I’m always shocked when people ask me for advice. Mostly because I’m someone who can never decide on which shoes to wear, or how to wear my hair and I have been known to call people to ask what I should eat for dinner. I’m still unsure of how to parallel park, bake brownies without burning them or have a relationship that’s more meaningful than the one I currently have with Jon Stewart.
However.
I recently was talking with a friend who was in the process of breaking up with his current girlfriend. How does one end a relationship? Suddenly, I could feel my brain stretching to hold all the thoughts I had on this topic. As someone who has been broken up with, I feel it’s my civic duty to share what I learned in order to stop hopeless lads from following in the footsteps of my clueless ex-boyfriend.
Thus, I’ve broken down the rules to remember if you ever find yourself in the unfortunate situation of wanting to quit someone.
Rule #1: Do not, I repeat, do not dump someone on their birthday.
Um, yeah. Getting dumped on your birthday is about as fun as getting a pap smear with a cactus. Birthdays are seen as a time to celebrate so getting dumped on one is usually a complete shock to the person who is getting the news. Also, it ruins future birthdays, since you will have a handy built in reminder every year of what happened on that day. It’s a toss-up as to what sticks with you longer- remembering your 5th birthday when you got a pony, or remembering your 23rd birthday when you were dumped out of nowhere (No really, it happened). Although, the plus side is you usually get to eat their slice of cake. So I mean, at least there’s that.
Rule #2: When honesty isn’t the best policy
So you are dumping her because you dislike her family? She has man hands? You’ve found someone who wears cooler shoes? Don’t say that. Really. There’s a nasty rumor going around that being completely honest is the way to go- that is a lie. Being completely honest when it’s going to hurt their feelings even more isn’t selfless- it’s selfish. Because the only person who feels better ‘sharing it all’ is you. And when you are dumping someone, the last thing you should be thinking about is how you can most clearly express how they don’t measure up to the new person you fancy. Or just how annoying their voice is on the phone. Chances are your soon-to-be ex will not take this well- and will begin beating you with her footwear.
Rule #3: Don’t make it public
I understand the idea of wanting to break up with someone in a public place. There’s less chance of yelling, tears, extreme physical abuse with a pointy stiletto. But, I think it’s also disrespectful. If you have been dating for longer than 3 days, there’s a chance there will be tears and creating a situation where someone is forced to cry (and maybe even do the ugly cry) in public just isn’t Cary Grant classy (And yes, Cary Grant Classy is what we are striving for afterall.
Rule #4: Exit Strategy
So you’ve broken up. You’ve said sorry, you’ve talked it out, wished each other well. Now leave. Do not linger. If you are say, in a hotel room, stop being cheap and pay for another room. Forcing your presence on someone whom you’ve just shunned is usually more painful than the break up. Trust me.
Rule #5: Friends?
Realize that depending on personality, length of relationship, reason for ending it, an ex may not want to be friends with you. In a perfect world all ex’s would meet up for coffee on Tuesdays and laugh at the ridiculousness of them dating. They would swap vacation photos and be invited to each others weddings. But it’s not a perfect world. And the worse your break up job is, the less likely she’s going to want to be friends afterwards. So have a little Cary Grant class, a little compassion and maybe one day she will want to be your friend. Or maybe just your facebook friend. Or maybe nothing. That is the chance you take, when you dive into the dating pool.
I think that’s it.
Good luck dear friend. I hope it ends without physical abuse and that you show both respect and thoughtfulness in a time when both are needed.
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Signs you may need a man
My dearest twenty-something singleton friend just phoned with details of her latest wildly romantic escapade. I'm talking bodice-ripper, scandalous yet soulful pirate on the romance novel cover level of escapade. After a in depth dish session, she then asked what sorts of excitement I'd gotten myself into lately.
Having recently covered my tedious thirty-something basics - my education, career, house, - I signed off of the call shortly thereafter, resigned and, if I'm being honest, perhaps just a little sad. Not that my friendship is by any means competitive, but our conversation reminded me that my days of calling friends to dissect the man du jour have hit a dry spell!
