Babies and Unsolicited questions

Yesterday was Haven's baby shower in Jordan's mother's courtyard at her nice Surburban, Northern Virginia home. The baby will make his arrival at the end of May. They have changed his name several different times due to hormones. He will now be called 'Luke'. The look on my Mother's face was utterly priceless when Haven announced his official name. (Becca, Mom and I will work with her on this) The name is repulsive! Grandma even laughed and said 'When can we expect Mark and John since you already have Mathew and Luke!" Haven in all her true beautiful glowing self, just laughed it off preceded by one of the infamous Warner Woman stares.

We were surrounded by beautiful spring tulips and Mountain laurel with waterfalls. We sipped on lemonade, Champagne and ice tea. We ate delicious cucumber sandwhiches and shrimp with tortellini kabobs. We played a bunch of lame games. I was holding Haven's hand as the Mother in law asked the dreaded lame game question: How much weight has Haven gained? Even my mother thought it was out of line. A Warner Woman's weight is a sensitive subject having grown up in Surburban McLean with mothers who want you to be healthy, Tall & thin, i.e. (I am neither) Becca thought it would be cute to answer 65 whopping pounds. However, she has gained 34 lbs at 34 weeks of pregnancy. Is that bad, Lisa? Drew? After we suffered through the lousy questions, I essentially won the Haven game. My gift was a crystal candy bowl and beautiful stationary. I love pretty paper!

After socializing in the hot sun with my grandmother's garden club friends, I had to give me annual State of My Uterus address. These women felt it was neccessary to quiz me on when I was going to get married and have babies. I realize this is a typical question for those of us past our college age years. Yet it astounds me how often I hear this familiar, cliched, if usually (sometimes?) well intentioned, refrain.

Having seen and heard from a number of you it would appear that many of us are fielding the same infernal question, whether you are (1) like me and mentally preparing/wishing for future children and the related concept of 18-24 years of not sleeping in ever, or (2) just not wanting any children of your own, at any point, Marisa is perfect enough or (3) very much wishing to have children but struggling to conceive them in the first place. In short, many of us lady-types happen to not be pregnant right this very second. We are also perhaps not eager to discuss that fact with, by means of completely random example, your sister's boss' ridiculous secretary.

We thirtysomethings need to get together and concoct some politely, snarky retort to all of these pushy questions that we've endured over the years.

Of course, all of these women know everything! Based on the comments I've heard lately from pregnant friends and Haven in particular, I understand that no small number of people are STILL, in this 21st century AD, offering any and all manner of unsolicited, uterus-bound advice, under that most sinister guise of "help".

You might be asking yourself - why is Amaya, who is not pregnant, who has never been pregnant, NOT that it is anyone else's business, taking on this monumental task? What relevant observation could such a person possibly have on a state she has never experienced? Um . . . good question.

Happily, I've never been one to let inexperience get in the way of my opinions. Plus, my pregnant sister and friends are a bit preoccupied at the moment with, you know, being pregnant. And - AND! - you won't find me giving them advice about their current state. Surprising, I know.

In truth, the point of this post is motivated by sincere anger and heartbreak on behalf of my dear Haven who has recently had the double burden of pregnancy worries and fielding your numerous and - might I emphasize - unsolicited offers of advice about the same. To that end, a couple of thoughts from this admitted interloper:

- On how a mother chooses to bring her child into the world: I have no doubt that, due to your carb-free, pesticide-free, shadow-free diet throughout your rigorously scheduled pregnancy, your own personal labor was nothing short of a Broadway musical of delights. Keebler Elves assuredly tap-danced from your ladybits in painless unison to usher your Organic Little Bundle of Joy into the world, while the sun shone from your every orifice and Zac Efron crooned softly in the background.

Here's the thing: although your own pregnancy was a veritable feast of High School Musical delights, reliable sources tell me that might not be the case for everyone. Yes, even if they do follow your highly-regimented advice to the letter. What's more, if the object of your rapturous advice has not been so fortunate as to have such a blissful pregnancy, odds are your storytelling, strewn with fairy dust as it might be, may only serve to make the mom-to-be feel guilty or worse.

- On suggesting that a pregnancy setback or tragedy is the result of divine will: Religion being a deeply personal matter, I won't touch it with a finely manicured finger here except to say this - religion is a deeply personal matter. While some might take comfort in this sort of advice, many - even the spiritual amongst us - might not. Assume the latter & tread carefully, please!


Friends, can't we just all share one big epidural cocktail* and get along - silently, supportively, and, unless specifically asked, without judgment of our pregnant friends?
*Or not, if you or your Life Birth Lamaze Career Coach are against that sort of thing. Gah.

A Song for Me?

Joseph told me that when he listens to Beyonce's 'If I were a Boy' - he thinks of me and all of man troubles! He was actually understanding and sincere.

Is there a song that reminds you of someone?

Motto of the Nite....

You can sleep with a redhead

You can sleep with a brunette

But

You won't get any sleep with a blond!!

Nutshell

I Love…
myself (don’t hate me because it was the first thing that came to my mind,- I was raised this way), my family (because if I said ’shoes’ next that would look reeeally bad), seeing potential, the smell of suntan lotion, books that make me cry, people who make me think, *a man with a plan, Friday nights when I’m sleeping by 10pm, hot showers on cold mornings, the face a child makes when they finally understand refraction, my friends, Cristal, the feel of clean sheets, dirty jokes, songs that feel like they were written about my life, Fridays, the mysterious allure of Kevin Costner, shoes!, when I get what it’s all about, people who are witty to the point of genius (ie. Jon Stewart).

I Ache…
(sadly) after an hour of really intense playtime my many nieces and nephews who have deemed me the human jungle gym. And during Aunt Flow’s visit.

I Always…
wake up before my alarm clock goes off, say “thank you”, blush when people make a big deal out of hearing me swear, try to give exact change, cry at weddings, think more is better, giggle when someone says ‘balls’ (because apparently I’m 9 years old), talk with my hands, leave a good tip, stop talking when I’m mad, complain about celebrity fascination but then catch myself wondering if Jen A will ever find true love.

I Usually…
write too much when answering these. Brush my teeth 3 to 4 times a day, take my shoes off before I go into my house.

I Am Not…
likely to ever stop being a daddy’s girl, really competive (unless it’s Scrabble and then I want to destroy you and all your loved ones everyone to try their best and have fun), able to lie well, faster than a speeding bullet, likely to ever beat you on a math test, eager for Friday, good at bartering, a fan party boys or most sugar free products

I Dance…
When I'm drunk, with my eyes closed, until I’m sweaty, as I master my air guitar, while planning my wedding to Justin Timberlake, with a passion rivaled only by those competing on “Dancing with the Stars”.

* a man with a plan refers to a well-adjusted man who doesn’t need a 5 drink minimum/an entourage/lifts in his shoes/a blackberry to feel confident enough to come over and say hi.

Love Letters

Sometimes I really do think I was born in the wrong era. I yearn to be a heroine in a Jane Austen novel. Fastened into a corset, wrapped up in yards of silk and a bonnet- clutching a finely written love letter from a lover on an adventure, but aching to return to me.

But I was born in the late 70's. Meaning, that the majority of my adult ‘love letters’ have come in the form of emails. I know this is partly my fault (I tend to email people before calling, or actually- gasp!- seeing them), but last night while I embarked on the dreaded tasks of cleaning up my email account, I couldn’t help but feel sad about it all.

My grandkids will not inherit dusty stacks of ink stained declarations of love wrapped up in faded ribbon. There will be no discoveries of who I loved at 18 years, or 22, 25, or 30. There will be no tangible evidence of the loves I’ve held and the loves I’ve lost. And in ways that I’m sure I will articulate better when I’m older, this makes me feel like I’ve done a disservice- not only to those I would want to share the letters with, but to myself.

As I allowed myself a bumpy trip down memory lane re-reading all the emails that I’ve amassed over the years, I found myself surprised at what I found. I had forgotten how lovely love could be. How earnest a man in love could sound, what surprises could unfold when I clicked to open an email. I found words that made me cry, words that made me laugh- words that took me back to a time when I felt smarter, but was far more foolish. I found words so… bare, so private I felt like an intruder reading them, though they were addressed to me. I found myself wistful- not for the man, but for the moment when a few short sentences would say everything I needed and wished to hear.

I poured myself a drink and sat back, staring at pages and pages of sweet notes crammed with inside jokes, long letters filled with promises of things to come and messages short on punctuation but long on thought. I realized that if I wanted to, I could print each one out, wrap them tightly and store them away, computer print-outs on pristine white paper never touched by anyone but me. Or I could let them sit in my inbox, a reminder of what is over. Or, I could delete them all, and start new. And promise myself that my Los, my love would be given a pen.

