A Big Wake UP

My plans for the weekend which included a ski trip with my parents to celebrate Chan's 5th Birthday was turned upside down on Friday night when my father had yet another heart attack!

After spending 3 nights in the hospital so far he will likely be able to come home on Tuesday if all goes well. He has to prepare for yet another surgery. I feel so bad for the guy. It's so scary, the thought of losing my daddy. Wow. Just wow. On a brighter note, he is improving. I don't understand why this keeps happening because he's fit, he eats healthy and he's young. Too young for any of this crap.

Today, I'm going to do some work here for a while and then I'm going to the hospital to see him.

Adam broke up with Heather. And says that she's a dirty whore. He also said that no matter who he dates theres always me who he can't forget. He told me that he is still in love with me. I just told him I think he's lonely at the moment and in a few weeks he'll meet someone else who he'll fall in love with. He offered to come be with me when I called him out of desperation on Saturday night. I was so furious with Eric who had plans and couldn't comfort me after everything I was going through. I guess I just expect too much from people. If you know me at all you know I'm the person who drops everything, including their own job to help and comfort someone. Obviously, not everyone is like me. I don't know what to think. He really disappointed me. I realize that he had plans, but I needed to talk to somebody after spending the entire night and day at the hospital, but I wasn't entertaining enough with all of my tears. So I called Adam who talked to me until I fell asleep.

It will get better, I'm sure.

Another Year Over

...And a new one's has begun on a great note at that! I've made some serious new year resolutions that I've kept graciously thus far. Considering that today is only day three! I'll let you know how it goes.

A Sneak Peek:
-Excercising 5-6 times per week
-No fast food/take out atleast during the month of January
-No alcohol until my birthday
-I intend on reading atleast 1 book every 6 weeks
-Travel more--Chicago a lot ;)

I woke up @ 5 a.m. this morning and went to the gym and was that place busy. It'll settle down in another 2 weeks after everyone starts to lose their motivation. Today is Daniel's funereal. I'll be there.

My accounting class is from 5:30 until 9:00 so I'll be nice and tired tonight! I'll get plenty of sleep. Yay!

I have tons of folders on my desk, I'm assuming thats a sign for my happy butt to get to work...sooooooooooo happy to be back!

Happy New Year!

Amaya

It's been a while

And as fabulous as a life I live, nothing much has changed. I still spend too much money and I am sexually deprived. No news.

I'm preparing for my weekend adventure with all 11 of us heading to the big city. I'm stoked.

My mom continues to give me shit about my moral values and my priorities. Again, not much has changed.

Isaiah won All state in his Creative Learning Competition. He took home a huge trophy and a $50 savings bond...what can I say, he's a Warner :) Well, part anyway.

My workout this morning was intense. I did a full body conditioning, spent 2 hours. I have to prepare for the weekend you know...and being on my sabbatical made my ass gain weight. My real goal is to get back to running. SLOWLY I will. I can't wait to hit the pavement again...Except not by a freaking car, this time!!!

I got phone calls to make and then I have to get to my morning meeting.

Lots of love :)

Miss Thang

So, you missed me?

I love the feeling of accomplishment. I've missed out on a lot of work during my 3 month sabbatical. It feels good, although I miss my little Reece a lot. I know he's doing well without me too.

Last night, Becca and I went Christmas shopping and I still have a ton of more gifts to buy for my too damn big family. Most of my aunts and uncles are getting Gift cards to restaurants or stores. I know it's not much thought put into it, but I think they're all boring by not knowing what they want for Christmas. Whereas the kids, they know what they want. Just ask Isaiah, He made copies of his letter to Santa and everytime someone asks what he wants he breaks his list out. He even left one on my fridge. He's too cute. Chandler & Isaiah are easy to buy for. Mathew, he's not so easy...his first birthday is on Saturday. I have no idea what to get him for his birthday :( He's only a year old...sheesh, me and my damn kid issues!

