So Like..

Kids these days. What the hell is wrong with them? I just got back from attempting to enjoy an evening coffee at Starbucks, but instead of savoring the aromatic goodness that is coffee, I found myself eavesdropping on a couple of teenage girls having what I can only assume was a conversation.

Without exaggeration, in the span of 15 minutes one of the girls used the word "like" 112 times. Do the math, kiddies... That's more than 7 per minute! 1 every 8 seconds!!

If this is how kids talk these days, then I weep for the future. Both of these sweethearts were pretty, dressed nicely and not once did I hear a swear word from either of them. But is their vocabulary so extraordinarily limited that every other word has to be "like"?? This bubblehead even finished a few of her sentences with "like".

"I was, like, you know, trying to tell him, like, that he has to go to, like, math class, like!" I think my ears started to bleed at that point.

Maybe it isn't the kids' fault that they're idiots. Perhaps the funding for our education system has been reduced so much that the school boards have resorted to cutting basic programming such as knuckle-dragging, mouth breathing and English.

Or maybe the parents are to blame. After all, if kids grow up listening to terrible speech and grammar then it's only natural that they'll pick up those same habits, right? We do learn by example afterall.

But then that must mean that the general population surrounding these moron kids is linguistically inept!

Or is it TV? Shaggy from Scooby Doo must've imprinted on their tiny, maleable, peanut brains!

Oh, these poor, poor children! What are we going to do??

I don't care whose fault it is. Stop talking like a Valley Girl and let me enjoy my coffee before I toss you into the trash can. Like.

I Never Regret...

My Latte with three splenda

A nap

Buying the extra insurance

Wearing the pink lipstick

Bringing my camera

The extra 10 mins on the treadmill

Listening to Soul Decision's 'Faded'

Saying I'm sorry

Telling them I love you

Adding extra blueberries to the pancake mix

Booking the trip

Packing extra outfits

Ordering water at 2 am

Not waiting for the kiss

Asking for help

WHAT DO YOU NEVER REGRET?

Happy 2011

It's been a while since I've actually had time to sit down and allow myself time to blog. I've spent the last few months with my grandmother who needs 'round the clock care now. I spend most of my nights with her. Right now-she's in Florida and I have 3 weeks free. I'm not sure what i'm going to do with all of this free time! I'm sure I'll manage though ;)

My resolution this year is to live 2011 as if 2010 never happened! I considered doing a “let’s reflect on everything that happened in 2010” post, but honestly? My brain works better moving forward, rather than looking back. And although 2010 had some ultra, let’s-just-up-and-down-clapping-our-hands-we-are-so-damn-happy-I-look-drunk-with-joy, moments (hello Haven got married, Hello--I lost weight!)

So in the spirit of reflection and moving forward (yes, it's possible to do both) I've decided to give a shout-out to moments i'm excited for in 2011.

I’m really working hard on being a better teacher. December… well, let’s just say December left me a little ragged. I showed up the last week of work looking like Courtney Love after a street fight and my lesson plans consisted of listening to Christmas music while creating ornate Christmas crafts involving styrofoam cups, glitter glue and a wicked amount of determination. I put in 14 hours at school today, hunkered down over my new literacy goals (none of which involve singing “Rudolph the Red-Nose Reindeer” while silently cursing that your googly eyes won’t stick to the construction paper) and am so ready to drop some knowledge bombs on my kids.

The return of Glee. Is it shallow and small that the return of a television show makes my top 10 things to be excited about in 2011?

More friend time. Life has been hectic since I became you know, employed (hooray for regular pay checks! boo for getting up before 5 am)- and I miss my friends. I miss them a thousand times a day and find myself reflecting on the amazing times we had with more and more wistfulness. Because as fantastic as life can be, as structured and safe and productive your world is- there is nothing, nothing like spending the evening with someone who has seen you puke in a flower bush, wipe your mouth off with your sleeve and then proceed to sing “Toxic” while wobbling in your too tall shoes ( I know, I'm so classy someone should name a handbag after me.)

It's 23 degrees outside so naturally I'm looking forward to June, July, & August. Or just a time when I can go outside and breathe without feeling Mother Nature shove her frigid fist down my throat, freeze my lungs into chunks of ice and make breathing as enjoyable as a televised pap smear.

I'm excited about travel plans. I love traveling and I'm planning my birthday holiday now. Bahamas sounds hot to me right now.

What are you excited for in 2011?

Time

Aristotle said it best: “We live in deeds, not years; in thoughts not breaths; in feelings, not in figures on a dial. We should count time by heart throbs. He most lives who thinks most, feels the noblest, acts the best"

Daylight savings time ends :( We fall back an hour.

So I'm wondering.......