And then, not five minutes later, inspiration struck me - immature inspiration, admittedly, but inspiration nonetheless - as I grabbed my Blackberry. Pulse racing, I snapped a picture, pressed "send", and breathed a sigh of relief as I realized that I haven't left all impulsive love affairs behind me along with my 20s
I sent my friend a photo of my handbag. Yes. My handbag. I may not have any hot, tantalizing romances with hot gents but, by God, I'm clinging to the right to love & cherish fashion which I find on sale, 'til death - or American Express - do us part.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Knowing Myself and Knowing I'm not Like Meg Ryan
It's taken me 32 years to fully accept this but I’m finally there. I never wanted to be current Meg Ryan (I like the size of my lips just fine), I always had hopes of being Meg Ryan of yesterday. You know, “When Harry Met Sally” Meg Ryan or even better “When You’ve Got Mail” Meg Ryan. When people see her in those movies they throw around words like ‘adorable’ and ‘endearing’ and who doesn’t want to be that? Plus she was the poster girl for how quirky could be sexy. And when you are 5″4 clumsy and don’t own red lipstick? You embrace quirky like a warm blanket on a cold night.
The thing is, Meg Ryan (or more accurately her character- yes, I do blur the lines between fantasy and reality on a regular basis. Perhaps this is why Ryan Reynolds isn’t returning my calls?), differ in one important area. Okay, if you count the ability to wake up with great hair, we differ in TWO areas. I will never be a girl who cuddles while sleeping.
See, if you watch any Meg movie (or any movie geared towards those possessing ovaries) you will notice that the classic “couple sleep” pose is man on his back, woman splaying herself all over him, cuddled up like a koala bear clinging to a tree branch. And she’s always fast asleep, her face nuzzled in the perfectly groomed chest hair of a man who manages to pull off the trifecta of being sexy, funny and able to say exactly the right thing before the two hour movie is up.
I can’t do that. I need my space.
It’s not that I’m anti- cuddling, I enjoy a cuddle as much as the next girl- but when it comes to sleep? I need some room. And not “you move one inch over but let’s still hold hands when we sleep” space. I need “stay on your side” sort of space. Legs can tangle, arms can drift- and I actually like the idea of them being close enough that I can feel the warmth of their body near mine but a whole body smashed up against mine while I’m working on getting some REM cycles? No thanks. There are roughly 901 things a couple can do in bed (thanks Cosmo for setting unrealistic expectations for all future bed partners) but sleeping is one that I have to do alone.
I’ve been thinking about this lately and when it comes to actual dating- I’m the same way. I sleep how I love. I’m all for couple time but I’ve never understood the couples who have to do everything together. I cringe knowing that this cliche is going to leave my brain but I need space. I need time away, time alone. Maybe this is just growing out of a particular phase or maybe it’s just growing up- realizing independence isn’t a dirty word. But I need a world where I can sleep without being crushed by the weight of you. I’m a small person after all.
I wish just one time Meg Ryan would have told a man she needed some sleeping room. That there’s a fine line between basking in the heat radiating off the one person you adore and feeling the crushing weight of their body while attempting to get sleep after practicing some moves learned in the last issue of Cosmo. I wish Meg would have said she could do a million things with the man she loved but sleep was something she needed to do alone. I wish she would have one time told a man that telling him to shove over to his side didn’t mean she loved him less- it meant she loved him enough to show him this side of her. I wish she would have said that it’s important to spend time a part- even in bed, because in the morning when you reach across the tangled galaxy of blankets and pillows and find someone on the other side reaching back for you, well that’s the best feeling in the world.
The thing is, Meg Ryan (or more accurately her character- yes, I do blur the lines between fantasy and reality on a regular basis. Perhaps this is why Ryan Reynolds isn’t returning my calls?), differ in one important area. Okay, if you count the ability to wake up with great hair, we differ in TWO areas. I will never be a girl who cuddles while sleeping.
See, if you watch any Meg movie (or any movie geared towards those possessing ovaries) you will notice that the classic “couple sleep” pose is man on his back, woman splaying herself all over him, cuddled up like a koala bear clinging to a tree branch. And she’s always fast asleep, her face nuzzled in the perfectly groomed chest hair of a man who manages to pull off the trifecta of being sexy, funny and able to say exactly the right thing before the two hour movie is up.
I can’t do that. I need my space.