As for me, I have put together many lists, but have lost them all! I do like the new U2 Special Edition Ipod--it's haute. I love me some U2 too :)

T Man wants to see Les Mis this weekend. I don't think I can work it into my schedule. I have a lot going on this weekend. I'll have to make up for it.

Eric and I haven't been talking much at all. He's put a big wall between us. I'm not going to lose sleep over it though. Perhaps it's because he's sick and just doesn't want to discuss matters, which I understand too. I just wish I had some insight on whats going on. He's not giving me much these days. After the fight about THE CALL, I don't know if we can fix anything. I just know that if we spent some QT together, it will all work itself out, however he's in Chicago and I'm in VA. This is my reality.

I could write a book today, but I got tons going on here.

later :)

~ I don't feel well.
~ i Should have turned my cell phone off during the meeting.
~ I should have worn the Therma Care heat patch for my freakin knee because it's hurting like crazy. It's even stiff.
~ I keep seeing that stupid woman who was in my dream last night. She was stalking me and being really weird. How Blake-like. She freaked me out.
~ I should have slept better.
~ I shouldn't be nice to people who aren't nice to me even though I try hard to make them feel better.
~ I shouldn't allow petty things to bother me.

Back to work.

Back to Reality

My Monday started off well. I worked out until my knee killed me and then I went into the office and got some things squared away. Of course everyone was asking how my Maternity Leave went!! I roll my eyes of course and laugh it off, but gosh I miss Reece. His little smile is priceless. I didn't miss him this much last week, what gives?

Someone raided all the tampons from my desk and I have to go for a tampon run before Aunt Flow arrives. I'm guessing she'll be here by 8:00 p.m. That explains my serious horniness.

You guys remember Scott Schroder? The guy I was crushing on right after Broke-Ass, well turns out he 'is missing me' via text and last night he phoned to say that he really made a big mistake and hopes he could make it up to me. First off he knew about Eric, months ago. And I wanted him, back in the day because he kept my mind off of Michael. Not an easy task, he failed miserably. I didn't know what to say, so basically I avoided what he was saying by talkinb about myself profusely, big shocker.

And there's nothing better than a good looking guy, Charles, he asked me to dinner tonight in Manasses. I told him I'd have to get back with him on that. I don't know if it would be just a casual dinner together or if it would entail getting wasted and having sloppy sex! I'm going to bet on A :) He's cute. For sure. I still don't understand where guys always think that I should know that they're freaking Millionaires, I don't know where that stems from. I'm not a damn gold digger.

Actually yes I am, I have to make money so I have to finish up a proposal for Patricia Dune. Now back to work I go, mio!

O Yessssssssssssssssssssssssss

Sometimes a girl just has to get laid. After masturbating like a mad woman I was up to 7x's today. Healthy what?!

No real highlights. It was basically an uneventful weekend. Low key, just the way I like it.

Bed time now.

Feel better my V-Man

An Email from Michael L.

I spent my black friday shopping with some friends for a total of 15 hours or more. I just checked my email and saw this from Mike. No, not Brokeass or Married Mike, but my good friend Mike who is too cute and clever!! I've forwarded the email to everyone, but here it is again! (I fixed the spelling errors)

I never seen you looking as lovely as you did tonight, I've never seen you shine so bright. I never seen so many men ask for your number and looking for a little commission, give em half a chance, I've never seen that red Pea Coat your wearing or the highlights in your hair that catch your eyes, I have been blind. Lady in Red is shopping with me, hand in hand, theres too many people here, just me and you. It's where I want to be. I hardly know this beauty by my side, I'll never forget the way you look tonight at the sight of a sale. I've never seen you looking as gorgeous as you did tonight. You were amazing. I've never seen so many people that want to be there by your side and hold your bags as you turn in front of the mirror and strut those thighs away, you took my breath away, I've never felt a feeling of complete and utter love. Lady in Red is shopping with me, bags in hand.Theres too many people here, just me and Mya, It's where I want to be. I hardly know this beauty by my side, I'll never forget the way she looked tonight.

