I've been busier than a $5 crack whore looking for my next blow-job so I can get my fix on.I promise to return with wit, sarcasm, and wonderful insights into the world very soon. Say, tomorrow-ish.
But today...ehh
I don't typically like to bitch. I'm not a fan of the nag, the whine, the sit and sulk and say that everything is fine when really we both know that it's not. However, you're suppose to be smart enough to figure out what's wrong with me while I just sit and stew and stew over what ever it is that pissed me off, but you have no clue so you go out with the guys and then several days later I blow-up over you not telling me you missed me when really I'm pissed about that thing that happened on Wednesday and it's now Sunday morning.Nope, that's not me.
I am however, very fond of the five second vent. Stand or sit just shut-up and just let me vent for five seconds. I don't want advice. I don't want a solution to the vent. I just want you to sit or stand, shut-up and listen. So, this is me venting. If it takes you longer than five seconds to read this, well then that's not my fault.
So, I am depressed today. Right now. Not in a, 'I hate myself and I feel all blechy about myself,' kind of way. No, it's more of a, 'People are irritating me.' But not so much in a, 'I want to rip their heads off' kind of way. It's more in a, I look at you and take a deep internal sigh and think, 'you make me tired,' kind of way.I'm tired.People are wearing me out and not in the good fun kind of way. I just feel, sigh-ish. Slouch-ish.
I tried working out. That usually solves this kind of mood. Nope. I even got up to 81 RPM's on level 5 of the treadmile, for an entire minute. I had a moment of, "Wow, you rock." But notice the period, no exclamation point. I did the free-weights. Nope, nothing.
While I was working out I watched my tivo of "Dateline," and they had one of their infamous, "I'm a 40 year-old pervert and I've come to seduce the 14 year-old who is really a decoy and this is all a set-up, but I'm too stupid to know it," shows. I'm pretty sure that's what put me over the edge.
Watching all these seemingly normal and okay, a few not too normal, men try and seduce these supposed 12-14 year-old virgin girls. One drove four hours to meet her. Another two hours and showed up at 4am. Several had a wife and kids. Several have been arrested before.Then, then the kicker.
The one who sent me over the preverbial edge.
A 40 year-old man who showed up with his five-year-old son in tow.
Yep.
He brought his son with him while he planned to have sex with a 14 year-old virgin.
Seriously.
They had to call his wife to come pick up the son while the father was hauled away to jail. Seriously.
I know you can never know someone entirely or completely.
I know you can never know what someone is thinking or fantasizing about.
I know there are all kinds of pervs out there.
I know you can never know where someone is or what or whom they are doing and when and where they are doing it.
I know the whole, on-line thing is revolutionizing perversion and fetish and ways to meet people that even I probably don't know and don't want to be aware of.
But, seriously.
Married men?
40 year-old married men, with families. With a wife and kids at home. With daughters of their own going to meet 12-14 year-old virgins at her home and seduce her. Driving over four hours to do so.
*Rubs forehead while shaking my head.*
I don't get it.
You know who and what you are.
You can deny it, but you do.
You can try and hide it.
You can try and live a normal life in the everyday, but deep down, deep down in your soul and your gut of guts, you know who and what you are. Why bring an innocent family into the mix? Why? Why do that to them? Why? If you are seeking this out online, then I know what you are doing in your home. Chances are you are seeking out the innocent girl online while your innocent family is in the next room.
So I ask, who can I trust? Who should I trust? I've been wrong so, so many fucking times before. It takes a lot for me to bring down the bricks from my wall. I've brought down a few and peaked over, but damn it all to hell if someone doesn't fuck that up and make me want to put those bricks back up. I guess right now I just don't have a lot of faith. Faith in people. I'll be over it probably by this time tomorrow. This time next week at the latest. Almost nearly positive about that.
My trust issues have been well documented here on my blog. I have issues with trust. I can admit this. One step down, eleven more to go. I have a whole 12-month subscription worth of trust issues.
Add in this, "Dateline," episode, coupled with the relationships, the mother, the friends who have agendas, and well you have a pissy chick who just needed to vent for five seconds.
Sunday, May 06, 2007
Friday, April 27, 2007
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Thursday, April 19, 2007
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
The Play by the Murderer.
This is the play from psychopath:
IMO: What the fuck? WHAT THE HELL??? And he was an English major? Uhmm....yeah....he failed, right? This is just bizzare.
http://http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2007/0417071vtech1.html
IMO: What the fuck? WHAT THE HELL??? And he was an English major? Uhmm....yeah....he failed, right? This is just bizzare.
http://http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2007/0417071vtech1.html
Tech
I just watched live coverage of a very moving ceremony @ Tech. President Bush delivered a nice message. "Yesterday began like any other day. Students woke up and they grabbed their backpacks and they headed for class, "And soon the day took a dark turn, with students and faculty barricading themselves in classrooms and dormitories. For many of you here today, it was the worst day in your lives,"
The tears haven't quite stopped for me. I didn't know anyone that died personally but Emily Hilcher was from Woodville. That which is about 30 minutes away from me. She was the first that was gunned down by this disturbed Sueng Ho Cho. He killed Emily first. It's believed that he was romantically interested in her. I've heard through the grapevine that a Luray native was one that actually jumped out of a two story window. No facts on that just yet though.
It turns out that Sueng Ho Cho paid $571 for the handguns in Roanoke VA one in March. Virginia law requires that you wait 30 days to purchase another handgun. So he probably bought the second on or after April 13. Obviously he had been thinking about this for some time.
TheSmokingGun.com has posted the text of a play, purported to be by Cho, which describes a 13-year-old boy who accuses his stepfather of pedophelia, and ends with the boy's death. In the play, titled "Richard McBeef," the boy talks of killing his stepfather.