I deleted them all. I deserve the dusty stacks, touched by his hands as well as mine. I want that. And I know one day, my grandkids will too.

I’m off to find a bonnet.

Update

All is well here after having a wonderful weekend! Perfect weekend weather this weekend too. Lets get that boat Mr. V!

Happy Birthday Emily

Emily is 6 today!

I'm hungover.

I'm no good.

Going to dry up in the sun.

Sex on the beach is not good for me.

Happy Easter!

Happy Easter everyone! Mine was very nice. Details to come :)

A Sign of the Times

I'm not exaggerating when I tell you that in the last week I've had roughly five people solicit my house for various services. While that may not be extraordinary in another neighborhood it is unheard of here where my *No Soliciting* sign and adjacent gate generally let people know ahead of time that I'm not interested. Not that I'm being bitchy...I just usually know that I wont be interested in the Vacuum that doubles as a jump rope or the gajillion magazine subscriptions I'll never read. But if you're selling Girl Scout cookies......

Seriously, there's been a marked increase in the number of house calls I've received. As well, the cast of characters are not the usual door-to-door salesman meets Harry Krishna type. Several days ago I answered the door only to come face to face with an impeccably dressed gentleman in his early 50's who, after getting over the initial shock of finding me in my pajamas at 2PM, proceeded to launch into a diatribe about various investment options. Before I could let the poor man know about my illicit affair with Charles Schwabb he flashed his card, handed me a pamphlet and scurried off to the retirement community. Glancing at his card I took note of his name and it was a good thing that I did as two days later I received a thank you note from said gentleman thanking me for my time! This wasn't your random proselytizing freak but clearly a man who believes that, in this dire economy, desperate times call for desperate measures.

And you know what? I respect that.

But that's besides the point.

Fact is I'm finding more and more individuals going back to basics and soliciting themselves and their services door-to-door as waiting for the phone to ring isn't cutting it any longer. Just in the last few days I've had investment man, a representative from the American Lung Cancer Association, Merry Maids, Various Handymen and two arborists stop by and either ask for donations or offer services. While I don't like the blatant disregard for my *No Soliciting* sign I empathize with their plight of needing to make ends meet. Hence, I don't chew off their head and ask if English is their first language when I answer the door and realize there's no Girl Scout cookies in sight.

It's definitely a sign of the times. Maybe I should change my sign to *Good Luck*

If things had been different...

Before I met Jack Daniels, discovered how important reading glasses are and found myself commenting on the price of gasoline, I was a kid. I was a kid who had big expectations for herself.

When I was little, being 20 years old made you an adult. Because being 20 years old meant you weren’t a teenager anymore and the only thing after a teenager was an adult. So once I was 20, I was going to be a teacher and a psychologist (apparently Doogie Howser and I drank from the same water bottle). I was going to have high heels and wear lots of pink skirts with flowers on them.

My hair would be really long and always blonde, no dark roots of course.

I would have a big house that had a porch all the way around it. I would have lots of flowers in my yard. I would have a housekeeper. I would drive a brand new red car and I would have gone to St Croix (a place of fascination in my youth). I would have actual tea parties, call people ‘darling’ and wear scarves around my head when I drove.

I would be married.

My husband would look like Uncle Jesse, but would make me laugh like Joey. Sometimes we would kiss when I wanted, and if I didn’t want to he would build me stuff like bookcases and take me fancy places for dinner where the forks would be as small as the ones in my playhouse. I would stay all the way up until 2 am and if I wanted, I would have vanilla cake with chocolate frosting for breakfast.

I would complain about bills, but always have enough money to pay them. I would have cloth napkins and always remember to say “may I ask who’s calling?”, when giving the phone to someone else. I would refinish furniture, quote Shakespeare in random conversation and own a well-used picnic basket.

I would worry about losing my wedding ring down the drain.

I’m past 20 now. A few years past, actually. And I realize that my life isn’t at all what I thought it would be like. I’m my own significant other, I don't drive that candy apple red convertible and I can’t remember the last time I had cake for breakfast.

Am I sad that my life is so different than what I imagined? Sometimes. It does sound easier. But I’m slowly learning easier isn’t always better and if this life means having more disappointments than I thought I would, I’m okay with it.

Besides, if I had the life I always thought I wanted, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t know Jack,- Daniels that is.

X+Y+Z= I'm a rawk star!

Confession: I have boots that I like more than some people. And before you judge me, let’s talk about the boots. They have a heel, are coal black and have a soft cushion insole. They zip up to my knee and do everything you wish magic boots could do. I mean, Cinderella wishes she had shoes like this. When I wear them my legs look longer, I feel three feet taller and suddenly everything I say becomes witty, important and/or insanely insightful. In these boots I’m pretty sure I could keep my own with Brad Pitt- they are just that great. I’m guaranteed a sigh of happiness every time I look down. They look perfect with skirts, dresses or jeans and I’m pretty sure they would even complement a wedding dress. In short, they are perfect. They are the George Clooney of my shoe collection.

I’m wearing them today, thus- boots are: X

Confession: For me, good hair days are better than Prozac. I’m not talking about the manageable good hair day, or the one that becomes good after 10 minutes of straightening/curling/pleading/blowdrying/concocting a recipe of gel,mouse and/or hairspray- I’m talking about the good hair that just starts out awesome. The one where you wake up and you think, ‘what the hell?! Is this really my hair? God does love me!” sort of hair day that prompts you to run all your errands you put off just so you can hopefully run into people. The sort of hair day I imagine Reese Witherspoon wakes up everyday having and that Britney won’t ever again. This hair day happened to me today. It’s shiny, with volume and it just feels longer today (and having it feel long is an important part of it looking great). I suspect it’s not likely to happen again before 2012 so I’m considering going to get head shots taken at Sears!!!

Anyway, fantastic hair day is: Y

Confession: “Irreplaceable” is on my ipod and I love it. (This is where the word ‘confession’ actually becomes relevant). I’m pretty sure when I sing along I sound even better than Beyonce and that I become the first person on the face of the Earth who actually looks cool singing with their eyes closed. Seriously. I don’t know what it is about that song but I could listen to it all the time.

Feeling like I could win a Grammy with todays sing-a-long: Z

Today I found myself going into Walmart wearing my boots with the shiny hair when the Z song came on my ipod. I didn’t walk down those aisles, I strutted through the gaggles of old men and women like a rock star without the drug addiction or entourage. I assume the seniors who stared were looking at my great hair, although in hindsight maybe it was because I was singing out loud.

Spring is here and today it’s in my step!

When a Run Can Break Your Heart

I have a confession. I’m a runner.

No, I’m not confessing to slipping on my pink and silver Nike’s at the twilight hour and running until a thin film of sweat covers me and my body aches in appreciation of being tested. My running isn’t healthy and doesn’t do anything positive for my heart. I run from people. Problems. Discussions where arguments hang heavily in the air like the smell of a burnt dinner that’s ruined the night.

I don’t run from every argument, every person. Just the big ones. The really big ones. The ones who matter, the people that earned an explanation before the shotgun goes and my legs start. The ones who deserve you to plant your feet and have the talks you don’t want to. The talks where your awkward fingers dance on tabletops giving you a focus other than someone else’s apologetic eyes.

Running doesn’t mean I don’t say sorry. When I feel something is my fault, when I have been in the wrong, chosen the thoughtless word rather than the the thoughtful act, I apologize. And I mean it. But when someone has hurt my feelings, suddenly my only option is to throw on my sneakers and sprint to a safe spot, avoiding the hurdles that come with a healthy relationship.

Perhaps running would be fine if I wasn’t the type of girl who liked to look back, but I do. I like seeing where I started, how far I’ve come. I need to see my progress, whether it’s the distance between me and the starting line, or me and a boy who broke my heart. But lately, looking back has only shown me how little I’ve moved. Instead of running on an open track, where the perspective changes with each step, I’ve been on a treadmill- pretending. Pretending that my aches and breaks, pains and gains have been worth something, and you know what? They haven’t. Running only works if you feel better from it.

I don’t feel better.

So maybe it’s time to hang up the sneakers and try something a little better for my health. Something that doesn’t promote regret and make my heart ache in a way that only making a big mistake can. Perhaps table tennis.

Diary of a Sick Baby

Has has been sick for a while only we did not know how sick she was. She wasn't able to convey how she felt to us. She was misdiagnosed twice. Her official diagnosis is Acute Glomerulonephritis. It is essentially inflammation of the kidneys. It is brought on by a Strep. Of course this is all of my fault. A few Saturdays ago Emily complained to me that she had a sore throat. She also had a low grade fever. I went to the Pharmacy and the Pharmacist suggested that I give her Tylenol Meltaways for the pain and fever. I should have took her immeadiately to her Peditrician where she would have been diagnosed correctly. She took those for about 2 days to keep the fever away. She didn't complain anymore. The next time I saw her she was fine. However, Last Thursday she was feverish and puffy. We took her to the ER where she was diagnosed at that time with a UTI. She was prescribed Bactrim.