It’s not that I’m anti- cuddling, I enjoy a cuddle as much as the next girl- but when it comes to sleep? I need some room. And not “you move one inch over but let’s still hold hands when we sleep” space. I need “stay on your side” sort of space. Legs can tangle, arms can drift- and I actually like the idea of them being close enough that I can feel the warmth of their body near mine but a whole body smashed up against mine while I’m working on getting some REM cycles? No thanks. There are roughly 901 things a couple can do in bed (thanks Cosmo for setting unrealistic expectations for all future bed partners) but sleeping is one that I have to do alone.
I’ve been thinking about this lately and when it comes to actual dating- I’m the same way. I sleep how I love. I’m all for couple time but I’ve never understood the couples who have to do everything together. I cringe knowing that this cliche is going to leave my brain but I need space. I need time away, time alone. Maybe this is just growing out of a particular phase or maybe it’s just growing up- realizing independence isn’t a dirty word. But I need a world where I can sleep without being crushed by the weight of you. I’m a small person after all.
I wish just one time Meg Ryan would have told a man she needed some sleeping room. That there’s a fine line between basking in the heat radiating off the one person you adore and feeling the crushing weight of their body while attempting to get sleep after practicing some moves learned in the last issue of Cosmo. I wish Meg would have said she could do a million things with the man she loved but sleep was something she needed to do alone. I wish she would have one time told a man that telling him to shove over to his side didn’t mean she loved him less- it meant she loved him enough to show him this side of her. I wish she would have said that it’s important to spend time a part- even in bed, because in the morning when you reach across the tangled galaxy of blankets and pillows and find someone on the other side reaching back for you, well that’s the best feeling in the world.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Friday, June 10, 2011
She Asked Me A 30 Something Single Girl For Advice!
You know, I get it. Me giving marriage advice is like, Lindsay Lohan giving tips on sobriety. Or Kanye West give lessons on modesty. Or Jenna Jameson talking about the virtues of virginity.
I think I just compared myself to a porn star.
Let’s just move along.
As many of you know, the always lovely Laura is getting married. What you may not know is that she’s been my secret idol since she she met Chelsea Clinton and I may or may not have volunteered my life (more than once) to getting her into public office (Laura, not Chelsea). She’s the kind of girl I’m insanely jealous of- she’s funny and thoughtful and honest. She goes to see Billy Joel in concert and she fully understands any of my tweets and Plus? She watches "NCIS" and knows how damn hot Gibbs is.
So when I was asked if I wanted to participate in a shower of course I said yes. I decided that although I may not be married, I know plenty of very lovely people who are and decided to ask them to open their knowledge basket and share what they thought made marriages last. Here are some of my favorite (direct quotes) from people I know (and people I wish I did) giving marriage advice.
1. “Always be the first person to say sorry. Not only will you look like the bigger person, but it’s great to bring up the next time you fight. It’s automatic leverage!” (I think this person was kidding).
2. “Keep the fights clean and the sex dirty”- Kevin Bacon
3. “Make it easy for him to remember why he married you” uncle John (which? Was sort of a rip-off of another piece of advice he once gave me)
4. “Have sex in your friends bathroom”- Jada Pinkett Smith (okay, she said it differently, but I like my version better).
5. "Be kind.”
I am so, so happy for Miss Laura and can’t wait to hear all about her married life. I wish her nothing but the very best and plenty of #4. Congratulations on getting married lovely!
And I'm going to enjoy this beautiful wedding!
I think I just compared myself to a porn star.
Let’s just move along.
As many of you know, the always lovely Laura is getting married. What you may not know is that she’s been my secret idol since she she met Chelsea Clinton and I may or may not have volunteered my life (more than once) to getting her into public office (Laura, not Chelsea). She’s the kind of girl I’m insanely jealous of- she’s funny and thoughtful and honest. She goes to see Billy Joel in concert and she fully understands any of my tweets and Plus? She watches "NCIS" and knows how damn hot Gibbs is.
So when I was asked if I wanted to participate in a shower of course I said yes. I decided that although I may not be married, I know plenty of very lovely people who are and decided to ask them to open their knowledge basket and share what they thought made marriages last. Here are some of my favorite (direct quotes) from people I know (and people I wish I did) giving marriage advice.
1. “Always be the first person to say sorry. Not only will you look like the bigger person, but it’s great to bring up the next time you fight. It’s automatic leverage!” (I think this person was kidding).
