Ok, so life has changed. A lot! I'm not happy with it, but I have to somehow pick up the pieces. I've been stuck in the deepest, darkest hole for days. I haven't slept well because my mind is focused on my daddy.
My family and I have lost something that will never be replaced. It's been absolutely devastating. Most of my friends have been wonderful. Most have even respected my wishes. Others have been distant and unapologetic for their own selfish reasons. It's really sad to say, but it really leaves a lasting taste. There is no excuse for their behavior. Unfortunately it has changed me. I'm always going to remember their actions or lack their of. I'm going to do what daddy would do -- he would never judge them, he would pray for them.
I'm not going to waste anymore energy on wondering why. I'm going to focus on Daddy's causes and his legacy. I'm a proud daughter.
In other news, we recieved a card from 'Monica' who was there when Mommy had to stop CPR at 10:25, who helped us throughout the entire process. She touched on how close my entire family was, how odd it is to see that these days. She was inspired by our bond and how our extended family and friends trickled in as they heard the news. She picked up the phone and called her own parents in AZ and told them how much she loved them. Just another person that my sweet daddy touched.
I spent most of my adult life taking care of daddy. I even have questions as to if I did enough. I basically moved them in to my house 2 hours away from our home in McLean. I just ask that you spend time with your parents, let them know how much you love them because this has been the worst pain I've ever experienced. AML was a walk in the park. I've lost a brother--that was hard. Losing my daddy has been a nightmare. I did everything I could for daddy. I wouldn't want anyone else to ever experience this pain with doubts.
It's raining, it's foggy. It's ugly out. I hope my day goes better.
