Before I met Jack Daniels, discovered how important reading glasses are and found myself commenting on the price of gasoline, I was a kid. I was a kid who had big expectations for herself.
When I was little, being 20 years old made you an adult. Because being 20 years old meant you weren’t a teenager anymore and the only thing after a teenager was an adult. So once I was 20, I was going to be a teacher and a psychologist (apparently Doogie Howser and I drank from the same water bottle). I was going to have high heels and wear lots of pink skirts with flowers on them.
My hair would be really long and always blonde, no dark roots of course.
I would have a big house that had a porch all the way around it. I would have lots of flowers in my yard. I would have a housekeeper. I would drive a brand new red car and I would have gone to St Croix (a place of fascination in my youth). I would have actual tea parties, call people ‘darling’ and wear scarves around my head when I drove.
I would be married.
My husband would look like Uncle Jesse, but would make me laugh like Joey. Sometimes we would kiss when I wanted, and if I didn’t want to he would build me stuff like bookcases and take me fancy places for dinner where the forks would be as small as the ones in my playhouse. I would stay all the way up until 2 am and if I wanted, I would have vanilla cake with chocolate frosting for breakfast.
I would complain about bills, but always have enough money to pay them. I would have cloth napkins and always remember to say “may I ask who’s calling?”, when giving the phone to someone else. I would refinish furniture, quote Shakespeare in random conversation and own a well-used picnic basket.
I would worry about losing my wedding ring down the drain.
I’m past 20 now. A few years past, actually. And I realize that my life isn’t at all what I thought it would be like. I’m my own significant other, I don't drive that candy apple red convertible and I can’t remember the last time I had cake for breakfast.
Am I sad that my life is so different than what I imagined? Sometimes. It does sound easier. But I’m slowly learning easier isn’t always better and if this life means having more disappointments than I thought I would, I’m okay with it.
Besides, if I had the life I always thought I wanted, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t know Jack,- Daniels that is.