2. “Keep the fights clean and the sex dirty”- Kevin Bacon
3. “Make it easy for him to remember why he married you” uncle John (which? Was sort of a rip-off of another piece of advice he once gave me)
4. “Have sex in your friends bathroom”- Jada Pinkett Smith (okay, she said it differently, but I like my version better).
5. "Be kind.”
I am so, so happy for Miss Laura and can’t wait to hear all about her married life. I wish her nothing but the very best and plenty of #4. Congratulations on getting married lovely!
And I'm going to enjoy this beautiful wedding!
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
To My Third Grade Class
We have 30 days left together. You don't realize this yet - You are just eight years old and the only thing you count down to is Christmas. You are living for Soccer at recess, Spelling games, and Art on Fridays. You live for computer class free time and the moment you can multiply 6x7. That's one one of my favorite things about you- you are too busy filling up today to worry about tomorrow.
And you have filled up my year beyond my greatest expectations. We acted out the Solar System, made up Math games, we wrote pirate stories. We held dance offs and learned to square dance in the gym. We built secret forts to read in. When we were all hit with the flu we curled up in balls on the floor with stuffed animals and watched Bill Nye the science guy. We pretended to be explorers as we navigated maps. We were Architects as we built bridges out of popsicle sticks and play dough. We laughed as we read Superfudge. We sang along to Julie Andrews. We talked about love and we bit our pencils as we created our own masterpieces. When we read The Giving Tree that Doctor Brian suggested to me, we didn't laugh when others cried.
We had a burping contest when we learned why the body burps.
There have been endless show and tells and knock-knock jokes and band aids applied gingerly. Hugs and high fives have been countless. When Elizabeth joined the Polo team we all cheered. When Jacob broke his arm we all signed his cast with hearts and smiley faces. When Evan puked we all ran to get towels and bleach. Even Evan cracked a smile.
When we found out that lice had entered the school we all scratched our heads.
Maybe that's just what happens when you get older, you look past today and look toward the future. I can see the last day already with flip flops and Popsicle stained lips and saggy backpacks and sweaty high fives. Each of you will exclaim as you uncover lost treasures as you pack up your desks - cans of play dough, a lost marker, a post card from Drew when he went to Disney World in October. I can already see your smiles as you run back to give me one last hug as you happily skip to your bus without looking back. And I will be forced to let you go for the summer, to tradition, to a new teacher in the fall.
So tomorrow will be 29 days left with you. And I will think of that number when we discuss Shel Silverstein, learn division, and understand why we use quotation marks. I will smile and as you hand me the picture you drew of a girl and her teacher with smiley happy faces and bright lips. I will be thankful and laugh as the lunch bell rings and I'll put on a song that I downloaded just because I knew you all would love it. And I never realized just how much I would end up loving you.
Some people go through their lives hating there jobs. Thank you for making me love mine everyday. Stay young as long as possible. Continue to sing your heart out to Julie Andrews. Stay just as you are as long as you can be. And when it's time I can't wait for you to grow up. You're all going to be something spectacular.
Love,
Miss Warner
And you have filled up my year beyond my greatest expectations. We acted out the Solar System, made up Math games, we wrote pirate stories. We held dance offs and learned to square dance in the gym. We built secret forts to read in. When we were all hit with the flu we curled up in balls on the floor with stuffed animals and watched Bill Nye the science guy. We pretended to be explorers as we navigated maps. We were Architects as we built bridges out of popsicle sticks and play dough. We laughed as we read Superfudge. We sang along to Julie Andrews. We talked about love and we bit our pencils as we created our own masterpieces. When we read The Giving Tree that Doctor Brian suggested to me, we didn't laugh when others cried.
We had a burping contest when we learned why the body burps.
There have been endless show and tells and knock-knock jokes and band aids applied gingerly. Hugs and high fives have been countless. When Elizabeth joined the Polo team we all cheered. When Jacob broke his arm we all signed his cast with hearts and smiley faces. When Evan puked we all ran to get towels and bleach. Even Evan cracked a smile.
When we found out that lice had entered the school we all scratched our heads.
Maybe that's just what happens when you get older, you look past today and look toward the future. I can see the last day already with flip flops and Popsicle stained lips and saggy backpacks and sweaty high fives. Each of you will exclaim as you uncover lost treasures as you pack up your desks - cans of play dough, a lost marker, a post card from Drew when he went to Disney World in October. I can already see your smiles as you run back to give me one last hug as you happily skip to your bus without looking back. And I will be forced to let you go for the summer, to tradition, to a new teacher in the fall.
