I just need to vent!

I've been busier than a $5 crack whore looking for my next blow-job so I can get my fix on.I promise to return with wit, sarcasm, and wonderful insights into the world very soon. Say, tomorrow-ish.

But today...ehh

I don't typically like to bitch. I'm not a fan of the nag, the whine, the sit and sulk and say that everything is fine when really we both know that it's not. However, you're suppose to be smart enough to figure out what's wrong with me while I just sit and stew and stew over what ever it is that pissed me off, but you have no clue so you go out with the guys and then several days later I blow-up over you not telling me you missed me when really I'm pissed about that thing that happened on Wednesday and it's now Sunday morning.Nope, that's not me.

I am however, very fond of the five second vent. Stand or sit just shut-up and just let me vent for five seconds. I don't want advice. I don't want a solution to the vent. I just want you to sit or stand, shut-up and listen. So, this is me venting. If it takes you longer than five seconds to read this, well then that's not my fault.

So, I am depressed today. Right now. Not in a, 'I hate myself and I feel all blechy about myself,' kind of way. No, it's more of a, 'People are irritating me.' But not so much in a, 'I want to rip their heads off' kind of way. It's more in a, I look at you and take a deep internal sigh and think, 'you make me tired,' kind of way.I'm tired.People are wearing me out and not in the good fun kind of way. I just feel, sigh-ish. Slouch-ish.

I tried working out. That usually solves this kind of mood. Nope. I even got up to 81 RPM's on level 5 of the treadmile, for an entire minute. I had a moment of, "Wow, you rock." But notice the period, no exclamation point. I did the free-weights. Nope, nothing.

While I was working out I watched my tivo of "Dateline," and they had one of their infamous, "I'm a 40 year-old pervert and I've come to seduce the 14 year-old who is really a decoy and this is all a set-up, but I'm too stupid to know it," shows. I'm pretty sure that's what put me over the edge.
Watching all these seemingly normal and okay, a few not too normal, men try and seduce these supposed 12-14 year-old virgin girls. One drove four hours to meet her. Another two hours and showed up at 4am. Several had a wife and kids. Several have been arrested before.Then, then the kicker.
The one who sent me over the preverbial edge.
A 40 year-old man who showed up with his five-year-old son in tow.
Yep.
He brought his son with him while he planned to have sex with a 14 year-old virgin.
Seriously.
They had to call his wife to come pick up the son while the father was hauled away to jail. Seriously.
I know you can never know someone entirely or completely.
I know you can never know what someone is thinking or fantasizing about.
I know there are all kinds of pervs out there.
I know you can never know where someone is or what or whom they are doing and when and where they are doing it.
I know the whole, on-line thing is revolutionizing perversion and fetish and ways to meet people that even I probably don't know and don't want to be aware of.
But, seriously.
Married men?
40 year-old married men, with families. With a wife and kids at home. With daughters of their own going to meet 12-14 year-old virgins at her home and seduce her. Driving over four hours to do so.

*Rubs forehead while shaking my head.*

I don't get it.
You know who and what you are.
You can deny it, but you do.
You can try and hide it.
You can try and live a normal life in the everyday, but deep down, deep down in your soul and your gut of guts, you know who and what you are. Why bring an innocent family into the mix? Why? Why do that to them? Why? If you are seeking this out online, then I know what you are doing in your home. Chances are you are seeking out the innocent girl online while your innocent family is in the next room.

So I ask, who can I trust? Who should I trust? I've been wrong so, so many fucking times before. It takes a lot for me to bring down the bricks from my wall. I've brought down a few and peaked over, but damn it all to hell if someone doesn't fuck that up and make me want to put those bricks back up. I guess right now I just don't have a lot of faith. Faith in people. I'll be over it probably by this time tomorrow. This time next week at the latest. Almost nearly positive about that.

My trust issues have been well documented here on my blog. I have issues with trust. I can admit this. One step down, eleven more to go. I have a whole 12-month subscription worth of trust issues.

Add in this, "Dateline," episode, coupled with the relationships, the mother, the friends who have agendas, and well you have a pissy chick who just needed to vent for five seconds.

Friday

Baseball game with Michelle and on to the Mexican Cantina for drinx!


Call my cell :)

The best video eva!

http://my.break.com/media/view.aspx?ContentID=274242

Today

We're off to Tech.

The Play by the Murderer.

This is the play from psychopath:

IMO: What the fuck? WHAT THE HELL??? And he was an English major? Uhmm....yeah....he failed, right? This is just bizzare.

http://http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2007/0417071vtech1.html

Tech

I just watched live coverage of a very moving ceremony @ Tech. President Bush delivered a nice message. "Yesterday began like any other day. Students woke up and they grabbed their backpacks and they headed for class, "And soon the day took a dark turn, with students and faculty barricading themselves in classrooms and dormitories. For many of you here today, it was the worst day in your lives,"

The tears haven't quite stopped for me. I didn't know anyone that died personally but Emily Hilcher was from Woodville. That which is about 30 minutes away from me. She was the first that was gunned down by this disturbed Sueng Ho Cho. He killed Emily first. It's believed that he was romantically interested in her. I've heard through the grapevine that a Luray native was one that actually jumped out of a two story window. No facts on that just yet though.

It turns out that Sueng Ho Cho paid $571 for the handguns in Roanoke VA one in March. Virginia law requires that you wait 30 days to purchase another handgun. So he probably bought the second on or after April 13. Obviously he had been thinking about this for some time.

TheSmokingGun.com has posted the text of a play, purported to be by Cho, which describes a 13-year-old boy who accuses his stepfather of pedophelia, and ends with the boy's death. In the play, titled "Richard McBeef," the boy talks of killing his stepfather.

Cho's parents live in a townhouse development in Centreville, a suburb of Washington. They own a dry-cleaning shop nearby. Police searched their home last night. Neighbors haven't seen their son home in years. Cho did leave a suicide note "You caused me to do this". It's several pages long but the police are not releasing it yet.

This rampage has made headlines from England to Spain to Tokyo to Africa.

May God Bless & May God Keep.

Tech

I just watched live coverage of a very moving ceremony @ Tech. President Bush delivered a nice message. "Yesterday began like any other day. Students woke up and they grabbed their backpacks and they headed for class, "And soon the day took a dark turn, with students and faculty barricading themselves in classrooms and dormitories. For many of you here today, it was the worst day in your lives,"

The tears haven't quite stopped for me. I didn't know anyone that died personally but Emily Hilcher was from Woodville. That which is about 30 minutes away from me. She was the first that was gunned down by this disturbed Sueng Ho Cho. He killed Emily first. It's believed that he was romantically interested in her. I've heard through the grapevine that a Luray native was one that actually jumped out of a two story window. No facts on that just yet though.

It turns out that Sueng Ho Cho paid $571 for the handguns in Roanoke VA one in March. Virginia law requires that you wait 30 days to purchase another handgun. So he probably bought it on or after April 13. Obviously he had been thinking about this for some time.

TheSmokingGun.com has posted the text of a play, purported to be by Cho, which describes a 13-year-old boy who accuses his stepfather of pedophelia, and ends with the boy's death. In the play, titled "Richard McBeef," the boy talks of killing his stepfather.

Cho's parents live in a townhouse development in Centreville, a suburb of Washington. They own a dry-cleaning shop nearby. Police searched their home last night. Neighbors haven't seen their son home in years. Cho did leave a suicide note "You caused me to do this". It's several pages long but the police are not releasing it yet.

This rampage has made headlines from England to Spain to Tokyo to Africa.

May God Bless & May God Keep.

A total travesty

None of us can change the bloody massacre that occured @ VA Tech today, but we can pray for these innocent people, their families and the entire tech community that was senselessly ambushed this morning. This makes Columbine look like a tea party.

Why wasn't the campus on lockdown after the campus was sending mass emails out to students about a student that was gunned down in her dorm?
Why did this sociopathic have enough time to get across campus and ruthlessly kill 31 other people?

These are questions I won't have answers to, but I can give all of this to God in prayer. Please do the same! My heart is heavy.

Alanis Morissette

The video is hilarious, but her interpertation is hot!!!

I'm Home!

After an amazing couple of days with my friends on the West Coast, I'm back home and it never felt so good! Did I mention how much I love my own bed?! Well I DO!!!

And yes...I got homesick. I missed everyone. I kept calling my parents. Mom actually said "Aren't you supposed to make us wonder how you're doing?"

I miss Gigi already. I'm going back in a couple of weeks. We have a wedding and a birth coming up. GUESS WHO IS GOING TO BE A GODMOTHER?! Totally stoked. She looks amazing at six months prego.

Courtney is doing much better after a horrifying experience last week. Keep praying. The twins were at Grandma's yesterday and they're so cute!!! They look nothing alike. It's kinda cool :) One is huge the other is tiny :)

Thanks everyone for the well wishes, thoughts and positive energy.

Guess who is going to be 28 in a few days?! Wow. Weird to say that.


MICHELLE: Dump Stacy. End of story.

LISA: Quit calling. I'm not interested. I don't care how nice he is.

BRANDY: Details in the email.

HAVEN: Yes you snore when you're drunk and yes you can still roll like a rockstar.

GET ME BODIED! http://kevipodmusic.blogspot.com/

Love this video. The Naomi is my signature strut!!!

