FYI

I've decided that my blog needs a makeover, stat!!!

I'm trying to come up with layouts that I like...so far, nothing! School has sucked the creative juices out of me.

Any suggestions? Anything you would like to see in my blog?

I need ideas.

Changes coming soon!

I am delicious!

So I've been told ;) Actually I just gave my hair a drink of Coconut Milk and Orchids, bathed my body in Pumpkin and drenched my skin in Pecan pie. I am quite scrumptious right now. I just got out of my hour long bath, poured a glass of Barboursville Merlot white lounging in my pale PINK V's Secret jammies and a black cami. It's been a while since I've been this relaxed. I've accomplished quite a bit today. Painted, redecorated my TV/Living Room. Made a healthy dinner of chicken in garlic and some herbs from my mother and the produce market I went to on Saturday. I managed to pay bills, return phone calls and watch a bit of tv. Monday's I'm generally at school, today I didn't make it!!!

Tonight there was some snow showers. Autumn is upon us. I tend to sleep later and go to bed earlier now...the time change next week will benefit my lazy ass enough to get up and go to school, the school that is costing my ass so much I need a second job! Sheesh.

Dad is doing well. We're all doing well. I'm going to be an aunt in February...my brother is having twins :) I'm naming them too, Cohen and Caroline. Yes...I like those too!

After my cousin's very cold wedding in the woods, my girl Amber from high school and I caught up with each other and now she wants a coffee date. I'm happy to report that she has aged well. Unlike most of my class.


T is in limbo now thinking and deciding on what to do with his life. He's leaning towards school. I'm trying to encourage him as well. He's almost over whatsherface. This is good for him. He needs to move on.

Speaking of moving on, today is two years since Rod's death. I miss him. I miss my lil Reece Cup and believe it or not, I miss Renee. I hope that one day she can let go of all the anger and 'forgive' me. Lisa told me that Renee did infact call her a few weeks ago and everyone is doing fantastic. I sure hope so. I can still see Rod dance with my lil man and I would just stand at the doorway and watch them bond as a father and son should. He loved Luther Vandross' "Dance with my father" and thats the only song they danced to. Weird, perhaps but tonight I can't stop listening to it. Man....this is still hard. Two years have passed but you never forget. Today has taken me back to that awful windy but warm saturday morning. I remember that long week. I remember the calls, the flowers that were tossed because Renee didn't want them. I remember the smell of the food. I remember the day I went to say goodbye. My entire family was with me. He moved them too. Everyone who knew him, loved him. I was no exception. I've never been able to watch the Kid Rock/Lawrence Fishburn movie since our last time!!! But I always listen to our cd. RIP.

Soo yeah.

Dad's surgery went well. He's getting stronger. When he was released we went to a nice steak dinner. I ate half my body weight in steak and it was good but dayum too filling!!!

I'm coming down with cold. I don't feel too well. It's raining a lot here. Golf has been canceled for 3 days and my job done for the season. I'm so excited. I can concentrate on school now. Life is good.

I'm in love. It's good to be this way. He makes me moist. A lot. Too much info?! He's a good man.

I'll write more later. I'm too busy for this shtuff!!!

Look for a new makeover for my blog in the coming weeks.

Miss me guys!

Headlines are for Newspapers

Okay...

A lot has been going on...too much to write about even. I rarely have the time for my blog anymore. Somethings gotta give :)

Dad is preparing for surgery on friday, grandpa is doing better, school is kicking my ass but overall I'm in a good place right now.

Kennedy makes me smile and her moochies are some of the best :)

My heart is in a good place right now...and I haven't been able to say this in a while, but I'm actually happy!

I'm going to go and make the best of this day by spending some money :)

More blogtime, later.

Oh--Who should Meredith choose? McDreamy or Finn??? I want to know what you think! And why don't I get to read your blog????

A

Domestic me.

Is anyone else obsessed with the cooking network???

I can't get enough...

I'm going to try Emril's Mexican Lasanga...I'll keep you posted.

Fried Tortilla's
Spicy Chicken
Peppers, Mushrooms, Onions
Cheesy hollandaise sauce
monterey jack cheese
diced tomatoes

Baked for 45 minutes

(I'm sure I'm missing a step or ingrediant somewhere in there!!!)

Oh

And did I mention that he makes me smile like no other?

He does.

He's irreplaceable.

And the O's are uhmazing!


