life on hold. For everything that Lexapro, red blood cells, and working for the man in the city- can't buy, there's visa.
I'll see you all in a week.
Have a safe Memorial Day Weekend, everybody!!!
Don't worry, the stories will be plentiful, the flirting will be abundant, the tan will be deep and dark, and the memory card on the camera, my heart, and my mind will be full.
Friday, May 25, 2007
Saturday, May 19, 2007
Recap
I'm going back to teaching :) Yay!!! I figured more experience wouldn't be such a bad thing while I finish up my masters.
Daddy had a rough week but he's doing great right now.
As for me, I've been sick for the past two days. I'm starting to feel better today though.
Isaiah struck out 3x's @ his last game :( Chandler has been playing remarkably well too. All of this from the little guy who wasn't supposed to be here, wasn't supposed to see or be mobile, he was supposed to be a vegetable. Dr's don't know everything. Chandler is proof. So grateful for that.
Today is graduation day....probably not going afterall. I don't feel up to par yet. Sorry guys. Another time.
Daddy had a rough week but he's doing great right now.
As for me, I've been sick for the past two days. I'm starting to feel better today though.
Isaiah struck out 3x's @ his last game :( Chandler has been playing remarkably well too. All of this from the little guy who wasn't supposed to be here, wasn't supposed to see or be mobile, he was supposed to be a vegetable. Dr's don't know everything. Chandler is proof. So grateful for that.
Today is graduation day....probably not going afterall. I don't feel up to par yet. Sorry guys. Another time.
Sunday, May 13, 2007
Friday, May 11, 2007
The Glue That Keeps Me Together
She's Classy
She's Sophisticated
She's Timeless
She's Grace
She's Strong
She's everything I hope to be...
She's My Mommy
After all the years growing up to 'Summer of '69' I now have a newfound love for the song that I grew up hating.
Because of you I've come to love the art of
cooking,
cleaning
and
laundry!
You taught me that there is absolutely nothing wrong with having beauty and brains!
You've shown me how to carry myself and you've defended me and stood by me even when I'm wrong.
You taught me how to be a strong, hardworking, loving woman.
You gave me my wings!
You saved my life when you saved me from the addiction and forced me to get help,
Thank you.
Thank you.
Unforgettable moments:
Sleeping with me in my own bed after the breakup with Jeremy
not saying a word or asking any questions but letting me know that you were just a shoulder away.
Holding my hand and my head up even when you couldn't and the unthinkable happened to our Brent
Cooking together in my kitchen
Drinking our favorite merlot and getting tipsy
adding salt instead of sugar to the Cosmopolitan sorbet and serving it anyway to your garden club!
The endless summers eating soft shell crabs
The many hours shopping
and
everyday that I have you as my mother.
I love you.
Amaya Georgia
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
Delicious Summer
There are many things I love about the start of warm weather:
Bare legs.
Fun summer shoes.
The first beginnings of sun-kissed skin.
Bare feet.
Wild colored Sundresses
Raising my face up to the sun to catch a few extra rays.
Driving with the windows rolled down and my hair blowing this way and that.
Blinking and suddenly realizing everything is clean, crisp, green, and the brightest shade of blue.
The smell of freshly mowed grass.
Leaving my car behind and walking to and from.
Working out in my summer solace and getting my hands dirty planting this summer's crop of flowers and vegetables.
Putting on last year's swimsuit and realizing I look better this year than last.
The smell of sweat and sex in the air.
but...Last night I realized there is something else I love about summer.
Leaving big University with the windows rolled down and old school Beastie Boys spinning in the CD player I am making my way home when a car of four young college boys meet up with me on the four lane highway.
They pass me with ease and I can tell they feel victorious.
I can't let that feeling last for them.I then pass them with ease.
They call sweet names to me out their window.
I stare straight ahead on the night road, the moon guiding my way, as a sly smile crosses my lips.
We then play a fun game of, who can pass who.
They try to pass me on the hill.
I push down on the gas ever so slightly.
They try to pass me on the curves.
I accelerate.
The stay behind me for several miles.
They think they have an opening.
But to no avail, I again, accelerate slightly.
I let them pass me when I have to switch to another highway.
Cat-calls and whoops and hollers travel from their open windows and into the lovely night air.
With a smile on my face, the beautiful moon in front of me and the Beastie Boys telling me there will be no sleep 'till Brooklyn.
I make my way home and realize summer is indeed in the air.
Bare legs.
Fun summer shoes.
The first beginnings of sun-kissed skin.
Bare feet.
Wild colored Sundresses
Raising my face up to the sun to catch a few extra rays.
Driving with the windows rolled down and my hair blowing this way and that.