Too Much

Time has passed since my last post. Just a quick recap, Courtney and my brother along with the twins were in an accident last thursday night. Unfortunately, Courtney has been in and out of surgery for the past few days and things have been a bad roller coaster ride. Keep the prayers coming.

Me...not good either. Gigi's cancer has returned. As you well know she's 6 months preganant with her first child. I don't know the affects of the Cancer or what it has on the little guy. Everyone keeps calling and Haven is pressuring me. She doesn't want to go without me. My bff agreed to go along with us. Where would I be without my 32?

My ceremony is tommorrow. I sent an email to the Chair and explained whats going on here and sent my regrets. She responded kindly with deepest sympathy and well wishes.

My family and I are supposed to have Mirror therapy tommorrow. This crap isn't fun. Infact it gets hurtful. I guess that won't be happening tommorrow either, but I will have to see my dr.

I got to spend some time with the twins today...they are too much work. Tiny blessings. Love them.


So keep my family in your thoughts.



XOXOXO

A

Update.

Still sick.

Thats all.

Dad,,,read, Answer.

This one is for Dad:

"Which is better: A world where everyone earns $40,000 a year, or a world where three-fourths of the population earns $100,000 a year while the rest earn $25,000?" (50).

My friend was passionate in her conviction that the rich pay less than their fair share of taxes. I didn't understand what she meant by 'fair,' so I asked a clarifying question: Suppose that Jack and Jill draw equal amounts of water from a community well. Jack's income is $10,000, of which he is taxed 10%, or $1,000, to support the well. Jill's income is $100,000, of which she is taxed 5%, or 5,000, to support the well. In which direction is that tax policy unfair?"

(49).-The Arm Chair Economist, by Steven Landsburg-

Unsure

Should just say fuck it

A low low

The worst of it's kind

Never

Again

The End.

I'm not going to write about my weekend because it was great and right now my heart isn't in the right place.

Lesson of the day: Follow your heart!!!

sex in the everyday

I can find everyday things to be very sexy. I can find sex in the everyday. Some are obvious, others not so much.

I use to think the sexiest thing in the world was to catch a glimmer of a man's boxer shorts over the top of his jeans. Just enough to see what color/patteren they were. nothing more than a couple hair widths of a glimmer. Then the whole fashion trend of pants around a man's knees started. ruined the whole thing. Now it's the man rubbing his belly nonchalantly that does it.

A man rubbing his belly with his shirt raised so I can see his happy trail, yummy.

Candles melting/burning. To be in a room filled with only candlelight...mmm nice.

Moonlight. Enough said.

Full moon on a cloudless night.

Smells: The smell of a man, the scent of his cologne, the scent of his sweat, the scent of his soap on his skin after a shower.

A nice tailored suit.

Boxing. I love boxing. So primal. so sweaty. so hot. so wet.

music: either being in a dance club (gay dance club) with a great DJ and a heavy beat. God, you can smell the sex. If a man loves the old standards as much as I do, then you've got me. Sinatra, Billie, Ella, Otis, Sam, Elvis..and on and on..

humor. A man's gotta make me laugh. Have a witty come back, sarcasm (but not biting or mean) and get my humor (which is witty and sarcastic) gotta keep me laughing then we can get through anything.

Confidence, but not cockiness. Very sexy.

Teeth, lips and eyebrows. Some people are into asses, legs, arms. Me? it's lips, teeth and eyebrows. The teeth should be some shade of white. The lips, nice and full or a nice combo with the teeth. Eyebrows, there should be two. They are divorced and not speaking to one another. At the very least they are seperated.

white cotton sheets. Especially after sex and you're both naked and lieing together half covered and talking.

conversation. This is huge. If you can give me the mind fuck then forget about the other stuff it can be worked out. Give me conversation. This is true intimacy.

last phone call of the day. where you're lieing in bed talking for hours on the phone and learning about each other

a great dinner.

a sexy bra and panties. Especially when I'm the only one who knows what I have on under my work clothes

rain/thunderstorm. the smell of an approaching thunderstorm. Being caught in the rain.

summer. all hot and sweaty. the air is thick with humidity. Swimming in the heat of the night alone.

great fuck me shoes

having a man lay between my legs and wrapping my legs around him. (now I'm sure you all have another visual, but I am actually refering to when we are in bed or on a couch and not facing one another and his back is resting against my chest and I have him wrapped up between my legs and I am rubbing/playing with his head/hair

touching. When a person isn't afraid to show affection and receive affection in public or otherwise. Sitting at a bar and touching my leg ect. Not to be confused with the tasteless make-out session in public.

intelligence. being well read. great conversationalist. (told you it was a biggie) great at debating (not argueing)

when I am so connected with someone that there can be a room full of people, but neither one of us are aware of anyone else, but each other. There is no one else, but us. So very hot and sexy.

....tell me yours

Cheating Part II

So, my friend whose husband has been having an affair on her has been weighing heavily on my mind. Not so much her situation in particular, more just cheating spouses/couples in general. As a single girl I see it, hear it, and am asked to join in it, far, far too often.

I think what is bothering me about my friend is the fact that her husband doesn't have any guilt about what he is doing and has done. Which, that's on him. What is getting me about the situation is that what we do today will have ramifications for years down the line, possibly for a lifetime. And I don't think I am being dramatic about this either.

My best friend, Brandy, her dad cheated on her mom, which is ultimately what led to their divorce, which was a wonderful thing and which needed to happen. However, still affects her mother, even though she has remarried, and it still affects Brandy. The divorce was over 15 years ago. Nearly half my lifetime now. It was difficult for everyone. I've been cheated on by five boyfriends that I know about. (there would be a key phrase in there, did you catch it?) Still affects me so fucking much. I'm basically waiting to be disappointed by the person I am dating and I haven't been in a nice long relationship for in a while because of it. I am all about dating. I am a serial dater. Wow. one step down, eleven more to go. However, I was left with and sometimes still wonder what I did wrong to be cheated on. The truth is I didn't do anything wrong. I know this. But, I've been left wondering. I was (am) a great girlfriend. I don't bitch, I don't whine, I don't nag. I never say, I'm too tired, I have a headache. I always will want sex. I know I didn't do anything wrong. But, I am still left wondering. However, I certainly know what it feels like. It sucks and it hurts. And please, God please make it stop hurting. Is it something I am doing? Am I causing this? Fuck that. No, it's not me, but again I can't help but wonder, which is what pisses me off. Why should I be left to wonder? See, still affecting me. Which, see, again it never ends. Never a good idea.

Why do people think sex is going to solve whatever it is that is wrong with their relationship? All it's going to do is break the other person and ruin your life in some way. Trust? Gone. Finding a new realtionship? Going to be tough. The other person will be bitter and you will have to (eventually) admit that you cheated. Or when that starts to back fire on you then you will start to lie about why the relationship ended. You will always be the person who cheated or who was cheated on. Always. For me, I cheated once. I was 16, in high school and cheated on my really shitty boyfriend with Sam who played Santa during an FBLA meeting. Even though the boyfriend was shitty at the time, it was no excuse to cheat. If you're unhappy get out of the relationship. Eleven years laterI still don't feel great about what I did. There is still a bit of shame and guilt associated with it. And karma is always in the back of my mind. Since I cheated once I know that I will one day fall in love, REALLY, fall in love and be cheated on. Karma bites hard. Cheating, results in bad karma all the way around. That's the end of today's lesson. Pass it on.

..also to clarify, to me cheating can be: kissing, sex, foreplay, sharing intimate thoughts, feelings, emotions trusting someone else with things you should be doing and saying with your partner. The men who cheated on me did all the above then some and a little bit more.

Happy

What makes you happy? What makes me happy is when someone knows you better than you know yourself.


In other news: My good friend Missy caught her husband cheating. This all happened yesterday. Poor girl. Nobody deserves that kind of treatment. So my question of the day is What makes people cheat? I've always pondered this. Any insight anyone?

"A wise girl kisses but doesn't love

listens but doesn't believe

and leaves before she is left"

-Marilyn Monroe

Just when....

Just when I was starting to get upset...over 'nothing', I messaged Nick and thank God I did!!! Looks like I won't be alone in NY this weekend :) This is the guy that was voted by Washintonian Magazine to be the top 100 best looking people in Washington :) Love this guy. Now I totally have to pack the matching panties and bras!!! Just kidding but It should be fun for sureeeeeeee!