A few weeks ago, I was spending my free time putting together a list of reading strategies for a bulletin board to help kids comprehend what they are reading. (And yes, this is what teachers do in their free time. So before you start going all “JULY AND AUGUST HOLIDAYS” on me, I’m just going to stop you right here and tell you to suck it.) One of the strategies that most experts agree on, is that a student needs to be able to recognize relationships in writing and understand what these relationships mean. As seen here. Please note how professional I am, doing my serious teacher work on my comfy bed:





Students who are able to connect people, understand their relationships while reading, tend to do better seeing the big picture- what the story is ultimately about. They tend to be better at predicting what will happen next in the story, explaining what already happened and distilling the main points of the tale when sharing with others.

Blah, Blah, Blah.

So what this really got me thinking about was, how do I define my relationships. Because seriously, it’s important that I always bring it back to me.

I have friends. I’m lucky enough to have the very best of friends. Friends who make me laugh and go to Disney World with me and stay in hotel rooms with me and watch NCIS marathons with me when the entire world has gotten comfortable resting it’s heavy mass on my shoulders. Friends who call just because, text funny stories, email just to wish me a good day. Yes, I have very good friends.

I know couples who routinely call their partner their best friend. I know couples who are glad they are in a couple, love the person they are with, but call friends outside their coupled relationship their best friend. Which got me thinking- do you have a best friend? Or are you someone who has a group of close friends? Is your spouse/partner your best friend or do you look outside your relationship and find yourself best friends with someone else? Is it too sixth grade to think that you can only have one best friend or do you have different kinds of best friends? Is it just me or does routinely typing ‘best friend’ make me sound like I’m 12 years old?

Maybe once we grow up we are supposed to stop talking about best friends. Maybe that’s why I feel silly asking about it. Or maybe, once we grow up the idea of “best friend” changes and it’s harder to articulate how we feel, what makes a best friend or how we feel about the one (or ones) we have. Or maybe, if you are lucky, you’ve never stopped to think about something like this, because you are too busy polishing your BFF necklace you are still wearing from the friend you’ve had since the sixth grade.

I hope for you, it’s the last one.

Sisters.

Sometimes I think I'm the luckiest girl in the world. Haven asked me to be the Maid of Honor in her wedding instead of a bridesmaid. How exciting! We weren't always this close. However, she's the first I call when the shit hits the fan these days. And lately, she's been completely upset and life is bit of a roller coaster ride for her. We've been crying and laughing together and we're planning her big day together.

She's an amazing mother and sister and I am a lucky girl because not only do I have Haven, I have Rebecca too!

I am blessed.

My Students are Worth It!

Blue area rug that I lugged into the school while making noises that one usually only hears behind closed doors late at night after *4 shots of tequila- $19

Bins of throw pillows, each carefully picked for plumpness, coziness and all around ‘I want to curl up and read a book with you’ feeling- $64

Number of hours spent painting-16

Wire shelving units that appeared easy to construct but resulted in me cursing so much I would have made a sailor blush and almost resulted in the loss of my pinkie finger- $58

Approximate number of hours it took to sort each book into categories- mystery, adventure, scientific fiction, people & places, space & science, arts & math, comics, do it yourself, reference, animals, research, biographies and make appropriate labels for each group. Complete with pictures of the author so kids have an idea who the face is behind the book they are reading- 6 hours

Approximate number of hours it took to “level” each book in my reading library, ensuring that kids have a better opportunity to pick books that they will feel comfortable reading-9 hours


Cost for the books in our class library, 80% of which were bought at Bank Street Books and Green Valley Book Fair so that I could save some greenbacks and my students could revel in that ‘old, musty thrift store book smell’- $987.43

Amount of times I’ve started thinking of all the shoes I could have bought with $987.43 before stopping and feeding myself some cheap pep talk about children’s literacy being more important than stylish footwear which then resulted in me rolling my eyes at myself and saying ‘tell it to your feet, mama needs a new pair of shoes‘, which then further fueled the moral vs. stylish footwear dilemma I wrestle with on the daily- 483,403,502

Watching my students enjoy our literacy corner- priceless

(Number of times I rolled my eyes while writing this post, fully aware of how cliché ridden and cheesy it was- infinite. BUT I’M STILL EXCITED!)

As if my Summer couldn't get any worse....

My friend Michelle's boyfriend was killed in a car accident on Friday morning. His brother who also was with him, was killed as well. Such a sad time for everyone. It's hard to lose a loved one, it's even harder when you have to lose two at the same time--I can't imagine the devastation the family must feel.

P!nk - Just Like A Pill

John Owen-Jones - Bring Him Home (Hi Quality)

Trying to Educate the Lindsane of the World!

