So, my friend whose husband has been having an affair on her has been weighing heavily on my mind. Not so much her situation in particular, more just cheating spouses/couples in general. As a single girl I see it, hear it, and am asked to join in it, far, far too often.
I think what is bothering me about my friend is the fact that her husband doesn't have any guilt about what he is doing and has done. Which, that's on him. What is getting me about the situation is that what we do today will have ramifications for years down the line, possibly for a lifetime. And I don't think I am being dramatic about this either.
My best friend, Brandy, her dad cheated on her mom, which is ultimately what led to their divorce, which was a wonderful thing and which needed to happen. However, still affects her mother, even though she has remarried, and it still affects Brandy. The divorce was over 15 years ago. Nearly half my lifetime now. It was difficult for everyone. I've been cheated on by five boyfriends that I know about. (there would be a key phrase in there, did you catch it?) Still affects me so fucking much. I'm basically waiting to be disappointed by the person I am dating and I haven't been in a nice long relationship for in a while because of it. I am all about dating. I am a serial dater. Wow. one step down, eleven more to go. However, I was left with and sometimes still wonder what I did wrong to be cheated on. The truth is I didn't do anything wrong. I know this. But, I've been left wondering. I was (am) a great girlfriend. I don't bitch, I don't whine, I don't nag. I never say, I'm too tired, I have a headache. I always will want sex. I know I didn't do anything wrong. But, I am still left wondering. However, I certainly know what it feels like. It sucks and it hurts. And please, God please make it stop hurting. Is it something I am doing? Am I causing this? Fuck that. No, it's not me, but again I can't help but wonder, which is what pisses me off. Why should I be left to wonder? See, still affecting me. Which, see, again it never ends. Never a good idea.
Why do people think sex is going to solve whatever it is that is wrong with their relationship? All it's going to do is break the other person and ruin your life in some way. Trust? Gone. Finding a new realtionship? Going to be tough. The other person will be bitter and you will have to (eventually) admit that you cheated. Or when that starts to back fire on you then you will start to lie about why the relationship ended. You will always be the person who cheated or who was cheated on. Always. For me, I cheated once. I was 16, in high school and cheated on my really shitty boyfriend with Sam who played Santa during an FBLA meeting. Even though the boyfriend was shitty at the time, it was no excuse to cheat. If you're unhappy get out of the relationship. Eleven years laterI still don't feel great about what I did. There is still a bit of shame and guilt associated with it. And karma is always in the back of my mind. Since I cheated once I know that I will one day fall in love, REALLY, fall in love and be cheated on. Karma bites hard. Cheating, results in bad karma all the way around. That's the end of today's lesson. Pass it on.
..also to clarify, to me cheating can be: kissing, sex, foreplay, sharing intimate thoughts, feelings, emotions trusting someone else with things you should be doing and saying with your partner. The men who cheated on me did all the above then some and a little bit more.