I spent all day Friday with her and she was swollen and pale, but still very active.
On Saturday morning, she was worse. She vomited her medication up. I intially thought since she is so sensetive to antibiotics that perhaps this was an allergic reaction. The Pharmacist agreed with me. So I took her back to the E.R. where she was misdiagnosed again with a UTI, a Virus, and the face was swollen due to seasonal allergies!!! The doctor did not notice the fact that on Thursday she weighed 45 lbs but weighed 47 on Saturday. We requested blood work, the doctor said NO that it wasn't neccessary. She was prescribed Cephlexin, Flonase, and Zofran and sent home.

She spent most of the day Sunday with Becca, Isaiah, and Chandler and was still puffy.

Monday morning, she was yellow, lethargic, and had the belly of an Ethopian child. She was swelling all over. It was hard to see. She wouldn't leave my side all day. She was the best baby ever! I called her mother, she came after work and said that she has to take her to a different hospital because there is something wrong.

She got to the E.R. and the Dr said that she had Proteinuria. Which is a large amount of protein in the urine as a result of a Bacteria infection. Her blood pressure was dangerously high and she looked almost Mongolian.


She was later seen by her Peditrician who wanted her seen at UVA. She finally was seen by a team of great doctors by the name of Randalla Lakkis and John Barcia. They thoroughly examined her and diagnosed her correctly.


Emily has been brave, only crying when she was injected twice with Predisione. She's had to pee in many cups and has been poked by big needles several times. She's one of the coolest chics I know!!! Keep her in your prayers.

Please Pray for Emily

My lil duckling Emily has been really ill lately. After 3 visits to 2 different hospitals she was diagnosed with "Proteininuria". This affects a childs kidneys. She will be undergoing a lot of tests in the next couple of weeks to see how the predisone is helping. I ask that all of you keep her in your prayers. She needs them!

Its been a tough week!

I spent the early morning hours at the ER with Emily. She is on antibiotics and will be fine now. Not to worry, yall! I slept until 10 am. I went to my MRI because I screwed up my back last weekend, which was a walk in the park. And by park, I mean Rock Creek Park, Alone, Rainy, and Scary. Picking up on the sarcasm?

After that fun experience I ended up at Walmart. Walmart is where I go and find anything and it makes me feel better. My basket was filled Fiji water, some fruit, three packs of strawberry bubblicious bubblegum, Apple Cinnamon rice cakes, Baking ingrediants, and enough magazines to paper mache a house- inside and out, when I heard three girls having the kind of discussion that my brain was born to listen in on. They were deeply involved in the kind of girl talk you can only have when you are nineteen and have just discovered how FABULOUS you are. A lot of “very’s” and “like’s” and “totally omigod”. There was a also a lot of:” I’m so excited for tonight!”

”Do you think he will be there tonight?”

“She’s such a ho.”

“Duh! Buy the biggest bag of Cheetos!”

“You are going to look so hot in that shirt!”

And my personal favorite:

“Do you think 7 two liters is enough mix for all three of us?”

I put down a box of special k and smiled to myself. Because no amount of partying, no amount of first kiss butterflies, no squeals with friends while curling my hair would ever make me want to go back there. To the age of ignorance where I didn’t know drinking enough to float an ocean liner would result in me holding on to the bathroom floor with curled fingers, praying that death would take me out of my misery. Or at least cause the room to stop spinning like carousal on fast forward.

I left the store without buying mix or Cheetos. And I couldn’t have been happier.

I came home and made chicken chili, vegged out on the couch with my sick little ducklings. Its been a good day.

My Heaven

Thinking of Lent got me pondering What is your Heaven going to be like? In heaven there will be cheesecake, flip flops, flowers and duvets. You won’t need to give explanations, or apologies or change for a dollar. There will be no alarm clocks or tube socks or allergies or diabetes. Friendships and milk will never sour with age. You will never lose the reciept, your sanity, or a bet with your brother. Stamps will be free and we will all be our ideal weight. You won’t have the same argument, with the same person, in the same way for years on end. In fact- you won’t argue at all.

Oh, and Peanut M&M's? They will fall from the sky like raindrops. Raining candy has always been with me...even before my strange facination with Uncle Jesse from full house!

Do You Lent?!

I’m religious. I do believe in God. And I believe that believing in something makes me feel better. I'm not Catholic, I'm non denomenational.

But that’s not the point of this ramble. This is about Lent.

I have a friend who practices Lent and I’ve always been intrigued by the idea of ‘giving something up’. Willpower has never been one of my strong suits, but that’s because I hate the idea of giving something up forever. Forty days of sacrifice? That’s something I can do.

It’s been explained to me that deciding what you give up should be based on what you like. Since it’s about sacrifice, it should involve giving up something you enjoy. (This point was made clear when I heroically declared I would give up folding my own laundry for the next month and a half). Apparently, a lot of people give up a favorite food. I dismissed this quickly. When you’ve already had to give up your favorite foods (and most food in general), and find that you actually dread having to decide what to cook because there are so many options (think celiac’s disease and not a zealous food watcher)… the idea of giving up more food just doesn’t seem right. Maybe that’s selfish but until you’ve ate a frozen dinner for dinner because nothing else in your pantry or fridge is safe… do not judge.



I asked a few friends:

Haven: "Sex because it makes me fat".
Michelle: "Drinking during the week"
Becca: "Visa"
Dad: "Sweets and Meats"
Dr. Drew: "My 07 Mercedes" (it was replaced by an 09)
Missy: "my realtor"

I was explaining the idea of Lent to a friend who got me to re-summarize what criteria people used in deciding what they gave up.

Something they enjoy.

Something (in a lot of cases) that isn’t healthy.

Something that they eat or use or experience often.

Then it hit me. I know what to give up.

I just have to figure out a way to tell him.

JK!

CFV

Remember those walls I built
well baby they're tumbling down
And they didn't even put up a fight
They didn't even make a sound


I found a way to let you in
I never really had a doubt
Standing in the light of your Halo
I got my angel now


It's like I have been awakened
every rule I had you breaking
Its the risk that I'm taking
I aint never going to shut you out

You know you're my saving grace!

Tears keep falling

Today has been all wrong. Just horrible. I was supposed to spend the evening in McLean at my friend Ana's house. That didn't happen. I couldn't pack, I couldn't do anything. So after nearly 2 hours of crying, I spent the day with Kennedy and Emily. They know just how to cheer me up. They insisted on calling him half a million times. They love him. As much as I do. What did I do?

On Second Thought

I'm reconsidering my spring break. My heart is broken into a million different pieces.

Strap on your heels!

It's going to be a long weekend leading into the week! I maimed my liver for the second night this week. First, I apologize to all of the drunk dials this morning. "DCFinance Guy" your quick wit was much needed. While most of our drunk-dials to each other were utterly hilarious, I specifically looked forward to the drunk voice mails. Nothing beats a bunch of intoxicated slurring recorded for your listening pleasure. Seriously, if you don't have a drunk dial buddy, I suggest you get one. Who else would be willing to listen to you go on and on about Queso dip and Vodka Cran at 3 a.m.? You can never be too safe!

I am heading to Tyson's today for some sista time and some shopping.

SO I CAN MAKE IT JUICY FOR YA!

These are the dresses from Juicy that I want for Malibu. Soooo sexcited.

Xoxo,

Amaya

The Joker Made Him Do It

After arriving home from Sun Valley, Becca was informed about what was going down on the Shenandoah National Park. Missy was already on the park, enjoying a 2 hour round trip hike with her boyfriend. I had heard several different renditions of what happened and slowly the truth is starting to come out. It's a little preverse and sad, but all in all this 25 year old kid was mentally ill. I can't judge him, but I hope God has mercy. According to some friends, what happened here is what is called Murder by Cop Suicide. It's when you can't actually pull the trigger yourself, so you point to a cop and they do it for you. Very sad. Read on.

By Kate WiltroutThe Virginian-Pilot© March 13, 2009
Spc. Christopher Lanum loved the Joker, the character from Batman.
There were Joker posters and Joker masks in his barracks room at Fort Eustis.
Early Sunday morning, Lanum cleaned his knives and told his girlfriend, Patsy Ann Marie Montowski, that he was "preparing for war." He'd told her that before, but this time he was dressing the part, putting on a Joker costume he'd worn for Halloween.