Cho's parents live in a townhouse development in Centreville, a suburb of Washington. They own a dry-cleaning shop nearby. Police searched their home last night. Neighbors haven't seen their son home in years. Cho did leave a suicide note "You caused me to do this". It's several pages long but the police are not releasing it yet.
This rampage has made headlines from England to Spain to Tokyo to Africa.
May God Bless & May God Keep.
The tears haven't quite stopped for me. I didn't know anyone that died personally but Emily Hilcher was from Woodville. That which is about 30 minutes away from me. She was the first that was gunned down by this disturbed Sueng Ho Cho. He killed Emily first. It's believed that he was romantically interested in her. I've heard through the grapevine that a Luray native was one that actually jumped out of a two story window. No facts on that just yet though.
It turns out that Sueng Ho Cho paid $571 for the handguns in Roanoke VA one in March. Virginia law requires that you wait 30 days to purchase another handgun. So he probably bought the second on or after April 13. Obviously he had been thinking about this for some time.
TheSmokingGun.com has posted the text of a play, purported to be by Cho, which describes a 13-year-old boy who accuses his stepfather of pedophelia, and ends with the boy's death. In the play, titled "Richard McBeef," the boy talks of killing his stepfather.
Cho's parents live in a townhouse development in Centreville, a suburb of Washington. They own a dry-cleaning shop nearby. Police searched their home last night. Neighbors haven't seen their son home in years. Cho did leave a suicide note "You caused me to do this". It's several pages long but the police are not releasing it yet.
This rampage has made headlines from England to Spain to Tokyo to Africa.
May God Bless & May God Keep.
Tech
I just watched live coverage of a very moving ceremony @ Tech. President Bush delivered a nice message. "Yesterday began like any other day. Students woke up and they grabbed their backpacks and they headed for class, "And soon the day took a dark turn, with students and faculty barricading themselves in classrooms and dormitories. For many of you here today, it was the worst day in your lives,"
The tears haven't quite stopped for me. I didn't know anyone that died personally but Emily Hilcher was from Woodville. That which is about 30 minutes away from me. She was the first that was gunned down by this disturbed Sueng Ho Cho. He killed Emily first. It's believed that he was romantically interested in her. I've heard through the grapevine that a Luray native was one that actually jumped out of a two story window. No facts on that just yet though.
It turns out that Sueng Ho Cho paid $571 for the handguns in Roanoke VA one in March. Virginia law requires that you wait 30 days to purchase another handgun. So he probably bought it on or after April 13. Obviously he had been thinking about this for some time.
TheSmokingGun.com has posted the text of a play, purported to be by Cho, which describes a 13-year-old boy who accuses his stepfather of pedophelia, and ends with the boy's death. In the play, titled "Richard McBeef," the boy talks of killing his stepfather.
Cho's parents live in a townhouse development in Centreville, a suburb of Washington. They own a dry-cleaning shop nearby. Police searched their home last night. Neighbors haven't seen their son home in years. Cho did leave a suicide note "You caused me to do this". It's several pages long but the police are not releasing it yet.
This rampage has made headlines from England to Spain to Tokyo to Africa.
May God Bless & May God Keep.
The tears haven't quite stopped for me. I didn't know anyone that died personally but Emily Hilcher was from Woodville. That which is about 30 minutes away from me. She was the first that was gunned down by this disturbed Sueng Ho Cho. He killed Emily first. It's believed that he was romantically interested in her. I've heard through the grapevine that a Luray native was one that actually jumped out of a two story window. No facts on that just yet though.
It turns out that Sueng Ho Cho paid $571 for the handguns in Roanoke VA one in March. Virginia law requires that you wait 30 days to purchase another handgun. So he probably bought it on or after April 13. Obviously he had been thinking about this for some time.
TheSmokingGun.com has posted the text of a play, purported to be by Cho, which describes a 13-year-old boy who accuses his stepfather of pedophelia, and ends with the boy's death. In the play, titled "Richard McBeef," the boy talks of killing his stepfather.
Cho's parents live in a townhouse development in Centreville, a suburb of Washington. They own a dry-cleaning shop nearby. Police searched their home last night. Neighbors haven't seen their son home in years. Cho did leave a suicide note "You caused me to do this". It's several pages long but the police are not releasing it yet.
This rampage has made headlines from England to Spain to Tokyo to Africa.
May God Bless & May God Keep.
Monday, April 16, 2007
A total travesty
None of us can change the bloody massacre that occured @ VA Tech today, but we can pray for these innocent people, their families and the entire tech community that was senselessly ambushed this morning. This makes Columbine look like a tea party.
Why wasn't the campus on lockdown after the campus was sending mass emails out to students about a student that was gunned down in her dorm?
Why did this sociopathic have enough time to get across campus and ruthlessly kill 31 other people?
These are questions I won't have answers to, but I can give all of this to God in prayer. Please do the same! My heart is heavy.
Why wasn't the campus on lockdown after the campus was sending mass emails out to students about a student that was gunned down in her dorm?
Why did this sociopathic have enough time to get across campus and ruthlessly kill 31 other people?
These are questions I won't have answers to, but I can give all of this to God in prayer. Please do the same! My heart is heavy.
Monday, April 09, 2007
I'm Home!
After an amazing couple of days with my friends on the West Coast, I'm back home and it never felt so good! Did I mention how much I love my own bed?! Well I DO!!!
And yes...I got homesick. I missed everyone. I kept calling my parents. Mom actually said "Aren't you supposed to make us wonder how you're doing?"
I miss Gigi already. I'm going back in a couple of weeks. We have a wedding and a birth coming up. GUESS WHO IS GOING TO BE A GODMOTHER?! Totally stoked. She looks amazing at six months prego.