I found it to be cute :) Too bad we ditched the guys to go to other malls lastnight. I felt bad for a sec, then I got past it ;)

We spent most of the day at Tyson's Galleria I & II, then on to Fair Oaks. We didn't have anymore room in my trunk for all of our bags. Thank God for Discover's Cash back incentive!!!

I spent too much money, money that I didn't have, dammit!!! But as I always say I'm powerless against the allure of anything little, lacy and strappy!!! It's an addiction.

One of my many. I think I'm becoming obsessed with sex. I feel like I need it all the time. I think about it every minute and counting down! Not that I'm worried. I'm happy with my healthy libido. Now, time to get fucked :)

Actually, I'm going to spend the Saturday with my Mom and Becca & Haven. We're going shopping and then tonight is Isaiah's birthday party at the Cave. Isaiah and his friends are at that geeky, 8 year old stage where they want to explore and pretend they're scientists--Nerds. Then they're going to this specially made garden maze for the second grade nerds. According to Becca this is what Isaiah wanted. Suuuuuuure. Nerds!

So this Versace clad, pink ice bling bling sportin chic has to go change my pink Marc Jacobs bag to my new lil Fendi clutch. Yuuuuummmmy.

Miss me, folks.

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

I have so much to be thankful for. I won't get into it here because I'm pushed for time. I just felt I should give my little fan club an update on whats going on here.

Lastnight after leaving the gallery, I spoke to Eric via phone and we discussed things and it's pretty clear that it's over. He has said a lot of hurtful things lately, but I just let them roll off my back but the more I think about it, the more it angers me. When did I start caring about what people thought of me? I guess when someone you care about hurts your feelings, it bothers you. And Amaya's Law # 2 states that at anytime if someone tries to hurt your feelings purposely, just for the sake of hurting you, he's history. So after shedding some tears I came inside and Michael was on my home phone....

Michael & Jason were coming over to eat the famous Pumpkin Cookies in which everyone loves!!! They raided my fridge too! We all made peanut butter balls, talked shit about people and I of course kept answering Michael's phone when this chick Lyndsey kept calling his cell. I told her that Mike was at my house tonight and he's all mine and he's got his hands full right now so he couldn't come to the phone....TALK ABOUT PYSCHO!!! Little did she know the entire time we were peeing on ourselves at her neurotic behaviour. Micheal took the phone and told her it was over and she should have gotten the hint 2 weeks ago.

So Michael is such a sweetheart, he painted my toes and rubbed my feet. He wanted my toes Red because he is obsessed with red toenails--go figure. We all talked until 2 ish, and I finally said goodnight to call Kenny back. I'm not sure what time they actually left. Tonight after I get home from my grandma's, Michael is coming by and we're hanging out. What is with me & Michael's?! Tommorrow we're taking on black Friday too. Can't wait.

Have a good Thanksgiving people and I'll talk to you soon :)

Tiff--instead of just reading my journal, make one!!! Love ya, chica!!!

Lazy Sunday Afternoons

...Yeah, not so much. For the first time in forever I had a great day. My day started off with a great night of sleep where I didn't wake up at all, not even to T's call, (sorry T-man) I woke up @ 8:30 and saw the shine coming thru my bedroom. It's been so long since I acknowledged the sun!!! I took a long hot shower, did my hair and make-up and decided that I'd wear the first outfit that I put on :) That doesn't happen much!

I took my time getting dressed and I even thought I was running behind at times after curling my hair, but somehow time stood still for me this morning. I called my daddy and he was surprised that I was already dressed and ready. Again, this is rare so I understood the shock factor.

I met my family at church and I actually talked to my girl Tara who is doing fabulous :) Sonya and Shane are packing this week and are moving into their new home. We're having a going to have a Fashionista party as soon as she's settled. We're talking Make-up, handbags, jewelrey, etc :) All of our guilty pleasures into a huge slumber party will make us all happy women! And I got soooooo many compliments on my side ponytail--everyone loved. I do know how to make a statement if I do say so myself :) It had been too long since I actually got to do my hair.