He dictated a good bye note to his daughter; Montowski wrote one to her own children. The letter, labeled "To our families and friends," also contained messages to both their parents.
The letter was found hours later in Lanum's car at Fort Eustis, after the couple allegedly attacked Spc. Mitchell Stone, a soldier who shared a suite with Lanum in Building 696 at the Newport News post.

After allegedly slashing Stone's throat and shocking him repeatedly with a stun gun, Lanum fled with Montowski in her minivan with a 12-gauge shotgun, several knives and a bloody razor.
Stone was taken by helicopter to Sentara Norfolk General Hospital with serious injuries.
As Montowski drove west across Virginia, Lanum painted his face to look like the Joker.
Hours later, after leading police on a slow-speed chase through the serpentine roads of Shenandoah National Park, Lanum - a 25-year-old combat medic who had served 15 months in Iraq - was shot dead.

Montowski appeared Thursday in federal court in Norfolk. She is charged with being an accessory after the fact to Lanum's alleged assault on Stone.

Relatives of Lanum and Montowski declined to comment Thursday.
An affidavit filed Wednesday in federal court describes in detail the couple's alleged actions. The nine-page document, written by an FBI agent, includes information from interviews with Stone and Montowski, as well as descriptions of rooms 258 and 259 in the Fort Eustis barracks where Stone and Lanum lived.

Montowski, who was wounded slightly in the shootout, told investigators that the trouble started after she left Lanum's barracks room to get cigarettes out of her car.

She told them Lanum, who had been cleaning his knives, refused to let her back into his room. So she knocked on Stone's door and asked if she could pass through his room to the common area he shared with Lanum.

The men began arguing, she said, and a full fight ensued.

Stone, who Fort Eustis officials said Thursday has been released from the hospital, told an FBI agent that Lanum shocked him three times with the stun gun before he fought back and ended up wrestling Lanum on the floor. Stone said Lanum urged Montowski to use the stun gun, and she shocked him four more times before he was able to free himself.

As he tried to open the door and flee, Lanum came from behind and cut his throat, Stone said. Stone made it to the first floor of the building, where he told base EMS personnel that Lanum had attacked him right after Lanum's girlfriend passed through his room.

Fort Eustis MPs found blood spatter on the walls, floors and furniture, and a knife and loaded .45 caliber handgun on the floor of the common room. A blood-covered stun gun was on the floor of Stone's room. Hanging on a bedpost in Lanum's room was a purse with Montowski's driver's license inside.

Fort Eustis officials said Lanum, who returned from Iraq in September 2007, had been stationed at the base since November. Both he and Stone were assigned to the post's health clinic. The 600 uniformed and civilian employees of the clinic have been offered counseling, said Karla Gonzalez, the base public affairs officer.


Gonzalez said she had no information about whether Lanum, a combat veteran, had sought counseling or was receiving any type of treatment at Fort Eustis.

The base is about to finish a month-long safety stand-down focused on preventing suicide.
It isn't clear whether Lanum intended to harm himself or expected to die. Montowski said that in the letter he dictated to his daughter, Andrea, before the assault, he said he could not explain his actions.

Montowski told agents that she also wrote a good bye note to her children, but it was not a suicide note and she did so only because Lanum did.

She told the agents that after the chase, Lanum tried to kill himself with a shotgun. At one point, he handed her the gun and asked her to shoot him, but she threw the gun down.

According to the park rangers and Virginia State Police troopers involved in the chase, Lanum had the shotgun pointed at the officers who approached the driver's side. His finger was on the trigger, and the affidavit said that he refused repeated demands to put down the gun.

One trooper fired through the window, and Lanum's shotgun discharged. He was struck several times and was declared dead at the scene. It is unclear who fired the fatal shots.

Funeral services are scheduled for today for Lanum, who was born in Portsmouth and later attended Kellam High School in Virginia Beach.

Kate Wiltrout, (757) 446-2629, kate.wiltrout@pilotonline.com

Unbelievable

I can't let it go.
Its like an addiction
Wouldn't be my first
It is me.
keeps me coming back for more


Once in your life you find someone
Who will turn your world around
Pick you up when you're feeling down


You're all that I want
Ive been waiting for so long


Make it happen?

What Are You Thankful For?

At the risk of sounding cliche' gratitude is paramount to maintaining perspective. Even now, as I'm feeling a bit down, I struggle to find objectivity in everyday life - but I'm going to try. Taking a que from my wise old Southern grandmother, I am attempting to single out just a few things of which I am thankful for.

• Virginia Winters that have been tres' mild --75 degrees on Monday
• Maxi dresses are in vogue--perfect for 'fat days'
• Isaiah, Chandler, and Mathew think I'm awesome!
• Stacy's Simply Naked Pita Chips have only 350 calories for an entire bag
• It's 35 days until I'm 30!
• Theres a trainer at the gym thats cute!
• Tall, Non fat, Latte, 3 splenda, light whip-- yummy

And just what are you grateful for ?

Bitch Post!

To Whomever Used the Elliptical Before I Did,

That blue spray bottle strategically placed in front of you, the one that clearly says "SANITIZER", yeah, thats for sweat-noxious individuals such as yourself. Those of you who drop your beads of just Ick all over the place need to start wiping down your germs for the next healthy bod trying to use the equipment. Cuz me? I'm really not down with using my fingers as windsheild wipers while attempting to input my data or placing my hands in vats of your bodily fluids while trying to grasp the machine, k? Got that?


Signed,

Girl who just got over second round of cold this season



Dear Judy aka My Bikini Waxer,

I totally get that you're angry with your husband, Charlie for fooling around on you, as you should be. And I'm waaaay empathetic to the fact that you need sex reeaaallly bad. However Judy, a scorned woman describing me as the woman that fooled around with thou lovely Charlie,who is angry and frustrated, that does not bode well with hot wax and my delicate, beautiful, little pootie! I think you took off a top layer of skin this time!! Perhaps I can recommend a good therapist? I won't be making my next appointment btw, (cough, laser hair removal, cough)

Signed,

You're once faithful client who is now soaking in Aloe Vera!



Dear Post Man,

No! I'm not interested! Can't you just leave my packages or do I have to keep hiding around the back of my house?

Signed,

Girl who is seriously considering buying less online!



Dear my long time Manicurist,

I get it. You don't want me to understand what you're saying. But every time you abruptly stop our conversation in English and begin hurriedly chatting away in Vietnamese I get paranoid. I know you know this and you're probably talking about my dry winterized hands. Cut it out.

Signed,

Girl with hands complex.

Today

I didn't get much sleep last night, it was a horrible night for me. I'm sticking to my guns though.

Anyway,

Going to the doctor with my daddy today. Kennedy is going with us. She seriously is all things beautiful. She is the only one that can make me smile and melt at the same time. She loves her new frilly spring print dress that I bought her. I love to make her smile!

Yesterday I overslept because my heart was content. I was up at 5:30 this am and on the treadmill, I was dressed and ready to leave for daddy's dr's appt at 8:30! I'm going to try and cheer up. There's going to be a plethora of hot doctors and I will get my flirt on today!

This time next week my girlfriends and I will be in Malibu California soaking up the sun and working on our tans. Can not wait!!!

I will be fine. I always am!

"So I try to say goodbye my friend, I'd like to leave you with something warm. But never have I been a blue calm sea: I have always been a storm."

Blame It on Rio

Madonna is on the latest cover of W Magazine. She photos by famed photog Steven Klein are steamy. Her rumored South American boyfriend, Jesus, is scantly clad and super sexy!


I love the necklace!


The face is flawless, the Chopard bracelet looks even better!


Old Hollywood glamour looks sexy on her.



The peephole shot is sooo sultry. Momma is in charge here!



The look on her face is pure lust, the leg is an open invitation.



Can you believe you can find these panties at Kohl's?! The boyfriend's guns are luscious!


This was probably a real shot between Madonna and her boy toy!

Weekly Recap

Went out to a cozy little lounge for happy hour with the girls. We had a great time just chatting and catching up. After weeks of being pent up in my own house with three babies it was nice to get some air and have a candy apple martini. The roads all lead back to sex and dating, we had quite a hot conversation going on :)

I came home and started to pack. My family and I going to try our ski trip one more time. It's only a matter of time until someone ends up in the hospital. We're hoping since everyone is coming with us, we'll be at the ER together! Same state and all.

There are and have been many highlights to my week. Marisa being one of them. I bought her a Juicy Couture hoodie at Bloomingdales. I wasn't sure how she would react. I know she loves the actual Juicy boutiques. She put my fears to rest when she said "It doesn't matter where it comes from, it's Juicy!"

I bought her two bikini's for summer from Victoria's Secret too. Smoking black and Pink Blush.




She has the beautiful spanish skin color and good genetics, she can make a paper bag look good. She's unaware of how good she actually looks. That makes her that much adorable!