So tomorrow will be 29 days left with you. And I will think of that number when we discuss Shel Silverstein, learn division, and understand why we use quotation marks. I will smile and as you hand me the picture you drew of a girl and her teacher with smiley happy faces and bright lips. I will be thankful and laugh as the lunch bell rings and I'll put on a song that I downloaded just because I knew you all would love it. And I never realized just how much I would end up loving you.
Some people go through their lives hating there jobs. Thank you for making me love mine everyday. Stay young as long as possible. Continue to sing your heart out to Julie Andrews. Stay just as you are as long as you can be. And when it's time I can't wait for you to grow up. You're all going to be something spectacular.
Love,
Miss Warner
Sunday, May 08, 2011
Mommy
Today is Mother's day and how blessed am I? My cup runneth over. My Mother and I don't always agree, but she is everything I hope to be :) She always gives the best advice and has been there for me and my friends when we need her the most. She's a doting grandmother and a very proud Mommy. She has a heart of gold and she's flawless.
Happy Mutter's Day ;)
Monday, March 07, 2011
I Can't Wait!
I can't wait for Summer, yall! I cant believe it's March already. You know what that means? That means June, July and August are right around the corner and that means I'll be out of school and enjoying my time off in Georgetown or at the Farm or at home. I'm going to start tannin to get that I-just-returned-from-Barbados skin tone.
I also can not wait for Glee. I have a huge crush on Puckerman :) I'm busy planning with my friends who arent currently pregnant where I'm headed for meh birthday. somewhere warm and toasty. Suggestions are always welcome.
Friday, February 04, 2011
So Like..
Kids these days. What the hell is wrong with them? I just got back from attempting to enjoy an evening coffee at Starbucks, but instead of savoring the aromatic goodness that is coffee, I found myself eavesdropping on a couple of teenage girls having what I can only assume was a conversation.
Without exaggeration, in the span of 15 minutes one of the girls used the word "like" 112 times. Do the math, kiddies... That's more than 7 per minute! 1 every 8 seconds!!
If this is how kids talk these days, then I weep for the future. Both of these sweethearts were pretty, dressed nicely and not once did I hear a swear word from either of them. But is their vocabulary so extraordinarily limited that every other word has to be "like"?? This bubblehead even finished a few of her sentences with "like".
"I was, like, you know, trying to tell him, like, that he has to go to, like, math class, like!" I think my ears started to bleed at that point.
Maybe it isn't the kids' fault that they're idiots. Perhaps the funding for our education system has been reduced so much that the school boards have resorted to cutting basic programming such as knuckle-dragging, mouth breathing and English.
Or maybe the parents are to blame. After all, if kids grow up listening to terrible speech and grammar then it's only natural that they'll pick up those same habits, right? We do learn by example afterall.
But then that must mean that the general population surrounding these moron kids is linguistically inept!
Or is it TV? Shaggy from Scooby Doo must've imprinted on their tiny, maleable, peanut brains!
Oh, these poor, poor children! What are we going to do??
I don't care whose fault it is. Stop talking like a Valley Girl and let me enjoy my coffee before I toss you into the trash can. Like.
Without exaggeration, in the span of 15 minutes one of the girls used the word "like" 112 times. Do the math, kiddies... That's more than 7 per minute! 1 every 8 seconds!!
If this is how kids talk these days, then I weep for the future. Both of these sweethearts were pretty, dressed nicely and not once did I hear a swear word from either of them. But is their vocabulary so extraordinarily limited that every other word has to be "like"?? This bubblehead even finished a few of her sentences with "like".
"I was, like, you know, trying to tell him, like, that he has to go to, like, math class, like!" I think my ears started to bleed at that point.
Maybe it isn't the kids' fault that they're idiots. Perhaps the funding for our education system has been reduced so much that the school boards have resorted to cutting basic programming such as knuckle-dragging, mouth breathing and English.
Or maybe the parents are to blame. After all, if kids grow up listening to terrible speech and grammar then it's only natural that they'll pick up those same habits, right? We do learn by example afterall.
But then that must mean that the general population surrounding these moron kids is linguistically inept!
Or is it TV? Shaggy from Scooby Doo must've imprinted on their tiny, maleable, peanut brains!