Finally, someone to take me dancing on friday and Church on Sunday :)

::News::

Dad has been in out of the hospital all week and is due for surgery on Friday. I'm sure he'll be just fine. Still, any surgery is scary. The dr's are telling me that he's going to be fine.

I've been meaning to return phone calls but I haven't had the time nor have I had the oppourtunity. I'm sure you all understand.

Fall is here and I'm looking forward to the change in seasons. With Autumn comes great fashion. Although I like the BOHO look, I hate the homeless bag lady look, ala Mary Kate Olsen. I think that look is hidieous. I mean, we used to make fun of kids in school who dressed like Sienna Miller and Mary Kate Olsen in elementary school...what went wrong?

Oh, and I can never see myself wearing leggings...Yuck. And the skinny jean, shoot me now.

Love

Amaya

"I'm a winter flower underground always thirsty for summer rain and just like the change in season's, I know you'll be back again. Underneath the ink of my tattoo I've tried to hide my scars from you. We only spun our web to catch ourselves and though this journey's over I'd go back if you'd ask me to."

All is well. Or will be. Thank God!

T--Call me, I miss you.
Kenny-I have a lot going on, we'll talk soon. Thanks for the gift.

School is kicking my ass hardcore. I don't like that. School was never hard from me. A lot has changed. I guess I'm not as brilliant as I think!!! Who am I kidding, of course I am!!!

I'm hungry. Dad, Lisa, Kennedy & I are meeting for lunch...miss me bitches?


A

The Girl in the Mirror

"If I get what I want in my struggle for self, And my life is just great for today;I go to my mirror and look straight in my eyes, And see what that girl has to say."

I'm not fool enough to deny the fact that I've gotten everything I wanted. Retribution, absolution, confirmation, closure. I'm not fool enough to deny the fact that it all came at a very dear price. I'm not fool enough to mark myself clean, whole, fixed, important. I'm not fool enough to claim that I am faultless, superior, or even very kind. But when I look in the mirror, at least I know that I was honest...with myself, with them, with my emotions and my actions.

"For it isn't my lover, or children, or friends Whose approval I have to win;The person whose opinion I have to obtain, Is the girl staring back from within."

I am vulnerable and open. I lack confidence. My emotions gush out of me like blood from a severed limb, my actions are rash and uncalculated. I am fierce like a threatened animal, selfish like a teenager. I sleep when I can't face the music, I get lost in my vivid dreams. I write the things I cannot say, and say the things I cannot write. I drink myself silly and play make believe inside the body of my fearless, free, and angry evil twin. She has no self-control. I am not strong enough to argue with her.

"Those people may think I'm a pillar of strength,And imagine me lovely and wise,But the girl in the mirror says I'm useless and lost,If I can't look her straight in the eyes."

My greatest realizations, however, come from the mouths of others, people who see in me that which I cannot see, the good, the ugly, the downright wretched. Things within me which have been suppressed to the point of eternal denial, the ticking time bomb that is my troubled mind, the laughs that drown out my true voice, the half-truths that spill from my mouth like guilty confessions. Things within me that are both beautiful and terrible, cruel and kind, intimate and material. Things that when brought to my attention sting like razorburn with their honesty...words like shallow surface wounds, painful, tangible, but hardly worth a bandage.

"She is the one to please, nevermind the rest,For I'll be with her up 'till the end;And I've passed the most difficult, dangerous test,If the girl in the mirror is my friend."

I look at myself and see the fading rays of summer, the challenges I've faced, the price that I've paid in the name of love. I see Mike's defeated dark eyes, crystal clear and childlike in their unspoken apologies, and I see my own blue eyes glaring back with a deep, seething hurt disguised as a wall of boiling anger. I see Adam's liquid brown eyes heavy with regret for all of the things he can never give me, and my own eyes burning with tears as I understand for the first time the motive behind his desperate acts. I see Eric's placid green eyes pleading with me to take responsibility for the offenses I've committed, towards him and others who love me. I see my own eyes, blue pools of poetry, silently forgiving me for being unable to forgive myself.

"I might fool all the people I meet in my life;And never allow them to see my fear;But all I'll receive is more sorrow and strife,If I lie to the girl in the mirror."