The assembly was very nice. The message was on Thanksgiving and of course I was pondering all the things that I'm thankful for and I've compiled a list:

1) My Salvation--if I didn't have my convictions, my faith, and redeeming love I'd really be in trouble. I know in the end, everything will be okay. This is all just a test of my faith.
2) My family--My backbone. I consider my Mommy my best friend. Her strength and wisdom leave me in awe. If you know me at all, you know I'm a daddy's girl. Always will be. He's the one that makes everything okay, all the tiime. He's very strict and very loving at the same time. My sisters are my best friends too. Everyone knows how much I adore my brother(s) too. I cry everyday for my Brent, but he's with Roderick and they're all fine. Ian is my boy and he's always been very protective over my sisters & I. I love my Isaiah, Channy, & Matty. Love them boys to death!!!
3) My Health--I've endured a lot. I suffered from AML for a while which is probably the hardest battle I've ever fought, not to mention the scariest. I've had a lot of minor accidents, but today I'm fine. I'll get better.
4) Civilization--We live in a great country. It's slipping though. Morals what?!
5) Democracy--Freedoms. Speech. Religion. It means I get to share my thoughts on religion with anyone without being stoned like Steven!!!
6) My possessions--I complain a lot about not having the cutest LV bag, the newest Manolo Blahnik's or the latest Pink Marc Jacobs cashmere poncho that costs upwards of $5 g's! But I've been blessed. My friends go nuts in my closet. I get bored at times but I know that my cute burberry belt is haute couture :) I have a beautiful new home, a geeky lil car and a nice landboat.

I could go on forever, so I won't.

After the assembly I went shopping. I bought 3 yankee candles. Christmas Cookie--Yum :) I bought wrapping paper, sooooooo cute. I bought Kennedy and Emma some clothes all part of their Christmas gifts. Then I met my fam for Mexican which was too damn good. All those damn carbs, I couldn't resist the grease!!!

I parted ways with my family and went back to my house to find my grandpa there! He's getting worse :( He asked me if I'd talk to My lately. That broke my heart. We sat on the couch and watched Shrek 2. We both enjoyed it. It's been so long since I wrapped up in a blanket on my big sofa with my grandpa laughing with me watching a movie, I loved every second of it. We both fell asleep and I woke up to my girl Beckie Martin calling to hang out tonight. So I got dressed and my grandfather wanted to know whose Sheep I killed!!! He didn't like my freakin ugg's!!! He even said "Ugg is right"!! The man is hilarious.

Went to Beckie's house and she painted her casa which I loved, very nice. We talked, had a tea and then her daughter Erin wanted to do my hair, so she did and even gave me this lace headband that matched well with my attire which consisted of my Chloe jeans, a cream sweater with a cowl neckline, my Sheepskin coat with my uggs so it worked out well. The girls are becoming fashionistas much to Beckie's dispair. I'm even taking them Thrift store shopping tommorrow for some vintage stuff. We're on a mission to find Erin a Pashima to match her dress for her recital. She's playing a Back piece on Piano. These girls are so talented.

I came home, did laundry and now I'm sipping on a glass a wine. It relaxes me. Tommorrow, I'm sleeping in, NO MORE RENEE'S. I've gotta get my life back. I miss them both though. Dammit.

I've been trying to stay busy so I don't dwell on anything regaurding Eric. I cry everytime I think about it. It will all get better soon. I have faith.

So much for Chicago.

Now I have to get to bed, it's after midnight.

UGH,

I'm so freaking pissed right now. The people that I've basically put my life on hold for, for the past couple of months has talked down to me, horribly. I've done everything for these people for months now. I even get up in the middle of the night with her son so she can sleep. I wash his clothes, I clean her house, I do everything and then they attack me because I HOLD THE BABY TOO MUCH, AND I'M WEAK? BECAUSE I DON"T EAT HERE AT HER HOUSE, EVER!!! Forgive me for not likeing West Indie cuisine.