Oh, these poor, poor children! What are we going to do??
I don't care whose fault it is. Stop talking like a Valley Girl and let me enjoy my coffee before I toss you into the trash can. Like.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
I Never Regret...
My Latte with three splenda
A nap
Buying the extra insurance
Wearing the pink lipstick
Bringing my camera
The extra 10 mins on the treadmill
Listening to Soul Decision's 'Faded'
Saying I'm sorry
Telling them I love you
Adding extra blueberries to the pancake mix
Booking the trip
Packing extra outfits
Ordering water at 2 am
Not waiting for the kiss
Asking for help
WHAT DO YOU NEVER REGRET?
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Happy 2011
It's been a while since I've actually had time to sit down and allow myself time to blog. I've spent the last few months with my grandmother who needs 'round the clock care now. I spend most of my nights with her. Right now-she's in Florida and I have 3 weeks free. I'm not sure what i'm going to do with all of this free time! I'm sure I'll manage though ;)
My resolution this year is to live 2011 as if 2010 never happened! I considered doing a “let’s reflect on everything that happened in 2010” post, but honestly? My brain works better moving forward, rather than looking back. And although 2010 had some ultra, let’s-just-up-and-down-clapping-our-hands-we-are-so-damn-happy-I-look-drunk-with-joy, moments (hello Haven got married, Hello--I lost weight!)
So in the spirit of reflection and moving forward (yes, it's possible to do both) I've decided to give a shout-out to moments i'm excited for in 2011.
I’m really working hard on being a better teacher. December… well, let’s just say December left me a little ragged. I showed up the last week of work looking like Courtney Love after a street fight and my lesson plans consisted of listening to Christmas music while creating ornate Christmas crafts involving styrofoam cups, glitter glue and a wicked amount of determination. I put in 14 hours at school today, hunkered down over my new literacy goals (none of which involve singing “Rudolph the Red-Nose Reindeer” while silently cursing that your googly eyes won’t stick to the construction paper) and am so ready to drop some knowledge bombs on my kids.
The return of Glee. Is it shallow and small that the return of a television show makes my top 10 things to be excited about in 2011?
More friend time. Life has been hectic since I became you know, employed (hooray for regular pay checks! boo for getting up before 5 am)- and I miss my friends. I miss them a thousand times a day and find myself reflecting on the amazing times we had with more and more wistfulness. Because as fantastic as life can be, as structured and safe and productive your world is- there is nothing, nothing like spending the evening with someone who has seen you puke in a flower bush, wipe your mouth off with your sleeve and then proceed to sing “Toxic” while wobbling in your too tall shoes ( I know, I'm so classy someone should name a handbag after me.)
It's 23 degrees outside so naturally I'm looking forward to June, July, & August. Or just a time when I can go outside and breathe without feeling Mother Nature shove her frigid fist down my throat, freeze my lungs into chunks of ice and make breathing as enjoyable as a televised pap smear.
I'm excited about travel plans. I love traveling and I'm planning my birthday holiday now. Bahamas sounds hot to me right now.
What are you excited for in 2011?
My resolution this year is to live 2011 as if 2010 never happened! I considered doing a “let’s reflect on everything that happened in 2010” post, but honestly? My brain works better moving forward, rather than looking back. And although 2010 had some ultra, let’s-just-up-and-down-clapping-our-hands-we-are-so-damn-happy-I-look-drunk-with-joy, moments (hello Haven got married, Hello--I lost weight!)
So in the spirit of reflection and moving forward (yes, it's possible to do both) I've decided to give a shout-out to moments i'm excited for in 2011.
I’m really working hard on being a better teacher. December… well, let’s just say December left me a little ragged. I showed up the last week of work looking like Courtney Love after a street fight and my lesson plans consisted of listening to Christmas music while creating ornate Christmas crafts involving styrofoam cups, glitter glue and a wicked amount of determination. I put in 14 hours at school today, hunkered down over my new literacy goals (none of which involve singing “Rudolph the Red-Nose Reindeer” while silently cursing that your googly eyes won’t stick to the construction paper) and am so ready to drop some knowledge bombs on my kids.
The return of Glee. Is it shallow and small that the return of a television show makes my top 10 things to be excited about in 2011?