Here is how the convo went:
Please note: I edited his name to protect the innocent :)

Cristalgirl79: Hey you
NickTimes (8:47:28 AM): hey
NickTimes (8:47:30 AM): how are you??
Cristalgirl79 (8:48:49 AM): I'm good!
Cristalgirl79 (8:48:52 AM): yourself?
NickTimes (8:50:10 AM): great
NickTimes (8:50:14 AM): off to nyc tomorrow
NickTimes (8:50:18 AM): then miami next weekend
Cristalgirl79 (8:50:41 AM): You're kidding
Cristalgirl79 (8:50:43 AM): Meeeeeee too
NickTimes (8:50:32 AM): what??
Cristalgirl79 (8:50:49 AM): I'm going to NYC tommorrow
NickTimes (8:50:34 AM): nice
NickTimes (8:50:38 AM): we should meet up
Cristalgirl79 (8:50:56 AM): and South Beach next weekend
NickTimes (8:50:42 AM): no way
NickTimes (8:50:47 AM): why are you going down there??
Cristalgirl79 (8:51:47 AM): Just to party, Lets hang out! Too Cool!
Cristalgirl79 (8:51:53 AM): I don't have to have a reason!!!
Cristalgirl79 (8:51:59 AM): I love Miami
Cristalgirl79 (8:52:06 AM): My friends and I go every year
NickTimes (8:52:57 AM): nice
NickTimes (8:53:01 AM): we will definitley
NickTimes (8:53:15 AM): meet up
Cristalgirl79 (8:53:36 AM): Where are you staying in NYC?
Cristalgirl79 (8:53:42 AM): II'm at the Marquee
NickTimes (8:53:30 AM): midtown manhattan east marriot
Cristalgirl79 (8:53:48 AM): Times Square
NickTimes (8:53:37 AM): my buddies family owns it
NickTimes (8:53:38 AM): yeh
Cristalgirl79 (8:53:56 AM): Okay........
NickTimes (8:53:47 AM): i was staying at the W in times square
Cristalgirl79 (8:54:11 AM): I'm going to be alone...
NickTimes (8:53:57 AM): but i get such a rediculous rate at this marriot
NickTimes (8:54:01 AM): why alone???
Cristalgirl79 (8:54:19 AM): Good deal
NickTimes (8:54:08 AM): i can keep you warm
Cristalgirl79 (8:54:26 AM): Why not?
NickTimes (8:54:10 AM): hahaha
Cristalgirl79 (8:54:33 AM): Haha...I know this!
NickTimes (8:54:19 AM): good
Cristalgirl79 (8:54:44 AM): I'm going alone because I need to!
Cristalgirl79 (8:54:46 AM): Mentally
Cristalgirl79 (8:54:52 AM): Seriously!
Cristalgirl79 (8:55:03 AM): Totally got fucked over by a guy
NickTimes (8:54:53 AM): oh
NickTimes (8:54:56 AM): im sorry to here that
NickTimes (8:55:00 AM): i am newly single myself
Cristalgirl79 (8:55:20 AM): I should have listened to my instincts
NickTimes (8:55:07 AM): you will be alright you can get any guy you want
Cristalgirl79 (8:55:24 AM): Haha
NickTimes (8:55:09 AM): promise
Cristalgirl79 (8:55:27 AM): Perfect
Cristalgirl79 (8:55:30 AM): I know...
Cristalgirl79 (8:55:42 AM): this one, I actually liked though...not like the rest.
NickTimes (8:55:25 AM): whats your email
Cristalgirl79 (8:55:57 AM): amayawarner@hotmail.com
Cristalgirl79 (8:56:03 AM): why?
NickTimes (8:56:04 AM): i started a new one
NickTimes (8:56:09 AM): about a month ago
Cristalgirl79 (8:56:27 AM): a new?
NickTimes (8:56:12 AM): when i broke up
NickTimes (8:56:16 AM): canceled my old account
Cristalgirl79 (8:56:36 AM): oh
NickTimes (8:56:40 AM): just did
NickTimes (8:56:41 AM): you add me
NickTimes (8:56:43 AM): or accept me
NickTimes (8:56:44 AM): haha
Cristalgirl79 (8:57:25 AM): why did you and the girl break it off?
NickTimes (8:57:47 AM): cause she had a drinking and lieing problem
Cristalgirl79 (8:58:24 AM): I'm sorry
NickTimes (8:58:18 AM): dont be
Cristalgirl79 (8:58:36 AM): She did something reeeeeeeeeally bad?
NickTimes (8:58:21 AM): i couldnt be happier
NickTimes (8:58:24 AM): no
Cristalgirl79 (8:58:42 AM): Haha
NickTimes (8:58:36 AM): she wants to be together, i dont
Cristalgirl79 (8:58:58 AM): I see
NickTimes (8:58:42 AM): i knew i wasnt marrying her
Cristalgirl79 (8:59:01 AM): Oh well
NickTimes (8:58:45 AM): so why keep it going
Cristalgirl79 (8:59:09 AM): You're saving yourself for me
Cristalgirl79 (8:59:18 AM): Yeah...I know
Cristalgirl79 (8:59:58 AM): Oh and how was the Maxim Party?
NickTimes (9:00:58 AM): great
Cristalgirl79 (9:02:15 AM): good
Cristalgirl79 (9:02:27 AM): I'm checking out your pics
Cristalgirl79 (9:02:30 AM): very nice
NickTimes (9:02:28 AM): nice
NickTimes (9:02:33 AM): where you staying in south beach??
Cristalgirl79 (9:02:59 AM): The Delano
NickTimes (9:02:47 AM): awesome
NickTimes (9:02:49 AM): love that place
Cristalgirl79 (9:03:10 AM): Yep
NickTimes (9:02:54 AM): i will be across the street
NickTimes (9:02:57 AM): at the sanctuary
Cristalgirl79 (9:03:18 AM): Hoooooooot!
NickTimes (9:03:08 AM): yeh
Cristalgirl79 (9:03:38 AM): Whose coming with you?
NickTimes (9:03:33 AM): maybe we will meet in nyc this weekend?
NickTimes (9:03:45 AM): have you heard of the band called OAR???
Cristalgirl79 (9:04:03 AM): Yeah! For sure! Lets do it.
Cristalgirl79 (9:04:07 AM): never
NickTimes (9:03:53 AM): hmmm
NickTimes (9:04:03 AM): www.ofarevolution.com
NickTimes (9:04:20 AM): anyway, they are headlining a big music festival thats in miami next weekend
NickTimes (9:04:27 AM): i grew up with the lead singer and the drummer
Cristalgirl79 (9:04:53 AM): yeah...
NickTimes (9:04:39 AM): so were going down to see them play and rip it up in south beach
Cristalgirl79 (9:05:04 AM): hold...listening
Cristalgirl79 (9:05:51 AM): that was breif
Cristalgirl79 (9:05:53 AM): but good
Cristalgirl79 (9:06:09 AM): I like
Cristalgirl79 (9:06:21 AM): I think I'll buy it
NickTimes (9:06:26 AM): you would like them if I know you
NickTimes (9:06:28 AM): im sure
NickTimes (9:06:39 AM): anyway, gotta run into a meeting
Cristalgirl79 (9:06:59 AM): Okay...
NickTimes (9:06:44 AM): do you still have my #???
Cristalgirl79 (9:07:03 AM): got my number?
Cristalgirl79 (9:07:04 AM): haha
Cristalgirl79 (9:07:08 AM): I don't think so
Cristalgirl79 (9:07:17 AM): lay it on me
NickTimes (9:07:05 AM): 540-860-2162
Cristalgirl79 (9:07:25 AM): Yep
Cristalgirl79 (9:07:28 AM): thatsssssssssss me
NickTimes (9:07:15 AM): 240-418-xxxx
Cristalgirl79 (9:07:37 AM): Got it
Cristalgirl79 (9:07:44 AM): Have a good day
NickTimes (9:07:33 AM): i am going to hoboken on saturday for an all day party
NickTimes (9:07:39 AM): hobokenfest
Cristalgirl79 (9:08:04 AM): NY?
NickTimes (9:07:51 AM): yes
Cristalgirl79 (9:08:13 AM): Yeah...
NickTimes (9:07:57 AM): its 10 minutes from the hotel
Cristalgirl79 (9:08:22 AM): I see
NickTimes (9:08:08 AM): its like an all day st. pattys day thing
Cristalgirl79 (9:08:32 AM): Nice!
NickTimes (9:08:16 AM): k, you interested you could meet my friends
NickTimes (9:08:18 AM): be back in a bit
NickTimes (9:08:19 AM): bye
Cristalgirl79 (9:08:38 AM): okay
Cristalgirl79 (9:08:39 AM): bye
NickTimes went away at 9:08:44 AM.
NickTimes returned at 9:38:26 AM.

The Simpsons -

Enjoy!

Defense Mechanisms

They're grrrrrrrrrreat! All this time I was wondering and questioning myself, but really I'm so grateful. True colors. Love 'em!

THATS All!

Oh, and the Oscars I didn't stay up to watch...I had too much studying to do. I'm sure they were fantab though!!!

Thanks for finding me, Mathew. We have tons of catching up to do!!!

I'm off to class.

~A~

G L A M O R O U S

~*~Mani's and Pedi's with Haven~*~

~*~It's something so alluring about a strappy stilletto so I'm going to be feeding my shoe fetish by shopping with my sisters~*~

~*~A nice dinner with my fabulous family~*~

~*~ Champagne Weaknesses~*~

~*~ A girl's night out that will turn into morning~*~

~*~Happy Birthday~*~

Survey

1) Is there someone who you like at the moment: always

2) Have you ever been given roses: yes many times (purple ones are my favorite)

3) What is your all-time favorite romance movie: Gone with the Wind (awe)

4) How many times can you honestly say you've been in love: honestly? Twice.

5) Do you believe that everyone has a soul mate: I believe that everyone, at some point in their life, will be given the opportunity to make the acquaintance of the person who they could have ultimately called their "soul mate"; regardless of whether they hold on or allow that person to slip beneath their grasp.