I'm done with all of this. This has all been stress for me. And I'm young, single but I live the life of a married mother of 2 (Renee & Reece) I'm done. NO more. Tommorrow is it.

I was up all night with Reece last night. He kept waking up and wanting to play @ 3 am! I wasn't having any of it. I had to sang to him in my groggy, I'm too tired for this voice!!! He seemed to enjoy. I'm good for something, dammit.

Eric, I read your emails. I'm still to frustrated to even comment on the situation. You lied, thats the bottomline. Why you did it is beyond me. Just because you were discussing restarants?! Again, I'm not stupid.

Nothing else to report.

Pyscho ex girlfriend of some random is IM'ing me. I'm going to fuck with her, just because I can :)

Another One

Eric and I had yet another fight. Seems to be about the same thing.........HIM

~9:30 ish I call Eric's office and he doesn't answer--I knew he has a huge presentation today and was working hard or so I thought, No answer at the office.

~ I call his cell. He immeadiately hung up on me!!! Just like Friday night at his party. WHAT THE FUCK?!

~ I call his cell back. This time he answers it, so he has balls. Before I can say anything he asks me to hang on for just a sec....I do. He's trying to hard to cover up the phone--it's very loud and I try to figure out what he's doing then I hear him talk. K....

~ I asked who he was talking to, he was very hesitant and even tried to change the subject--Wrong! So I ask him 3 timxes before he says, Kellie!

~ I started asking questions...as I should because my feelings were hurt--he declined my call to talk to Kellie whom he sees every freaking day? Then he hangs up on me, yet again? And when I start to ask questions he attempts to blame everything on me.

~ And he lied. He said he was away from his desk when I first called. Bullshit, bitch.

How am I supposed to act? This was just wrong. He then started bringing up other issues the whole "why don't you call when you say you will" shit.

I had an extremely tense, long, day and I had other things to do. I came home and crashed on my bed fully clothed and tried to call him except I wasn't important as Kellie. Who he spends a tremendous amount of time with. RED FLAG. I'm not stupid.

I was actually preparing to go back to Chicago but whats the use? I don't trust him. At all. Bottomline is he's just like all the other guys. They're shady.

In other news, Daddy went to the hospital in the middle of the night again. I haven't heard anything from Mom yet...hopefully everything is okay.

I'm sick and tired of bullshit. Seriously. I'm going on vacation soon. A long one.

Weekend Recap

This is the first time I've had an oppourtunity to update my journal in a while. I'm going out of town soon so I'm preparing for that.

Weekend Highlights--Dinner with 12-15 friends, we had a wonderful time. Cafe Milano is awesome. Eric and I had a huge fight. We talked things over a bit more on Sunday, they're getting better. Sunday night my friends and I just hung out and shot the breeze, nothing great. Overall fun weekend.


T--We have to talk soon :) We need a Maya & T talk, stat!

Since getting home around 12 ish, I'm super tired. I should know better than to stay out all night. I'm not 16 anymore.

I will be extremely busy the next couple of days but I will be checking my email periodically so all members of the Amaya Fan Club, feel free to email me @ either hotmail account.

Oh and I went to church yesterday :) Was a nice service too.


Later Masturbators!

The weather outside today is miserable. It's raining and it's cold out. No walk for Reece & I today :(

We were in his bedroom reading and I put on the Luther V CD and the little man came alive! He loves it. He keeps looking at pictures of himself iwth his father. It breaks my heart, I don't like for him to look. Speaking of weird, he laughs in his sleep, constantly! It's so crazy. Mom says that he's dreaming of angels :) That puts a smile on my face for sure!!!

I've cried a lot this morning mostly because it's weird that he's gone and he's never coming back.

Update

I've been spending tons of time with Renee & Reece lately. She needs all the help she can get right now.

I've noticed that I'm very picky about little things. I can't stand it when someone leaves dishes in the sink or 'science experiments' in glasses and refuses to wash them. I can't tolerate messy people at all.

So what drives you nuts?