Courtney is doing much better after a horrifying experience last week. Keep praying. The twins were at Grandma's yesterday and they're so cute!!! They look nothing alike. It's kinda cool :) One is huge the other is tiny :)
Thanks everyone for the well wishes, thoughts and positive energy.
Guess who is going to be 28 in a few days?! Wow. Weird to say that.
MICHELLE: Dump Stacy. End of story.
LISA: Quit calling. I'm not interested. I don't care how nice he is.
BRANDY: Details in the email.
HAVEN: Yes you snore when you're drunk and yes you can still roll like a rockstar.
And yes...I got homesick. I missed everyone. I kept calling my parents. Mom actually said "Aren't you supposed to make us wonder how you're doing?"
I miss Gigi already. I'm going back in a couple of weeks. We have a wedding and a birth coming up. GUESS WHO IS GOING TO BE A GODMOTHER?! Totally stoked. She looks amazing at six months prego.
Courtney is doing much better after a horrifying experience last week. Keep praying. The twins were at Grandma's yesterday and they're so cute!!! They look nothing alike. It's kinda cool :) One is huge the other is tiny :)
Thanks everyone for the well wishes, thoughts and positive energy.
Guess who is going to be 28 in a few days?! Wow. Weird to say that.
MICHELLE: Dump Stacy. End of story.
LISA: Quit calling. I'm not interested. I don't care how nice he is.
BRANDY: Details in the email.
HAVEN: Yes you snore when you're drunk and yes you can still roll like a rockstar.
Friday, March 30, 2007
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Too Much
Time has passed since my last post. Just a quick recap, Courtney and my brother along with the twins were in an accident last thursday night. Unfortunately, Courtney has been in and out of surgery for the past few days and things have been a bad roller coaster ride. Keep the prayers coming.
Me...not good either. Gigi's cancer has returned. As you well know she's 6 months preganant with her first child. I don't know the affects of the Cancer or what it has on the little guy. Everyone keeps calling and Haven is pressuring me. She doesn't want to go without me. My bff agreed to go along with us. Where would I be without my 32?
My ceremony is tommorrow. I sent an email to the Chair and explained whats going on here and sent my regrets. She responded kindly with deepest sympathy and well wishes.
My family and I are supposed to have Mirror therapy tommorrow. This crap isn't fun. Infact it gets hurtful. I guess that won't be happening tommorrow either, but I will have to see my dr.
I got to spend some time with the twins today...they are too much work. Tiny blessings. Love them.
So keep my family in your thoughts.
XOXOXO
A
Me...not good either. Gigi's cancer has returned. As you well know she's 6 months preganant with her first child. I don't know the affects of the Cancer or what it has on the little guy. Everyone keeps calling and Haven is pressuring me. She doesn't want to go without me. My bff agreed to go along with us. Where would I be without my 32?
My ceremony is tommorrow. I sent an email to the Chair and explained whats going on here and sent my regrets. She responded kindly with deepest sympathy and well wishes.
My family and I are supposed to have Mirror therapy tommorrow. This crap isn't fun. Infact it gets hurtful. I guess that won't be happening tommorrow either, but I will have to see my dr.
I got to spend some time with the twins today...they are too much work. Tiny blessings. Love them.
So keep my family in your thoughts.
XOXOXO
A
Monday, March 19, 2007
Thursday, March 15, 2007
Dad,,,read, Answer.
This one is for Dad:
"Which is better: A world where everyone earns $40,000 a year, or a world where three-fourths of the population earns $100,000 a year while the rest earn $25,000?" (50).
My friend was passionate in her conviction that the rich pay less than their fair share of taxes. I didn't understand what she meant by 'fair,' so I asked a clarifying question: Suppose that Jack and Jill draw equal amounts of water from a community well. Jack's income is $10,000, of which he is taxed 10%, or $1,000, to support the well. Jill's income is $100,000, of which she is taxed 5%, or 5,000, to support the well. In which direction is that tax policy unfair?"
(49).-The Arm Chair Economist, by Steven Landsburg-
"Which is better: A world where everyone earns $40,000 a year, or a world where three-fourths of the population earns $100,000 a year while the rest earn $25,000?" (50).
My friend was passionate in her conviction that the rich pay less than their fair share of taxes. I didn't understand what she meant by 'fair,' so I asked a clarifying question: Suppose that Jack and Jill draw equal amounts of water from a community well. Jack's income is $10,000, of which he is taxed 10%, or $1,000, to support the well. Jill's income is $100,000, of which she is taxed 5%, or 5,000, to support the well. In which direction is that tax policy unfair?"
(49).-The Arm Chair Economist, by Steven Landsburg-
Monday, March 12, 2007
Friday, March 09, 2007
sex in the everyday
I can find everyday things to be very sexy. I can find sex in the everyday. Some are obvious, others not so much.
I use to think the sexiest thing in the world was to catch a glimmer of a man's boxer shorts over the top of his jeans. Just enough to see what color/patteren they were. nothing more than a couple hair widths of a glimmer. Then the whole fashion trend of pants around a man's knees started. ruined the whole thing. Now it's the man rubbing his belly nonchalantly that does it.
A man rubbing his belly with his shirt raised so I can see his happy trail, yummy.
Candles melting/burning. To be in a room filled with only candlelight...mmm nice.
Moonlight. Enough said.
Full moon on a cloudless night.
Smells: The smell of a man, the scent of his cologne, the scent of his sweat, the scent of his soap on his skin after a shower.
A nice tailored suit.
Boxing. I love boxing. So primal. so sweaty. so hot. so wet.
music: either being in a dance club (gay dance club) with a great DJ and a heavy beat. God, you can smell the sex. If a man loves the old standards as much as I do, then you've got me. Sinatra, Billie, Ella, Otis, Sam, Elvis..and on and on..
humor. A man's gotta make me laugh. Have a witty come back, sarcasm (but not biting or mean) and get my humor (which is witty and sarcastic) gotta keep me laughing then we can get through anything.