More friend time. Life has been hectic since I became you know, employed (hooray for regular pay checks! boo for getting up before 5 am)- and I miss my friends. I miss them a thousand times a day and find myself reflecting on the amazing times we had with more and more wistfulness. Because as fantastic as life can be, as structured and safe and productive your world is- there is nothing, nothing like spending the evening with someone who has seen you puke in a flower bush, wipe your mouth off with your sleeve and then proceed to sing “Toxic” while wobbling in your too tall shoes ( I know, I'm so classy someone should name a handbag after me.)
It's 23 degrees outside so naturally I'm looking forward to June, July, & August. Or just a time when I can go outside and breathe without feeling Mother Nature shove her frigid fist down my throat, freeze my lungs into chunks of ice and make breathing as enjoyable as a televised pap smear.
I'm excited about travel plans. I love traveling and I'm planning my birthday holiday now. Bahamas sounds hot to me right now.
What are you excited for in 2011?
Saturday, November 06, 2010
Time
Aristotle said it best: “We live in deeds, not years; in thoughts not breaths; in feelings, not in figures on a dial. We should count time by heart throbs. He most lives who thinks most, feels the noblest, acts the best"
Daylight savings time ends :( We fall back an hour.
Daylight savings time ends :( We fall back an hour.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
So I'm wondering.......
A few weeks ago, I was spending my free time putting together a list of reading strategies for a bulletin board to help kids comprehend what they are reading. (And yes, this is what teachers do in their free time. So before you start going all “JULY AND AUGUST HOLIDAYS” on me, I’m just going to stop you right here and tell you to suck it.) One of the strategies that most experts agree on, is that a student needs to be able to recognize relationships in writing and understand what these relationships mean. As seen here. Please note how professional I am, doing my serious teacher work on my comfy bed:
Students who are able to connect people, understand their relationships while reading, tend to do better seeing the big picture- what the story is ultimately about. They tend to be better at predicting what will happen next in the story, explaining what already happened and distilling the main points of the tale when sharing with others.
Blah, Blah, Blah.
So what this really got me thinking about was, how do I define my relationships. Because seriously, it’s important that I always bring it back to me.
I have friends. I’m lucky enough to have the very best of friends. Friends who make me laugh and go to Disney World with me and stay in hotel rooms with me and watch NCIS marathons with me when the entire world has gotten comfortable resting it’s heavy mass on my shoulders. Friends who call just because, text funny stories, email just to wish me a good day. Yes, I have very good friends.
I know couples who routinely call their partner their best friend. I know couples who are glad they are in a couple, love the person they are with, but call friends outside their coupled relationship their best friend. Which got me thinking- do you have a best friend? Or are you someone who has a group of close friends? Is your spouse/partner your best friend or do you look outside your relationship and find yourself best friends with someone else? Is it too sixth grade to think that you can only have one best friend or do you have different kinds of best friends? Is it just me or does routinely typing ‘best friend’ make me sound like I’m 12 years old?
Maybe once we grow up we are supposed to stop talking about best friends. Maybe that’s why I feel silly asking about it. Or maybe, once we grow up the idea of “best friend” changes and it’s harder to articulate how we feel, what makes a best friend or how we feel about the one (or ones) we have. Or maybe, if you are lucky, you’ve never stopped to think about something like this, because you are too busy polishing your BFF necklace you are still wearing from the friend you’ve had since the sixth grade.
I hope for you, it’s the last one.
Students who are able to connect people, understand their relationships while reading, tend to do better seeing the big picture- what the story is ultimately about. They tend to be better at predicting what will happen next in the story, explaining what already happened and distilling the main points of the tale when sharing with others.
Blah, Blah, Blah.
So what this really got me thinking about was, how do I define my relationships. Because seriously, it’s important that I always bring it back to me.
I have friends. I’m lucky enough to have the very best of friends. Friends who make me laugh and go to Disney World with me and stay in hotel rooms with me and watch NCIS marathons with me when the entire world has gotten comfortable resting it’s heavy mass on my shoulders. Friends who call just because, text funny stories, email just to wish me a good day. Yes, I have very good friends.
I know couples who routinely call their partner their best friend. I know couples who are glad they are in a couple, love the person they are with, but call friends outside their coupled relationship their best friend. Which got me thinking- do you have a best friend? Or are you someone who has a group of close friends? Is your spouse/partner your best friend or do you look outside your relationship and find yourself best friends with someone else? Is it too sixth grade to think that you can only have one best friend or do you have different kinds of best friends? Is it just me or does routinely typing ‘best friend’ make me sound like I’m 12 years old?