I'm sitting here and I could go on forever, but just to name a few things:-People who drink out of the carton (i hate it, like if someone asks for a bite of my food, you can have the whole thing!)

-People who pull out infront of me when they see i am coming at a high rate of speed and just to go 35 miles per hour and i gotta break fast just to keep from ramming them. (mm ramming!)

-Hypocrits, i had a discussion on this today with a friend, looks down on others for doing wrong, but when they admit a wrong doing they have to bring the bible into it to try and justify their wrong doings.

-People who nit pick and bash others for no reason

-People who are indecisive. I hate when someone can't make up their mind "shall I wear the green scarf with the pink polka dots or the purple scarf with the strips"

-People who don't follow directions. Just let me drive, dammit!

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I'm making plans to get to Chi town soon. I am going to swing by the Gallery and pick up some work after my dr's appt. I think it's going to be a good day. T is in Hawaii on bidness! I'm thuper jealous. Eric and I have been distant. I don't think he likes the fact that I spend an enormous amount of time with Renee & Reece. I'm going to work on that!

Reece is awake...gotta go :)

Update

I've been spending tons of time with Renee & Reece lately. She needs all the help she can get right now.

I've noticed that I'm very picky about little things. I can't stand it when someone leaves dishes in the sink or 'science experiments' in glasses and refuses to wash them. I can't tolerate messy people at all.

So what drives you nuts?

I'm sitting here and I could go on forever, but just to name a few things:-People who drink out of the carton (i hate it, like if someone asks for a bite of my food, you can have the whole thing!)

-People who pull out infront of me when they see i am coming at a high rate of speed and just to go 35 miles per hour and i gotta break fast just to keep from ramming them. (mm ramming!)

-Hypocrits, i had a discussion on this today with a friend, looks down on others for doing wrong, but when they admit a wrong doing they have to bring the bible into it to try and justify their wrong doings.

-People who nit pick and bash others for no reason

-People who are indecisive. I hate when someone can't make up their mind "shall I wear the green scarf with the pink polka dots or the purple scarf with the strips"

-People who don't follow directions. Just let me drive, dammit!

------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm making plans to get to Chi town soon. I am going to swing by the Gallery and pick up some work after my dr's appt. I think it's going to be a good day. T is in Hawaii on bidness! I'm thuper jealous. Eric and I have been distant. I don't think he likes the fact that I spend an enormous amount of time with Renee & Reece. I'm going to work on that!

Reece is awake...gotta go :)

Every Bad Ending...Part II

I have to admit, yesterday could have been one of the coolest days of the year! Our day was very fullfilled. We started out a diner and everyone got there their grub on, nobody was really happy with the food. Whats new?! Then everyone wanted to see The Cave. We drove around the resort first and took pictures because the weather was so damn nice. The NYers couldn't believe that deer are common here! At the end of our little drive around Rob, after seeing so many said he finally understood why they allowed hunting!

Then we actually went into the cave and our guide was dressed in Halloween attire and we couldn't understand much of what he was saying, but nevertheless we had an awesome time! Until Eric, Missy's man--he came up behind me and scared me and I screamed sooooooooooo loud in the middle of the tour guide talking about Pluto's ghost (all bullshit btw) I almost had a coronary! I smacked Eric soooooo hard in the arm that he promised he wouldn't do it again thru his hysteria. Some elderly indian slut gave me a mean look and told me to shhh! And of course I did my whole "Do you even know who I am, bitch" under my breath of course ;) Everyone knows I talk a mean game & thats it! Of course nobody could get over the fact that all of the guides & little teenage cashiers knew our names--they thought it was crazy until we showed them a family portrait in my grandfather's old office. Renee hadn't told them everything, just that I had connections. They were very impressed to say the least!!!

After that, we went to the pumpkin patch and got pumpkins which was fun :) We then went back to Renee's and we all said our "We'll see you soons" and I of course shed many tears for Kurt, because he's now my buddie for life. Then Cindy & J.R. took showers and we ate coconut bread and talked for hours with her entire family from the west indies--Trinidad. And of course, to me their like my second family.