And so the fairy tale is over, if it was ever a fairy tale to begin with. The willful princess wanders, stumbling drunk, dreamlike, and careless, through dance halls, and city parks, crowded bars and empty hallways looking for answers. She unites with her vagabond lover as their eyes lock across a crowded field, and her heart sinks with the realization that he didn't leave because he didn't love her, he left because their roles in life were just too different. She falls victim to a powerful man who uses his strength to snap her wilfullness and steal her dignity. As she stumbles to pick of the pieces, she realizes that the prince she thought she had found was merely a handsome placebo used to cure symptoms that were never there. She ultimately realizes that there is truth in everyone, in everything, in herself. She just had to open her eyes wide enough to see it. As she closes the door on all of this, on Mike, on Eric, on the men in her life who have loved her, used her, abused her, and taught her, she finally sees herself.
"So I go to my mirror every morning and night,I look in her eyes and feel whole. And she tells me the path I've chosen is right; For her eyes are the mirror of my soul."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I don't usually buy into that inspirational, "girlfriend, you are beeeeeautiful!" bullcrap, but I used the poem "The Girl in the Mirror" to lead me. What I painted is somewhat dark, and too honest. Perhaps I'll delete it tommorrow, but tonight it feels good. So with that said... for those of us who are never satisfied, how much is it going to take until we can accept our limitations, take responsibility for our mistakes, and live with the lives we've made?

The Lazy Days of Summer

The pampered ladies & I spent the entire day together yesterday. We had a sleep over and we painted each others fingernails, practiced our beauty pageants, and as always I had to break out my model on the runway strut which they always love and giggle as I suck in my face to make myself look malnourished! We also pretended as if we were ducks and we swam all night. We topped the night off with pizza and apple juice. Shelley and her husband came over for a drink. I left my cell phone charger at her house so we drove over to her house and hung out there until the girls crashed. And then finally at 10 p.m. I drove Kennedy home and promised to do it again in a few days. Thats after I heal from over exhaustion!!! They were a lot of work and a lot of fun at the same time.




Did you notice Em's smile in the picture with wild Shelley? Thats her Miss Congeniality 2000 watt smile that wins her the title as "Best Smile"!!!

I broke my toe! My pinky toe :( Fun shtuff...no really...The percoset can be a lot of fun :)

My T Baby has a lot of drama on the West Coast and I need to save this guy. I almost lost him to Ellen....That was close! In all seriousness, he's in a bit of a mess so we all should send T lots of positive energy and prayers. I'm sure my boy will come through with flying colors. He always does :)

And...On to my Latin Lover

I'm Smitten. Truly smitten. He's 35, handsome, successful, keeps me laughing all the time. We can make fun of ourselves and he's a real man :) I can't get enough of him! He's a keeper. We have sooo much in common that it's crazy. I find myself just smiling when I think about him. He's the reason for my permasmile! He has a beautiful daughter too and she is his everything. Everyone knows that I love a man who loves his kid. Thats enough for now :) He reads this!

I have to get dressed for the doctor just so he can take my clothes off and feel me up :) Wish me luck.

T--You sexist pig! Teasing baby....I expect to know more in the coming days! Call me if you need me. And I can't let you get married...We made a deal that if I'm not married by 30 you were going to marry me...sooooooooo if the Spanish fly doesn't work out....I'm all yours! You know I'm a sucker for Tiffany's already!!! Talk to you soon.

A

I want to Congratulate...

....Myself in keeping up with this lovely blog for nearly two years! It's as if time never passes but yet the days fly by. I've enjoyed my time here and intend on staying for a while :) I hope you have enjoyed reading it as much as I've enjoyed writing it!


Happy Anniversary to Me!

Kenny

Dear Kenny:

No matter what the situation, I'll never leave you in times of trouble, we never could have came this far. I took the good times, I'll take the bad and I'll take you just the way you are. I need to know that you'll always be the same old someone that I knew....Im always here for you NO MATTER WHAT! I can't not like you.


Love,


Maya

Top Ten

Ten things men shouldn't say out loud in Victoria's Secret...

10. Does this come in children's sizes?

9. No thanks... just sniffing.

8. I'll be in the dressing room going blind.

7. Mom will love this.

6. Oh, the size won't matter. She's inflatable.

5. No need to wrap it up. I'll eat it here.

4. Will you model this for me?

3. The miracle what? This is better than world peace!

2. 75 bucks? You're just gonna end up naked anyway.

1. Oh honey, you'll never squeeze your ass into that.

I thought you would like to know....

I survived the beauty pageant. I thought it was a lot of fun. All jokes aside, there isn't that many cute kids out there. And most of these tiny little things looked as if they were Jonbenet Ramsey. One kid was even going for the Tammy Faye Baker 1983 look. The dresses were over the top. It was hard, but I did well overall.