Kennedy is selling her artwork for dresses! Anyone wanting a hand drawn crayola crayon work of art from Special K must be willing to buy her a pretty dress. She's loving yellow these days!

Emily is doing really well with reading and is above her grade level :) She is going to be playing soccer this year. Can't wait. Kennedy too.

It's time for me to head to the airport. Sun Valley is waiting. Ketchum Idaho. Who would have thought it would be such a cool place?!

Have a good weekend everyone. Lift everyone up in prayer! We can't get enough of them.

Amaya

Guilty Pleasures

This is the only one I bought, sadly!


I love the intricate little detail!


Great color on any skin tone


Just enough coverage to leave something for the imagination!



Love the little bows, so glam, so girly! ------>


<------I could channel my inner Angelina! Don't forget the wig!


I immeadiately thought of Britney Spears, such a vixen.


This is so alluring and seductive. A birthday must :)


A girl can never have too many boyshorts!

The Bachelor

I'm pretty pissed with the outcome of The Bachelor. Jason Mesnick 'the catch', intially chose Melissa from Texas, a former Dallas Cowboys cheerleader. Jason popped the question to her and she accepted.





However after the taping of the show, according to Jason "The chemistry was no longer there." He decided that he no longer was in love with Melissa, took back the Neil Lane diamond from her and dumped her on live television!!! He instead reconciled with Molly from Michigan who is a Department store buyer.




We've all experienced some sort of heartbreak in our lives at one time. I feel for Melissa. She was adorable.

Everyone is asking what changed? What went wrong? None of us know really what happened, but it's not really that difficult to figure out, IMO. I'm thinking the sex with Melissa wasn't as good as it was with Molly all three times she screwed him on the show!!!

I speak for all the Melissa's out there when I say we must all slay a few dragons before we get our Prince! Tommorrow will be better!!!

Marisa

I caught up with her tonight. I realized that I actually missed this girl! She's so tres chic and adorable. After a long weekend in NYC she has a cold and is under the weather. Send her lots of positive chi and prayers!!! We <3 Marisa!!!

HAHAHAHA

Someone just told me that my laughter is the best they've ever heard!!! Too funny!

Jacob

Today we raised over $2000 for Jacob! His parents have came up with 10k, so we have 3k left to raise until Tuesday. I'm sure we can do it. Keep your fingers crossed and keep Jacob in your prayers. May God Bless and God Keep!

Take Notes

'Ladies, the market is up today and there may be a light at the end of the tunnel… the new Fed chief, Ben Bernake, sees 2010 as “a year for recovery.” Unfortunately, that means few new purchases between now and then. Your best move might be taking down your 2008 Hampton’s Facebook pictures and hope noone notices that you’re wearing the same Eres bathing suit in this year’s pics. That, and this year’s pictures will mostly be in NC and not NYC!!!!

Courtney

Courtney had surgery today to repair her intestines. It went well. When I last spoke to her she was in a tremendous amount of pain. She said that being away from her babies for nearly a week has been more painful than her actual health crisis.

I have enjoyed having the girls around. They know how to make me giggle. I can't get enough of my neices.

Thanks for the emails and calls re: Courtney. It's very nice to know that she has a lot of people (my fanclub) that is praying for her. Thank You all.

Bake Sale Saturday for Jacob! Who's participating???

My Favorite....

.......Flower would be the Stephanotis. It's from Madagascar Africa and is usually used in many bridal bouquets. It's a bright white flower in the shape of stars. Very pretty and delicate.

Did you even have time to miss me??

After arriving in Sun Valley on Friday, my brother called to inform us that Courtney was at the ER and was very ill. Saturday he called to tell us that she has infection throughout her abdominal cavity and will be in the hospital for an entire week being treated with antibiotics. Once the infection is gone, she will have to undergo surgery to fix the tear in her intestines. The Doctors believe that food got trapped in her intestines and it then absessed. After seeing her yesterday, she looks horrible. She is on Morphine and is still in a great deal of pain. Pray for her, please.

Sun Valley was and is still beautiful. I will make plans to go back asap. We weren't able to do a lot of skiing. We did do some snowmobiling which was a ton of fun. We met some interesting characters there to say the least.

I will fill you in on more later, but I have 5 little demanding ladies who are ready to get their party started---A big birthday party at the skating ring! I have them dressed as if it were the 80's!!! We only had to go to walmart for the fab finds!!!!

The Oscars are tonight :) Yay!

Me

I'm actually feeling much better today. Yay!

My family and I are headed out to Sun Valley Idaho tommorrow afternoon for an impromptu Ski trip. I haven skiied in a while. I'm sure I'll be sitting through a few clinics!

I will fill you all in when I return.


Miss me

XoXo,

Amaya

Update

Sick as all hell....again!

Once a cheater always a cheater

Is that really so I wonder?
And if it is, why is it so?
Is one afflicted by the syndrome of the grass is greener in someone else's yard?
Or is it just the inability to know what one wants?
Maybe an addiction to the thrill of the chase that wears off once it's no longer there.
After all, it is in human nature to want what you can't have.

Could it be a form of Gluttony?
I want my cake and eat it too.
And if this is an affliction how did it come about?
Could it be a result of a bad experience?
A bitter end to an even more bitter marriage.
A bitchy girlfriend or consequence of an unbearable heartbreak that subconsciously won't allow one to get too attached to someone.
And as an affliction is there absolutely no cure for it?

The romantics would say that love conquers all.
The realists would say love has its work cut out for it.
What do the rest of us say?
I say that if "once a cheater, always a cheater" is a sentence without the possibility of parole or redemption, life is pretty grim

I hate going to the gas station.
I would rather go to the dentist and get a tooth removed with a rusty screwdriver than go to the gas station. I would rather go to the gynecologist and get a pap smear with a cactus than go to the gas station. I would rather be forced watch “Fox News” for 12 hours straight than go to the gas station.
I hate the gas station.
Why?
Because it’s one place that I have no idea what I’m doing. This is embarrassing to admit, but I didn’t know how to pump my own gas until I was 21 years old. I still don’t know how to check my oil. Change a tire. Monitor my transmission fluid.
I’m not a lump of inarticulate and uneducated waste. When it’s a topic I want to learn about- I learn. If I’m clueless about something that I feel matters- I will read up on it until I feel confident. Anything involving cars or car maintenance has never made my list of ‘Things I feel so strongly about learning, I’m willing to put down my copy of Instyle or Glamour and cruise on over to the gas station for an impromptu tutorial on car servicing”.
Last week I was driving home and noticed my ‘check oil’ light had come on. I responsibly detoured to the nearest gas station and pulled the lever to pop my hood. My young gas attendant came over and fiddled. And fiddled. And fiddled. And he could not figure out how to lift the hood. He asked me to show him where the ‘latch’ was.
I panicked.
Do I say “I don’t know how to open it”, do I pretend that I do and hope all my stored up karma points get cashed in and I miraculously find it, or do I suddenly pretend my phone is ringing and faux talk on the phone while making apologetic glances? Thankfully I didn’t have to make a choice, another attendant came over to help them. Then they asked me, “What kind of oil do you use?”, which my brain translated into “hdfakhbvweroiuvxd asdjkfhsriuy vbxakljfhasdlh?”. It made that much sense. I hedged my bets and said ‘regular’. They could have filled my car with apple juice, I wouldn’t have known the difference.
I drove away feeling itchy. (That’s been a new stress reaction- hives. Which? Are charming. With my luck the next thing on the list will be full-on body rashes, with a touch of pink eye just for giggles). It’s not so much that I hate not knowing what’s going on at the gas station (and yes, I realize that knowing what type of oil my car gets is NOT like having to master quantum physics- this knowledge is within my grasp), it’s that I hate the idea that I’m re-enforcing the stereotype of the dumb blonde who knows nothing about cars. I might as well have twirled my hair around my finger and giggled like Paris Hilton at the gas station.
Perhaps I need to get that tutorial after all. And I may swing by and pick up my gas station attendant to come with, because I think he could use it too.

Fast Train to Sickville

Actually, I'm lost in Sickville. I took the fast train here on tuesday and woke-up lost in this miserable town on Friday. Aches, pains, nasal drip that looks like cream of chicken soup...what, too much? You should see the green oysters!!!

All I need is some decent sleep and I know I will feel better. However. The nose wouldn't let me sleep on last night and the whine inducing aches and pains of my body wouldn't let me sleep on thursday night. Last night the Vicodin I took helped, but not much. (Note to self: take my last two Vicodin tonight.)

Today, it will be me, Zicam, Flonase, my fluffy pink cashmere robe and two sweatshirts, and a marathon of The West Wing. (Good show, don't know why I didn't watch it more when it was originally on. Probably because I wasn't home, but whatever.) Oh, and I also have the second season of Weeds. Truly, my brain has been sitting like the mushy, mushness it has become since Christmas. Good brain. Zombies, stay away. Big Day tommorrow.