6) Do you think that you should put your friends first or your boyfriend/girlfriend: I think that if both your romantic and social relationships are they way they're SUPPOSED to be, such a thing would never be an issue :)

7) Have you ever had your heart broken: to pieces, yes

8) What do you think about long-distance relationships: I think it's a fallacy that most individuals assume they cannot work; I was in a long-distance relationship for about a year and a half and it worked rather well, requiring nothing more than trust, compromise, and a little effort to make that love shine from nine-hundred miles away. It sounds cliché but it is what it is...

9) Your thoughts on online relationships: it's a lot of work!

10) Would you rather date someone five years older or five younger: no opinion, it's all relative

11) Do you believe the statement "once a cheater always a cheater": I believe that the best predictor of future behavior are the patterns of past behavior (nod to my fellow cognitive therapists), however I also feel that willing individuals are potentially changing and constantly evolving, and if they weren't quite honestly I'd be bored!!


12) How many kids do you want to have: two at least

13) Do you usually fall for the right boy or girl: fallen for a boy? Oh, I haven't done that in years! Since the first one resulted in a pretty bad Achilles heel on the right, that then thanks to unexpectedly tripping a few years later, resulted in yet another on the left, and hence I've since been staying off of my feet :)

14) What is your favorite color(s): CERULEAN! Shades of blue, {Think Tiffany's}, brown, cream, and peach; autumn colors and those tones reminiscent of Minoan frescos

15) What is closest to you right now: either my fiji water bottle or my keyboard

16) Do you believe you truly only love once: eh I believe your first TRUE love shapes the way you will love for the rest of your life

17) Imagine you're seventy-nine years old and your spouse just died, would you re-marry: no

18) At what age did you start noticing the opposite sex: in third grade, about 8?

19) Do you think someone likes you: Likes me? Yeah, he cares a lot!

20) Have you ever cut your own hair: yup

21) Have you ever done something you regret: in the classical sense of course, but I've come to nevertheless find that every poor decision I have ever made, every undeserving person I've ever befriended, and every lousy situation I have ever gotten myself into, has ALWAYS brought with it some beautiful silver lining that, even to this day, has made EVERYTHING worth it. ... and you know who you are.

22) Have you ever skipped school: Yeah!!!

23) Have you ever bungee-jumped: Does Kings Dominion really count?

24) Have you ever punched someone: not without good reason

25) Have you ever cheated on a test: Unfortunately, hasn't everyone in one form or another?

26) Have you ever broken into someone's house: Only because it was raining and I locked the door with the house keyes in the house..Eric in Chicago taught me how to take my Amtrak rewards card and open the door, it was the day of the infamous redskins game.

28) Have you ever been to a funeral: yes, I've been to a few

29) Have you ever been on stage: ones with a pole? No.

30) What's your favorite season: Spring, Summer, Autumn

31) What's your favorite food: good Italian, sushi, anything from Red Lobster I swear it's like crack!

32) What's your favorite breakfast: the kind that you eat half-inebriated at three in the morning after a long night of rocking out, with your favorite person or group of people. You know, the kind of people that need seatbelt chairs to stay upright in their seats? Yeah that's some good shit!

33) Who is your favorite person: oh wow, that's a BIG question. I guess that would be anyone that can make me smile by simply walking into the room, who make me feel 1000 times better with an unexpected touch or embrace, or who make me feel happy in knowing only that they're happy too; the kind of people that make you feel warm when you hear them laugh. The kind of people who's well being you'd put before your own any day of the week, and who despite how mad they make you, you can never REALLY be mad at them, because they've already done more for you than they'd ever know. It's those sorts of people...


34) What's your favorite book: The Alchemist, The Five People You Meet in Heaven, Audacity of Hope, too many to mention.

35) What's your favorite lake: that one in C'Ville where we watched the Leonoid meteor shower at back in like 2002. I mean that is a lake, right? A lake or a pond? Whateva.

36) What's your favorite sport to watch: Figure skating

37) What's your favorite Disney movie: The Little Mermaid or the Tigger Movie

38) What's your favorite name for a son: I've always had a tough time with this one lately 'Jagger'

39) What's your favorite name for a daughter: Kiki Addison

40) Do you prefer coffee or Cappuccino: Frappuccino!

41) Do you prefer long or short relationships: L-O-N-G

42) Do you prefer scary movies or comedies: comedies; Becca wants me to see Zodiac with her, I told her I would for her TF.

43) Do you prefer long or short hair on the opposite sex: I like both; it really all depends how the person wears it and how comfortable they feel with the length...Cleancut is sexiest.

44) Do you prefer fruits or vegetables: fruits

45) In the past three days have you talked on the phone: of course

46) In the past three days have you watched a movie: A Documentary...does that count?
47) In the past three days have you cried: Yeah, I cried last night as I was praying. Everytime Britney Spears is on the news I get teary eyed because none of us really know what she's going through or dealing with and I pray for her to be well and find her way.

48) In the past three days have you smoked: Nope

49) In the past three days have you drank a glass of water: of course, I've drank a few. In fact I carry bottled water wherever I go.

50) In the past three days have you used drugs: you'd think, right? I kid. I kid. Just Lexapro.

51) In the past three days have you read a book or magazine: Yup, I read the March issue of SHAPE and continued reading Palahniuk's Haunted

52) In the past three days have you watched TV: Sure.

53) In the past three days have you taken a shower: Yeah of course and shaved my legs with the new Venus Divine and it's a staple for summer, for sure! Sooooooo soft, my legs that is.

54) In the past three days have you taken a picture: Yep, you know me

55) In the past three days have you listened to music: always

56) In the past three days have you told someone you loved them: yep.

57) In the past three days have you watched a football game on TV: No.

Update

I'm with Becca today as she gets some ultrasounds to break up her family of kidney stones. She's been unbearable, but then again, I probably would have already died. I have zippy threshold for pain. It's not invasive, it's just going to break up her stones so she can pass them and she promises never to drink coffee again! While we were at the hospital yesterday in comes Shelley the crackwhore/friend of ours...She's had a headache for weeks...but I'm sure it's from snorting Vicodin! Actually she has sinusitis? and Bronchitis! YUCK. But just when you thought your life was bad you hear that the woman that your father married 2 months after the death of your mother wanted to move in with you because she caught her father cheating!!! This is Springer shit. My mom was right when she said that we needed to stay away from that Train wreck!!! Sheesh.

Haven is a hero! She witnessed a man slip and fall on ice and slide underneath an SUV, the man couldn't get himself out from under it because of the ice. She started to help him only to realize he had broken either his leg or ankle. she took off her coat and made the guy grab on to it and pulled him out from under the SUV with some help of people on the street, and did I mention that she had to dig a hole in the ice with the heel of her shoe to hold herself up?! Yeah, she's awesome! Me, I would have just sat on the street indian style crying and asking God, why me?! She is amazing. When she called me to ask me what good have I done today, I told her nothing, she said she saved a life but broke a nail by doing it....Sometimes you have to sacrifice ;) I bought her some Lee Press On's which I'll give to her today @ the hospital.

You Should Know

My new blog address will change sometime this week...

I no longer want to sensor myself on here.

Questions? Call.

Britney Goes Bald!

Holy Shit! This girl has gone nuts!

Fashion Week Update!

They already announced it last week at NY Fashion Week, but here is the complete list of designers and models that are going to be appearing at the Fashion Week Live! event in San Francisco, March 15!

I'm WAY excited - you can't see it from this blog post, but I am jumping up and down in my little chair.

Models:
Naomi Campbell

Gemma Ward

Caroline Winberg

Erin Wasson

Lily Donaldson

Marija

Luca Gadjus

Designers:
Bill Blass

Calvin Klein

Chado Ralph Rucci

Chaiken Charles

Nolan Doo.

Ellen Tracy

Luca Luca

Michael Kors

Nanette Lepore

Oscar de la Renta

Peter Som

Zac Posen

Tickets:

www.FashionWeekLive.com and 866-840-8822

Ticket prices:

$500.00 to $3500.00

Sponsors:

FashionWeekLive is presented by Sephora, and sponsored by Swarovski, Mercedes-Benz, LYCRA®, Cingular Wireless, part of the new AT&T, DHLand Moët & Chandon

NOTE TO SELF: GET A DAMN TICKET!!!

Gnarls Barkley - Crazy EXCLUSIVE Slow Version LIVE!!

He owned the Grammy's

Go Ahead and Admit It!

You missed my beautiful blonde ass ;) I've been on sabbatical for a while...actually school has been keeping me busy and I rarely make time for my blog. [Frowny face] All of this hard work will pay off. I see an elementary school with my name on it in my future!!!

Just a recap:
~ Hosted Ava & Abi's Homecoming tea party @ Courtney's which went well. I think Ava loves my moochies too! Abi's sooo tiny still, I'm scared of her!!!
~ Went out with the rockstars on Saturday, had too many drinks, quit drinking early in the night, was hit on more times than Shelley's crack pipe. It was fun just being out of the house and away from school. We met some interesting characters to say the least.
~Woke up Sunday afternoon with a hangover that sent me to the ER because Michelle thought I was dying because I puked up everything but my liver. At the ER they said I was dehydrated and hooked me up with a life line, er...IV that is.
~ Anna Nicole Smith was found dead in her room, sadly. The lady came from nothing and gained it all only to lose one of the first loves of her life, her son, in late 2006. "But it wasn't death that killed her, it was life." God keep.
~ The Grammy's were fantastic. Hands down, it was the best awards show that I had seen in a long while. From the flawless Scarlett Johanson to Mary J's neverending speech, to Gnarles Barkley's militant rendition of "Crazy" in which I freaking loveeeeeeeeeeed! And how can I forget Christina A's version of "It's A Man's World"? Pure Perfection. The hair though, has to go!
~In case you've been hiding under a rock, Obama, the extrordainare Senator from IL has announced a democratic bid for President. He's no Hillary, but I like him :) Hillary's in it to win it though....We'll just have to wait & see.

