Reece's Christening vs. Spending time with my baby
If I don't do both, I won't forgive myself! Solutions and thoughts I need, stat!
I'm leaning toward Chicago.
This where I get to be bad Maya: FUCK FUCK FUCK!
And basically this is all my own fault for not planning well. When Eric and Nick got in 'trouble' I wanted so desperately to be with Eric that I just shot for any date. I knew that I wouldn't be going to Reece's Baptism and I had planned on telling Renee & Rod the day before I left. Friday Renee calls me at the office and wanted to know if I would be Reece's Godmother!?! I was baffled and then I realized I was second fiddle, seems to be an issue with me, but Michelle, the first choice was just diagnosed with Lupus. I don't know what this is but it's supposedly life threatning. When Renee and I talked yesterday I told that I'm not sure if my ticket was refundable...(white lie) and bringing her to tears because she has family flying in from Gernada, Aruba, Brooklyn, Trinidad and from Bum fuck and she couldn't postpone it. Then discussing it with my Mommy and my Daddy we all agreed that I am not in the most stable environment for any child. My dad even brought up the point that I can't even adopt a child from an agency because of my age and I'm unmarried. And this morning after talking to Renee about this she really had me crying this time. Her exact words were "If something were to happen to Rod & I, I want my child to be surrounded by love. I want him to know how to love unconditionally and I want him to be the best man all the time, I want him to be polite and I want him to give" she went on to say that "I am the perfect person" She stares in awe when we go out and I'm always talking to everyone, always polite, and always loving everyone unconditionally and she see's where I give so much of myself to everyone, all the time. I was floored at this and I told her I'd have to discuss it with Eric. She even said that I was her first choice because of my endless amounts of love and patience for children and she knows that I'm a good person,whom they trust, but she & Rodderick wanted someone married, someone older so they went with Michelle. With the diagnosis Michelle's health is probably not that good. She explained to me that Kurt, Renee's brother would be directed in their will that he recieves Reece and that I would get him if Kurt was dead...
So I'm torn. What do I do? What do I say? My brothers and sisters want me to just do it and get over it as they said this will never be able to happen again whereas Eric will always be in Chicago.
I want to spend time with Eric, he's still healing. I also would never be able to face Renee and Rod if I said no....
The bottomline is....It's about Religion!!! YOU STUPID CATHOLICS!!
thoughts to my email right away, club!