What a weekend!

My Steelers won the Superbowl and I couldn't be happier. I spent most of my Sunday in the hospital with daddy at the hospital. He's not doing so well. Send him lots of positive chi!

XOXOXOXO,

Amaya

Funny

Joan Rivers on the Martha Stewart show:

I have more lines on my face than on Amy Winehouse's table,

Pricilla Presley looks like shes in the witness protection program!

Snow Day!

I woke up to a pure white blanket of snow this morning. We decided to pack up and travel up to the Massanutten Mountains where we went tubing and Isaiah and Chandler want me to learn how to snowboard--Auntie Maya isn't cool until she learns!!!

So just after two hours of playing in the snow, we decided to head home. Becca and I made a huge meal of Rosemary Chicken, Smashed Potatoes and Roasted Asparagus in which everyone loved. Emily and I wrote sentences and practiced our sight words and she overwhelmed me with emotion to see how well she reads. I was truly impressed.

After dinner and homework we went over to Michelle's where we made some Snow Ho's. We named them Cheating Lousy Lay D and Loose Lisa Loo. They're quite a mess!!!



I'm vegging out on the couch, fireplace is on and hot chocolate in my mug all is well. Let the snow fall!

Same Question

I wanted to ask God why He does not do something about

the poverty, wars, homelessness, and injustice I see around me”

“Why didn’t you?’

“I was too afraid that He would ask me the same question”

Fashion Rocks!

I was so happy to see that Mrs. Obama is bringing fashion back to Washington! Her taste has been impeccable lately!!! She chose a Lemongrass Sparkling dress with matching coat by Isabel Toledo. It was straight and slinky and it just glittered in the Winter light. She also wore Green Jimmy Choo heels and green JCrew Leather gloves that. She rocked it!



The cute, Malia and Sasha wore Jcrew Crewcuts line of Coats. They were adorable!
Malia in blue coat and black dress while Sasha bounced around in a coral colored dress and Pink coat with a bow!




For the Inaugural Balls our First Lady looked radiant in her beautiful White Chiffon gown designed by Jason Wu. It was White, Sparkly, and fairytailish. Sooo pretty!

President Obama's Inauguration Address

OBAMA: My fellow citizens:
I stand here today humbled by the task before us, grateful for the trust you have bestowed, mindful of the sacrifices borne by our ancestors. I thank President Bush for his service to our nation, as well as the generosity and cooperation he has shown throughout this transition.

Forty-four Americans have now taken the presidential oath. The words have been spoken during rising tides of prosperity and the still waters of peace. Yet, every so often the oath is taken amidst gathering clouds and raging storms. At these moments, America has carried on not simply because of the skill or vision of those in high office, but because we the people have remained faithful to the ideals of our forebears, and true to our founding documents.
So it has been. So it must be with this generation of Americans.
That we are in the midst of crisis is now well understood. Our nation is at war, against a far-reaching network of violence and hatred. Our economy is badly weakened, a consequence of greed and irresponsibility on the part of some, but also our collective failure to make hard choices and prepare the nation for a new age. Homes have been lost; jobs shed; businesses shuttered. Our health care is too costly; our schools fail too many; and each day brings further evidence that the ways we use energy strengthen our adversaries and threaten our planet.
These are the indicators of crisis, subject to data and statistics. Less measurable but no less profound is a sapping of confidence across our land — a nagging fear that America's decline is inevitable, and that the next generation must lower its sights.

Today I say to you that the challenges we face are real. They are serious and they are many. They will not be met easily or in a short span of time. But know this, America — they will be met.

On this day, we gather because we have chosen hope over fear, unity of purpose over conflict and discord.

On this day, we come to proclaim an end to the petty grievances and false promises, the recriminations and worn out dogmas, that for far too long have strangled our politics.

We remain a young nation, but in the words of Scripture, the time has come to set aside childish things. The time has come to reaffirm our enduring spirit; to choose our better history; to carry forward that precious gift, that noble idea, passed on from generation to generation: the God-given promise that all are equal, all are free and all deserve a chance to pursue their full measure of happiness.

In reaffirming the greatness of our nation, we understand that greatness is never a given. It must be earned. Our journey has never been one of shortcuts or settling for less. It has not been the path for the faint-hearted — for those who prefer leisure over work, or seek only the pleasures of riches and fame. Rather, it has been the risk-takers, the doers, the makers of things — some celebrated but more often men and women obscure in their labor, who have carried us up the long, rugged path towards prosperity and freedom.
For us, they packed up their few worldly possessions and traveled across oceans in search of a new life.

For us, they toiled in sweatshops and settled the West; endured the lash of the whip and plowed the hard earth.

For us, they fought and died, in places like Concord and Gettysburg; Normandy and Khe Sanh.
Time and again these men and women struggled and sacrificed and worked till their hands were raw so that we might live a better life. They saw America as bigger than the sum of our individual ambitions; greater than all the differences of birth or wealth or faction.

This is the journey we continue today. We remain the most prosperous, powerful nation on Earth. Our workers are no less productive than when this crisis began. Our minds are no less inventive, our goods and services no less needed than they were last week or last month or last year. Our capacity remains undiminished. But our time of standing pat, of protecting narrow interests and putting off unpleasant decisions — that time has surely passed. Starting today, we must pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and begin again the work of remaking America.
For everywhere we look, there is work to be done. The state of the economy calls for action, bold and swift, and we will act — not only to create new jobs, but to lay a new foundation for growth. We will build the roads and bridges, the electric grids and digital lines that feed our commerce and bind us together. We will restore science to its rightful place, and wield technology's wonders to raise health care's quality and lower its cost. We will harness the sun and the winds and the soil to fuel our cars and run our factories. And we will transform our schools and colleges and universities to meet the demands of a new age. All this we can do. All this we will do.
Now, there are some who question the scale of our ambitions — who suggest that our system cannot tolerate too many big plans. Their memories are short. For they have forgotten what this country has already done; what free men and women can achieve when imagination is joined to common purpose, and necessity to courage.

What the cynics fail to understand is that the ground has shifted beneath them — that the stale political arguments that have consumed us for so long no longer apply. The question we ask today is not whether our government is too big or too small, but whether it works — whether it helps families find jobs at a decent wage, care they can afford, a retirement that is dignified. Where the answer is yes, we intend to move forward. Where the answer is no, programs will end. Those of us who manage the public's dollars will be held to account — to spend wisely, reform bad habits, and do our business in the light of day — because only then can we restore the vital trust between a people and their government.

Nor is the question before us whether the market is a force for good or ill. Its power to generate wealth and expand freedom is unmatched, but this crisis has reminded us that without a watchful eye, the market can spin out of control — and that a nation cannot prosper long when it favors only the prosperous. The success of our economy has always depended not just on the size of our gross domestic product, but on the reach of our prosperity; on our ability to extend opportunity to every willing heart — not out of charity, but because it is the surest route to our common good.

As for our common defense, we reject as false the choice between our safety and our ideals. Our founding fathers ... our found fathers, faced with perils we can scarcely imagine, drafted a charter to assure the rule of law and the rights of man, a charter expanded by the blood of generations. Those ideals still light the world, and we will not give them up for expedience's sake. And so to all the other peoples and governments who are watching today, from the grandest capitals to the small village where my father was born: know that America is a friend of each nation and every man, woman, and child who seeks a future of peace and dignity, and that we are ready to lead once more.

Recall that earlier generations faced down fascism and communism not just with missiles and tanks, but with sturdy alliances and enduring convictions. They understood that our power alone cannot protect us, nor does it entitle us to do as we please. Instead, they knew that our power grows through its prudent use; our security emanates from the justness of our cause, the force of our example, the tempering qualities of humility and restraint.
We are the keepers of this legacy. Guided by these principles once more, we can meet those new threats that demand even greater effort — even greater cooperation and understanding between nations. We will begin to responsibly leave Iraq to its people, and forge a hard-earned peace in Afghanistan. With old friends and former foes, we will work tirelessly to lessen the nuclear threat, and roll back the specter of a warming planet. We will not apologize for our way of life, nor will we waver in its defense, and for those who seek to advance their aims by inducing terror and slaughtering innocents, we say to you now that our spirit is stronger and cannot be broken; you cannot outlast us, and we will defeat you.

For we know that our patchwork heritage is a strength, not a weakness. We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus — and non-believers. We are shaped by every language and culture, drawn from every end of this Earth; and because we have tasted the bitter swill of civil war and segregation, and emerged from that dark chapter stronger and more united, we cannot help but believe that the old hatreds shall someday pass; that the lines of tribe shall soon dissolve; that as the world grows smaller, our common humanity shall reveal itself; and that America must play its role in ushering in a new era of peace.