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!!!

Not so good!

I was a long and uneventful weekend. I've been nursing an injured shoulder/neck that now has a chemical burn on it from a lousy Thermacare patch. Only I would be allergic to a heat patch! The burn looks horrible. My hair irritates it. Not good.

I awoke to a sore throat. Big surprise. If you haven't noticed I've been extremely moody lately. I believe it's a combonation of my meds. I called my therapist and he explained that the Lexapro is actually just getting into my system to where they are theraputic...That explains the mood swings. I cry at the drop of a hat. Infact, my mother made me cry this morning. I actually cried in front of her, typically I cry alone. She apologized but her comments were yet again, unneccassary.

Early to bed, early to rise...back to school tommorrow injured shoulder, burned skin, sore throat and 20 degree weather and all :) I'm getting back on the track I was on earlier this year.

Oh, and my cell phone is done. Not good at all.

Other than that, I've been great! Thanks for asking!!!


A

Holy Crap!

You all know that I'm a fiend for celebrity dirt and when I come across real celebrity trash I must share it with you bitches! I live for Perezhilton.com!

WARNING: IF YOU'RE UNDER 18 DO NOT DOUBLE CLICK YOUR MOUSE...uhm, CLICK THE LINK...THANX :)

http://perezhilton.com/topics/if_you_are/if_you_are_easily_offended_20070202.php

And yes, I'm not a fan of this hoochie who was also caught doing coke on the beach as well. Whatever happened to class? I think her pootie looks as if it's been abused!

A quickie...

~Extremely busy with school
~Too busy to keep this updated, infact
~My bitches from LA came out to spend time with me and we had too much fun :)
~I got drunk which made for a helluva hangover that lasted for days
~Skipped out on a few dates
~My shoulder/Neck is phucked up
~Dad has been okay....Mom is well...Can't complain
~Grandpa is good too!!
~Lexapro is going well, just moody from time to time
~Because of the cold air, haven't been running as much as I'd like...
~After my MRI i'm going to try and get back into the gym...I need this!

Color Me Inspired

After reading the headline in the school newspaper, "Students don't care" and then reading the article only to find out what they don't care about is this upcoming presidential election, but more than that, students don't care about anything to do with America today. Unless it has to do with money, clothes, their car, their new i-pod, cell phone...name anything else material...they don't care about anything of substance.

After speaking with several students about the lack of empathy for the war, government, the election, about anything. They stated the main reason they don't care is because the politicians don't care about them. They (students) are nothing more than a sound bite and a hopeful vote for, pick any politician. So, based on that, why should they care? Why should they vote? The war doesn't directly impact them because they know they won't get drafted. Therefore, the war is b.s., but ultimately in the long run, who cares. They're safe here at home. Which leaves me to question the males who went on their 18th birthday to register, did they just see it as an obligation, and did they take into consideration at all about what it was they were signing? My answer was in the expression on their faces. The answer was clearly, no.

I saw their point and I knew that anything I had to say would just fall on ears filled with i-pod headphones.

However, what I see lacking in the youth of America and what I find most disturbing is the feeling and the sense that they matter. That one person can make a difference and that one person can change the world or the world of one person on any given day. When I was 19 my plan was to go to South America and save the rainforests and I was going to do it all by myself if it came to that! Obviously the full level of my cynicism didn't happen until a few years later.

I understand that they have seen and experienced images, and lies, and more political spin than most of us seen before we attended our first college frat party, but still. Where's the hope? If the hope is dead already, then god, I don't want to know the level of cynicism in 10-20 years. If they aren't willing to go vote, or even willing to register to vote, then I don't see a commitment happening in their future of making it to the ballot box come election day when they have kids and are living in a different shade of beige in suburbia USA.

I don't know what the answer is other than trying to get the message across to one person at a time and hopefully it catches onto the next and then the next. Call me hopeful that something as simple as open conversation could cause such a radical effect. However, someone needs to wear rose colored glasses, I'll be happy to volunteer.

If you're looking for your daily dose of, can do it-ness, please, read the following article. Regardless of your political affiliation I think we can all use a little, hell ya, this morning. color me inspired.

It is sooooooooo

Fucking cold my nipples are going to fall off! 20 degrees? Sheesh! Like the soldier that I am I'm going to run to the gym, work-out and then run home in fucking 20 degrees!!! I think I'm still trying to talk myself into this...Crazy? Probably. Lately though I can do anything! I should mention that since the new year I've lost 4lbs. I probably lost more but friday night I had about 32 too many!!!

A lot of people has been asking how I'm feeling, how I'm doing, they've noticed a lot of subtle changes. The truth is 2006 was easily one of the hardest years for me. I have a lot of anxiety sourrounding my father's health. If you know me at all you know that he's my everything. He's my rock & my glue. We were told last spring by his doctors that he wouldn't make it through the year. We've proven them wrong, yet again. He and my mother dropped everything to come be with me so I can help take care of him and I decided that I was going to spend every waking moment with him and I wasn't going to miss a thing. It wasn't as easy as I thought it would be. Infact being around him and seeing him weak took it's toll. I lost my spirit, my soul in the the process. It's mentally and emotionally draining. It's waking up in the middle of the night checking to make sure he's breathing, it's scheduling appointments and taking him to the doctor and the doctor asks why are we here, I look around dumbfounded and told him we need a check-up only to find out he had one three weeks prior. It's making the doctors perform EKG's to prove to me that everything is working. It's being the Rx nazi. Only I'm the one that can give him his meds and if anyone messes with his chart that I have in the guest room be prepared for war! I found myself doing almost crazy things...offering to give him foot rubs because in fifth grade Laura Ramsey told me that you die from your feet up so I had to make sure he was still living! It's actually a lot worse than that but to save myself from any further embarassment I'll keep those neurotic behaviors to myself.

While dealing with my father's health and well being I met a very handsome, successfull businessman from Nova, Carlos. A recent divorcee with a beautiful daughter who ruled his world. She was the type of girl you can find on the cover of Teen Vogue. Her beauty so real an natural I'd almost find myself envious because to her, beauty came naturally. Me, I had to buy mine @ sephora! He was everything I needed to take my mind off of my life at home. He was rough around the edges, smooth with the ladies and always a gentleman. He made me happy for a short while. You all have heard me talk about him in passing often referring to him as my spanish lover...It quickly ended before it really began. It wasn't to be. He was always brave, courageous and benevolent. I don't trust people but...I trusted him because he defined what a man was supposed to be. We had issues from the start...He always felt that I was with Kenny when Kenny is and was in NYC. Kenny is one of my best friends. He knows me well and I can trust Kenny with my life, Because I always talked about Kenny this made him uncomfortable....perhaps he didn't trust me? Who knows???

Nevertheless my social life went out like a light. I stayed home with my family became even more of a hermit until one day my mother brought it to my attention that I was really sad, I had gained weight and I needed to do my roots!! Just as my mother would say it to0! No sugar coating from her! Her words became ammo. I went back to seeing my therapist, we decided that I would try Lexapro. I've been taking them since 2007 began and I see a lot of improvements already. Such as ~ going out with my friends, ~ going on a casual date here and there, ~ being more physically active. The downside to this medicine is that I've lost my sex drive. Yep...I only masturbate perhaps 3x's a week...a shame really. Good news is I have faith that I'm going to work through my depression and pick up where I left off. My parents are back home in Mclean and mom is back to work. I'm back in class and meeting new people everyday. I guess had it not been for those lousy doctors who told us to start planning my father's funereal this would have never happened. But I'm glad it did.

My friends from LA and I are going to be hanging out this weekend and catching up. I'm really looking forward to it. I'll update on Monday :)

Have a fun weekend!


Amaya

I'm Not Scared

Just changing.

I was never looking for approval from anyone but you

And though this journey's over, I'd go back if you'd ask me to.

Between the ink of my tatoo, behind the cigarette, behind your crown royal and devilish smile

You can do the math a thousand ways but you can't erase the facts...others come and others go

Just the like the change in seasons I know you'll be back again.

You're my crack of sunlight.

I'm not scared just changing.

Just when I thought...

I had issues, my friend Ryan just found out that he has thyroid cancer. He's a young 20 something. The prognosis-- He's going to be just fine! He's a very talented baseball genius who is in phenomenal mental and physical shape. Send him lots of positive chi, girls ;)

Did I mention how fantastic my friends are? Prolly not...My west coast pimps and ho's are flying out to spend some quality time with yours truly! Yep...they know just what I need. And I need to let go of some frustration on somebody's ass!!!

I went to my dr's appt this a.m. and it was a nice visit. He is very proud of me and listened to me as usual only offering advice, no judgement. Thats all :)

Worked out like the spiffy bitch that I am...Listened to Britney and the slut keeps me motivated. Gotta luv Britney!

My thoughts on the Globes....

