I can't sleep. I forgot to eat yesterday and I have this overwhelming feeling of guilt and almost shame. I don't really know what to say...I think I got so wrapped up in my pain and this feeling of not being able to be myself and do normal things that I didn't notice what it was doing to everyone around me. Or not even around me, more importantly.
I don't know if any of this can be fixed at this point.
I called Nadia because she's probably the wisest lady that I know and we talked about everything from HIM to ME to a nice getaway to the Greenbriar on Sunday. She says that she's worried about me because I'm under so much pressure and most of it's the shit I do to myself. I explained to her that I was fine but I don't know if I could forgive myself if I allowed HIM to just walk away. HER WORDS "If he did this to you, you wouldn't even remember his name" and how true that is....
There's no fixing this. I've really fucked this one.
Oh & T thanx for the pep talk yesterday--I really needed it. You're probably the only person who understands everything and sees things from my perspective, Thank you.
I'm feeling misty eyed and my flame is slowly fading...