Dear Sir, Madam, or Offending Garment du Jour:


You are hereby on notice that I have started to, er, notice you befouling various celebrities. I sweetly insist that you cease & desist your body-stumping, childish ways before the general public is seduced by your inexplicable charms.






Darlings, this is like one of those delightful SAT questions; Jumpsuits are to 2010 fashion as Lindsay Lohan is to self tanner. *Aprops to the original jumpsuit era, let's pick C, Just Say No.

Think of me....

You know that I'd be with you if I could

I'll come around to see you once in a while
or if I ever need a reason to smile

........And spend the night if you think I should

We Can't Settle.

A lot of times we settle. We settle for something less than we deserve. We tend to let things slide and shrug them off. We make excuses and compromise all too often. We lose sight of what we deserve and how well we should be treated. Every girl deserves to be treated as if she's the last one standing. To have a door open for them, the guy treat them to dinner, to ask how your day went, to come to you, to try to make you happy, to call you when you don't expect it, and to be with someone who wants to do all of those things for you.

To all of my girlfriends and best friends--never forget your worth or how much you deserve. And believe me, there are plenty of guys who are out there waiting to do all of these things...sadly these days...they are few and far between. We can't settle for anything less than wonderful because we are worth it.

Class

"Boys, repeat after me, I will not text after 11 pm, I will not engage in flirtexting, and I will not under any circumstances expect the girl to split the bill on the first date. Now just the girls, I will not drunk dial, I will not allow a boy to have his cake and eat it too (you'll understand when you're older), and I will walk away and never look back when he says 'I'm not ready' (again, trust me on this one)."

My lesson plans according to Michelle :)

Are You F*cking Kidding Me? (Facebook Song) LIVE

Delete

As someone who battles with her computer on almost a daily basis (okay that’s a stretch, but I just don’t really understand it a lot of the time) there is one function that a computer has that I have always respected. That function my friends, is delete.

My computer deletes without feeling, without debate. It asks me only once if I am sure, and then it does the job. It doesn’t ask me “Do you think you will regret deleting this file?”, “are you sure this isn’t a mistake?” or “Isn’t this the best copy you’ve made, shouldn’t you keep it?”, my computer coolly and objectively deletes with one swift swipe of the enter key. There are no tears, long conversations anazlying the matter, or sleepless nights. My computer just deletes and moves on.

Other than the time I accidentally deleted my entire hard drive (oh what a life I lead!), I’ve never been really good at deleting anything. I still have my first baby tooth, my class president crown from grade two and my one and only Spice girl CD. I have kept matchbooks with numbers I would never call, pictures of people I don’t remember and every napkin I’ve ever scratched an ingenious thought on (most of these thoughts occur at 2am when I’m drunk on genius and tequila) . Deleting possessions, removing them from my cluttered life has never been my strong suit.

People are even worse.

The ability to delete has become one of interest only recently. I had always accepted that I was unable to delete, to remove, to erase people in my life. I mean, if I can’t discard the president’s crown from grade 2 (I totally rocked the competition though), how could I possibly find the boldness to delete a person? Like I said, I had accepted this fate until a funny thing happened…
Within the last couple of weeks I have witnessed to examples of exactly how to delete. Two of my loveliest friends, each in a different way were able to find their delete button and discard the emotions, attachments and questions that were clinging to a person in their life. The people they had attached these trappings to were people that they cared about, lusted after, even (despite what they would sometimes admit) loved. For years, (notice the italics) each of them had kept these people around, unwilling to delete them, unable to do anything else. Why did they delete? They found themselves in a position where their lives were better for it. I don’t mean to be one-dimensional, but we entertain people in our lives who make our lives better, once someone fails to do that, or prevents you from making your own life better, you should start eyeing the delete button. That is not to say that once you hit ‘delete’ and decide to move on that you will forget about the person, (most are afterall a little more memorable then a paper crown), it’s just that you will erase their file and gain some free storage to create something new. You will remember what you wrote, you just won’t have a copy to hold on to.

Do I have people that I should delete? Absolutely. People who are long since gone who I allow to influence my descisions, to affect my mood and cause me to question things that can no longer be answered? Yes. Have I deleted these people? No. But I’m going to. Today. Because a girl can drive herself crazy trying to hold on to something that she doesn’t really have. And after a few sleepless nights, I’ve realized I’m better than staring at my failed relationships computer screen and wondering what to do next. So for now, I will push the delete button, take a deep breath and reboot.

It’s going to be an interesting summer.