Amaya's Choice

Best Dressed

Jennifer Lopez
Jessica Biehl
Ali Larter
Drew Barrymore

Honorable Mention
Jada Pinkett Smith

Worst Dressed
Cameron Diaz
Jennifer Love Hewitt
Hillary Swank

Most Overrated

Angelina Jolie

I don't remember who won what, but I'm sure I can tell you who wore who!!!

~*Amaya*~

Amayalicious!

Finally, A fun weekend! Met up with my friends and went out like the rock stars that we are! It was so nice to be with my ho's ( I mean that in the nicest possible way ;) Even hung out on Sunday @ Starbucks and planned our next time out. I won't make it so far and few between, promised on my twins!

Back in school and man does it take a lot of devotion. It's killin my slacker ass! Too many lectures & hot boy's.

Was offered a ticket to the Chili peppers concert on the 25th, not sure whats up with that yet...

As for working out--Still going strong. I did 2 miles today and I loved every minute of it. Now that I'm back in the groove I'm not going to give it up. I want my hot bod back. "I be up in the gym working on my fitness, he's my witness." I can't get that song out of my head!

The Lexapro is starting to work. It's day eight and I'm socializing, being physically active, and allowing myself time for myself outside of my family.

I think it's time I took a little vacation for myself...perhaps a weekend getaway? Any suggestions?

I will have a man in this sea of boys on Valentine's day this year! I don't know if you've heard but this is the year of Amaya ;)

T--I want details on all the sexy senorita's! Happy birfday ;)
Rick--I'm getting better. Not avoiding you, just been busy. Lets get a drink and catch up!

Until next time, America!

Recap

-Pretty uneventful. Friday night was very uncomfortable and i don't care to discuss it!
Saturday, sick but was convinced to join my fam for dinner because Emma made me. I was home and in bed by 9, had the best sleep of my life and woke up feeling refreshed. I slept off my fever.
-I've been told that we had 75 degree weather on saturday. I don't recall. I was freezing, due to the fucking fever.
-Went to church and then spent time with my grandma. She is the sweetest lady I know. She told me everything I needed to hear. She's very supportive and I know I can count on her when I need to. We agreed that we would be spending more of '07 together. I'm looking forward to next Sunday's visit. She's so intelligent and is so wise...I want to be just like her when I grow up. "Because we love so deeply and we love so passionately we're the ones that get hurt. But we have to take the rain to see the rainbow."
-Did laundry
-Grocery shopped
-Ice cream with the ladies, Em & Kennedy
-Talked to Carlos...he was once my spanish lover...today he's just Carlos!!! Nothing new to report. We ended it. He's a nice guy, perhaps we'll always be friends.
-I awoke to lots of rain and winds. I'm climbing back into bed :)

Am I looking thin to you?

Size bone is before size 0!
My Goal: Nicole Richie!
"I'm one stomach flu away from being my goal weight!"
http://img170.imageshack.us/img170/548/podb47041lh6.jpg"/>

Pre-NYE

I cried all day...all-day... on Friday. Ah, cathartic. Then I went to see the" Persuit of Happyness". I recommened it. (Popcorn was dee-lish.) Then I hit the workout, and fell asleep. I awoke to a 3 am phone call. The T Man was home from a date and it's crazy...he knows when I'm not well. He hears it in my voice. He's dating and having fun with all of his girls and is truly a good listener and always offers good advice. I <3 T. Thanks for the chat.

Today I'm going shopping, again and then dinner with the entire family in DC. Should be awesome. I cleaned my house from top to bottom and my car. I'm a freak!

Sunday night, preparty @ my house and then downtown. Call me for more info! Bring on the Pomegranite Martini's! Yum Yum!

.....And A Merry Christmas it was!

I finally finished my shopping and was able to be with my family in Mclean & Middleburg. It was a lot of fun. I realized that I need to visit more, it's been too long. My mother returns back to work in January and I couldn't be more elated!!! I've put together a list of things that I got for Christmas...if I'm forgetting something...forgive me!


A handmade Jewelry Box
THE Chloe Bag
Nordstrom Gift Cards
Elton John Candles in Fireside
Memoirs of a Geisha DVD
Burberry Toggle Coat
Jeans and sweaters I'll never wear
Red Lobster (my fave)
Coach sunglasses
Estee Lauder Makeup
Tiffany's from Dad
"He's Just Not That Into You" from Becca
Sephora Gift Card
Clinque Happy
Via Repubblica Distressed Leather Bag
US weekly Subscription
And of course the $100 savings bond from Grandma & Grandpa


Any suggestions for New Year's Eve? I'm thinking a party@ my Casa!

And the award goes to...

Jennifer Lopez for best dressed celebrity of 2006 according to Glamour magazine. She is lovely. I, myself, prefer the always stylish, always beautiful Jennifer Anistan. She's a classic. But congrats to Jen Lopez, I ja`dore her!

My friends have arrived! Gigi & Erica are in from California. Deanna is in from VaBeach, Amber also made it as well. I have only talked to these chics...I've come down with a cold and Gigi is super sensitive to germs now, we're not hanging out until thursday night. We're doing cocktails and dinner, then battle of the bands, and then perhaps afterhours at my house. We're having a sleepover and the girls have decided that they want to join my family & I on our annual weekend in NYC to shop! We're sooooo excited. I can't wait for the beautiful windows of Saks, Macy's, Bergdorf's & Bloomingdales!

My brother's fiancee, prematurely gave birth to beautiful babies on Black Friday. She was out shopping and with all the stress of everyone, she went into labor. Had twin girls two hours later. Ava & Abi's lungs were not fully developed when they were born so they are still in ICU until they're healthy enough to come home...we're looking at mid January. They're tiny little blondes with blue eyes....Adorable. Auntie Maya is proud ;)

I've been so busy lately...I found a house and I've fallen in love. I'm nearly 85% sure I'm going to invest. It's so nice! I love it. I'll keep you posted. Besides trying to find ways to spend money, I've decided I'm not working anymore this year! I worked very hard last year and throughout this year. I even worked when I wasn't even supposed to. So, I'm taking some me time.

It's also that time of year again...we have to start adopting our families for Christmas. Last year 90% of all of my friends went out and bought gifts for a family or some kids who won't otherwise have a Christmas. This has been one of my family's many traditions started by my very sweet and very benevolant grandparents. My grandma finds a family through the Salvation Army or Social Services, pays their heating/rent for the month of December, buys them all presents and buys food for the family to have on Christmas and throughout the holidays. Typically she loves getting to know her family and has them over for Christmas at her house and cooks for them. I don't go to that extent. In the years of doing this I have found that the people are sometimes embarrassed and prefer to remain anononymous. So don't feel as if you must invite these strangers over to your house. My grandmother has never met a stranger, so this isn't "odd" for her. I want to encourage all of my friends to join in. Most of us do well and have a nice income. Some of us aren't so lucky. Can you imagine what it would be like to wake up on Christmas morning and not have presents to open? Lets try to eliminate that from happening to anyone! If you have questions I can help you. Just ask. So start adopting, stat!!!

Merry Christmas!

Recap

After a session with my doctor I had an epiphany. Not sure if the results are good or bad...not sure if I'm doing the right thing. It doesn't feel right. I forgot to ask when it was supposed to feel okay. Note to self, ask when it's going to feel better.

Rebecca & I decorated my house throughout. Candles everywhere, lights everywhere...bring on the holidays! My Charlie Brown Christmas tree is adoreable! Isaiah and Chandler have made a handful of the ornaments. Kennedy, Emma & Leanne are going to contribute this year as well.

I spent Saturday shopping. "The Audacity of Hope" by Obama is absolutely fabulous! He's a man of faith. He gives us hope in an otherwise hopeless world. Love it, love it, love it! Needless to say a lot of people on my Christmas list are going to be getting this fabulous read.

Today was a normal tuesday at the crackhead's house. At times I feel sorry for her because she's either "blowing" her money away or sending it up in "smoke." Yes, the lush partied hard this weekend and was really upset @ Becca because she'd rather spend time with her own kids as opposed to being a crackwhore. Call her crazy!

I also did my charity for the week. Together, Becca & I went to the grocery store and bought a family everything they would need for dinner on Thanksgiving, the turkey, oysters, all the trimmings and a bottle of wine. It felt good to be able to give back to someone who wouldn't be able to have dinner otherwise.

I'm helping my mom with Thanksgiving. It's going to be at my house...I can't wait actually...fun times. I invited some friends over because it's just the two of them, my mother makes enough food for an army and we would love the company of our neighbors. And for your dining pleasure...

THE MENU:

For Starters Pumpkintinis
Eggplant dip with toasts
Plate of Fine Cheeses

Main Course

Parmesan Toasts swimming in French Onion Soup
Cranberry Herb Dressing
Virginia Baked Ham slathered in Homemade Chutney
Perfect Sage-Roast Turkey
Grandma's Corn Pudding (with ALL the ingredients)
Brussels Sprouts a la Chandler
Smashed Potatoes with Gravy
"If you insist" Sweet Potatoes with Apples
Popovers..........yes, popovers!

Desserts

Pumpkin Mousse Tart with Vanilla Armagnac Ice Cream on the side
Deep Dish Apple Pie with CCR Coffee

And I can't wait. I'll only gain 10 lbs per serving, but whatev.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Amaya

My fine is $685

What's your fine?