To the Muslim world, we seek a new way forward, based on mutual interest and mutual respect. To those leaders around the globe who seek to sow conflict, or blame their society's ills on the West — know that your people will judge you on what you can build, not what you destroy. To those who cling to power through corruption and deceit and the silencing of dissent, know that you are on the wrong side of history; but that we will extend a hand if you are willing to unclench your fist.

To the people of poor nations, we pledge to work alongside you to make your farms flourish and let clean waters flow; to nourish starved bodies and feed hungry minds. And to those nations like ours that enjoy relative plenty, we say we can no longer afford indifference to the suffering outside our borders; nor can we consume the world's resources without regard to effect. For the world has changed, and we must change with it.

As we consider the road that unfolds before us, we remember with humble gratitude those brave Americans who, at this very hour, patrol far-off deserts and distant mountains. They have something to tell us, just as the fallen heroes who lie in Arlington whisper through the ages. We honor them not only because they are guardians of our liberty, but because they embody the spirit of service; a willingness to find meaning in something greater than themselves. And yet, at this moment — a moment that will define a generation — it is precisely this spirit that must inhabit us all.

For as much as government can do and must do, it is ultimately the faith and determination of the American people upon which this nation relies. It is the kindness to take in a stranger when the levees break, the selflessness of workers who would rather cut their hours than see a friend lose their job which sees us through our darkest hours. It is the firefighter's courage to storm a stairway filled with smoke, but also a parent's willingness to nurture a child, that finally decides our fate.

Our challenges may be new. The instruments with which we meet them may be new. But those values upon which our success depends — hard work and honesty, courage and fair play, tolerance and curiosity, loyalty and patriotism — these things are old. These things are true. They have been the quiet force of progress throughout our history. What is demanded then is a return to these truths. What is required of us now is a new era of responsibility — a recognition, on the part of every American, that we have duties to ourselves, our nation, and the world, duties that we do not grudgingly accept but rather seize gladly, firm in the knowledge that there is nothing so satisfying to the spirit, so defining of our character, than giving our all to a difficult task.

This is the price and the promise of citizenship.

This is the source of our confidence — the knowledge that God calls on us to shape an uncertain destiny.

This is the meaning of our liberty and our creed — why men and women and children of every race and every faith can join in celebration across this magnificent Mall, and why a man whose father less than sixty years ago might not have been served at a local restaurant can now stand before you to take a most sacred oath.

So let us mark this day with remembrance, of who we are and how far we have traveled. In the year of America's birth, in the coldest of months, a small band of patriots huddled by dying campfires on the shores of an icy river. The capital was abandoned. The enemy was advancing. The snow was stained with blood. At a moment when the outcome of our revolution was most in doubt, the father of our nation ordered these words be read to the people:

"Let it be told to the future world ... that in the depth of winter, when nothing but hope and virtue could survive...that the city and the country, alarmed at one common danger, came forth to meet (it)."

America, in the face of our common dangers, in this winter of our hardship, let us remember these timeless words. With hope and virtue, let us brave once more the icy currents, and endure what storms may come. Let it be said by our children's children that when we were tested we refused to let this journey end, that we did not turn back nor did we falter; and with eyes fixed on the horizon and God's grace upon us, we carried forth that great gift of freedom and delivered it safely to future generations.

Thank you. God bless you. And God bless the United States of America.

Big Moments

"Rosa sat so Martin could walk, Martin walked so Obama could run, Obama ran so we could fly!"

Unknown


Tommorrow we make history. We will swear into office our first Black President. I've never been so excited about the future of our country. I will be glued to my tv tommorrow. I can not wait!

Two Wings and a Prayer

For those of you that do not believe in God, Miracles, and Angels try and rationalize this picture.

I still don't understand how that plane managed to defy gravity and not sink to the bottom of the Hudson. As cold as it has been, the water was not frozen, how? And yet everyone made it out alive. Not one death. The pilot "Sully" knew what he was doing, but those wings that all 155 people stood on were the wings of an angel. There was a lesson to be learned in all of this. The Bible does say that when Jesus returns there will be Miracles to show us that he is real and he is with us. I think that picture clearly tells the story.

Yesterday

Yesterday was a very big day for me. I haven't blogged about the details because I didn't want to get my hopes up. It's. A. Very. Big. Deal. It's the first time I've been excited about something in a long time. My family and most of my friends were all in on what was going on. Yesterday was HUGE for me.

One by one they all texted, called, came by to see how it went. All except one person. Nothing. After about 7 hours of waiting to hear from this person, I confronted them. They didn't ask how it went because they were busy. I understand busy schedules and hectic situations, but 7 hours later? I'm a very forgiving person and I already forgave them.

However this puts things into perspective for me. With that said, it's a new year, it's a new Amaya. Additionally, I would argue that I have the most incredible friends of all time. They're the smartest, most fun, most amazing people ever and at the end of the day, I'm always thankful that I have them in my life. I love you all.

Mini Needs Your Advice!!

So by random chance and circumstance, I find that I have the next few weeks absolutely free. I mean… nothing is going on. AT ALL.

I actually hear crickets when I open up my *social planner.

Which leaves me with only one option- vacation with my girlfriend who is also itching to get away.

We struggled to figure out how we could go to Barbados (hello beach! hello free drinks!), but sadly my friend has a family engagement she CAN NOT miss and now the timing doesn’t work with Barbados. (Which? I do not understand. We send people to the moon. We can make those mini marshmallows. We can forgive Hugh Grant for hooking up with a hooker and yet we can’t get a flight out of Barbados when we need it?? Why God, why?)

So we’ve decided to re-think our trip. Here is all that we want:- something under $2000- something that lets us leave immediately (we are thinking Friday or Saturday) and come back next week… like on Wednesday.- something that requires my passport getting stamped-must be the most fun ever (I’m not worried about this. I’m pretty sure we could have fun anywhere. I mean, we went to mexico together while I bravely fought mono and I still came back with enough juicy stories to fill 3 journals)

So that’s it. Who has ideas? Suggestions? Who wants to plan my weekend for me?

* I do not actually have a social planner, unless you count things I scribble down on napkins while I’m eating tacos with friends.

Songs That Take You There

I decided today that I should start listening to my ENTIRE itunes library. Not just, the six songs that I listen to on repeat. As I started listening, I realized two things 1) a song can really take you back to a memory you had forgotten and 2) I have too much Will Smith in my music collection. Really, it’s embarrassing. (Almost as embarrassing as the album name “Big Willie Style”. Seriously. Who thought that was a good idea?) Anyway, as I puttered throughout the day, songs came on that took me back to a memory relating to those who have a Y chromosome….


1. “Your Body is A Wonderland”- John Mayer
This song is just so.. 2000. Which, was a great year for me. Dating and having fun at UVA. I discovered John Mayer at the 9:30 club in DC. I think every girl loved this song. “I’ll never let your head hit the bed without my hand behind it” Who wouldn’t want that?! Every girl thinks her body is a wonderland too! You can’t help but feel sexy and beautiful when listening to this song.

2. “Pony” – Ginuwine
This is my song. I don’t have to be wasted to listen to this. When I’m out and I hear it—it’s on!

3. “Stand by Me”- Ben E King
This song was in my favorite movie as a chld, Stand By Me. It was during that movie that I discovered that I loved River Phoenix and Wil Wheaton. But it was grade seven, I’m decked out in my favorite Guess? jeans and swathed in tribe perfume. The best part of my outfit is a shirt that my mom has finally let me have. It was hers growing up- a cream cashmere sweater with delicate beading on the front. It’s heavy, but in the crystals keep catching the light of the disco ball, which makes me glitter. I’ve never felt prettier. I danced with Brennon to this song. Clearly a request by a chaperone, since it’s sandwiched in between TLC’s greatest hits. And when I say we ‘dance’? Yeah, we pretty much moved from side to side, hands firmly clenched at the waist, avoiding eye contact. I’ve had pap smears that were more comfortable than that dance, but it goes down in history as one of the most memorable.

4. “Before He Cheats”- Carrie Underwood
Four girls in a cab. One is dating, two heartbroken and one single. It’s 5 am. These four girls have just left an impromptu trampoline party and still have ridiculous amounts of Jack Daniels and Johnny Walker Black running through their veins. This song comes on and we beg the cab driver to turn it up on Ocean Drive in Miami during Spring Break. Suddenly, we are no longer four girls, but collectively, we ARE Carrie Underwood. And I know people talk of singing their hearts out, but in this case, we really did. We sang in the ‘our eyes are closed, our fists are pumping the air, and no one is laughing because this is far too serious’ fashion. There was so much scorned estrogen in that car I almost choked on it. We tipped our driver well, but not enough. I should have given him a kidney. He earned it.