Confidence, but not cockiness. Very sexy.
Teeth, lips and eyebrows. Some people are into asses, legs, arms. Me? it's lips, teeth and eyebrows. The teeth should be some shade of white. The lips, nice and full or a nice combo with the teeth. Eyebrows, there should be two. They are divorced and not speaking to one another. At the very least they are seperated.
white cotton sheets. Especially after sex and you're both naked and lieing together half covered and talking.
conversation. This is huge. If you can give me the mind fuck then forget about the other stuff it can be worked out. Give me conversation. This is true intimacy.
last phone call of the day. where you're lieing in bed talking for hours on the phone and learning about each other
a great dinner.
a sexy bra and panties. Especially when I'm the only one who knows what I have on under my work clothes
rain/thunderstorm. the smell of an approaching thunderstorm. Being caught in the rain.
summer. all hot and sweaty. the air is thick with humidity. Swimming in the heat of the night alone.
great fuck me shoes
having a man lay between my legs and wrapping my legs around him. (now I'm sure you all have another visual, but I am actually refering to when we are in bed or on a couch and not facing one another and his back is resting against my chest and I have him wrapped up between my legs and I am rubbing/playing with his head/hair
touching. When a person isn't afraid to show affection and receive affection in public or otherwise. Sitting at a bar and touching my leg ect. Not to be confused with the tasteless make-out session in public.
intelligence. being well read. great conversationalist. (told you it was a biggie) great at debating (not argueing)
when I am so connected with someone that there can be a room full of people, but neither one of us are aware of anyone else, but each other. There is no one else, but us. So very hot and sexy.
....tell me yours
I use to think the sexiest thing in the world was to catch a glimmer of a man's boxer shorts over the top of his jeans. Just enough to see what color/patteren they were. nothing more than a couple hair widths of a glimmer. Then the whole fashion trend of pants around a man's knees started. ruined the whole thing. Now it's the man rubbing his belly nonchalantly that does it.
A man rubbing his belly with his shirt raised so I can see his happy trail, yummy.
Candles melting/burning. To be in a room filled with only candlelight...mmm nice.
Moonlight. Enough said.
Full moon on a cloudless night.
Smells: The smell of a man, the scent of his cologne, the scent of his sweat, the scent of his soap on his skin after a shower.
A nice tailored suit.
Boxing. I love boxing. So primal. so sweaty. so hot. so wet.
music: either being in a dance club (gay dance club) with a great DJ and a heavy beat. God, you can smell the sex. If a man loves the old standards as much as I do, then you've got me. Sinatra, Billie, Ella, Otis, Sam, Elvis..and on and on..
humor. A man's gotta make me laugh. Have a witty come back, sarcasm (but not biting or mean) and get my humor (which is witty and sarcastic) gotta keep me laughing then we can get through anything.
Confidence, but not cockiness. Very sexy.
Teeth, lips and eyebrows. Some people are into asses, legs, arms. Me? it's lips, teeth and eyebrows. The teeth should be some shade of white. The lips, nice and full or a nice combo with the teeth. Eyebrows, there should be two. They are divorced and not speaking to one another. At the very least they are seperated.
white cotton sheets. Especially after sex and you're both naked and lieing together half covered and talking.
conversation. This is huge. If you can give me the mind fuck then forget about the other stuff it can be worked out. Give me conversation. This is true intimacy.
last phone call of the day. where you're lieing in bed talking for hours on the phone and learning about each other
a great dinner.
a sexy bra and panties. Especially when I'm the only one who knows what I have on under my work clothes
rain/thunderstorm. the smell of an approaching thunderstorm. Being caught in the rain.
summer. all hot and sweaty. the air is thick with humidity. Swimming in the heat of the night alone.
great fuck me shoes
having a man lay between my legs and wrapping my legs around him. (now I'm sure you all have another visual, but I am actually refering to when we are in bed or on a couch and not facing one another and his back is resting against my chest and I have him wrapped up between my legs and I am rubbing/playing with his head/hair
touching. When a person isn't afraid to show affection and receive affection in public or otherwise. Sitting at a bar and touching my leg ect. Not to be confused with the tasteless make-out session in public.
intelligence. being well read. great conversationalist. (told you it was a biggie) great at debating (not argueing)
when I am so connected with someone that there can be a room full of people, but neither one of us are aware of anyone else, but each other. There is no one else, but us. So very hot and sexy.
....tell me yours
Monday, March 05, 2007
Cheating Part II
So, my friend whose husband has been having an affair on her has been weighing heavily on my mind. Not so much her situation in particular, more just cheating spouses/couples in general. As a single girl I see it, hear it, and am asked to join in it, far, far too often.
I think what is bothering me about my friend is the fact that her husband doesn't have any guilt about what he is doing and has done. Which, that's on him. What is getting me about the situation is that what we do today will have ramifications for years down the line, possibly for a lifetime. And I don't think I am being dramatic about this either.
My best friend, Brandy, her dad cheated on her mom, which is ultimately what led to their divorce, which was a wonderful thing and which needed to happen. However, still affects her mother, even though she has remarried, and it still affects Brandy. The divorce was over 15 years ago. Nearly half my lifetime now. It was difficult for everyone. I've been cheated on by five boyfriends that I know about. (there would be a key phrase in there, did you catch it?) Still affects me so fucking much. I'm basically waiting to be disappointed by the person I am dating and I haven't been in a nice long relationship for in a while because of it. I am all about dating. I am a serial dater. Wow. one step down, eleven more to go. However, I was left with and sometimes still wonder what I did wrong to be cheated on. The truth is I didn't do anything wrong. I know this. But, I've been left wondering. I was (am) a great girlfriend. I don't bitch, I don't whine, I don't nag. I never say, I'm too tired, I have a headache. I always will want sex. I know I didn't do anything wrong. But, I am still left wondering. However, I certainly know what it feels like. It sucks and it hurts. And please, God please make it stop hurting. Is it something I am doing? Am I causing this? Fuck that. No, it's not me, but again I can't help but wonder, which is what pisses me off. Why should I be left to wonder? See, still affecting me. Which, see, again it never ends. Never a good idea.