Smoked pot -- $10
Did acid -- $5
Ever had sex at church -- $25
Woke up in the morning and did not know the person who was next to you -- $40
Had sex with someone on the net -- $25
Had sex for money -- $100
Ever had sex with a Puerto Rican -- $20
Vandalized something -- $20
Had sex on your parents' bed -- $10
Beat up someone -- $20
Been jumped -- $10
Crossed dressed -- $10
Given money to stripper -- $25
Been in love with a stripper -- $20
Kissed some one who's name you didn't know -- $10
Hit on some one of the same sex while at work -- $15
Ever drive drunk -- $20
Ever got drunk at work, or went to work while still drunk -- $50
Used toys while having sex -- $30
Got drunk, passed and don't remember the night before -- $20
Went skinny dipping -- $5
Had sex in a pool -- $20
Kissed someone of the same sex -- $10
Had sex with someone of the same sex -- $20
Cheated on your significant other -- $10
Masturbated -- $10
Cheated on your significant other with their relative or close friend -- $20
Done oral -- $5
Got oral -- $5
Done / got oral in a car while it was moving -- $25
Stole something -- $10
Had sex with someone in jail -- $25
Made a nasty home video -- $15
Had a threesome -- $50
Had sex in the wild -- $20
Been in the same room while someone was having sex -- $25
Stole something worth over a hundred dollars -- $20
Had sex with someone 10 years older -- $20
Had sex with someone under 21 and you are over 27 -- $25
Been in love with two people or more at the same time -- $50
Said you love someone but didn't mean it -- $25
Went streaking -- $5
Went streaking in broad daylight -- $15
Been arrested -- $5
Spent time in jail -- $15
Peed in the pool -- $5
Played spin the bottle -- $5
Done something you regret -- $20
Had sex with your best friend -- $20
Had sex with someone you work with at work -- $25
Had anal sex -- $80
Lied to your mate -- $5
Lied to your mate about the sex being good -- $25

Total: $685 and who ever said I was cheap?
Tally it up and Title it "MY FINE IS $$

The Election is over...

And I campaigned hard this year. I easily convinced two republicans to vote democratically this election. I think it was the platinum hair that sold 'em :) As the senatorial election has not been called yet, I'm going to take the liberty and I think it's fair to say that Jim Webb is our new jounior senator, much to many of my family members dismay!

While I respect the office of the presidency, I don't respect the commander in chief so much. We don't disagree on every issue, just most! But basically his economics suck, his psuedo-education reform "No Child Left Behind" sucks just as much. Everyone knows that education is near and dear to my heart, to get a student to pass a standards of learning test is easy to do. I feel there needs to be stiffer tests and guidelines in order to graduate highschool. The Iraq war is probably the number one reason most people voted along the democratic party lines this year. In my humble opinion, the course needs a change!

And to all of my lesbian and gay friends, marriage is still going to be between a man and a woman. Color me conservative! I'm going back to the bible on this one...I feel as most people do, our purpose in life is to procreate. Two women and two men 'married' can not serve our purpose.

In predicting the future,I can see Clinton/Obama on the ballot in 2008, No?


:::::IN OTHER NEWS:::::

1. School continues to kick my ass.
2. I'm preparing for Christmas, I've decided that I want a Charlie Brown Christmas tree
3. Isaiah is still an honor student, as is Chandler!
4. Kennedy still loves my moochies, Emma does too!
5. I love him. Does he know it?
6. I'm going to help out my friend Amber with her dance team
7. Faith, Trish, Lisa, Kellie, Michelle, we're all planning a girls slutty night out.
8. Shelley is still a drunk slut. But not the kind my girls and I are.
9. I haven't slept well for days now.
10.I'm seriously considering buying stock in Tampax after this week with aunt flow!
11.I love Victoria's Secret. Even when your bloated you still feel sexy with your budda belly in their lingerie!
12.Daddy told me that he's always going to call me his baby--No surprise. I'm always going to call him Daddy :)

I hate generalizing...

...But for the third time today a man has felt comfortable enough to "adjust" infront of me. It makes me really uneasy and I just don't understand how they can see this as appropiate social behavior. If i ruled the world this would be punishable by stoning! It's just NOT right! I have never seen women rubbing their nipples or scratching their pootie. I feel this should be touched upon in the senatorial debates, I'd like to know where each candidate stands on the issue. I mean women just DON'T do it...you don't see women outlining the cups of their bras with their fingers if they are seeping out, I mean the thought of it is crazy not just because it's pornstar but because it's inappropriate... why do certain men have the bravado to just play around with their member in full-fledged public knowing the affect it has on others???

Just to recap...I lost my cell, I got it back. It felt like an eternity. I'm still trying to remember what we did before cell phones. I realized why my cell was away how much of my life that phone holds. WOW!!! Calendar dates, phone numbers, etc

This was {verbebatum} the phone call I recieved at 5 am on Saturday morning
Ring, Ring, Ring
ME: "T, I'm asleep."
Lady on phone: "Amaya, your number was the first found in this guy's phone. I wanted to call you to tell you that he's enroute to the hospital. We don't know his name. He's passed out drunk, shallow breathing, bleeding from the mouth, just thought you should know."
ME: OHMYGOD! "It's T's phone. Is he okay?" {Stupid question}
LADY OF THE NIGHT: "Don't know. Just wanted you to know."
ME: "His family lives in Northern California, I'm in VA. Is there a number for Mom or Dad in there?"
LADY ON THE PHONE: "We'll check. Goodnight"
ME: "Keep me posted."
END OF CALL

After about two lifetimes I finally got T. He's fine. The bitch was lying supposedly, he was just drunk. So isn't that just about the worst prank you could ever play on anyone? EVER??? Sadistic.

Although I gave away too much of my peanut M&M's, Halloween was fun. No haunted cornfields or houses this year, like the rest of the year was low key. I used to live on the edge...I don't know where I went to...

What are some of your favorite drunken memories??? If we've had some together send them to me and I'll post them here on my blog....unedited :) ::::PROMISE::::

The weather is great, I'm horny...I'm going to go masturbate and then shower. Then go for a walk with Kennedy in God's Country!!! Yep...life is good :)

OHHH didja hear that Bob Barker is hanging up the mic? He's retiring. So sad. I used to watch that show religiously. I'll miss him. I'm wondering...over the years how many of those hot bitches has he banged? I'm sure a lot. Theres nothing better than a showcase showdown ;)

Quotes of the Week

Me: "Kennedy, I love your moochie!"
Kennedy: "You can't love my moochie while I paint!"

Two year old Kennedy letting me know how it is while she's helping me paint. Too cute.

T: "Would you marry him if he proposes?"
Me: "Uhmmmm"
T: "Yes, You would! You would do it just for the pagentry of it!"
Me: "T! Okay. Yes!"

Conversation with T while trying to pretend no one else heard it!

T: "I'm going to invite Crystal to Costa Rica with me"
Me: "We'll go with you."
T: "I don't think she'll go."
Me:"We'll go with you!!!"
T: "Well you have to bring Miss B Haven with you, I'm not going to be a third wheel, I need someone to sleep with."

Me inviting myself to join T on his sexcapade.

Marisa: "I hate my school pictures. My lame school makes us buy them before we can preview them."
Me: "I'm sure they're not that bad."
Marisa: "No! They're horrible. They made me tilt my head to look at the light and asked me to smile. I can't smile like that...I looked like a dog with my tilted head!!!"
Me: Laughing hysterically: "I'm sorry, thats too funny."

Marisa explaining to me why her school pictures suck.

Me: "My thighs hurt"
Becca: "What were you doing?"
Me: "NOTHING! Just Painting"
Becca: "Only you could hurt your thigh muscles while painting with a two year old...so much for asking you to work out with me."

Me on how a woman's work is never done!

Michelle: "I got offered cocaine this weekend."
Me: "Oh no!" Michelle you didn't do it!"
Michelle: "No. I did decline, but went home thinking that what little moral authority I have left is being compromised by vanity. They must think I look like a junkie."
Me: "HAHAHAHAAHAHA" White trash!

Michelle on her uneventful weekend

Golfer: "You're so pleasant and sweet"
Me: "do what i can to be the best at what I do"
Golfer: "To be so young looking you're not snobby.
Me: "It's just fine wine."
Golfer: "I'd like to taste that fine wine."
Me: "This is where I turn into that snob!"

A golfer trying to hit on me.

My grandmother: "Aww, doll baby, how I've missed you"
Me: "I've missed you too."
Grandma: "Are you eating?"
Me: "No, I've gone on a hunger strike until you come back"
Grandma: "Nooo. I know better than that by the way you're filling out your jeans!"
Me: "Could you have waited until the dr's left the room?"
Grandma: "They can see too, honey."

Me and how much I really missed grandma!!!

FYI

I've decided that my blog needs a makeover, stat!!!

I'm trying to come up with layouts that I like...so far, nothing! School has sucked the creative juices out of me.

Any suggestions? Anything you would like to see in my blog?

I need ideas.

Changes coming soon!

I am delicious!