Blinking and suddenly realizing everything is clean, crisp, green, and the brightest shade of blue.
The smell of freshly mowed grass.
Leaving my car behind and walking to and from.
Working out in my summer solace and getting my hands dirty planting this summer's crop of flowers and vegetables.
Putting on last year's swimsuit and realizing I look better this year than last.
The smell of sweat and sex in the air.
but...Last night I realized there is something else I love about summer.
Leaving big University with the windows rolled down and old school Beastie Boys spinning in the CD player I am making my way home when a car of four young college boys meet up with me on the four lane highway.
They pass me with ease and I can tell they feel victorious.
I can't let that feeling last for them.I then pass them with ease.
They call sweet names to me out their window.
I stare straight ahead on the night road, the moon guiding my way, as a sly smile crosses my lips.
We then play a fun game of, who can pass who.
They try to pass me on the hill.
I push down on the gas ever so slightly.
They try to pass me on the curves.
I accelerate.
The stay behind me for several miles.
They think they have an opening.
But to no avail, I again, accelerate slightly.
I let them pass me when I have to switch to another highway.
Cat-calls and whoops and hollers travel from their open windows and into the lovely night air.
With a smile on my face, the beautiful moon in front of me and the Beastie Boys telling me there will be no sleep 'till Brooklyn.
I make my way home and realize summer is indeed in the air.
Sunday, May 06, 2007
I just need to vent!
I've been busier than a $5 crack whore looking for my next blow-job so I can get my fix on.I promise to return with wit, sarcasm, and wonderful insights into the world very soon. Say, tomorrow-ish.
But today...ehh
I don't typically like to bitch. I'm not a fan of the nag, the whine, the sit and sulk and say that everything is fine when really we both know that it's not. However, you're suppose to be smart enough to figure out what's wrong with me while I just sit and stew and stew over what ever it is that pissed me off, but you have no clue so you go out with the guys and then several days later I blow-up over you not telling me you missed me when really I'm pissed about that thing that happened on Wednesday and it's now Sunday morning.Nope, that's not me.
I am however, very fond of the five second vent. Stand or sit just shut-up and just let me vent for five seconds. I don't want advice. I don't want a solution to the vent. I just want you to sit or stand, shut-up and listen. So, this is me venting. If it takes you longer than five seconds to read this, well then that's not my fault.
So, I am depressed today. Right now. Not in a, 'I hate myself and I feel all blechy about myself,' kind of way. No, it's more of a, 'People are irritating me.' But not so much in a, 'I want to rip their heads off' kind of way. It's more in a, I look at you and take a deep internal sigh and think, 'you make me tired,' kind of way.I'm tired.People are wearing me out and not in the good fun kind of way. I just feel, sigh-ish. Slouch-ish.
I tried working out. That usually solves this kind of mood. Nope. I even got up to 81 RPM's on level 5 of the treadmile, for an entire minute. I had a moment of, "Wow, you rock." But notice the period, no exclamation point. I did the free-weights. Nope, nothing.
While I was working out I watched my tivo of "Dateline," and they had one of their infamous, "I'm a 40 year-old pervert and I've come to seduce the 14 year-old who is really a decoy and this is all a set-up, but I'm too stupid to know it," shows. I'm pretty sure that's what put me over the edge.
Watching all these seemingly normal and okay, a few not too normal, men try and seduce these supposed 12-14 year-old virgin girls. One drove four hours to meet her. Another two hours and showed up at 4am. Several had a wife and kids. Several have been arrested before.Then, then the kicker.
The one who sent me over the preverbial edge.
A 40 year-old man who showed up with his five-year-old son in tow.
Yep.
He brought his son with him while he planned to have sex with a 14 year-old virgin.
Seriously.
They had to call his wife to come pick up the son while the father was hauled away to jail. Seriously.
I know you can never know someone entirely or completely.
I know you can never know what someone is thinking or fantasizing about.
I know there are all kinds of pervs out there.
I know you can never know where someone is or what or whom they are doing and when and where they are doing it.
I know the whole, on-line thing is revolutionizing perversion and fetish and ways to meet people that even I probably don't know and don't want to be aware of.
But, seriously.
Married men?
40 year-old married men, with families. With a wife and kids at home. With daughters of their own going to meet 12-14 year-old virgins at her home and seduce her. Driving over four hours to do so.
*Rubs forehead while shaking my head.*
I don't get it.
You know who and what you are.
You can deny it, but you do.
You can try and hide it.
You can try and live a normal life in the everyday, but deep down, deep down in your soul and your gut of guts, you know who and what you are. Why bring an innocent family into the mix? Why? Why do that to them? Why? If you are seeking this out online, then I know what you are doing in your home. Chances are you are seeking out the innocent girl online while your innocent family is in the next room.