On Friday night after everyone returned from the services and everyone gathered at Renee's house to spend the night--I still don't know how they did that, her house is small!!! I walked my sister Haven outside to say Goodbye to Kurt whom she grew to love as well, everyone was wondering if I was leaving and I told them not yet... As soon as I walked outside with Haven my friend Kellie pulls up and then Renee's Aunt Shirley and uncle Shirley, Aunt Charlene, Cindy & J.R. and I all hugged and kissed for about 10 mins! Again--my second family. Then Kurt & Renee returned from their walk and we stole Kurt away from Renee for a few mins and Haven & Kellie were having a moment with Kurt's cologne and I couldn't smell it, and so he jerked my head and pushed it into his chest--nice chest, but I told him I only smelled B.O.--only kidding, the cologne was great, joygasm's for sure!!! So he took us inside and we sniffed his cologne and he put some on me--I'm the only one not married here so it would be okay if I went home smelling like a man :) After we came out of the bedroom everyone was gathered and they asked if I would sit in the middle of the floor, not knowing what to expect, I sat indian style on the floor--which killed my kneee and all billion people, who were even outside on the deck drinking Lager's came in--the neighbors could have been inside too, there was just too many faces!! Then out comes Kurt with Reece and he gives me my baby. Uncle Louie from the Island breaks out a guitar and everyone is crying and Renee is laughing hysterically at me because I'm still wondering what the hell is going on. Let's just say my family is different--So Uncle Louie started playing one of my all time favorite songs by Bob Dylan & Van Morrison--"Crazy Love" and I just sat there and cried while everyone else watched me and everyone sang along--it was too much! "I can hear her heartbeat from a thousand miles and the heavens open everytime she smiles. Yet when I come to her thats where I belong, I run into her like a river's song. She give me love, love, love, love, crazy love. A fine sense of humor when I'm feeling low down yet when I come to her when the sun goes down, she takes away my trouble and takes away my grief, takes away my heartache in the night like a thief, she gives me love, love, love, crazy love. I need her in the daytime and I need her in the night and I want to throw my arms around her and kiss and hug her tight, and when I return from so far away she gives me some sweet loving to brighten up my day--yeah it makes me righteous and it makes me bold, it makes me melt down into my soul--she gives me love, love, crazy love, she gives me love, love, love crazy love!" Imagine Bob Marley singing it though--I was bawling. It moved me that much. I couldn't stand it. I was drowning Reece in tears. Renee knew it was my favorite song and she thought it was so funny until the end when they presented me with a wonderful gift that I'm almost embarrassed to mention because of how exspensive it is. The entire room was in tears with me! It took my breath away. I had never seen so many people wanting to be there by my side, complete & utter love. These people are too good to me. They're awesome to put it lightly. Again, their my second family.

I almost forgot to mention Adam stopping in. It went over well. I was shocked and I almost forgot about it. He was polite and he held Reece. Reece wasn't feeling him though. What else is new?!

Last night, we took Cindy & JR to a haunted house and we had too much fun. We gathered some of our friends, Mike, Jason, Mark, Stacy, Ian, court, Trish, Jacki, and Kayla and everyone of my male friends were going nuts for Cindy. She's my girl so I can't let them try to mac on her. She is beautiful! My heart was pounding so bad and I was freaking out during it, almost panicking--Mike had to pick me up over his shoulders and run out of there with me, freakin knee injury. He said that he saw me frightened and he had to just pick me up!!!

The entire evening was great--right now I have to go pick up Chan & Isaiah--More to come!!

Every Bad Ending...

Brings a new begining. Losing Roderick has been difficult for everyone who knew such a special man, but I've gained so much from this sad loss. I've met some incrediable people that I now call friends!