So I've been told ;) Actually I just gave my hair a drink of Coconut Milk and Orchids, bathed my body in Pumpkin and drenched my skin in Pecan pie. I am quite scrumptious right now. I just got out of my hour long bath, poured a glass of Barboursville Merlot white lounging in my pale PINK V's Secret jammies and a black cami. It's been a while since I've been this relaxed. I've accomplished quite a bit today. Painted, redecorated my TV/Living Room. Made a healthy dinner of chicken in garlic and some herbs from my mother and the produce market I went to on Saturday. I managed to pay bills, return phone calls and watch a bit of tv. Monday's I'm generally at school, today I didn't make it!!!

Tonight there was some snow showers. Autumn is upon us. I tend to sleep later and go to bed earlier now...the time change next week will benefit my lazy ass enough to get up and go to school, the school that is costing my ass so much I need a second job! Sheesh.

Dad is doing well. We're all doing well. I'm going to be an aunt in February...my brother is having twins :) I'm naming them too, Cohen and Caroline. Yes...I like those too!

After my cousin's very cold wedding in the woods, my girl Amber from high school and I caught up with each other and now she wants a coffee date. I'm happy to report that she has aged well. Unlike most of my class.


T is in limbo now thinking and deciding on what to do with his life. He's leaning towards school. I'm trying to encourage him as well. He's almost over whatsherface. This is good for him. He needs to move on.

Speaking of moving on, today is two years since Rod's death. I miss him. I miss my lil Reece Cup and believe it or not, I miss Renee. I hope that one day she can let go of all the anger and 'forgive' me. Lisa told me that Renee did infact call her a few weeks ago and everyone is doing fantastic. I sure hope so. I can still see Rod dance with my lil man and I would just stand at the doorway and watch them bond as a father and son should. He loved Luther Vandross' "Dance with my father" and thats the only song they danced to. Weird, perhaps but tonight I can't stop listening to it. Man....this is still hard. Two years have passed but you never forget. Today has taken me back to that awful windy but warm saturday morning. I remember that long week. I remember the calls, the flowers that were tossed because Renee didn't want them. I remember the smell of the food. I remember the day I went to say goodbye. My entire family was with me. He moved them too. Everyone who knew him, loved him. I was no exception. I've never been able to watch the Kid Rock/Lawrence Fishburn movie since our last time!!! But I always listen to our cd. RIP.

Soo yeah.

Dad's surgery went well. He's getting stronger. When he was released we went to a nice steak dinner. I ate half my body weight in steak and it was good but dayum too filling!!!

I'm coming down with cold. I don't feel too well. It's raining a lot here. Golf has been canceled for 3 days and my job done for the season. I'm so excited. I can concentrate on school now. Life is good.

I'm in love. It's good to be this way. He makes me moist. A lot. Too much info?! He's a good man.

I'll write more later. I'm too busy for this shtuff!!!

Look for a new makeover for my blog in the coming weeks.

Miss me guys!

Headlines are for Newspapers

Okay...

A lot has been going on...too much to write about even. I rarely have the time for my blog anymore. Somethings gotta give :)

Dad is preparing for surgery on friday, grandpa is doing better, school is kicking my ass but overall I'm in a good place right now.

Kennedy makes me smile and her moochies are some of the best :)

My heart is in a good place right now...and I haven't been able to say this in a while, but I'm actually happy!

I'm going to go and make the best of this day by spending some money :)

More blogtime, later.

Oh--Who should Meredith choose? McDreamy or Finn??? I want to know what you think! And why don't I get to read your blog????

A

Domestic me.

Is anyone else obsessed with the cooking network???

I can't get enough...

I'm going to try Emril's Mexican Lasanga...I'll keep you posted.

Fried Tortilla's
Spicy Chicken
Peppers, Mushrooms, Onions
Cheesy hollandaise sauce
monterey jack cheese
diced tomatoes

Baked for 45 minutes

(I'm sure I'm missing a step or ingrediant somewhere in there!!!)

Oh

And did I mention that he makes me smile like no other?

He does.

He's irreplaceable.

And the O's are uhmazing!


Finally, someone to take me dancing on friday and Church on Sunday :)

::News::

Dad has been in out of the hospital all week and is due for surgery on Friday. I'm sure he'll be just fine. Still, any surgery is scary. The dr's are telling me that he's going to be fine.

I've been meaning to return phone calls but I haven't had the time nor have I had the oppourtunity. I'm sure you all understand.

Fall is here and I'm looking forward to the change in seasons. With Autumn comes great fashion. Although I like the BOHO look, I hate the homeless bag lady look, ala Mary Kate Olsen. I think that look is hidieous. I mean, we used to make fun of kids in school who dressed like Sienna Miller and Mary Kate Olsen in elementary school...what went wrong?

Oh, and I can never see myself wearing leggings...Yuck. And the skinny jean, shoot me now.

Love

Amaya

"I'm a winter flower underground always thirsty for summer rain and just like the change in season's, I know you'll be back again. Underneath the ink of my tattoo I've tried to hide my scars from you. We only spun our web to catch ourselves and though this journey's over I'd go back if you'd ask me to."

All is well. Or will be. Thank God!

T--Call me, I miss you.
Kenny-I have a lot going on, we'll talk soon. Thanks for the gift.

School is kicking my ass hardcore. I don't like that. School was never hard from me. A lot has changed. I guess I'm not as brilliant as I think!!! Who am I kidding, of course I am!!!

I'm hungry. Dad, Lisa, Kennedy & I are meeting for lunch...miss me bitches?


A

The Girl in the Mirror

"If I get what I want in my struggle for self, And my life is just great for today;I go to my mirror and look straight in my eyes, And see what that girl has to say."

I'm not fool enough to deny the fact that I've gotten everything I wanted. Retribution, absolution, confirmation, closure. I'm not fool enough to deny the fact that it all came at a very dear price. I'm not fool enough to mark myself clean, whole, fixed, important. I'm not fool enough to claim that I am faultless, superior, or even very kind. But when I look in the mirror, at least I know that I was honest...with myself, with them, with my emotions and my actions.

"For it isn't my lover, or children, or friends Whose approval I have to win;The person whose opinion I have to obtain, Is the girl staring back from within."

I am vulnerable and open. I lack confidence. My emotions gush out of me like blood from a severed limb, my actions are rash and uncalculated. I am fierce like a threatened animal, selfish like a teenager. I sleep when I can't face the music, I get lost in my vivid dreams. I write the things I cannot say, and say the things I cannot write. I drink myself silly and play make believe inside the body of my fearless, free, and angry evil twin. She has no self-control. I am not strong enough to argue with her.

"Those people may think I'm a pillar of strength,And imagine me lovely and wise,But the girl in the mirror says I'm useless and lost,If I can't look her straight in the eyes."

My greatest realizations, however, come from the mouths of others, people who see in me that which I cannot see, the good, the ugly, the downright wretched. Things within me which have been suppressed to the point of eternal denial, the ticking time bomb that is my troubled mind, the laughs that drown out my true voice, the half-truths that spill from my mouth like guilty confessions. Things within me that are both beautiful and terrible, cruel and kind, intimate and material. Things that when brought to my attention sting like razorburn with their honesty...words like shallow surface wounds, painful, tangible, but hardly worth a bandage.

"She is the one to please, nevermind the rest,For I'll be with her up 'till the end;And I've passed the most difficult, dangerous test,If the girl in the mirror is my friend."

I look at myself and see the fading rays of summer, the challenges I've faced, the price that I've paid in the name of love. I see Mike's defeated dark eyes, crystal clear and childlike in their unspoken apologies, and I see my own blue eyes glaring back with a deep, seething hurt disguised as a wall of boiling anger. I see Adam's liquid brown eyes heavy with regret for all of the things he can never give me, and my own eyes burning with tears as I understand for the first time the motive behind his desperate acts. I see Eric's placid green eyes pleading with me to take responsibility for the offenses I've committed, towards him and others who love me. I see my own eyes, blue pools of poetry, silently forgiving me for being unable to forgive myself.

"I might fool all the people I meet in my life;And never allow them to see my fear;But all I'll receive is more sorrow and strife,If I lie to the girl in the mirror."

And so the fairy tale is over, if it was ever a fairy tale to begin with. The willful princess wanders, stumbling drunk, dreamlike, and careless, through dance halls, and city parks, crowded bars and empty hallways looking for answers. She unites with her vagabond lover as their eyes lock across a crowded field, and her heart sinks with the realization that he didn't leave because he didn't love her, he left because their roles in life were just too different. She falls victim to a powerful man who uses his strength to snap her wilfullness and steal her dignity. As she stumbles to pick of the pieces, she realizes that the prince she thought she had found was merely a handsome placebo used to cure symptoms that were never there. She ultimately realizes that there is truth in everyone, in everything, in herself. She just had to open her eyes wide enough to see it. As she closes the door on all of this, on Mike, on Eric, on the men in her life who have loved her, used her, abused her, and taught her, she finally sees herself.
"So I go to my mirror every morning and night,I look in her eyes and feel whole. And she tells me the path I've chosen is right; For her eyes are the mirror of my soul."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I don't usually buy into that inspirational, "girlfriend, you are beeeeeautiful!" bullcrap, but I used the poem "The Girl in the Mirror" to lead me. What I painted is somewhat dark, and too honest. Perhaps I'll delete it tommorrow, but tonight it feels good. So with that said... for those of us who are never satisfied, how much is it going to take until we can accept our limitations, take responsibility for our mistakes, and live with the lives we've made?