So I ask, who can I trust? Who should I trust? I've been wrong so, so many fucking times before. It takes a lot for me to bring down the bricks from my wall. I've brought down a few and peaked over, but damn it all to hell if someone doesn't fuck that up and make me want to put those bricks back up. I guess right now I just don't have a lot of faith. Faith in people. I'll be over it probably by this time tomorrow. This time next week at the latest. Almost nearly positive about that.
My trust issues have been well documented here on my blog. I have issues with trust. I can admit this. One step down, eleven more to go. I have a whole 12-month subscription worth of trust issues.
Add in this, "Dateline," episode, coupled with the relationships, the mother, the friends who have agendas, and well you have a pissy chick who just needed to vent for five seconds.
But today...ehh
I don't typically like to bitch. I'm not a fan of the nag, the whine, the sit and sulk and say that everything is fine when really we both know that it's not. However, you're suppose to be smart enough to figure out what's wrong with me while I just sit and stew and stew over what ever it is that pissed me off, but you have no clue so you go out with the guys and then several days later I blow-up over you not telling me you missed me when really I'm pissed about that thing that happened on Wednesday and it's now Sunday morning.Nope, that's not me.
I am however, very fond of the five second vent. Stand or sit just shut-up and just let me vent for five seconds. I don't want advice. I don't want a solution to the vent. I just want you to sit or stand, shut-up and listen. So, this is me venting. If it takes you longer than five seconds to read this, well then that's not my fault.
So, I am depressed today. Right now. Not in a, 'I hate myself and I feel all blechy about myself,' kind of way. No, it's more of a, 'People are irritating me.' But not so much in a, 'I want to rip their heads off' kind of way. It's more in a, I look at you and take a deep internal sigh and think, 'you make me tired,' kind of way.I'm tired.People are wearing me out and not in the good fun kind of way. I just feel, sigh-ish. Slouch-ish.
I tried working out. That usually solves this kind of mood. Nope. I even got up to 81 RPM's on level 5 of the treadmile, for an entire minute. I had a moment of, "Wow, you rock." But notice the period, no exclamation point. I did the free-weights. Nope, nothing.
While I was working out I watched my tivo of "Dateline," and they had one of their infamous, "I'm a 40 year-old pervert and I've come to seduce the 14 year-old who is really a decoy and this is all a set-up, but I'm too stupid to know it," shows. I'm pretty sure that's what put me over the edge.
Watching all these seemingly normal and okay, a few not too normal, men try and seduce these supposed 12-14 year-old virgin girls. One drove four hours to meet her. Another two hours and showed up at 4am. Several had a wife and kids. Several have been arrested before.Then, then the kicker.
The one who sent me over the preverbial edge.
A 40 year-old man who showed up with his five-year-old son in tow.
Yep.
He brought his son with him while he planned to have sex with a 14 year-old virgin.
Seriously.
They had to call his wife to come pick up the son while the father was hauled away to jail. Seriously.
I know you can never know someone entirely or completely.
I know you can never know what someone is thinking or fantasizing about.
I know there are all kinds of pervs out there.
I know you can never know where someone is or what or whom they are doing and when and where they are doing it.
I know the whole, on-line thing is revolutionizing perversion and fetish and ways to meet people that even I probably don't know and don't want to be aware of.
But, seriously.
Married men?
40 year-old married men, with families. With a wife and kids at home. With daughters of their own going to meet 12-14 year-old virgins at her home and seduce her. Driving over four hours to do so.
*Rubs forehead while shaking my head.*
I don't get it.
You know who and what you are.
You can deny it, but you do.
You can try and hide it.
You can try and live a normal life in the everyday, but deep down, deep down in your soul and your gut of guts, you know who and what you are. Why bring an innocent family into the mix? Why? Why do that to them? Why? If you are seeking this out online, then I know what you are doing in your home. Chances are you are seeking out the innocent girl online while your innocent family is in the next room.
So I ask, who can I trust? Who should I trust? I've been wrong so, so many fucking times before. It takes a lot for me to bring down the bricks from my wall. I've brought down a few and peaked over, but damn it all to hell if someone doesn't fuck that up and make me want to put those bricks back up. I guess right now I just don't have a lot of faith. Faith in people. I'll be over it probably by this time tomorrow. This time next week at the latest. Almost nearly positive about that.
My trust issues have been well documented here on my blog. I have issues with trust. I can admit this. One step down, eleven more to go. I have a whole 12-month subscription worth of trust issues.
Add in this, "Dateline," episode, coupled with the relationships, the mother, the friends who have agendas, and well you have a pissy chick who just needed to vent for five seconds.
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