Why do people think sex is going to solve whatever it is that is wrong with their relationship? All it's going to do is break the other person and ruin your life in some way. Trust? Gone. Finding a new realtionship? Going to be tough. The other person will be bitter and you will have to (eventually) admit that you cheated. Or when that starts to back fire on you then you will start to lie about why the relationship ended. You will always be the person who cheated or who was cheated on. Always. For me, I cheated once. I was 16, in high school and cheated on my really shitty boyfriend with Sam who played Santa during an FBLA meeting. Even though the boyfriend was shitty at the time, it was no excuse to cheat. If you're unhappy get out of the relationship. Eleven years laterI still don't feel great about what I did. There is still a bit of shame and guilt associated with it. And karma is always in the back of my mind. Since I cheated once I know that I will one day fall in love, REALLY, fall in love and be cheated on. Karma bites hard. Cheating, results in bad karma all the way around. That's the end of today's lesson. Pass it on.
..also to clarify, to me cheating can be: kissing, sex, foreplay, sharing intimate thoughts, feelings, emotions trusting someone else with things you should be doing and saying with your partner. The men who cheated on me did all the above then some and a little bit more.
I think what is bothering me about my friend is the fact that her husband doesn't have any guilt about what he is doing and has done. Which, that's on him. What is getting me about the situation is that what we do today will have ramifications for years down the line, possibly for a lifetime. And I don't think I am being dramatic about this either.
My best friend, Brandy, her dad cheated on her mom, which is ultimately what led to their divorce, which was a wonderful thing and which needed to happen. However, still affects her mother, even though she has remarried, and it still affects Brandy. The divorce was over 15 years ago. Nearly half my lifetime now. It was difficult for everyone. I've been cheated on by five boyfriends that I know about. (there would be a key phrase in there, did you catch it?) Still affects me so fucking much. I'm basically waiting to be disappointed by the person I am dating and I haven't been in a nice long relationship for in a while because of it. I am all about dating. I am a serial dater. Wow. one step down, eleven more to go. However, I was left with and sometimes still wonder what I did wrong to be cheated on. The truth is I didn't do anything wrong. I know this. But, I've been left wondering. I was (am) a great girlfriend. I don't bitch, I don't whine, I don't nag. I never say, I'm too tired, I have a headache. I always will want sex. I know I didn't do anything wrong. But, I am still left wondering. However, I certainly know what it feels like. It sucks and it hurts. And please, God please make it stop hurting. Is it something I am doing? Am I causing this? Fuck that. No, it's not me, but again I can't help but wonder, which is what pisses me off. Why should I be left to wonder? See, still affecting me. Which, see, again it never ends. Never a good idea.
Why do people think sex is going to solve whatever it is that is wrong with their relationship? All it's going to do is break the other person and ruin your life in some way. Trust? Gone. Finding a new realtionship? Going to be tough. The other person will be bitter and you will have to (eventually) admit that you cheated. Or when that starts to back fire on you then you will start to lie about why the relationship ended. You will always be the person who cheated or who was cheated on. Always. For me, I cheated once. I was 16, in high school and cheated on my really shitty boyfriend with Sam who played Santa during an FBLA meeting. Even though the boyfriend was shitty at the time, it was no excuse to cheat. If you're unhappy get out of the relationship. Eleven years laterI still don't feel great about what I did. There is still a bit of shame and guilt associated with it. And karma is always in the back of my mind. Since I cheated once I know that I will one day fall in love, REALLY, fall in love and be cheated on. Karma bites hard. Cheating, results in bad karma all the way around. That's the end of today's lesson. Pass it on.
..also to clarify, to me cheating can be: kissing, sex, foreplay, sharing intimate thoughts, feelings, emotions trusting someone else with things you should be doing and saying with your partner. The men who cheated on me did all the above then some and a little bit more.
Sunday, March 04, 2007
Happy
What makes you happy? What makes me happy is when someone knows you better than you know yourself.
In other news: My good friend Missy caught her husband cheating. This all happened yesterday. Poor girl. Nobody deserves that kind of treatment. So my question of the day is What makes people cheat? I've always pondered this. Any insight anyone?
In other news: My good friend Missy caught her husband cheating. This all happened yesterday. Poor girl. Nobody deserves that kind of treatment. So my question of the day is What makes people cheat? I've always pondered this. Any insight anyone?
Thursday, March 01, 2007
Just when....
Just when I was starting to get upset...over 'nothing', I messaged Nick and thank God I did!!! Looks like I won't be alone in NY this weekend :) This is the guy that was voted by Washintonian Magazine to be the top 100 best looking people in Washington :) Love this guy. Now I totally have to pack the matching panties and bras!!! Just kidding but It should be fun for sureeeeeeee!
Here is how the convo went:
Please note: I edited his name to protect the innocent :)
Cristalgirl79: Hey you
NickTimes (8:47:28 AM): hey
NickTimes (8:47:30 AM): how are you??
Cristalgirl79 (8:48:49 AM): I'm good!
Cristalgirl79 (8:48:52 AM): yourself?
NickTimes (8:50:10 AM): great
NickTimes (8:50:14 AM): off to nyc tomorrow
NickTimes (8:50:18 AM): then miami next weekend
Cristalgirl79 (8:50:41 AM): You're kidding
Cristalgirl79 (8:50:43 AM): Meeeeeee too
NickTimes (8:50:32 AM): what??