And I Quote

“I never wanted to be one of those girls in love with boys who would not have me. Unrequited love- plain desperate aboveboard boy chasing turned you into a salesperson, and what you were selling was something he didn’t want, could not use, would never miss. Unrequited love was deciding to be useless and I could never abide uselessness"

Party of One

My night started off very well. Some friends and I went out and to celebrate we popped open wine, marvelled at my shoes (pictures. soon. promise.) and discussed everything from Healthcare to American Idol with equal passion. We laughed, we drank and I went out smelling like Kim Kardashian, glossed with my lipglass and doused in the “look at me, I’m bloody fantastic!” confidence that comes with a 4 drink minimum or a really good hair day.

We went to a lounge where the music was loud and the people were polished. There were camera shots and tequila shots. There were hugs to old friends and numbers exchanged to new ones. It started out being one of those nights where you hope you see everyone you ever knew because they would see you at your best- laughing, happy, surrounded by friends and wearing killer footwear.

An unfortunate circumstance found me having to state my relationship status repeatedly (or lack of relationship status to be more accurate). At first it was fine, I can throw in a joke about it, can say all the reasons I’m glad I’m not currently coupled like an animal on Noah’s ark (the commitment! the chance of drama! the fact I would have to shave my legs on a regular basis!), but it didn’t stop. I had to keep saying it over, and over and over again.

I’m single.

And the kicker? I’m not casually dating, not currently on the fence about a particular guy, not even secretly lusting after someone.

I’m just… single.

It was in that moment that I noticed everyone who wasn’t single. I noticed the couples suctioned to each other- sweaty from dancing with hands interlaced. The ones smiling at the dancers antics knowing they would go home together and have something to talk about. The ones whispering secrets and stories no one else would ever hear.

Suddenly, I felt something that stirred my insides and left me shaken. A feeling that crept slowly up my throat and left a bad taste in my mouth. Suddenly, I felt being single wasn’t fun.
There’s the idea that singleness equals carefree road trips with red toes out the window. Of random sexual escapades that would make even Samantha blush. Of spur of the moment splurges, weeknight parties, drawers filled only with expensive La Perla panties and complex nightgowns with strings and bows.

And sometimes being single is like that. It’s lovely, and exciting and causes you to skip into your office or strut in the coffee shop. You feel independent and lovely and find yourself going on trips or applying for jobs you would have to think twice about if coupled.

And sometimes being single isn’t like that. It’s heartbreaking and lonely and causes watery eyes when you realize that when you wake from a bad dream, there’s no one to tell. And you find yourself on a Saturday night wearing your best shoes, surrounded by too many people, feeling far too alone.

Give Me a Kleenex, I'll Wipe Your Nose Too.

It’s impossible to immerse yourself in a new job, to live it, breathe it, and not find yourself changed by it.

The proof of this change came last week over dinner with friends….

While sitting with friends (some old, some new), the cute guy two seats down from me put down his napkin and said that he couldn’t eat another bite of his sandwich because he was full.

I promptly replied “See if you can eat two more bites. Then you can be done.”

It wasn’t until I looked up from my meal and heard everyone laughing did I remember that I wasn’t eating my meal with picky 8 year olds who hate eating their lunch.

But for the record, the guy DID eat two more bites. And then we shared a dessert.

Something an 8 year old would never do.

My Uncomfortable Zone.

Like Pavlov’s dogs, I’m learning that certain triggers will send me into an unplanned response. More specifically, certain phrases will send me into a blood curdling, hair tingling, cold and uncomfortable sweat that will prompt me to lie in the fetal position under my bed and drink whiskey until I think I AM Johnny Cash.

Okay, I exaggerate, but here are some phrases that make me prone to fits of extreme rage, or you know, just uncomfortable or unhappy…

- “I signed us up for karokee, stop drinking so fast, let’s do this song sober!”

- “Hi there, this is the Internal Revenue Service. Can we please speak to Amaya?”

- “You’re late” (I hate,hate, HATE being late)

- “It’s time for a pap smear!”

- ” I think you are silly/cute/a joke”.

- “It broke” (And to quote Louis Armstrong, ‘if you have to ask, you’ll never know’)

- “Now, I know we said we weren’t going to cut a lot of hair off this time, but I thought these Heidi Klume bangs would really suit you. Hey, why are you crying?”

- “Nope, we don’t have you booked on this airplane, sorry! Now can you step aside for the next person in line?”

- “You're car is totalled."

- “I don’t want to date you anymore, but happy birthday.”

- “Ma’am, I need to see your license and registration”

- "I have been going to dinner and movies with a gal pal."

- “You’re a democrat? Wow, I would have totally pegged you as a Republican.” (this one was more funny, but I was shocked nonetheless)

- “I don’t watch The Office. Wait, why are you looking at me like that? What’s wrong?”

And of course, the ever popular, never appreciated

- “I have some bad news”