Today has been easier than most. I can't believe it's been 25 days since we last spoke. We've never gone this long! I miss your hugs. I miss your good morning kisses. I miss you!
You're not going to believe this, but I got a job! An honest to goodness teaching job. This year.
In a school. Where I will go to the same classroom everyday and teach grade three students about reading and writing and how to not write run on sentences like this one.
I have a job daddy! I've been working on seating charts and I've met with most of my upcoming students. I've had to attend several confrences and meetings which I detest with every particle of my being.
Mommy still asks that I sleep with her. It's hard to say no to her. This has been very hard for all of us, especially her. She lost her best friend, lover, father of her children. She didn't think she'd be a widow at such a young age. She thinks she didn't tell you she loved you enough--I know, she's crazy.
Mommy wants to start putting your stuff away next week. I think it will be therapy for her. I told her we would make it a big family project at the family home. I think that will be easier on all of us. I'm not ready to put your things away at my house. Infact, the thought of never seeing your shoes, or smelling your shirts, or seeing your gray hair on your pillow will be awful for me. I'm not ready for that. I can't give you up just yet. Not yet. You will tell me when. I find myself getting angry a lot daddy. I get mad because you fought so hard to live and then there are jerks who smoke crack, drink like fish who tend to live on forever. It's not fair. I have been asking God Why. I guess I shouldn't?
Haven has been coming around a lot. She told me that she is having a horrible time because she kept herself away from us, devoting herself to her boys and her work. You've always been a family first guy, so I know you understood. Perhaps you can offer Haven that comfort by letting her know that to ease her pain? She actually told me that what I have done for you has made her jealous. I was with you up to your last seconds of life. I'm a lucky girl! It was such an honor to help you. As weird as this may sound, I'm going to miss taking you to your appointments. As much as I hated them, I'm missing them. Dr. Bergin has called several times to check in on me. He says that Mommy will be okay in time. He told me that he knew my bond with you would never be broken, not even in death! Daddy, everyone knew how much I love you! Even strangers! You loved everyone. I got a letter from Gwyn on Weds. She, who was our banker, even said that your witty banter and humbleness will be missed. Crazy huh?
I love you. Dinner with mom now.
A