Maybe once we grow up we are supposed to stop talking about best friends. Maybe that’s why I feel silly asking about it. Or maybe, once we grow up the idea of “best friend” changes and it’s harder to articulate how we feel, what makes a best friend or how we feel about the one (or ones) we have. Or maybe, if you are lucky, you’ve never stopped to think about something like this, because you are too busy polishing your BFF necklace you are still wearing from the friend you’ve had since the sixth grade.
I hope for you, it’s the last one.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Sisters.
Sometimes I think I'm the luckiest girl in the world. Haven asked me to be the Maid of Honor in her wedding instead of a bridesmaid. How exciting! We weren't always this close. However, she's the first I call when the shit hits the fan these days. And lately, she's been completely upset and life is bit of a roller coaster ride for her. We've been crying and laughing together and we're planning her big day together.
She's an amazing mother and sister and I am a lucky girl because not only do I have Haven, I have Rebecca too!
I am blessed.
She's an amazing mother and sister and I am a lucky girl because not only do I have Haven, I have Rebecca too!
I am blessed.
Wednesday, September 08, 2010
My Students are Worth It!
Blue area rug that I lugged into the school while making noises that one usually only hears behind closed doors late at night after *4 shots of tequila- $19
Bins of throw pillows, each carefully picked for plumpness, coziness and all around ‘I want to curl up and read a book with you’ feeling- $64
Bins of throw pillows, each carefully picked for plumpness, coziness and all around ‘I want to curl up and read a book with you’ feeling- $64
Number of hours spent painting-16
Wire shelving units that appeared easy to construct but resulted in me cursing so much I would have made a sailor blush and almost resulted in the loss of my pinkie finger- $58
Approximate number of hours it took to sort each book into categories- mystery, adventure, scientific fiction, people & places, space & science, arts & math, comics, do it yourself, reference, animals, research, biographies and make appropriate labels for each group. Complete with pictures of the author so kids have an idea who the face is behind the book they are reading- 6 hours
Approximate number of hours it took to “level” each book in my reading library, ensuring that kids have a better opportunity to pick books that they will feel comfortable reading-9 hours
Cost for the books in our class library, 80% of which were bought at Bank Street Books and Green Valley Book Fair so that I could save some greenbacks and my students could revel in that ‘old, musty thrift store book smell’- $987.43
Amount of times I’ve started thinking of all the shoes I could have bought with $987.43 before stopping and feeding myself some cheap pep talk about children’s literacy being more important than stylish footwear which then resulted in me rolling my eyes at myself and saying ‘tell it to your feet, mama needs a new pair of shoes‘, which then further fueled the moral vs. stylish footwear dilemma I wrestle with on the daily- 483,403,502
Watching my students enjoy our literacy corner- priceless
(Number of times I rolled my eyes while writing this post, fully aware of how cliché ridden and cheesy it was- infinite. BUT I’M STILL EXCITED!)
Sunday, August 29, 2010
As if my Summer couldn't get any worse....
My friend Michelle's boyfriend was killed in a car accident on Friday morning. His brother who also was with him, was killed as well. Such a sad time for everyone. It's hard to lose a loved one, it's even harder when you have to lose two at the same time--I can't imagine the devastation the family must feel.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Thursday, July 08, 2010
Trying to Educate the Lindsane of the World!
Dear Sir, Madam, or Offending Garment du Jour:
You are hereby on notice that I have started to, er, notice you befouling various celebrities. I sweetly insist that you cease & desist your body-stumping, childish ways before the general public is seduced by your inexplicable charms.
Darlings, this is like one of those delightful SAT questions; Jumpsuits are to 2010 fashion as Lindsay Lohan is to self tanner. *Aprops to the original jumpsuit era, let's pick C, Just Say No.
You are hereby on notice that I have started to, er, notice you befouling various celebrities. I sweetly insist that you cease & desist your body-stumping, childish ways before the general public is seduced by your inexplicable charms.
Darlings, this is like one of those delightful SAT questions; Jumpsuits are to 2010 fashion as Lindsay Lohan is to self tanner. *Aprops to the original jumpsuit era, let's pick C, Just Say No.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)