A lot of people came by today....we ate Shrimp and Teriyaki chicken on the grill and after soaking up a lot of sun, I'm extremely exhausted.

This week is looking great. I have lots to do.

Actually it's that time of year again to plan my daddy's big birthday party!!!

Counting down to my 10 year!!! I have the dress already--It's haute Couture :) Yay!!!

Sugar on my tongue!

Give me, give me, give me some right there on my tongue!!!

A day in the life of Me..............

* Judging a beauty pageant @ 1
* Pool party/BBQ @ 4
* Practicing my dive



Uneventful weekend...

Nothing much compares to swimming in your own pool under the big summer night sky.

Theres just something alluring about the glisten of sweat between your tits while the hot sun beats down on you too during the hot summer days too!



"It must be the assssssss thats got me like...DAYUM!" "Is that your girlfriend? I got my boyfriend, maybe we can be friends"


"Where did you go? I miss you sooooo. Please come back home!"

"Everyones knows I'm in over my head, 8 seconds left in overtime...whats on your mind? Whats on your mind?
"Rearrange...I wish you were a stranger so that I can disengage"

"And i feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud And I know that you'll use them, however you want to"

New Housekeeper Wanted

*Must be able to arrive on time without the 7-11 cups in hand or that you leave around
*Must be able to put away laundry(see picture)

*Must be able to determine which clothes to wash and which to send to the Korean Kleaners

*Must be able to put pool towels by the pool and bathroom towels in the bathroom, (see picture)
*Must be able to put trash basket on floor, not tub
*Must be able to match bed linens perfectly even if it is just a guest room, see photo

*Must be able to speak 7 languages
*Must be able to cook for me and all 3 of my friends
*Must be able to leave your husband at home
*Must be able to water flowers, not the sidewalk
*Must be courteous to my pool guy
*Must clean my kitchen.

*Must not be lesbian
*Must be able to hang bikini's in laundry room, not on towel rack
*Must not be a cock block
*Must be able to do fifth grade math, because I can't!
*Must be able and willing to participate in water gun fights
*Must not have a problem with being thrown in the pool by my crazy friends
*Must not be a Spy!
*Must not mind me sending you for batteries everyother day!
Pay based on experience!

Life in Mayberry

* Dad is doing better, he's home from the hospital
* Summer has been too much fun
* T's heart is broken and NO--I didn't break it!
* I'm preparing for my High School reunion--fun shtuff for sure
* There is too many late nights by the pool
* My future is looking brighter
* I'm finding that I like athletic men
* My volleyball team is the best
* I work too much
* Sex is great, when you're having it
* I'll probably be in Cali soon
* Everyone is fantastic


Nothing new going on...

Happy 4th!

This could easily be one of my favorite holidays! I've had a great couple of days with my friends and my family. I even hurt myself playing Volleyball. My team consisted of Trevor, Michelle, Scott, Bobby & Chandler. I was captain of our team and I decided on the name of the Glam Squad. The boys were drunk so they agreed with the name. Becca's team consisted of Haven, Kellie, Cameron, Anthony, and Isaiah. They were team Top Gun. Needless to say, Team Glam Squad won the many matches :) I've been having soooooooo many BBQ's, Pool parties, and late night drunk fests. I feel as if I'm at Uva again!!! A couple of my friends are in town. Old and new and I'm preparing to embark on a fantastic vacation. Honestly, I can't wait to get away. I have a horrible fear of flying these days, but I'm sure it's nothing that some valium and the red carpet club can't fix! My plan is to get wasted before boarding. I have to get a hold of this fear though. My doctor said that the more I fly, the easier it will become. St. Thomas here we come!!!
I've learned that a lot of my friends are unhappy with me. I decided to forget all the drama and live my life. I'm far from perfect. I aim to please everyone, but at times I fail miserably. My 10 year High School reunion is coming up soon. I'm training for the Olympics :) I've narrowed my dates down to three possibilities. I can't wait to see who I end up going with. All three guys have expressed interest :) We shall see :) In other news, Dad has been doing well. Dr Drew is now settled in Houston and we're still really good friends. Sooooooo this past week has been fantastic. I can not wait until I'm soaking up the sun and working on my tan and getting wasted on the beach :) HAPPY 4TH of JULY !!!!

I guess I should start packing!

American Cities That Best Fit You::

65% New York City

65% San Francisco

60% Boston

60% Washington, DC

55% Chicago

Which American Cities Best Fit You?