Cristalgirl79 (8:50:49 AM): I'm going to NYC tommorrow
NickTimes (8:50:34 AM): nice
NickTimes (8:50:38 AM): we should meet up
Cristalgirl79 (8:50:56 AM): and South Beach next weekend
NickTimes (8:50:42 AM): no way
NickTimes (8:50:47 AM): why are you going down there??
Cristalgirl79 (8:51:47 AM): Just to party, Lets hang out! Too Cool!
Cristalgirl79 (8:51:53 AM): I don't have to have a reason!!!
Cristalgirl79 (8:51:59 AM): I love Miami
Cristalgirl79 (8:52:06 AM): My friends and I go every year
NickTimes (8:52:57 AM): nice
NickTimes (8:53:01 AM): we will definitley
NickTimes (8:53:15 AM): meet up
Cristalgirl79 (8:53:36 AM): Where are you staying in NYC?
Cristalgirl79 (8:53:42 AM): II'm at the Marquee
NickTimes (8:53:30 AM): midtown manhattan east marriot
Cristalgirl79 (8:53:48 AM): Times Square
NickTimes (8:53:37 AM): my buddies family owns it
NickTimes (8:53:38 AM): yeh
Cristalgirl79 (8:53:56 AM): Okay........
NickTimes (8:53:47 AM): i was staying at the W in times square
Cristalgirl79 (8:54:11 AM): I'm going to be alone...
NickTimes (8:53:57 AM): but i get such a rediculous rate at this marriot
NickTimes (8:54:01 AM): why alone???
Cristalgirl79 (8:54:19 AM): Good deal
NickTimes (8:54:08 AM): i can keep you warm
Cristalgirl79 (8:54:26 AM): Why not?
NickTimes (8:54:10 AM): hahaha
Cristalgirl79 (8:54:33 AM): Haha...I know this!
NickTimes (8:54:19 AM): good
Cristalgirl79 (8:54:44 AM): I'm going alone because I need to!
Cristalgirl79 (8:54:46 AM): Mentally
Cristalgirl79 (8:54:52 AM): Seriously!
Cristalgirl79 (8:55:03 AM): Totally got fucked over by a guy
NickTimes (8:54:53 AM): oh
NickTimes (8:54:56 AM): im sorry to here that
NickTimes (8:55:00 AM): i am newly single myself
Cristalgirl79 (8:55:20 AM): I should have listened to my instincts
NickTimes (8:55:07 AM): you will be alright you can get any guy you want
Cristalgirl79 (8:55:24 AM): Haha
NickTimes (8:55:09 AM): promise
Cristalgirl79 (8:55:27 AM): Perfect
Cristalgirl79 (8:55:30 AM): I know...
Cristalgirl79 (8:55:42 AM): this one, I actually liked though...not like the rest.
NickTimes (8:55:25 AM): whats your email
Cristalgirl79 (8:55:57 AM): amayawarner@hotmail.com
Cristalgirl79 (8:56:03 AM): why?
NickTimes (8:56:04 AM): i started a new one
NickTimes (8:56:09 AM): about a month ago
Cristalgirl79 (8:56:27 AM): a new?
NickTimes (8:56:12 AM): when i broke up
NickTimes (8:56:16 AM): canceled my old account
Cristalgirl79 (8:56:36 AM): oh
NickTimes (8:56:40 AM): just did
NickTimes (8:56:41 AM): you add me
NickTimes (8:56:43 AM): or accept me
NickTimes (8:56:44 AM): haha
Cristalgirl79 (8:57:25 AM): why did you and the girl break it off?
NickTimes (8:57:47 AM): cause she had a drinking and lieing problem
Cristalgirl79 (8:58:24 AM): I'm sorry
NickTimes (8:58:18 AM): dont be
Cristalgirl79 (8:58:36 AM): She did something reeeeeeeeeally bad?
NickTimes (8:58:21 AM): i couldnt be happier
NickTimes (8:58:24 AM): no
Cristalgirl79 (8:58:42 AM): Haha
NickTimes (8:58:36 AM): she wants to be together, i dont
Cristalgirl79 (8:58:58 AM): I see
NickTimes (8:58:42 AM): i knew i wasnt marrying her
Cristalgirl79 (8:59:01 AM): Oh well
NickTimes (8:58:45 AM): so why keep it going
Cristalgirl79 (8:59:09 AM): You're saving yourself for me
Cristalgirl79 (8:59:18 AM): Yeah...I know
Cristalgirl79 (8:59:58 AM): Oh and how was the Maxim Party?
NickTimes (9:00:58 AM): great
Cristalgirl79 (9:02:15 AM): good
Cristalgirl79 (9:02:27 AM): I'm checking out your pics
Cristalgirl79 (9:02:30 AM): very nice
NickTimes (9:02:28 AM): nice
NickTimes (9:02:33 AM): where you staying in south beach??
Cristalgirl79 (9:02:59 AM): The Delano
NickTimes (9:02:47 AM): awesome
NickTimes (9:02:49 AM): love that place
Cristalgirl79 (9:03:10 AM): Yep
NickTimes (9:02:54 AM): i will be across the street
NickTimes (9:02:57 AM): at the sanctuary
Cristalgirl79 (9:03:18 AM): Hoooooooot!
NickTimes (9:03:08 AM): yeh
Cristalgirl79 (9:03:38 AM): Whose coming with you?
NickTimes (9:03:33 AM): maybe we will meet in nyc this weekend?
NickTimes (9:03:45 AM): have you heard of the band called OAR???
Cristalgirl79 (9:04:03 AM): Yeah! For sure! Lets do it.