Kurt, whose Renee's older brother, 33, from NYC, Attorney & classic movie buff. Such a great man. He had me cracking up all the time during this terrible nightmare. Kurt and I bonded this week and let me know how much he appreciated everything that I've done for Reece & Renee. We've spent a great amount of time together and he's easily one of the nicest guys that I've ever met too! Can't wait until I can see him again :) DECEMBER 11th! American Dolls Rule!!!!

Bill is Kurt's friend from NYC too. Bill is this 20 something guy with great hair who enjoys kareoke and told me he could listen to me talk all day!!! He said that he's never heard such a sweet accent before?!!! ME??????? Who knew! Bill is a sweetheart and we plan on tearing up NYC too :)

Next we have Rob. Rob is different! Rob is quiet, sarcastic, & hilarious :) When we all met for breakfast this am, Rob was sporting a lovely tuxedo teeshirt that was supposed to black, but with all of the lint, it had lost all of it's glory. Rob had a killer smile though. I thoroughly enjoyed his sense of humor simply because I related. I was feeling everything he was saying and he and & meshed well.

Then we have Heather. She seems polite. From the 30 second conversation that we had, I believe she had an Aussie accent...I couldn't tell though because she didn't converse much. She seemed sweet when we were saying our goodbyes though. I detested her grandmother attire. When she got stuck in the mud yesterday while wearing heels, she acted as if she was having a seizure!!! I had to walk around the house to avoid everyone seeing me laughing hysterically at her. I'm sure she's sweet.

Shawna--she's Kurt's woman. She is cute. She's attractive, smart and even a good dresser. We spoke occasionally. She complimented me too much to actually like her. Everyone knows I can't stand people who kiss my ass. And cute girls should never try to mack with my Reece!!! On a serious note, Shawna was great.

Cindy!!! She's my girl. We bonded. We hit it off instantaneously!!! She & I cried when we parted ways, she is now my girl. We share a common interest in the finer things, nice restaraunts, designers and a good stylist. Cindy is 20 and we are going to be spending a lot of time together I believe! We have the same taste in foods as well. Ian, Becca & I took her along with her brother, J.R. to lunch and we ordered the same thing--a peanut butter frapp with whip topping. Loved it! So yummy. Then we started completing each other's sentences--"All up in my kool-aid & don't even know the flavor" Cindy is from Brooklyn and is on her way to being a teacher :) You all know I'm loving that fact :)

J.R.--Where do I begin with this little guy. He's 12! He's so cute :) He was such a gentleman that I wanted to take him home with me tonight. So, everyone is aware of how I've been really hard on myself this week from my weight fluctuating, this little man told me that I was 'hot' and that any guy should give thanks for knowing me :) How can you not love that? JR is my usher! He's a scorpio & his birthday is November 12th--PLEASE DONT LET ME FORGET IT!!! He wants Prada shoes :) We'll see. He was one of the sweetest guys I've ever met. I adore him. We're all going to hang out when we get to NYC in December!!! I can't wait.

So this is just a little bit about the new people in my life--I have too many!!!

Right now, I'm tired so I will finish this post tommorrow a.m.

Goodnight all.

Amaya

I Say My Goodbye Today

Today is thursday, I've been awake all morning. I can't sleep, whats new?!

Renee asked if I wanted to stay with Reece on Friday, I said sure so I'm going to and today I get to go pay my respects. I can't believe this shit. I can't believ I have to say bye to Roderick.

I'm so sad. He was so full of life. On Monday he told me that when Reece starts walking he's going to have him in some Martial Arts classes, he wanted so much for little Reece. They had so many hopes and dreams together. They were so in love. So much. As Renee said many times 'it was love at first sight' :)

He spoiled Renee so much. Only because he loved her.

I've decided to put together some pictures of Rod, Renee & Reece simply because so many of you have asked for pictures.

Reece is holding up well. He's a bit cranky. He knows something is wrong. Baby's are smart like that. Especially my baby.

I have prayed for strength and courage to help me stay strong throughout this entire horrifying nightmare. I won't stop praying. Life is going to get worse.

Pray for Renee. Lena. Reece. They bury their husband, son, & father tommorrow.

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