To Whomever Used the Elliptical Before I Did,
That blue spray bottle strategically placed in front of you, the one that clearly says "SANITIZER", yeah, thats for sweat-noxious individuals such as yourself. Those of you who drop your beads of just Ick all over the place need to start wiping down your germs for the next healthy bod trying to use the equipment. Cuz me? I'm really not down with using my fingers as windsheild wipers while attempting to input my data or placing my hands in vats of your bodily fluids while trying to grasp the machine, k? Got that?
Signed,
Girl who just got over second round of cold this season
Dear Judy aka My Bikini Waxer,
I totally get that you're angry with your husband, Charlie for fooling around on you, as you should be. And I'm waaaay empathetic to the fact that you need sex reeaaallly bad. However Judy, a scorned woman describing me as the woman that fooled around with thou lovely Charlie,who is angry and frustrated, that does not bode well with hot wax and my delicate, beautiful, little pootie! I think you took off a top layer of skin this time!! Perhaps I can recommend a good therapist? I won't be making my next appointment btw, (cough, laser hair removal, cough)
Signed,
You're once faithful client who is now soaking in Aloe Vera!
Dear Post Man,
No! I'm not interested! Can't you just leave my packages or do I have to keep hiding around the back of my house?
Signed,
Girl who is seriously considering buying less online!
Dear my long time Manicurist,
I get it. You don't want me to understand what you're saying. But every time you abruptly stop our conversation in English and begin hurriedly chatting away in Vietnamese I get paranoid. I know you know this and you're probably talking about my dry winterized hands. Cut it out.
Signed,
Girl with hands complex.