Cristalgirl79 (9:04:07 AM): never
NickTimes (9:03:53 AM): hmmm
NickTimes (9:04:03 AM): www.ofarevolution.com
NickTimes (9:04:20 AM): anyway, they are headlining a big music festival thats in miami next weekend
NickTimes (9:04:27 AM): i grew up with the lead singer and the drummer
Cristalgirl79 (9:04:53 AM): yeah...
NickTimes (9:04:39 AM): so were going down to see them play and rip it up in south beach
Cristalgirl79 (9:05:04 AM): hold...listening
Cristalgirl79 (9:05:51 AM): that was breif
Cristalgirl79 (9:05:53 AM): but good
Cristalgirl79 (9:06:09 AM): I like
Cristalgirl79 (9:06:21 AM): I think I'll buy it
NickTimes (9:06:26 AM): you would like them if I know you
NickTimes (9:06:28 AM): im sure
NickTimes (9:06:39 AM): anyway, gotta run into a meeting
Cristalgirl79 (9:06:59 AM): Okay...
NickTimes (9:06:44 AM): do you still have my #???
Cristalgirl79 (9:07:03 AM): got my number?
Cristalgirl79 (9:07:04 AM): haha
Cristalgirl79 (9:07:08 AM): I don't think so
Cristalgirl79 (9:07:17 AM): lay it on me
NickTimes (9:07:05 AM): 540-860-2162
Cristalgirl79 (9:07:25 AM): Yep
Cristalgirl79 (9:07:28 AM): thatsssssssssss me
NickTimes (9:07:15 AM): 240-418-xxxx
Cristalgirl79 (9:07:37 AM): Got it
Cristalgirl79 (9:07:44 AM): Have a good day
NickTimes (9:07:33 AM): i am going to hoboken on saturday for an all day party
NickTimes (9:07:39 AM): hobokenfest
Cristalgirl79 (9:08:04 AM): NY?
NickTimes (9:07:51 AM): yes
Cristalgirl79 (9:08:13 AM): Yeah...
NickTimes (9:07:57 AM): its 10 minutes from the hotel
Cristalgirl79 (9:08:22 AM): I see
NickTimes (9:08:08 AM): its like an all day st. pattys day thing
Cristalgirl79 (9:08:32 AM): Nice!
NickTimes (9:08:16 AM): k, you interested you could meet my friends
NickTimes (9:08:18 AM): be back in a bit
NickTimes (9:08:19 AM): bye
Cristalgirl79 (9:08:38 AM): okay
Cristalgirl79 (9:08:39 AM): bye
NickTimes went away at 9:08:44 AM.
NickTimes returned at 9:38:26 AM.
Here is how the convo went:
Please note: I edited his name to protect the innocent :)
Cristalgirl79: Hey you
NickTimes (8:47:28 AM): hey
NickTimes (8:47:30 AM): how are you??
Cristalgirl79 (8:48:49 AM): I'm good!
Cristalgirl79 (8:48:52 AM): yourself?
NickTimes (8:50:10 AM): great
NickTimes (8:50:14 AM): off to nyc tomorrow
NickTimes (8:50:18 AM): then miami next weekend
Cristalgirl79 (8:50:41 AM): You're kidding
Cristalgirl79 (8:50:43 AM): Meeeeeee too
NickTimes (8:50:32 AM): what??
Cristalgirl79 (8:50:49 AM): I'm going to NYC tommorrow
NickTimes (8:50:34 AM): nice
NickTimes (8:50:38 AM): we should meet up
Cristalgirl79 (8:50:56 AM): and South Beach next weekend
NickTimes (8:50:42 AM): no way
NickTimes (8:50:47 AM): why are you going down there??
Cristalgirl79 (8:51:47 AM): Just to party, Lets hang out! Too Cool!
Cristalgirl79 (8:51:53 AM): I don't have to have a reason!!!
Cristalgirl79 (8:51:59 AM): I love Miami
Cristalgirl79 (8:52:06 AM): My friends and I go every year
NickTimes (8:52:57 AM): nice
NickTimes (8:53:01 AM): we will definitley
NickTimes (8:53:15 AM): meet up
Cristalgirl79 (8:53:36 AM): Where are you staying in NYC?
Cristalgirl79 (8:53:42 AM): II'm at the Marquee
NickTimes (8:53:30 AM): midtown manhattan east marriot
Cristalgirl79 (8:53:48 AM): Times Square
NickTimes (8:53:37 AM): my buddies family owns it
NickTimes (8:53:38 AM): yeh
Cristalgirl79 (8:53:56 AM): Okay........
NickTimes (8:53:47 AM): i was staying at the W in times square
Cristalgirl79 (8:54:11 AM): I'm going to be alone...
NickTimes (8:53:57 AM): but i get such a rediculous rate at this marriot
NickTimes (8:54:01 AM): why alone???
Cristalgirl79 (8:54:19 AM): Good deal
NickTimes (8:54:08 AM): i can keep you warm
Cristalgirl79 (8:54:26 AM): Why not?
NickTimes (8:54:10 AM): hahaha
Cristalgirl79 (8:54:33 AM): Haha...I know this!
NickTimes (8:54:19 AM): good
Cristalgirl79 (8:54:44 AM): I'm going alone because I need to!
Cristalgirl79 (8:54:46 AM): Mentally
Cristalgirl79 (8:54:52 AM): Seriously!
Cristalgirl79 (8:55:03 AM): Totally got fucked over by a guy
NickTimes (8:54:53 AM): oh
NickTimes (8:54:56 AM): im sorry to here that
NickTimes (8:55:00 AM): i am newly single myself
Cristalgirl79 (8:55:20 AM): I should have listened to my instincts
NickTimes (8:55:07 AM): you will be alright you can get any guy you want
Cristalgirl79 (8:55:24 AM): Haha
NickTimes (8:55:09 AM): promise
Cristalgirl79 (8:55:27 AM): Perfect
Cristalgirl79 (8:55:30 AM): I know...