5. “Untouchable Face”- by Ani DiFranco
The line “I could make you happy, if you weren’t already” was the roundhouse kick to my already destroyed heart during one particularly bad break up. Wait, was that too much angst? When we are talking Ani, can you HAVE too much angst? Let’s just be thankful I didn’t tap into Joni Mitchell. There would have been epic angst (epic!) being shown here.

6. “Time After Time”- Cyndi LauperThis has always been my wedding song. Hopefully I’ll still get it!!!


You should share with me the songs that take you back to memories of failed romances or broken hearts. Or at the very least, tell me that you have a lot of Will Smith in your music library. And don’t worry, we won’t focus solely on depressing heartbreak music. Perhaps next week I’ll write a post about songs I had sex to. That sounds like fun for everyone one.

My New Favorite Thing!

I know I can't be the only one completely in love with this stuff. If you know me at all, you know that I'm obsessed with white, clean, teeth--this product makes me feel as if I just left the dentist. It's a nice, clean, non abrasive paste that leaves your teeth glistening. I love this stuff!!!

Los

July 11, 2006 will always be a very important day for me. It was that day that I met Carlos. We became friends instantly as he too, is an Aries! We connected on many different levels. We shared a lot in common, such as obsessive cleaning and our love for cleaning products, Amish Macaroni salad, and Jennifer Aniston!!

The best part about Carlos is his sincerity. His heart is one of the purest that I have ever found. The combination of eminent intelligence, courage, and love have never before come together in a better combination.

He's the proud father of beautiful daughter named Marisa. He chaueffers Marisa and her entourage around to the local McDonalds at 1 am for shit's and giggles so "Chovia" can practice her English accent on the midnight drivethru crew. Chovia aka Marisa! I asked him once what was he the proudest of, I was expecting him to list some of his vast successes such as his businesses, or even his priceless Corvette. He simply said "Marisa Alexis". She. Is. His. Everything. A great father is a sexy thing!

I knew he was different from day one. It wasn't the sexy dark hair or the striking chestnutt eyes that won me over, nor was it his colossal arms or chest. It was an act of kindness. When his friends and colleagues were at happy hour sipping cocktails, he was a charity event serving soup at a kitchen on a Friday evening . When he came home to tell me all about his bowl he purchased for $25 and how good the soup was, and how the older ladies loved him and wanted to introduce him to their grand daughters, I melted. He is a charmer. I knew at that moment that he wasn't just ordinary.

Knowing Los has made me a stronger, more honest woman. He has brought out the best in me even in my darkest hours. He is a great friend and an even better lover. Very few people in this world can touch you without using their hands; few people in this world can leave such a lasting impression that they remain on your mind, no matter how infrequent the contact; and few people in this world can compare to him. Whether you know him by Los or any other name he has acquired over the years, you cant help but realize that knowing him, in your heart somethings moving.

Defining Happiness

Today's exercise is "what makes you or would make you happy". I'm supposed to make a list. It sounds like a simple enough excercise until I stopped to to think about it. Strangely enough it dawned on me that I had never given any thought as to what makes me happy. I'm the kind of person that flies by the seat of their pants on a daily basis. You could say that I live my life reactively as opposed to actively planning it. To figure out what does make me happy and then pursuing it isn't part of reactive living. Plus, I really spend most of my time trying to please everyone else, which obviously doesn't leave a lot of time for my happiness. So, if you'd like to join me in the excercise, please feel free to do so as I surely could use the help.

So here we go, a poor attempt at defining happiness:

* A breezy evening spent relaxing on the porch at the house in Corolla after a long day on the water.
* A quiet night at home - makes me happy
* Hearing a cheesy CD that brings back memories - makes me happy, such as Milli Vanilli
* Dressing up for someone - makes me happy
* Having a job that would use my potential - makes me happy
* Curling up with someone special after a long day - makes me happy
* Wiggling my toes in the sand - makes me happy
* Traveling to new places - makes me happy
* Meeting new people with many different backgrounds and views - makes me happy
* Spending a quiet afternoon reading - makes me happy
* A an ice cold beer on a sweltering summer day by my pool - makes me happy
* Hearing from someone I haven't heard from in a while - makes me happy
* Spending time on the water - makes me happy
* Waking up to a blanket of snow - makes me happy
* Having a clean and organized house - makes me happy
* An occasional meal cooked just for me - makes me happy
* Spending the day in the garden with my grandmother - makes me happy
* Having someone to share my passions with - (would) make(s) me happy
* Cardio overdrive - makes me happy
* Exhaustion that brings about a full night's sleep - makes me happy
* Not having to work so hard to make/keep others happy - makes me happy
* Having my dad as my biggest fan at competitions- makes me happy
* Being proud of my brother and sister’s accomplishments - makes me happy
* Sipping coconut milk that was cut down just for me from a sweet Puerto Rican just to swoon me and show me his axe skills - makes me happy
* Being with a man who makes you laugh – makes me happy
* Ripe tomatoes from my own garden that I grew - make me happy
* Cooking an exceptionally yummy and healthy meal - makes me happy
* Knowing that there are (few) people who find me special - makes me happy
* Financial stability - makes me happy
* Buying things to make others happy - makes me happy
* Making Kennedy Emily and Marisa laugh so hard they snort - makes me happy
* Singing an old song from start to finish despite my tone deafness - makes me happy
* Hoping some day to know someone that likes me for who I am, doesn't stereotype me or want me to change - makes me happy
* Having someone to talk to without holding back - makes me happy
* Being included in someone's life - makes me happy
* Being spontaneous - makes me happy
* Being of help when I can - makes me happy
* Trying something new - makes me happy
* Finding something I've lost - makes me happy
*A long passionate kiss from a man who can’t get enough – makes me happy
* Helping Isaiah with his homework and seeing the “ah ha” moment – makes me happy
* Seeing 32’s everywhere makes me feel as if I have someone looking out for me- makes me happy
*Listening to my parent’s music playing throughout their house – makes me happy
*Watching Abi Ava and Alizabeth play nicely – makes me happy
*Clean laundry and empty trash cans –make me happy
*The lingering scent of my shampoo when I take my hair down after a workout –makes me happy
* A pretty sundress, oversized sunglasses, a nice tan and French peds – make me happy
* The last call of the night after a long day – makes me happy
* A killer sunset – makes me happy
* A beautiful sunrise – makes me happy
* Brushing, flossing, and bleaching my teeth – makes me happy
*Hearing from Kennedy’s teacher that when asked who her hero is she said me- makes me happy
* A man in black- makes me happy
* The scent of a man – makes me happy
* Praying a sweet prayer – makes me happy
* Having faith in God – makes me happy
* My degrees, my education and all of that hard work – makes me happy
* My new found love of watches – makes me happy
* Happy Endings – make me happy

Insomnia and Virginity

It's claimed that the cause of Sir Isaac Newton's acute insomnia was sexual frustration.


He died a virgin.


(So, what, he was up masturbating all night?)

(You'd think a man of his stature and success would be able to get himself some.)

(just sayin'.)

Now, go have sex or you risk sleeplessness!!!

I wish I had more time

......to spend with friends, family, just in general people I like. One of the things I like about this break from real life (ha!) called winter break, is that everyone has time. Time to do things, time to hang-out, go out, volunteer, be together, be stupid, has a common mission to save the world. (raises fist into the air.)

Okay, so I'm the only one who really believes the world can be changed, but still, my point is that when you hit a certain age, say 22-23, definitely by 24, your time starts to slip away. Your life is taken over by life. Life no longer consists of going out and being with friends, or at least not much past happy hour, it now consists of jobs, careers, weddings, babies, and being in bed around 10:30 to repeat it all again the next day. You know, the real world. Opposed to the one MTV presents of sex in hot tubs and going out and getting plastered every night while staying in a rent-free penthouse suite. Sure, that's just a New Years' Eve night for me, but I realize this is not the case for most people!

Saturday night Brandi and I hit the local lounge, then went to a local live music venue to enjoy six (some good, some bad) bands. We didn't plan to stay very long. Famous last words. We closed it down. We laughed, remembered, talked of old and promised to make new times together. My dearest friend whom I've known since I was 19. The friend who knows my history because she was there with me when it happened. The person I am comfortable with, can be with, not feel judged, or misunderstood. That's an awesome feeling to have. When I told her I am guarded, she laughed. She doesn't know that side of me. In the end I am glad we had the time together we did, and that I had time with all of the friends, and former co-workers, because gosh, I had no idea how much I was missed and what kind of impact I had on people...but that's another day....Time. We could all use a little more of it, no?