Midnight

I got a 12 am phone call from Steve P last night. Normally, I would have been asleep but it hasn't been the case lately. He was crying and very upset over Kristy's official diagnosis which is Mastesticized Ewings Sarcoma which is a bone cancer. It basically means the cancer has spread and right now she has 12 hot spots according to her tests! Since KP is now 18, the doctors are giving her all of the news upfront and they're very direct with her. It's a 30%, five year survival rate. His heart is broken. He wants me to spend some time with her and bring my journals for her to read that I wrote through this awful disease. It's still so hard to even say the C word to this day. I'm really sad for all of them.

He was also venting all of his frustrations about Victoria. While he's been at JHopkins she's been getting facials and having her 2 workouts a day and can't fit time in for Kristy. He then got to the part where he apologized for ever hurting me and how I am in a class all of my own because I'm true to myself and i'm forgiving. He is right, I don't hold grudges. It's hard to forget and I work thru it but if I've learned anything in this life it's that life is short and we want life in abundance. I told that I forgave him a long time ago. It's life. We get hurt. We pick up the pieces and we move on. He asked for dinner. I said not right now because my heart is not into it. I'm not going to pretend that it is. He asked for drinks. I said no to that too because it's opening up ways to him to try and slide back into my life.

I don't want a man with a girlfriend. Besides, he loves her. If he truly meant all of the nice things he said to me he wouldn't ask me to get involved in his life. He would know a girl like me deserves honesty, loyalty, and good friendship. I'm not bitter about the past. I'm just evolving. I need more than fancy cars, fine dining, and jet setting across the world. I need humble. I need grounded. I need genuine. Those things money can't buy.

I intend on getting in touch with his beautiful little girl-- If she wants to see me I will certainly go.