Cristalgirl79 (8:55:42 AM): this one, I actually liked though...not like the rest.
NickTimes (8:55:25 AM): whats your email
Cristalgirl79 (8:55:57 AM): amayawarner@hotmail.com
Cristalgirl79 (8:56:03 AM): why?
NickTimes (8:56:04 AM): i started a new one
NickTimes (8:56:09 AM): about a month ago
Cristalgirl79 (8:56:27 AM): a new?
NickTimes (8:56:12 AM): when i broke up
NickTimes (8:56:16 AM): canceled my old account
Cristalgirl79 (8:56:36 AM): oh
NickTimes (8:56:40 AM): just did
NickTimes (8:56:41 AM): you add me
NickTimes (8:56:43 AM): or accept me
NickTimes (8:56:44 AM): haha
Cristalgirl79 (8:57:25 AM): why did you and the girl break it off?
NickTimes (8:57:47 AM): cause she had a drinking and lieing problem
Cristalgirl79 (8:58:24 AM): I'm sorry
NickTimes (8:58:18 AM): dont be
Cristalgirl79 (8:58:36 AM): She did something reeeeeeeeeally bad?
NickTimes (8:58:21 AM): i couldnt be happier
NickTimes (8:58:24 AM): no
Cristalgirl79 (8:58:42 AM): Haha
NickTimes (8:58:36 AM): she wants to be together, i dont
Cristalgirl79 (8:58:58 AM): I see
NickTimes (8:58:42 AM): i knew i wasnt marrying her
Cristalgirl79 (8:59:01 AM): Oh well
NickTimes (8:58:45 AM): so why keep it going
Cristalgirl79 (8:59:09 AM): You're saving yourself for me
Cristalgirl79 (8:59:18 AM): Yeah...I know
Cristalgirl79 (8:59:58 AM): Oh and how was the Maxim Party?
NickTimes (9:00:58 AM): great
Cristalgirl79 (9:02:15 AM): good
Cristalgirl79 (9:02:27 AM): I'm checking out your pics
Cristalgirl79 (9:02:30 AM): very nice
NickTimes (9:02:28 AM): nice
NickTimes (9:02:33 AM): where you staying in south beach??
Cristalgirl79 (9:02:59 AM): The Delano
NickTimes (9:02:47 AM): awesome
NickTimes (9:02:49 AM): love that place
Cristalgirl79 (9:03:10 AM): Yep
NickTimes (9:02:54 AM): i will be across the street
NickTimes (9:02:57 AM): at the sanctuary
Cristalgirl79 (9:03:18 AM): Hoooooooot!
NickTimes (9:03:08 AM): yeh
Cristalgirl79 (9:03:38 AM): Whose coming with you?
NickTimes (9:03:33 AM): maybe we will meet in nyc this weekend?
NickTimes (9:03:45 AM): have you heard of the band called OAR???
Cristalgirl79 (9:04:03 AM): Yeah! For sure! Lets do it.
Cristalgirl79 (9:04:07 AM): never
NickTimes (9:03:53 AM): hmmm
NickTimes (9:04:03 AM): www.ofarevolution.com
NickTimes (9:04:20 AM): anyway, they are headlining a big music festival thats in miami next weekend
NickTimes (9:04:27 AM): i grew up with the lead singer and the drummer
Cristalgirl79 (9:04:53 AM): yeah...
NickTimes (9:04:39 AM): so were going down to see them play and rip it up in south beach
Cristalgirl79 (9:05:04 AM): hold...listening
Cristalgirl79 (9:05:51 AM): that was breif
Cristalgirl79 (9:05:53 AM): but good
Cristalgirl79 (9:06:09 AM): I like
Cristalgirl79 (9:06:21 AM): I think I'll buy it
NickTimes (9:06:26 AM): you would like them if I know you
NickTimes (9:06:28 AM): im sure
NickTimes (9:06:39 AM): anyway, gotta run into a meeting
Cristalgirl79 (9:06:59 AM): Okay...
NickTimes (9:06:44 AM): do you still have my #???
Cristalgirl79 (9:07:03 AM): got my number?
Cristalgirl79 (9:07:04 AM): haha
Cristalgirl79 (9:07:08 AM): I don't think so
Cristalgirl79 (9:07:17 AM): lay it on me
NickTimes (9:07:05 AM): 540-860-2162
Cristalgirl79 (9:07:25 AM): Yep
Cristalgirl79 (9:07:28 AM): thatsssssssssss me
NickTimes (9:07:15 AM): 240-418-xxxx
Cristalgirl79 (9:07:37 AM): Got it
Cristalgirl79 (9:07:44 AM): Have a good day
NickTimes (9:07:33 AM): i am going to hoboken on saturday for an all day party
NickTimes (9:07:39 AM): hobokenfest
Cristalgirl79 (9:08:04 AM): NY?
NickTimes (9:07:51 AM): yes
Cristalgirl79 (9:08:13 AM): Yeah...
NickTimes (9:07:57 AM): its 10 minutes from the hotel
Cristalgirl79 (9:08:22 AM): I see
NickTimes (9:08:08 AM): its like an all day st. pattys day thing
Cristalgirl79 (9:08:32 AM): Nice!
NickTimes (9:08:16 AM): k, you interested you could meet my friends
NickTimes (9:08:18 AM): be back in a bit
NickTimes (9:08:19 AM): bye
Cristalgirl79 (9:08:38 AM): okay
Cristalgirl79 (9:08:39 AM): bye
NickTimes went away at 9:08:44 AM.
NickTimes returned at 9:38:26 AM.
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